Chapter 9 Sorting Things Out
A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed my previous chapters.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, no money being made, etc., etc.
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Harry woke to the sound of Dudley pushing a lawnmower. It was going to be a good day.
He got up out of bed and rummaged through the closet for an empty coat hanger, upon which he hung the black tuxedo and white shirt that he'd slept in. He opened his school trunk, threw on some of the less heinous hand-me-downs, and headed out into the hall. Harry had to step over his Uncle Vernon, who was struggling to remove the lowermost hinge pin from his old bedroom's doorframe.
"Good Morning, Uncle Vernon," he said. "Sleep well?"
If looks could kill Harry would have had to dodge a curse.
He took the stairs two at a time and headed towards the kitchen, where he found Brian cleaning some dishes in the sink. Brian turned towards him and asked "Feeling alright this morning, Sir Harry?"
Harry looked past Brian out through the basin window to see his Aunt Petunia fighting a losing battle against the hedgerow.
"Brilliant, Brian. Just brilliant."
The Queen's man filled a mug and pushed it across the counter as Harry took a seat. " 'Coffee as black as his hair' is how Dame Hermione described it," he said.
"She knows me too well," Harry said as he took a sip. "Speaking of which…"
"She popped over for Saturday brunch with her parents," Brian replied. "Asked me to have you call her when you woke up. Oh, and she left you the paper."
Harry nodded as he glanced over at the Daily Prophet's headline, "Ministry Thwarts Crazed Centaur Attack at Hogwarts!" Brian placed a plate in front of him laden with fresh fruit, a warm bran muffin, and granola-topped yogurt.
"Pardon my initiative," Brian said, "but after taking a look at your Aunt's pantry this morning I ran over to the market for a few things that weren't so…shall we say…processed."
"Erm, no, no problem," Harry replied, eyeing the yogurt with suspicion. "Looks fabulous."
"Eat up, then, Sir Harry - from the looks of your clothing they must have been starving you at school."
Harry looked at Brian with a bit of confusion. "Just the opposite, actually," he replied, "Foods great at school…a little more traditional (that yogurt wasn't looking any better), but always plenty to eat."
"So this stapled-stomach look is fashionable in the wizarding world?"
Harry furrowed his eyebrows, wondering why muggles would want to have a staple gun anywhere near a stomach. He looked down, saw his clothes, and realized Brian's mistaken assumption.
"No, no…these clothes are Dudley's hand-me-downs. Pretty much all my muggle clothes used to be his, except for what I wore yesterday...that was from Hermione."
"Well," Brian intoned, "to borrow a phrase from your friend, not this summer. Sir Harry, not this summer…we'll visit a clothier's this afternoon.
"Oh, speaking of clothes," Harry said, "I've got the suit and shirt hanging upstairs in the closet whenever you want to take it back to the Palace."
"Want it back?" Brian asked, with incredulity in his voice. "I'm terribly sorry, I should have been clearer yesterday afternoon. The suit and shirt are yours, Sir Harry. You're going to need them."
Harry chuckled to himself. "I really appreciate that, Brian, but I can't imagine needing that tuxedo any time soon."
"Only because we haven't had time to discuss your engagement calendar, Sir Harry," Brian replied. "Of course, since your knighthood is secret and won't appear on the Registry it won't be as busy as it might be, but…you and Dame Hermione will have opportunities…I know for a fact that you're going to be invited for a small reception at Windsor next week, and there's to be a post-concert party with Sir Elton next month…"
"Hmmph," Harry said with a tinge of chagrin. "I don't know why anyone would want to invite me to anyplace fancy. Beside, Hermione and I need to do a lot of…studying…this summer, and a fair bit of travel." He looked back out the window as his Aunt wiped sweat from her brow, hedge shears in hand. "But then again, we might be able to attend a few events…particularly if it gives a few people I know some twisted knickers."
Brian checked where Harry's gaze was and smiled. "I see, Sir Harry. So instead of a single swift blow from your magnificent sword it will be death by a thousand paper cuts?"
