All right... So, I'm only a day late. I hope that you guys will still enjoy this. This chapter is... Well, you'll see. Erm... The plot is congealing quite nicely. I'm not as worried as I was last week. Things are turning out quite nicely. I think you'll like from here on out. Things are finally getting interesting. Many, many of you have asked about this chapter... I think you might be... Well... I guess you'll see.
Thanks to my beta, Jennza, and to my listener, Lily/Mel/CECIL. :) Thank you muchly.
And I still own nothing.
~*~ Hermione ~*~
Chapter Ten:
Excuses
"These excuses, how they've served me so well
They've kept my safe, kept my stuck
Kept me locked up in my own cell
"I'm too far from home
It takes far too much energy
I cannot afford to
No one will ever see me
"These excuses, how they've served me so well
They've kept me safe, they've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked up in my own cell
These excuse, how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked, kept me small
Kept me safe inside my shell
"Bringing these into the light
Shakes their foundation and clears my sight
Now my imagination is the only thing that limits the bar
And it's time to raise the height
"No one can have it all
See, I have to, they want me to
I can't let them down
I will never be happy"
'Excuses'
-Alanis Morissettte
"Well..." I stop laughing. "Since you're still awake, James, we might as well go on home."
James slides to a stop and shakes his red head at me. "No, Mum! We can't leave Harry Potter by himself!"
I mull this over, trying to figure out how to tell James that... Well, that I don't really want to be alone with Harry Potter. "Yes, well, Harry has taken care of himself for many years. I think he'll be fine alone."
My son widens his eyes. "Well, what if he doesn't want to be alone?"
I have always had a soft spot for James. I suppose all mothers have a soft spot for their children. But James is very special to me. He was what pulled me out of my depression so many years ago. I tousle his hair and nod. "All right... Go brush your teeth."
"I did!" He smiles widely and I laugh at the way he sticks his tongue through the gap on the left side of his mouth. "Can I tell Harry Potter good night?" He bounces over to Harry and hugs him. "Thanks for babysitting me, Harry Potter!" He leans over and whispers something into Harry's ear and giggles as Harry nods. "Good night!"
I follow James up the stairs and help him change into his pyjamas. "Mummy..." he says solemnly as I tuck the covers in around him. "Why don't you like Harry Potter?"
"Who said that I didn't, dear heart?" I lean in and kiss his cheek.
He shrugs and I can see that his lids are growing heavy. "Because your eyes get sad when you talk about him."
Children are so insightful. "Do you like him, James?" I smooth his hair away from his forehead.
He nods ever-so-slightly. "Yes, Mummy... I love Harry Potter..." And falls asleep. I kiss his cheek and turn the light off before closing the door.
When I get back downstairs, Harry is sitting in the same chair, but he has made coffee and is sipping it slowly. "What's going on with Arthur?"
I sigh and take the coffee he offers me. "He'll be fine." He just stares at me. Like I'm going to offer him any extra information.
"Well, what exactly happened?" He stirs his drink. "I mean, all I heard was that he was hurt in a raid."
I push the still full cup away. I really don't like being alone with Harry. "He was hit with several different jinxes. But they cut the tentacles off."
He smiles and we sit in the quiet. The only sound is of Molly's clock ticking away in the corner. "Hermione... I went to Gringott's today."
I pick at an ink stain on my finger. "Really?" Let's see what you have to say about being broke, Mr. Potter. I have to bite my lip to keep from smiling.
"Look, I'm not going to beat around the bush..." He sets his cup on the table and put a hand over mine. "Hermione, I know."
He knows that I took his money and he's not ranting and raving and being his normal Drama Queen self? "And... you're... not... upset?"
Harry looks straight into my eyes and I realize that I've forgotten how green his are. "No! Why would I be upset? If you need more, I can have it here by morning!"
I'm confused. "You think I spent it?"
He nods. "Of course! But that's fine. How much more do you need?"
Now I feel really guilty. All I wanted to do was make him feel bad... But here he is, when I've acted like the biggest bitch on the earth, offering me more money. "Harry... I'll put it back... I'll put every Knut back!"
"No, no, no!" He shakes his head. "You don't have to put any of it back! Don't worry about it! Now... How much more do you need?"
He still thinks that I used it! "Harry! I don't need any of it! I just took it to make you angry."
He takes his hand away and looks down at the floor. "Why would you do that?" he asks quietly.
"Because-" I start.
"Don't you know that I'd give you everything I have?" He drains his cup and stares at it, turning it over and over in his hands.
Yeah, well, I won't be guilt tripped by him. "No," I say acidly. He still doesn't look at me. "I don't know that."
He sighs and still doesn't look at me. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For coming back! I mean, for not coming back! Oh," He takes his glasses off and rubs the bridge of his nose. "I'm just sorry."
"No argument from me," I say acidly and cross my arms. "Why did you come back?"
"I had to see if you were still here." He stands and runs a hand through his already messy hair.
I scoff. "Waiting for you?"
He rests his arm on the mantle, turns his back to me, and nods. "Yeah."
"I couldn't wait eight years, Harry." Honestly, who does he think he is?
He turns around and finally looks me in the eye. "There was a time you said you'd wait forever. Who knew that forever really meant five months?"
I can stand my ground. "We were seventeen years old, Harry. We had no idea what 'forever' meant."
"What does forever mean, Hermione? Are you and Ron forever?"
"Yes!" I spit back and watch as his countenance falls.
He leans towards me and for a minute I think he's going to kiss me. "Do you love him?" he hisses.
"He's been there through the best and worst times of my life." What is he trying to prove?
He steps back and crosses his arms. "You're not answering my question, Hermione."
"I don't have to!" I haven't felt this independent since... Well, in a long time.
