Unofficial Portkey Archive

Summer Writing Series Challenge (July 19)
Challenge: Musical week: Action/Mystery/Suspense/Horror Scene
Title: I only want to say...

Okay this song is from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar; I'd just like to make a little point so I'm not offending anybody's religion etc. I am in no way comparing Harry to JC, but this song is very moving in the way that Jesus had his doubts in the garden of Gethsemane before his crucifixion; in the same way I can imagine Harry being weary of having to leave for the final battle. So in this piece I am hoping to portray the comparisons of the feelings expressed by the character in the play and Harry, nothing more.

If you haven't heard the song I suggest that you go and listen to it because it is extremely moving and may give you a better insight to what I'm getting at. (In a superstar kinda way.)

He stood on the edge of the forest tying the last of his equipment to Buckbeak; his only light was that given off by the starred sky and the beaming moon. It was a clear night, chilly and silent; there was no wind, no movement, no life. He stood in the eerie darkness petting the audacious Hippogriff, a bitter chill running through his body, it was time and only he knew it; it was time for him to leave and for the war to begin.

"Are you ready Beaky?" he asked his voice a mere whisper, tears brimming in his eyes. The Hippogriff bowed his head slightly acknowledging the man stood next to him. Harry turned to face the castle, his silent tears running icily down his cheeks as they broke free from his eyes.

"Well, it's time," he spoke to nobody in particular. He looked up to a certain window in Gryffindor Tower and then to a constellation in the sky. "I just wish there was another way," he spoke huskily, his voice catching in the back of his throat, "I wish I had more time with you," he spoke, looking back to the window. "I wish I didn't have to leave like this and I hope that you can forgive me. I'm so sorry, my Angel," he broke down, falling to the earth onto his knees, his gentle sobbing the only sound that pierced the silence of the night.

He drew his head up towards the sky, "Please," he pleaded, "If there is another way, show me, I can't go on like this, not knowing what I can make of myself." He looked up to the silent night, no response. "I used to acknowledge this as my fate, but you have shown me so much more of this world," his glance briefly turning back to the window before gazing upwards once more. "I don't want to give up, I really don't, but I'm scared. You can understand that right? I don't want to die, I'm just…I'm just…a boy." He ran his hands through his hair, staring blankly at the night sky.

"I'm just a boy," he repeated, standing shakily to his feet, "what more do you expect of me? I've fought in the Order for the past two years, risked my life for the past six, I keep fighting but it's in vain," he spoke, his voice rising slightly. "What more do you ask of me?" he whispered, lowering his head once more.

Buckbeak let out a large yawn sending echoes off the silent stone building. "Shush Buckbeak, you'll wake them," Harry comforted the animal, ruffling the feathers on his neck gently. He sighed sorrowfully as he looked at the hundreds of windows of the castle.

They are all so innocent...well, the majority of them.

"If I go through with this," he said, not tearing his eyes away from the castle, "will it matter? If I go and I fight, will it help, will they be spared? I have to know, I have to know if what I'm doing is in vain or if it will matter." He looked up to the sky boldly "I'll do this, I'll let the pain wash over my body, I'll let him hurt me, even kill me; if it matters, if it's worth it. But I have to know," he said, his demeanour deflating, "I don't want to give up my life if it makes no difference. Is there no other way?" he said in a barely audible whisper.

"Pleas,. please let me know, will everything be worth it if I leave right now? Or will it all be meaningless? Is everything the Order has ever fought for going to matter?" Harry began to pace on the spot, his heart filled with conflicting emotion. He wanted more than anything for the war to be over, for the Dark Lord to be vanquished, for the world to be safe once more, but there was a place in his heart that was calling out to him, the place where his life resided, where she resided.

"Why me? What did I do? I was a baby, I didn't start this," he cried to the hours of darkness. "You gave me this fate, you prophesised this for me and you won't even give me a reason. I don't understand…" he said as the tears became heavier "You give me this fate to fight and then you send her to me. You let me love and yet you send me to him, I don't understand," he cried, "I'm sad and I'm tired." His knees buckled once again and he fell to the floor. The conflict within him was taking his strength; the tears were fast and his breathing erratic. He laid in the cool grass the tears staining his cheeks, his mind racing.

"It's time. It's time. It's time," he muttered again and again, "it's time." He stood up abruptly, an unknown source of faith filling his body with strength. He gazed across the castle one last time; closing his eyes he felt a tingles run course through his body.

"Tonight I will fight, watch me fight. I'd do what you ask of me, I'll do what you ask of me for them. For her. I'll suffer if it means a glimmer of hope for them and their lives."

Harry stood in front of Buckbeak and bowed deeply. When the Hippogriff returned the gesture, he threw his leg up and over the wing joint and held on tightly.

"Take me now Buckbeak, before I change my mind."

And with that Harry Potter, the courageous young wizard took flight to meet his destiny.

Gethsemane (I only want to say) Lyrics:
I only want to say
If there is a way
Take this cup away from me
For I don't want to taste its poison
Feel it burn me,
I have changed I'm not as sure
As when we started
Then I was inspired
Now I'm sad and tired
Listen surely I've exceeded
Expectations
Tried for three years
Seems like thirty
Could you ask as much
From any other man?

Then I was inspired
Now I'm sad and tired
After all I've tried for three years
Seems like ninety
Why then am I scared
To finish what I started
What you started
I didn't start it
God thy will is hard
But you hold every card
I will drink your cup of poison
Nail me to your cross and break me
Bleed me, beat me
Kill me, take me now
Before I change my mind.

A/N This next three fics are up early because I'm going to be out of the country for the next 9 days. Enjoy! x

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