"Oh, no," replied Harry. "I've no plans to kill them….I'll probably stop somewhere in the high eight-hundreds."
The front doorbell rang, and Harry looked towards Brian.
"Sorry, Sir Harry, but I believe that is a friend of yours…a Miss Tonks? Dame Hermione and the Weasley brothers vouched for her before they left…she's been here most of the morning."
The doorbell rang again. Then again.
Harry thanked Brian for breakfast as he grabbed his coffee and headed towards the front entrance. The already open door provided a partial view of Tonks, who was standing on the front steps, eye-level with the door bell.
"Wotcher, Harry." She pressed the doorbell again. "These push-the-button-hear-some-bells things are funny aren't they…wonder what'd it would be like to have one hooked up to the floo connection."
"Careful, Tonks." he replied, "You're starting to channel Arthur Weasley."
Tonks looked up, then turned her hair Weasley red. "Not a bad idea, Harry…maybe if there were two Arthurs running about one of them would occasionally get a word in edgewise with Molly."
Harry laughed. "So what brings you to the Dursley residence?"
"Business," Tonks replied, as she restored her hair color.
"Erm…what kind of business?" Harry asked warily.
Tonks gave Harry a grin. "Head Auror Robards ordered me to do the follow-up field investigation to the pantsing you gave Umbridge and Dawlish last night. Figured you'd be less likely to slime an Auror that you already knew."
Harry nodded, a twinkle in his eye. "So does this take you off the security detail at Hogwarts?"
"Only temporarily," she replied. "With luck and a little cooperation from The-Boy-Who-Swamped I'll be back there tonight."
"The-Boy-Who-Swamped?" Harry asked. "Don't tell me that they are really calling me that at MLE."
"Just the ones that either really hate Dawlish or really love him," Tonks said with a grin. "Of course, that's just about everybody - he has a rather polarizing personality."
Harry shook his head and sighed. "So tell me, Tonks, which camp is Head Auror Robards in?"
"Don't really know," she replied, as she entered the house and began to examine a small scorch mark in
the closet door. "He plays things close to his robes."
"What can you tell me about him?"
"Not too much, really," said Tonks. "He's a behind-the-scenes quiet type. Never flashy, rose through the ranks based on his management skills…makes sense, really, since he sorted Hufflepuff."
"Really?" asked Harry. "I can't picture too many Hufflepuffs becoming Hit Wizards."
"Well, Harry," Tonks replied, "you need more than bravery and cunning to be a good Auror…or a good leader, for that matter."
"Doesn't sound at all like someone Scrimgeour would pick as his replacement."
"Depends on what Rufus thought he needed, don't you think?" Tonks asked. "Talk to the rank-and-file aurors and most will say that Scrimgeour picked him exactly because Robards didn't seem that ambitious, or power hungry. Gives him more of a shot of staying in control at MLE as well as at the Minister's office."
"Never thought of it in that sort of way, I guess," said Harry. "Sounds like more of that political glad-handing back-stabbing manipulative garbage that Umbridge seems to excel at."
"I agree," said Tonks, "that Umbridge has gotten where she has because of her political skills. But that's exactly why those skills aren't garbage, Harry. Without political savvy, the best-intentioned and brightest wizard will always get cut down at the knees."
"Doesn't seem very fair."
"I agree, but that's the way things are. You know, it might be useful for you to learn more about that political garbage, Harry…worked for Dumbledore."
Tonks finished her inspection of the closet door and wrote a few things down on some parchment.
"Okay, Harry, I've finished in Hermione's room and downstairs…just need to check your wand and those omnioculars that came in so handy last night."
"Sure thing," said Harry, handing her his wand. "Be right back."
As Harry walked upstairs he passed his Uncle, who had finally removed the door from its frame and was dragging it out as trash. He quickly retrieved the two pair of omnioculars he'd stored in his trunk, and returned downstairs.
"Here, Tonks," Harry said. "Erm, can I get these back sometime soon? They proved to be rather useful."
