The Last Kefsen by Jardyn39
Chapter 23: Remembering
As Harry and Hermione walked slowly along the path back towards the edge of the forest, Harry caught sight of Hagrid peering through the trees ahead.
Hagrid's concerned look relaxed when he saw them and he shouted, "'Bout time! I'll put the kettle on!" before disappearing.
Hermione stopped as Harry took a further step forward. He gripped her hand a little firmer. They had held hands since they left the graveside and Harry was suddenly afraid to loose it.
"Hermione, I-" began Harry nervously.
"-No, Harry," Hermione emphatically cut across him.
Harry felt mortified.
"I'm not going to hear this now. Not today. We've just lost Jen and I think that's enough to be going on with."
"I just …"
A small smirk grew across Hermione's face as she set off again. Pulling Harry along she said, "And besides, I'm not sure that I'm entirely ready to forgive you yet."
"What for?" blurted Harry.
"You told the whole of Gryffindor that I was scarier than a ten foot spider!" Hermione said loudly.
Harry watched as a range of expressions played across her face until finally she burst into tears. He wrapped her in his arms.
"How could I have said that?" she sobbed into his shirt.
"I promise you," said Harry gently, "Jen made the same comment and she would have been disappointed if you hadn't made the same observation."
"I'm so sorry," Hermione said, still sounding muffled.
"There's no need. You know? I think I argued with Jen that I didn't actually say that, but if you want to argue about it you'll have to let go. I'm finding it a bit difficult to concentrate right now," Harry said honestly.
Hermione lifted her head and smiled tearfully up at him, not letting go.
As they cleared the trees and moved towards Hagrid's hut, Harry smiled to himself. Jen had been right all along.
*
Harry was surprised to see a crowd of people sitting around the entrance to Hagrid's house. Professor McGonagall was there with the Headmaster together with what looked like every single Gryffindor. Everyone was sitting on a wide assortment of comfortable seats and Hagrid was just finishing handing out mugs of tea from an enormous battered tray.
Harry and Hermione sat down at a small settee as Hagrid lent down and offered them teas. They each took a chipped enamel mug whispering, "Thanks," and Hagrid gave them both a reassuring wink.
As Hagrid stepped aside, Dumbledore said, "Lavender, you started telling us about Jen's fondness of fashion. I'd love to hear more."
They all listened, laughed, groaned and cried as everyone told of their memories of Jen and how she had impacted their lives in the short time she was there.
Harry just listened for a long while until his attention was drawn to the small dejected group of Third years at the edge of the group, none of them daring to look up in fear of catching anyone's eye. Harry knew how they must be feeling and felt compelled to speak.
Harry stood and everyone looked toward him.
As he spoke he found his voice was strong and unwavering.
"When Jen came to stay with us I told you she was recovering from an illness. The truth is she had suffered from an attack. My attack. We attacked each other. With Jen's help I recovered. Unfortunately Jen's injuries were fatal and she knew she was dying. We were always going to lose her. Jen was a magical creature. She could not be hurt in any way by fireworks or any magic we could produce. It was nobody's fault but mine. I'll have to live with that, but I'll do so knowing that she forgave me."
Harry glanced over to Dumbledore who gave a small reassuring smile back.
"Jen loved being here and being with us. Thank you. You all made Jen's time here the happiest of her life."
Harry sat down and turned towards Hermione who had silent tears streaming down her face. Harry raised his arm and Hermione lent in and rested her head on his shoulder.
They all sat in silence for a while, Harry comforting Hermione. When then they eventually rose to go back up to the castle, Harry found that he felt a little better.
He and Hermione were almost the last to leave but Harry was quite taken aback when he saw who else had been present. Draco was standing and extending a hand to pull Pansy up. They had been sitting there listening all the time but he hadn't noticed. They acknowledged each other with a nod and walked together back up to the castle.
*
Almost two weeks later Harry, Ron and Hermione were walking through the grounds when Hermione interrupted Harry and Ron's stupid but engaging conversation about how Ron's last spectacular foul on an opposing Chaser should never have been given as a penalty especially as the Chaser had regained consciousness so quickly.
"When you and Jen attacked each other, Jen got a blast of something from you that changed a predatory, ferocious monster into the caring, loving Jen we knew."