He scoffs. "You owe it to me."
"I owe you nothing!" I hiss.
"Answer the damn question, Hermione! Just this one question and then I'll leave you alone. You'll never have to see me again if that's what makes you happy."
"Fine." I know how to intonate this that it will cut him to the bone, so I look him straight in the eye and speak slowly but firmly. "I have always loved Ron."
"Then what were those last two years of school? What was that night on the Astronomy Tower?" He's angry. Well, good! I've accomplished one thing.
"A mistake!" Did I really just say that?
"Fine," he says calmly and starts up the stairs.
I follow him into his room and watch as he starts throwing things into his bag. "What are you doing?"
Harry turns and looks at me. "I'm knitting a sweater. What does it look like I'm doing?"
"Running out again?" I shake my head. "So that's it? You're gone for eight years and come back for three days? Guess you're really good at running by now."
He stuffs a sock into the bag. "Do I have a reason to stay?"
"Well..." I bite my lip. No, he doesn't have a reason... "You promised James that you would come to his birthday party Friday, and if you don't he'll be really disappointed."
He thinks this over and nods. "Okay... I'll stay until Saturday morning, then I'm gone." Harry turns and his eyes meet mine. "Unless-"
"Leave Friday night for all I care!" I throw my hands up in frustration. "I just don't want my son disappointed. He still has a high opinion of Harry Potter."
He throws his half-packed bag on the bed. "Fine!"
"Fine!"
"I'm going to bed!"
"Fine! So am I!"
"Fine!" He slams the door in my face.
I throw the door open. "Oh, no! You don't get to slam doors in my face!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!" I shout, slamming the door in his face.
* * *
Ron half-jogs into the Great Hall. "Morning, Ginny!" he calls to his sister, who waves and goes back to her eggs. He reaches the end of the table and sits across from me. "Good morning, Hermione."
"Who says?" I ask tiredly.
He shrugs and starts piling kippers, toast, eggs, and tomatoes onto his plate. "I love breakfast."
"Yeah..." I slop around in my untouched raspberry ice cream.
"'Ey!" He says through his full mouth. "'Y d' u-"
"Swallow, Ron..." I say scornfully and he obliges.
"Why do you get ice cream for breakfast?"
I shrug. "Madame Pomfrey told me to eat whatever I could keep down, and I can keep this stuff down."
"Oh..." He pushes the plate of kippers toward me. "Have a kipper, Herms... Just one."
I winkle my nose in disgust. "Ronald, I don't like kippers." He continues waving it in front of my nose. "If you don't get it out of my face, I'm going to throw up on you."
"All... right..." He sighs and backs off. "Oh, well... The more for me! 'Ower oo-"
"Ronald..." I throw my spoon down and stare at his kippers.
"How're you feeling now?" He resumes eating.
Those kippers look good.
"Huh, 'Mione?"
Those kippers look really good.
"'Mione, are you listening?"
Those kippers look really good.
"Hermione?"
Those kippers look like they'd be good with raspberry ice cream.
"HERMIONE!"
I want one! I reach over to Ron's plate, stab a kipper with my fork, slather it in my now melted ice cream and pop it into my mouth, savoring the way the salt and sugar are mingling together. "Mmm..." I sigh.
I pull the plate of kippers towards me and start dipping them all into the ice cream.
"What are you doing, Hermione?" Ron asks in disgust.
"'Avin' breakfast!" I dip another one in the pink goo.
He pulls the fork away from me. I simply shrug and start eating with my bare hands. "Hermione, I've been accused of having a stomach of steel, and even I cannot imagine what that must taste like."
I hold out a piece. "You can try it if you wish."
He backs away from me. "'Mione, that looks disgusting!"
I look down at my pink hands. "I know!"
"Hem, hem!" There's a cough behind us.
I feel a pink dribble run down my chin as I stare straight up into the eyes of Professor McGonagall. Thank goodness! For a while, I thought it was Umbridge. "Miss Granger... Mr. Weasley... Can I see you both outside for a moment?" She goes.
Ron glances at me and shrugs. "And you call me a pig..." He mutters as he points his wand at my hands and mutters a cleansing charm. I do the same on my face and stand.
Standing-not a good idea. "Whoa..." I fall back onto the bench, almost flattening a fourth year, and put a hand to my head.
"Are you all right, 'Mione?" Ron kneels in front of me.
I nod. "Yes... I'm just... I just... I got a little light-headed..."
He helps me to my feet. "It's because you haven't eaten anything and then you went and almost killed yourself with kippers and raspberry ice cream!"
I lean against him until I regain my balance and he leads me through the doors.
Professor McGonagall sighs. "Hermione... It's not exactly easy for me to do this, you understand."
My stomach grows cold. "W... Why? Is it Harry?"
She nods and I feel a lump rise in my throat. "This doesn't necessarily mean... Well, what you'd think it to mean... But... These were recovered from the battle site. We... Well, we want you to have them..." She thrusts a soft cloth into my hands and quickly heads down the hall.
"What is it, 'Mione?" Ron asks, standing behind me.
I hold an edge of the cloth and let the contents tumble into my hand. My breath catches in my throat as I look down at a pair of round, black glasses. My stomach churns and I feel hot bile rising in my throat. "I... I... I'm going to be sick..." I throw the glasses down, clamp a hand over my mouth, and run to the toilet, leaving Ron staring open mouthed at me.
TEASER
"My entire life... My career... My wife... My son... My everything is up for grabs because of one person..."
"Didn't you kind of base your life on the fact that that one person left?" Draco mutters.
Thank you much for reading. You don't really have to review, but it would be very appreciated and I really want to hear what you guys are thinking right about now... *smiles* Oh, I do... teeheehee...