"Oh, I don't need to take them, Harry…just need to download the recorded images. Got a spell that preserves them in my wand. Just take a few minutes."
Tonks placed the devices on the living room coffee table, flicked her wrist in a complex pattern and said an incantation that Harry didn't catch. She then placed the tip of her wand onto the lens of first one, then the other pair of omnioculars.
"So are these the ones you had around your neck at the last World Cup?"
"Erm, no," Harry replied. "McGonagall let me raid Filch's stash of contraband yesterday morning."
"That's strange," Tonks replied, "I've never seen omnioculars on any list of banned items…unless…"
Tonks grabbed one of the omnioculars, put it up to her eyes, and pointed it towards Harry. She turned various knobs and pushed different buttons, until one such adjustment produced a very un-Auror-ish giggle.
"Unless they've had some after-market…erm...capabilities added," she concluded.
"Like what?" Harry asked.
Tonks lowered the omnioculars.
"Hang on a second," she said. She looked away from Harry, as if in thought, then morphed into a frighteningly accurate image of Dolores Umbridge. Once the transformation was complete she handed Harry the viewing device.
"Aim it at me, then hit that red button by your left index finger three times."
Harry followed her instructions, then let out a small scream as he dropped the device back onto the table as if it were on fire.
Tonks let out a good laugh. "What's the matter, Harry? Was what you saw too…hot?"
"That's not funny, Tonks…I almost cast my patronus."
"Makes sense to me…if dementors suck out your soul, then a naked Umbridge could suck out all of your libido… Oh, and by the way…nice wand."
Harry's face turned a deep crimson as he realized what Tonks had seen before giving the omnioculars to him.
"I'm sorry, Harry, couldn't resist pulling your….your chain a bit. Here, let me make it up to you."
Tonks changed her appearance back to her normal, bubble-gum-haired form.
"Fair is fair."
Harry became even more embarrassed when he realized what Tonks was offering.
"No thanks, Tonks. I've no desire to have Remus kick my arse from here to Argyle."
"And what are you implying, Mr. Potter?" Tonks shot back, with a twinkle in her eye.
"Erm, nothing…just that yesterday morning it looked like Remus had finally realized how much of a daft git he's been when it comes to your feelings for him."
"Oh," Tonks said a bit sheepishly, as it became her time to blush. "Well, if you saw that, then it must have been really obvious," she said with a smile. "Or else it takes one daft git to know another."
"Hey, who are you calling a daft git?" Harry asked playfully.
"Know thyself, Harry Potter," she replied, as she morphed once again, this time taking the form of the newest lady knight in England. She picked up the omnioculars and handed them back to a confused-looking young man.
"Safe to look now…unless you're flexible enough to kick your own arse."
Harry was trying to decide between a witty retort and an angsty self-evaluation when the doorbell chimed once again. This time, Brian came in from the kitchen to answer the door.
"Oh, Dame Hermione," he said as he glanced at Tonks and Harry. "I didn't realize you'd returned. Good that you're here, actually."
As Brian opened the door Harry whispered into Tonks's ear. "So what are we going to do now, "Hermione"?"
"Have to play along," she replied. "He might be card-carrying, but that doesn't mean he should know what I can do."
"Great."
"So why is he calling you Sir Harry?" Tonks asked. "And why is he calling me damn Hermione?"
"Erm, just an inside joke…tell you later."
Brian brought two men dressed in business suits into the living room. "Sir Harry, Dame Hermione, I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Jackson and Mr. Wall. They work Palace security, and they have some rather urgent business."
"Good morning," said one of the men, "We're sorry to disturb you, but we need your help." The other man opened a small black bag and placed a laptop computer onto the coffee table. He opened the screen and pushed a few buttons, before swearing.
"What's this then, Steve…blasted thing was working just before we crossed the street."
The man's older partner hunched over the computer keyboard and frowned. "That's what modern technology does for you, Wally…told you once, told you a million times, it's the tried and true that you need to do."
