Yes, I know that I said within with week, but I'm sorry. Swamped with stuff right now. It's the holiday season, I'm sure. Things should slow down after New Year's. Anyway, I appreciate all of you guys sticking here with me for so long and I hope you'll find these next few chapters enjoyable. I know that I said that this would be a Ron chapter, but the Ron voice wasn't speaking. The Harry voice was! So you have a Harry chapter and hopefully a Ron one next time. I want to say that it won't be as long in between chapters this time, but please don't hate me if I don't get it put up in a while. That said, enjoy this chapter.
Sorry it's so short. Not a lot happens word wise in this chapter... Just read it. I think it'll make more sense that way.
Thankee muchly.
Harry
Chapter Fourteen
Back to the Start
"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh, lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart
"Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh, and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
"Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start"
'The Scientist'
-Coldplay
Hermione steps into the kitchen from outside, her ears and nose pink and her eyes watering. "Do you see?" she whispers. "Do you see now why I've hated you for so long?"
I nod. "I don't blame you..."
She smiles at me. "I... erm... Wh... What do we do now?"
"Well, I'm going to talk to Dumbledore. You can stay here and I'll come back after-"
"I'm going, too," she interrupts me.
"No, you're-"
"He lied to me too, Harry." She pauses and presses her fingertips to her temples. "We wouldn't be here now if he had just told us the truth..." She finally adds with a sigh.
I put a hand to her cheek and she closes her eyes. "I'll never leave you... and James..." I say it cautiously, waiting to see her reaction. "...again."
She smiles gently as she opens her eyes and stares right into mine. "I know," she whispers. "Come on..." she says, pulling away from me. "We'd better get going."
We Apparate into Hogsmeade. "Are we headed to the castle?"
"Yes," she says hurriedly and pulls me into a carriage.
We sit in a pregnant silence and I watch her. She turns to look out the window and when she wrinkles her forehead in worry, she looks fifteen years old again. "You haven't changed a bit," I breathe, leaning closer to her.
She looks over at me with her huge eyes that we once so bright... But staring into them, I see a heavy unspoken pain... And I realize that I put it there. "But I have... Some ways for the better... Others for the worse... I'm sorry that I acted like such a spiteful baby over the last week." Her head hangs as her cheeks flush crimson.
I see tears falling and landing on her folded hands. I take them into my own.
"If I'd have known..." she whimpers. "Dumbledore-"
"I'm the one that should be apologizing, Hermione... For the last eight years... I never tried to contact you... I didn't Owl or Floo or just stop by..." She sobbing freely now, hot tears rolling down her cheeks and landing on my hands. "I could have kept you from so much pain."
She turns her eyes to me. "I've hated you for all the wrong reasons... I-"
The carriage bumps to a stop. I hold her left hand. Something's different... Somehow it doesn't feel right. "Let's go."
We make our way into the castle and wind through its many tunnels. How strange to be back at Hogwarts... How strange indeed, considering how I had almost ceased to believe in this place. How it all seems like a distant dream... A fairy tale written in one of Hermione's books...
I feel her tug at my hand. "Come on..." she sighs and we head up the spiral staircase to Dumbledore's office.
She brandishes her wand from her cloak and we burst through the door.
Dumbledore sits with his back to us. The top of his white head is just visible over the top of the purple armchair he has pulled in front of the fireplace. "Yes..." he says softly. "I wondered when I would be seeing you two." He turns to face us. "Hello, Harry Potter."
The calmness of his voice irritates me so I flick my wrist and send sparks flying in his direction. "You'd better have a damn good reason as to why you've lied to Hermione and me for the past eight years."
He crosses to his desk and sits, nodding slowly. "I protected you both," he says finally.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Hermione asks quickly, still holding her wand out.
Dumbledore looks between both of us. "I knew, Miss Granger, that you were with child shortly after the act of consummation occurred. Possibly before you began to suspect yourself. I thought it best not to confirm your suspicions, so I told Madame Pomfrey to feed you half-truths and whole-lies." He stands and begins to pace in front of his desk. "Harry... I couldn't tell you that Hermione was having your son. I couldn't tell you that you had a family waiting for you."
