Chapter 23: Making Up Is Hard To Do
July 14 - 9:35pm - Grimmauld Place
Hermione sat curled into her favorite chair in the newly renovated library at Grimmauld Place. Dobby had only just finished cleaning the room and brightening the formerly dark room with a warm yellow color on the walls and newly upholstered furniture in red and blue with lots of yellow throw pillows. In the week since the memorial service, she only left the library when absolutely necessary for training and the newly started defense classes she co-taught with Harry. She often fell asleep over her books as she researched new spells for the D.A. and continued to search for more information on bonded couples.
At the moment her bloodshot eyes skimmed over the text of yet another book that she hoped might have information on sharing powers. Bonding appeared to be both a blessing and a curse for the couple involved. Not only could the death of one lead to the death of the other, one could literally drain both the magical core and life force of the other completely leaving them either a squib or dead. She shuddered to think of how Harry would react to that information. She understood his concern. The idea that she could cause his death through her own or through draining him left her horrified.
She yawned involuntarily and blinked several times. She hadn't had a good night's sleep since the memorial service. Her nightmares had returned with a vengeance. She shifted slightly in her seat and tried to work out the kinks in her neck.
Her skin prickled with awareness as she sensed someone watching her. She turned towards the door so quickly that the book on her lap fell to the floor only to find her wand trained on Luna.
"Hello, Hermione," Luna said seemingly unconcerned about the wand pointed directly at her. The small blonde witch wandered slowly into the room glancing around at the changes and humming softly. She pulled random books from the shelves and barely looked at them before returning them to their place.
Hermione watched her for a moment and then bent to retrieve her book from the floor. She straightened the pages that had gotten bent in the fall and closed it carefully before placing it on a table to the side of her chair. Several other books were already stacked on or around the table.
"Hello, Luna." Luna didn't indicate that she heard the greeting. Instead she continued her perusal of books before finally settling on one and taking the seat across from Hermione. Hermione worried her bottom lip with her teeth as she waited for the other girl to speak.
"Did you want to talk about something?" Luna questioned finally looking up at Hermione. Hermione almost sighed in exasperation. She assumed the other girl had come to the library to try to get her to talk about what had happened between her and Harry at the memorial service.
"No, I thought you did," Hermione replied retrieving her book from the stand. If Luna was just here to read, she could finish some more of "Shared Magical Forces".
"That book looks interesting," Luna observed standing and trying to get a better look at the book in Hermione's hands.
"It is." When Hermione didn't elaborate, Luna sat back in her seat and opened her own book. Hermione had just settled in to read as well when the other girl remarked.
"Sharing powers can be incredibly dangerous." Hermione looked up in surprise. 'How did Luna know anything about sharing magical powers?' Questions rose in her mind. 'How much might Luna know? And how did she find out? Should she trust her and ask for her help?'
Hermione settled back into her chair to read as she pondered those very questions. She wasn't sure how to broach the questions she really wanted answers to without revealing too much about why she wanted to know. She snuck surreptitious glances at the other girl who appeared deep in her own book. After rereading the same paragraph half a dozen times, she closed the book again and put it back on the table. She stood and stretched her aching muscles.
"I have some dreamless sleep potion if you'd like," Luna offered nose still buried in her book. Once again Hermione looked at Luna in surprise. Without looking up, Luna added. "Don't look so surprised, you're dead on your feet."
"You're not even looking at me," Hermione protested. Luna looked up at that and smiled at Hermione.
"You haven't slept properly since you stopped talking to Harry," the Ravenclaw observed focusing on a point just past Hermione. "And you won't until you either make up with Harry or take my offered potion." She conjured a bookmark that looked like some type of bird to Hermione, and placed it in her book to mark her place.
"How did you do that, we haven't covered conjuring yet," Hermione protested focusing on the girl's actions rather than on what she said. She'd read about conjuring as it was started in sixth year, but Luna would only be going into her fifth year this fall.
"My mother taught me a long time ago. It's a very useful skill," Luna answered placing her own book on another nearby table. "Come on, the potion is downstairs in my room."
"Luna," Hermione said hesitantly. She wasn't sure about the idea of taking a potion, even if it would mean a night of uninterrupted sleep. Luna cut her off, however.
"You don't have to take the potion, you can always make up with Harry. I'm sure he'd enjoy a full night's sleep as well."
"It's not that simple," Hermione argued following the other girl from the room.