Harry noticed that the computer screen was only a few inches away from the activated omnioculars. He quietly reached down and pocketed the device.
The older man straightened up and turned towards Tonks and Harry. "Dame Hermione, Sir Harry, my young technogeek partner and I are part of a security team established by the Prince to keep an eye on your respective residences."
"You mean you've been watching this house?" asked Harry, with a bit of alarm.
"Yes, Sir Harry," the man replied. "As well as the Granger residence. And it's about that…" The man reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a photograph, which he handed to Tonks.
"Dame Hermione, do you recognize either of the two men in this picture?"
Tonks and Harry looked at the static image of two wizards poorly disguised in muggle clothing. One man had matched top hat and tails with speedos and flip-flops; the other (whose attire was at least internally consistent) was wearing leather lederhosen.
"Erm, no, afraid not," Tonks replied cautiously. "Where was this image taken, and when?"
"The picture was obtained about one hour ago. Surprised you didn't recognize where it was taken…the two men were standing across the street from your parent's house."
Harry and Tonks shot looks of concern at each other before she replied. "Well, I've been away at school for so long, of course…guess they must have repainted the house, or something."
"Brian," asked Harry, "we need to talk to Hermione…I mean her parents…straight away."
"Certainly, Sir Harry," Brian replied, wondering why the Hermione in front of him couldn't do that herself. He fished his cell phone out of his pocket and pushed a few buttons on its keypad.
"Hullo, Mr. and Mrs. Granger? Brian Willox here…sorry to bother you but Sir Harry and your daughter need to talk with you…she's what?" He looked at Tonks rather strangely. "Oh, I understand. Yes, well, one moment please."
He handed the cell phone to Harry cautiously.
"Thanks, Brian," Harry said, we'll just be a minute. He grabbed Tonks's hand and ran up the stairs to Dudley's room. Having closed the door, Tonks cast a Silencio spell as Harry put the phone up against his ear."
"Hullo? Hermione?"
"Yes, Harry, it's me. Can you explain why Tonks is with you looking like me?"
"Erm, long story…that's got to wait though. We've got problems."
"What's wrong?" Hermione asked.
"There's a couple of Death Eaters staking out your parent's house."
There was a loud gasp for reply.
"Merlin, Harry…my parent's house. So they plan on…but how did they find out where I live…How did you find out that they're there?"
"The Prince has security people watching both our houses, and the ones apparently minding this house showed me a photograph of them across the street from yours. But what's important now…are you still with your parents?"
"Yes, we just got back to their room after brunch."
"Good. Stay there, I'm coming to get you."
Tonks interrupted the conversation. "Harry, you shouldn't go anywhere…you won't be protected yet."
"Is that Tonks, there?" Hermione asked. "Harry, give her the phone."
Harry reluctantly gave the cell phone to Tonks.
"Hermione," Tonks said. "I'll have an auror team there as soon as possible…wait, where are you? No, don't answer that, who knows who might be listening in. Okay, send me your patronus, no wait, don't do that, they'll catch that at the Ministry…"
Harry grabbed the cell phone as if it were a snitch. "Hermione, we're going to find a way to get you guys back here safe…I want your parents here, where we can protect them…wards are up…might be best to use muggle transport…yeah, I'll make arrangements…call you right back."
Harry looked down at the phone keypad until he finally found the "end" button. "Tonks, don't even start about using magical transport for them. Hermione's parents are muggles, and they're probably less likely noticed if they're using muggle transportation.
"Yeah, you're right I guess. Still think she could use an extra wand there just in case."
"Fine, then, we'll go downstairs and have them take you to Hermione. And don't forget you're still Hermione for now."
"Don't worry, I won't." As she cancelled the silencing charm and opened the door she planted a kiss on Harry's lips.
"What was that for?" Harry asked.
"Thought you might like to kiss Hermione for good luck," she replied.
"I've already done that once this morning, thank you very much."
"Really?" asked Tonks. "Well what do you know…maybe you're not such a daft git after all."