Note: Ari mainly surrounds this chapter along with diary entries. If by the end you find it somewhat confusing then good, hopefully you do. It's supposed to be and Chapter Thirteen will be the explanation. There will only be two parts of Lily and James in this chapter.
Also I use about a paragraph from L.J. Smith's book The Awakening on page one in one of Ari's diary entries.
Lyrics to Silence by Sarah McLaughlin
Chapter Twelve: Silence
Give me release
Witness me, I am outside
It was the dream again. Nothing feels right anymore. I'm falling.
Ari smiled gently as she turned over and saw Remus sleeping peacefully next to her. "You really are the most beautiful man I've ever seen," she whispered.
She dropped her head against his bare chest and cuddled closely to his side, welcoming the warmth and security he gave to her.
Ari gently traced the contours of his chest, holding in a shiver at his angelic beauty. "I love you," she spoke breathlessly in his ear.
It was then he stirred and Ari felt her heart drop into her stomach. Had he heard her? It was the one thing that scared her the most. If he had heard her say she loved him he would run away and never speak to her again. She had seen it tons of times with other men. Ari wanted to believe that Remus was different…no; she knew he was different, but she would let him make the first move.
Remus moaned and stretched his arms up, arching his back. "Good morning."
Ari smiled. "Hey. Did you sleep well?"
"How could I not sleep well with you?" Remus chuckled wrapping his arm around her and bringing her on top of him.
Ari raised an eyebrow and ran her hand through his wheat colored hair. "Feeling a little frisky mister Lupin."
Remus blushed deeply. "You know how I get before the full moon. I warned you."
Ari laughed and bent down kissing him gently on the lips. "Of course I know. It's so sexy."
She bared her teeth and slid down his naked body underneath the blanket. Remus peaked down at her with a smile. "Definitely a good morning," he gasped as Ari wrapped her mouth around him.
_______
"James, I think Ari's in love with Remus."
James glanced up from his book and pushed his glasses up on his nose. "What makes you say that?"
Lily rolled her eyes and walked over towards him to sit on his lap. "You are completely hopeless. Haven't you seen the way she's been acting? It's just strange. I mean I've been her friend forever and I've never seen her this way."
"You know, some of us are trying to study you know," Sirius grunted.
James snorted and ran a hand through his shaggy black hair. "The day you willingly study is the day I get married."
Sirius's eyes widened and he quickly shook his head. "Not the best thing to say mate," he mumbled.
Lily frowned. "So you never want to get married?"
James tensed and he gave a wary smile. "I'm not much for-I mad that I said that?"
Lily's green eyes visibly darkened as she thought. "I'm not mad. I mean who says that we'll be together long enough for that to even been an issue. Since it's not an issue that needs to be yet than I have no right to be angry over your choice."
James and Sirius stared at Lily in surprise. Sirius scratched the back of his neck and shook his head. "Well I'll be damned, I-"
"James, don't get me wrong. I mean I don't want you to think I'm not taking what we have seriously, but-"
James smiled and cupped the back of her head pulling her down for a deep kiss. He suckled her bottom lip before pulling away. "I get it."
"Good," Lily grinned and wiped his mouth.
"Is there a chair shortage in the library?" Madam Pince questioned snootily.
Lily glanced up. "Huh?"
James cleared his throat and glanced down. Lily followed his gaze and jumped. "Oh, I get it," she spoke sheepishly get up and pulling a chair out for herself.
"Ten points from Gryffindor for public display of affection," Pince grunted out and walked away.
"No problem, I get that ten points back easily. Stupid Pinhead," Lily growled.
"Calm down Lil, it's just ten points," James chuckled.
"Well, with you guys getting points taken away so much the rest of us don't have the luxury of blowing it off."
James smiled and ran his fingers gently through her long red hair. He caressed her shoulders and leaned forward to kiss her neck tenderly. "You're so beautiful when you angry."
"Thanks. Well, I better be off and find away to get that ten points back," she informed them standing up. "I'll see you later."
____________
Give me peace
Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides
"Echo, hey! Wait up," Ari yelled down the hall running towards her dark hair friend.
"Hey Ari."
"So, have you talked to Lily yet?"
Echo shook her head and clutched her books tightly to her chest. "I haven't, but I've figured out how I'm going to apologize."
Ari squealed and jumped up, hugging Echo tightly. "You're going to apologize?"
"I know it took me a while, but I know it really wasn't her fault and I miss her witty remarks about stupid things. I really want to tell her about Severus too."
Ari gagged. "Not him again!"
"You see, I need my other girl pal that doesn't mind my boyfriend very much," Echo said grimly. "He is so sweet."
"I still can't believe you're dating a Slytherin!"
A dreamy look entered Echo's brown eyes and she sighed heavily. "He's worth everything. It gives me chills just thinking about him."
"He's that good in bed?" Ari asked.
Echo's face reddened. "You have no idea," she whispered softly.
"Believe me, I do. Remus is-"
"Are you in love with him Ari?"
Ari paused, turned and looked around the hallway to see if anyone was near by. "I-I am."
"Aren't you happy? You've never been in love before!"
"I know and it scares me. I just love the way he makes me feel and I won't tell him."
"Scared of what he'd say?"
Ari took a deep shuddering breath and nodded. "Yes."
"What if he says he loves you back?"
"I'll let him tell me first," Ari whispered softly.
___________________________ from here until the end are diary entries mostly anyway-the first entry starting from "Something awful is going to happen today." to "But here I am at 5:30 in the morning" is from L.J. Smith's book The Awakening.
