Unofficial Portkey Archive

Summer Writing Series Challenge (July 22)
Challenge: Musical week: Humour
Title: Gryffindor Flunkout

Based on Beauty School Dropout from Grease! (Dedicated to Faith O'Brien for being a loon of a fan! Cheers Darling, your reviews keep me going!) ;)

Hermione woke up with a start; she looked around to find that she was alone in the library, her Arithmancy tome being used as a pillow.

"Stupid guys not waking me up," she muttered as she packed her things into her bag. "Trust them to bloody leave without me, typical male behaviour."

She continued to huff as she closed the book on the table at the back of the library before looking at her watch. That's strange, she mused. Her watch told her it was afternoon but the library was pitch black, there was no light from the window's, as far as she could tell it was most certainly nighttime.

"What was that?" She span around as she heard a low tenor note behind her. There was a small sparkle of light coming from the top of a bookshelf, she stared with wide eyes as the light became bigger and bigger, her brow furrowed and her mouth dropped as twinkles erupted from the growing light. She could swear she could here chimes and harps from behind her, she spun around to take a look but nothing was there.

"Weird, could have sworn I heard something, OH MY GOD!" Hermione jumped out of her skin at the sight in front of her. "Pro-Professor L-Lo-Lockhart?" she wheezed, rubbing her eyes as if she was seeing a mirage.

He beamed brightly, a bright spark of light cracking with a pop from the corner of his lips. He wore white and silver dress robes and his hair was styled into a far more ridiculous style than his trademark weaves. Hermione stepped back cautiously as the bookcase he stood upon transformed into a high stairway; she fell backwards into a chair as he opened his mouth and sang.

"Your story's sad to tell,
A witch who cannot cast a spell,
Most mixed up non-delinquent in the school."

"What the hell is going on?" Hermione asked frantically, looking around. "Why are you singing?"

"Your future's so unclear now,
What's left of your wizarding career now?
All the houses are gonna know you're a fool."

If it was possible, Hermione was rendered even more speechless as the back glow of light from behind Lockhart erupted bathing the whole room in white light. Fairies and Angels flew over the shaken bushy girl's head with a case of the `la-la-la-la-la's'. The bookshelves sprang wings and flew away graciously. She turned her startled gaze back to the man who was slowly making his way down the staircase.

"Gryffindor flunk out.
No graduation day for you.

Gryffindor flunk out
Failed the test when he brushed against you."

Hermione gasped and blushed a deep pink when the singing Lockhart gestured with his hands in a rather provocative manner. A smiling form of Harry Potter hovered to the right of him in his full Gryffindor uniform; he winked and grinned when Hermione looked at him.

"Well at least you could have taken time
To try and catch those notes up,
After spending all your efforts

Shouting at Ron to get his marks up"

She opened her mouth to protest but was dumfounded when Ron appeared floating on the right side of the pompous singing Lockhart.

"Baby get movin',
Why keep those successful hopes alive?
What are you provin'?
You've got the dream but not the drive."

Hermione started to shake and could hardly breathe. The form's of her two best friends sprouted wings before her very eyes; their uniforms dissolving into white toga's as they flew up in the air to join the fairies and bookshelves backing up Lockhart with `Ooh's' and `Ahh's'.

"If you keep staring at Harry then you'll definitely flunk outta school

Put your tongue away `cause you're starting to drool!!"

Lockhart appeared in front of Hermione with a pop, causing her to jump and fall back on her chair. His voice was low and rumbled, his pelvic movements becoming more and more erratic as he inched closer to the trembling Gryffindor.

"Gryffindor flunk out,
What did you come to the library for?
Gryffindor flunk out.
You'll getting nothing done for sure.
Well you're not listening to anything
your thinking he's so gorgeous
and he's noticed that you're acting weird
You really are tactless!"

Hermione gasped as the cherubim versions of Harry and Ron as she peeked over the tabletop, they were dancing around in front of her, playing small gold harps.

"W-w-what's going on?" she stammered, alarmed. "Why are you dancing? WHY ARE YOU DANCING SYMMETRICALLY?" Hermione's gulped loudly as Lockhart jumped onto the table in front of her and brushed his finger along her chin.

"Baby, don't sweat out, you're not cut out to get good grades

Better forget it

I heard the Leaky Cauldron's looking for maids"

Hermione stood and fell back against the wall as the all singing all dancing Professor hit a crescendo arching back and lying down provocatively on the table. He turned his head and winked at her as the cherub version of Harry duplicated and began to fill the room, staring at her with a mischievous look.

"Now your cheeks are red,
you're acting like an airhead
and you still look like a fool
Wipe off that dreamy face and concentrate on high school."

As he sang the last note the throng of Harry's disappeared with a pop, the light's dimmed down and Lockhart began to re-climb the staircase. When he reached half way he stopped and turned to look at her.

"Baby don't blow it;
Don't put our good advice to shame!
Baby you know it,
Even Dear Rita'd say the same!"
Guess there's no way to get through to you
No matter who may try
Might as well go back to my groupies in the sky."

Hermione fell to her knees as he reached an ear piercing note, thrusting his hands into the air and his pelvis out with a jive. With one loud crack of light he was gone.

***

"Aaahh!!!!" Hermione bolted upright, screaming.

"Hermione!!" Harry cried, his voice filled with concern as he rushed around the table. "What's the matter, are you okay?"

Hermione stared at him with wide eyes, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. "Oh Harry, it was horrifying," she said as she collapsed on to his shoulder and cried.

- - - - - - - - - -

Beauty-school Dropout Lyrics

Your story's sad to tell,
A teenage ne'er do well,
Most mixed up non-delinquent on the block.

Guess theres no way to get through to you
No matter who may try
Better be going to that malt shop in the sky.

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