"Of course, it is. Simply agree to disagree for the moment. You need each other, that much is obvious to everyone. Besides you can't possibly think you'll resolve whatever the problem is through not talking," Luna remarked.
Hermione sighed. Luna had a couple of valid points. She did need Harry. He was one of her best friends. And she really missed talking to him. In the past, even when she'd been angry at him, they had always been able to talk things out in the end. This time was really no different. The bonding process had already started and could not be reversed. The longer they took to come to terms with their situation, the less time they had to learn about it and how to use it to their advantage.
Hermione was so deep in thought she didn't notice when Luna stopped and walked right into her. "Sorry," she mumbled rubbing her head where it had struck Luna's.
"Go talk to him," Luna ordered, "he's in Sirius's old room." Hermione stared at the other
girl for a long moment. "Goodnight," and with that Luna disappeared into her room leaving Hermione standing
in the hallway, exhausted and uncertain about what to do next. 'It's just Harry,' she thought trying to
muster more of that infamous Gryffindor courage.
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July 14 - 10:23pm - Grimmauld
Place
Harry lay on Sirius's old bed staring up at the overhead canopy. His eyes felt gritty, but he dared not fall asleep. Each time he did the nightmares returned. Now there were new ones of Voldemort torturing and killing Hermione as Harry looked on helpless. He'd moved out of the room he and Ron shared because he didn't want to keep the others awake with his nightmares. And, honestly, deep down, he didn't feel he deserved his friend's sympathy about the nightmares.
Hermione still wasn't talking to him. He understood why. He knew he'd said the wrong thing in Dumbledore's office. The problem was it was how he felt. He'd never forgive himself if Hermione died because of him. Being with her had scared him, bonding and all it entailed, terrified him. Voldemort wouldn't stop until he was dead. His own death didn't bother him so much. The thought of Hermione dying bothered him a great deal. He ran a hand through his rumpled hair in frustration.
He'd spent a lot of time thinking about what she had said. He did trust her. She was the smartest witch he knew. If anybody could take care of themselves it was her. Knowing that and accepting the consequences of that acknowledgement were two very different things. He desperately wanted to make things right with her, but he didn't know how? He wondered how she dealt with all the times he had risked his neck in the past? How had she stood to watch him go from one dangerous situation to another?
"I had faith in you." Harry sat up startled. Hermione was standing in his doorway. "I'm not saying it was easy, but I tried to help you prepare the best I could, and then trusted that you would come back to me." Hermione closed the door behind her and stopped just in front of the door.
"How did you know what I was thinking?" Harry questioned curious. For a moment he wondered if his tired brain was just conjuring an image of Hermione or perhaps he had fallen asleep and was dreaming. Hermione shrugged.
"I'm not exactly sure. I just did." The two stared at each other for the longest time as if memorizing the sight of the other, each noting the dark circles beneath the other's eyes and the paleness of each other's skin.
"I do trust you, Hermione. I just don't want to lose you," Harry whispered breaking the silence that had descended on the room. Hermione took a step towards him then stopped again hesitant.
"You can't lose me, Harry. Part of me will always be with you." Harry thought about what she said. He slid to the edge of the bed and stood facing her.
"I know you can take care of yourself. It's just that it was hard enough to deal with the idea that by being with me, you made yourself a key target for Voldemort. Now, with the bonding added to the mix, you could still die if he kills me," Harry voiced his fears. He watched as she bit her lower lip.
"I think we could use the bonding to our advantage. We have to focus on the positive aspects of it, or we'll drive ourselves crazy with the 'what ifs'," Hermione finally said thinking back over what she had read.
"But, Hermione…"
"Harry, look at me," Hermione interrupted. "Look at yourself. We're stronger together than we are apart. You know that." She moved to stand directly in front of him, but didn't touch him. Brown eyes met green and held.
"I love you," Harry said hoarsely as tears sprang to his eyes. He didn't know what else to say. That was the crux of his problem. He loved her, and couldn't stand the thought of losing yet another loved one. Hermione wrapped her arms around him burying her face against his neck.
"Oh, Harry, I love you, too," she whispered against his neck her warm breathe sending shivers through him. He put his arms around her as well pulling her even closer needing to feel her against him. He drew in a deep shuddering breath.
"Stay with me," he pleaded his lips brushing her ear. This time it was Hermione who shivered.
"Always," she replied just before their lips met in a kiss.