March 4
Dear Diary,
Something awful is going to happen today.
I don't know why I wrote that. It's crazy. There's no reason for me to be upset and every reason for me to be happy, but…
But here I am at 5:30 in the morning, awake and scared. I keep telling myself it's just because I'm not used to feeling this way, that I'm not used to loving someone so much. I haven't been writing lately. To tell the truth it's my first entry in over seven months.
Something happened the day before yesterday. A deja-vu. That's always a bad sign for me. Right after it my pillow burst and feathers floated in the air. The weird thing is the white feathers stayed in the air for a while like magic. Really I shouldn't have been surprised…I can make feathers float, but still-it felt strange.
I got chills on the back of my neck and then out of nowhere Echo ran into my room straight through the feathers. I wonder why I'm so scared. I even asked myself if I was afraid of someone. Peter, maybe? Echo…but why would I be frightened of her?
____________________
"Ari, are you feeling okay?" Lily asked as she stared at her friend from across the Gryffindor food table. When she didn't answer immediately Lily frowned. "Ari! Hey! Wake-up!"
Ari jolted and glared at Lily. "I wasn't sleeping."
"Are you feeling okay?"
"I don't know."
Lily paused and raised an eyebrow; her emerald eyes shooting her friend a questioning look. "How can you not know?"
"Lily, can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Do you ever get that foreboding feeling that something bad is going to happen to you?"
Lily just stared at her friend wondering if she had ever had the feeling.
_________________________ 'She' is only said about one person and is not directed towards 'the sleeping girl'
Passion chokes the flower until she cries no more
Possessing all the beauty hungry still for more
One thought, one action, coming out in one breath. Kill.
She walked slowly into the girls' room and stood above her bed with a soft-sheeted pillow clutched tightly in her hand. The girl was sleeping peacefully. Her arms were crossed over her chest, her dark eyelashes kissing the rise of her milky smooth cheeks.
Kill.
She stared dully down at the sleeping girl, emptiness filling her eyes as she raised the pillow and brought it down over her face.
It was the struggle that always excited a killer, it was anticipated, which was way it was best to go in slow motion before committing the act. The girl paused.
Am I a killer?
Don't be ridiculous, of course you are.
The voice sounded different more masculine. Who was it?
She thought on it for a few seconds before the sole thought of 'kill' came back to her mind and she pushed the pillow roughly onto the slumbering girls face…and the girl screamed. Her arms flailed, trying to remove the pillow that was smothering her. She frowned as she watched the girls' desperate attempts to remove it. She couldn't understand why.
The best way to die is in your sleep and the girl was at least dieing in her bed. She pressed the pillow harder and the girls' struggles slowly halted, but she kept the pillow on an extra two more minutes just to make sure.
Lightening crashed…the pillow fell out of her hands, off the now dead girls face, and too the floor.
She stared in horror at her hands. She hadn't meant to do it. Something had happened. It wasn't here. Someone made her do it.
"Oh God, what have I done?" she managed to whisper before she fainted.
Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up
When the rage in me subsides
In this white wave
I am sinking
In this silence
__________________________________
"Well, I-I think I kind of love you…desperately," Lily, whispered into his ear.
They'd been kissing for some time until finally Lily had simply wrapped her legs around him and sat him down on his bed so that she straddled him sideways, her face snuggling and nipping his neck every so often.
James gave a tiny smile. "I don't know if I like you telling me you love me pretty much against your better judgment."
Lily laughed sharply and smacked him on the arm. "That wasn't funny."
Snickering he turned his neck away from her to look into her eyes. "Then why'd you laugh?"
"Stupid git," she mumbled softly grinning against his lips.
James gave her a slow grin and shoved his hands in her back pockets, palms to cheeks. He jerked her up and sat her more closely to his body. "I love you too Lily, but don't forget who knew first."
Lily giggled and dropped tiny kisses along the line of his jaw. She slowly slid her tongue across the line of his bottom lip and hummed at the taste. Feeling mischievous she slid her hands up his shirt and scraped her nails down his abdomen. "I think I'm kind of horny," she stated very calmly.
James took a deep steadying breath and let a slow smile creep across his face. "I can live with that."
"JAMES! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS! OPEN UP!"
"Damn," James muttered glaring at his door. "This better be important Sirius."
Lily sighed as she watched the door open. She was ready to tell Sirius off until she saw him, red, tear soaked eyes. She knew then something was terribly wrong.
"Remus, just found out," Sirius whispered softly bowing his head.
Lily slowly stood up-shaking her head and frantically trying clear it. Colors and shapes merged together as she slowly fell to the floor.
_______________________________________________
In this white wave
I am sinking
In this silence
March 5
Dear Diary,
My name is Lily Evans and something terrible happened yesterday. More horrible than any word could describe.
I found this on my way to Ari's room and I'm writing this because she no longer can. Because…she's dead and Ari's being punished. How could she do it?
I've lost my two best friends in one night…but why? I don't understand what possessed one of my best friends to kill the other and perhaps I never will or maybe it's not a matter of whether or not I find out. Maybe I just don't want to know.
~ L.E
To Be Continued…
The first diary entry starting from "Something awful is going to happen today." to "But here I am at 5:30 in the morning" is from L.J. Smith's book The Awakening.
Sorry about any mistakes. I just wrote it, I DID NOT read over it. I will soon, but I figured the wait was long enough. I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I believe that around four more chapters are left. I want to, but I can't promise a fast update. ~Aya