Harry did not respond. He knew where this was going, and he was hardly in a fit state to avoid Hermione's searching questions.
Harry was so tired, not having slept properly since Jen died.
Ron thought he was making himself ill. Thankfully, he had kept his word and not said anything to Hermione. Of course, he kept telling Harry she should speak to Hermione, especially when he caught Harry desperately trying to stop shaking in the mornings. In fact, Harry almost suspected Jen had tasked Ron with continuing her nagging.
"So when Jen attacked, what did you get?"
"Er, knocked out," said Harry but seeing Hermione's eyes narrow he thought he had better find a better answer. The problem was Harry did not want to answer properly, not yet anyway. He wasn't entirely sure himself anyway.
"Well," Harry continued, "I suppose there could be something else."
Harry glanced at Ron who surprisingly quickly realised Harry had a problem with this line of questions.
Ron immediately took over Hermione's line of questioning, determined never to discover Harry's new gift.
"Well it's obviously spider related. Have you tried walking up walls yet?"
"Have you made any webs lately?"
"More legs?"
Hermione laughed despite herself as Ron's ideas became more and more ludicrous but stopped as soon as Ron made to fetch Lavender over so she could check if Harry had got hairier legs.
Harry realised the point was long overdue for him to fulfil his promise to Jen and tell Hermione. He still had no idea how, and he was terrified of her reaction. Jen had been pleading with him all year, but it was different now. Perhaps he could tell her part of it, at least.
Harry smiled at Hermione and said quietly so only she could hear, "I'm sorry. It will soon be Saturday. How about we take a picnic and have lunch in the forest clearing? Just us two. Jen told me the thing she saw in me when she attacked me. I didn't really believe her before. It was too bad to believe."
"In you?"
"Yes. I think Jen left me with a couple of things. One was an ability to do Occlumency properly. She didn't do it on purpose but took the credit anyway. She said I wouldn't have any more excuses not to talk to you properly if Voldemort wasn't listening in."
Hermione looked at him quizzically. He hadn't meant to say that and continued before she could ask anything.
"I've only just begun to realise what the others could be. I'd like to be close to Jen when I try to explain."
The physical pain that Harry had felt all year had gone as soon as his grief for Jen began to ease. This was made easier with the knowledge that part of Jen would always be with him.
Hermione looked into Harry's eyes and said, "I'd like that. We'll have to clear it with Hagrid first, though."
She still looked very concerned, as she did every time when she looked at him lately.
Harry and Hermione then walked over to join Ron who was talking animatedly to Lavender and Parvati about a new and dangerous sounding product Fred and George wanted him to test.
*
Harry trudged miserably into the practice arena within his trunk. It was late into the night.
His opponent appeared, and for a moment Harry was quite taken aback.
Looking absolutely identical to himself, Harry realised how terrible he looked. He was standing looking uncomfortable and slightly hunched. He had bloodshot eyes with dark rings around them.
Harry was particularly disconcerted by the shaking hands.
Harry wearily raised his wand to begin, not caring what his weakened defences would let through. Any physical pain was better than this.
Harry's additional defence lessons with Professor Flitwick and his regular grudge duels with Snape had been ended abruptly by Dumbledore as soon as Jen died.
Dumbledore had explained that Harry would be bound to take out his anger and frustration on his duelling opponents. In his current emotional state he might lose control. Harry had to agree he had a point, and had stopped all duels with live opponents.
The Headmaster had given Harry an open invitation to come and visit him at any time to talk about anything he wanted.
Harry appreciated the offer but so far hadn't taken him up on the offer. As much as he wanted help, Harry knew in his current state he could not prevent Dumbledore seeing the real source of his troubles.
Harry had been glad that Hagrid had been more than understanding with him, content at first to let Harry visit. They would brood together quietly. Hagrid, who obviously knew there was something very wrong with Harry, couldn't stem his questions for long. Unfortunately, this just drove Harry away.
The breaking of his link with Jen had brought his link with Voldemort back with a vengeance. His scar seared with pain.
Jen had told him he could fight this, that he could find the strength and that he didn't need her.
He really had no idea how.
Harry fired a weak stunner and was immediately hit by a stinging hex. It too was weak, but he still felt the burn. He sighed shakily with relief. For just a moment the pain had distracted him from the pain in his scar.
He fired again.