"Why not?" I feel the blood rushing to my head and I want nothing more than to fire an Unforgivable right into the git's face.
"I thought that you would want to go be with them... I thought that Voldemort would mean nothing to you..." He sighs deeply. "I see now that it would have made you work harder to defeat him. It would have pushed you that little bit more that you needed. I was wrong..." He hangs his head. "I will be the first to admit it."
I've heard enough. I raise my wand and start firing curses back and forth.
Hermione sends deflector charms after all of my curses.
Dumbledore sits at his desk quietly, tapping his fingers together. "Now, Harry-"
"Stop! Both of you, just stop!" James moves in between Hermione and Dumbledore.
"James! How did you get-"
"This is wrong, Mum..." James sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "You and Harry can't do this." His eyes are a brilliant green as he stares between us. "Is this really how you want it to be, Harry?" he says quietly and I see so much of myself, yet so much of Ron, in him. "He was everything that you had for a long time, wasn't he?"
Suddenly, Dumbledore gasps and clutches his chest. He crumples to the ground and I watch as his ice blue eyes close. His breathing is labored.
Hermione gasps and runs to him. "He's out cold, Harry!" she yells at me.
The world is moving very slowly and everything is blurred.
"Harry!" she yells. "Floo St. Mungo's! Go!"
I can't move... I feel as if I'm stuck to the spot. I see James rush past me, his auburn hair flopping messily. He kneels on the floor and thrusts his head into the emerald flames yelling for St. Mungo's.
I press my fingers to the bridge of my nose. "This is happening way too quickly..." I sigh to no one in particular, still rooted to the ground. "Twenty-four hours ago, I was Harry Potter... Now, I'm Harry Potter, father to James and killer of the Greatest Wizard Who Ever Lived..."
"He's not dead yet, Harry Potter," James tugs at my shirt-tail.
I nod. "They can cure anything at St. Mungo's." I look down at James and he grins the same gap-toothed grin that I did almost eighteen years ago. I suddenly feel very old.
He tilts his head to the right like Hermione does when she's confused or thinking about something. "No..." he says and shakes his head slowly. "Dad told me that there was one thing that no magic could ever cure."
"What was that?"
James raises his green eyes to me. "A broken heart."
* * *
14 October
Dearest Hermione,
I've been dreaming about you, Hermione. Dreaming of all the wonderful things we'll do when I get home to you... We'll get married, Hermione! Wouldn't you love that? Of course, you'll have to finish Medi-Witch Training and I'll have to complete my Auror Training before we can have children, but it's a nice thought, isn't it Hermione?
How many do you want, dearest? Children, I mean. Since I was alone so much in my childhood, I think I want a large family. How does nine sound? You know, Harry Jr. and Hermione Jr. (These are the twins, you see.) Then, Harriette, Hermes, Heather, Howie, Hayley, Harvey and Harley (More twins!) Isn't that nice? (I had to give them all 'H' names because after we started with two, don't you think the others would get jealous?
I think that would give the Weasleys a run for their money. Speaking of Weasleys, how are they? I hope everyone is doing fine. I want to be there so badly, but unfortunately, that's not a possibility right now.
There was another battle a week ago, Hermione. It's almost finished. I'll be able to come home to you soon enough. We're almost finished. The scar darkens with every confrontation, but I'm not sure if that's significant or not. I suppose in some off-beat way it is, but I fail to see it.
Want to hear about the battle, love? No... Of course you don't. I wouldn't want to hear about a battle that you were in. I was pretty beat up a week or so ago, but I'm much better now. They took the dressings off my head this morning, and my scar's almost completely healed! It splits open during every battle and bleeds for quite awhile... They say that's why I'm so weak. I bleed so much.
Dearest, how I miss you. How I long to be there with you...
But I know that you know...
This is for our own good, Hermione... You realize that I'm doing this to protect us, right?
I know that you know.
I don't need to keep telling you all of this, right, dear heart?
You'll wait for me, won't you Hermione? No matter how long it takes, you'll be waiting, right?
I know that you will.
Because you'd never just desert me, isn't that right, darling?
That's right.
I love you.
All my love always,
Harry