Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
Thanks to all of you who helped me find Sunset Over Britain again. I really like that story. And thanks to Emma (HarryPotterlvr3) who gave me a little extra encouragement. =)
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Ch28: THE GIRL LEFT BEHIND
Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven
Time can bring you down; time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please
(Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton.)
When Hermione went to bed that night after the Halloween party she did not know how to feel. In a way she was relieved because she had finally told Harry how she felt. On the other hand she was terribly guilty. When she looked back at their conversation she realized that she had worded herself wrong and that she had sounded way too harsh.
She glanced at the mirror beside her nightstand and looked through it soundlessly. The reflection showed the roof in the boys dormitory, and she felt a little relieved because that meant Harry was okay.
Turning over in bed she expected to fall asleep but she didn't. On the contrary she felt restless, as though waiting for something. She jumped slightly in shock when she heard a startled yell from the dormitory and then a sound of something being knocked over. It had to be another one of Harry's nightmares.
The feelings bottled up inside her. She had felt so terribly scared for Harry the last days that she could not think straight. She had used anything she knew to keep him from going and treasure what the two of them had, but he had still gone and fought the LeStrange woman. She had been so relived that he was alright, but at the same time so angry that he could do that to her, to them. She knew it was selfish, she knew Harry would always do things like that and she knew she couldn't change him. No, her Harry would always be a hero, always the white Knight in a shining armor. Had she overreacted? Had she made a mistake when she told him that they needed a break? Had her Gryffindor courage failed at last? For several days she had felt that things with Harry had gone in the wrong direction. She had gotten insecure of herself, and the thought of being free from any relationship so she could concentrate on school had refused to leave her. However, now as she had actually broken up with him she wished she hadn't. He needed her and she knew she needed him, more than anything. Had she ruined their friendship?
Hermione groaned softly and put her head in her hands. She couldn't believe this. She should be relieved! She'd have time to get more emotionally ready and get her grades up again! Still, did grades mean more than Harry?
Of course not. Harry was the most important person in the world for her and she'd left him. Just as she thought that the clock struck midnight and she felt a chill in her bones. Oh, how she wished to be with him! To lie in his arms instead of her own bed, alone. He was so warm and smelled so good. He'd take care of her, he'd make her feel safe. How would it be like to never kiss him again? How would it be like to hold his hand again, would he reject her if she tried? Could she hug him without ending in an awkward silence?
Hermione sniffed and removed her hands from her face, surprised to find her hands wet and salty. She had been crying!
Angrily she brushed them away and sighed, trying to calm herself, but yet thinking of the times when Harry had done just that. She'd never get any sleep if she carried on like that. She would see him in the morning anyway. She could talk to him more then. Perhaps even say that she was sorry for saying that to him and that she didn't mean it, not really....
Slowly, really slowly she began to realize that she had done the biggest mistake of her life: She wanted to be with him, she didn't want to take a break! She wanted him to hold her again, she wanted to feel his breath down her neck. She also realized that Harry had been right. Halloween was over and she didn't need to protect him all the time. She'd have time to do a lot of school work.
Smiling, she finally felt sleep coming to her. She would talk to Harry tomorrow, and everything would be alright.
If Hermione had paid attention, she would've heard people beginning to gather in the common room, discussing hysterically about the disappearance of Harry Potter.
-
Morning came and Hermione woke early. She was firm on making things alright with Harry again and she wanted to look nice. She paused a moment before pulling her hair into a pony tail. What if he didn't forgive her? Only the thought was enough to send cold chills down her bones.
Putting her chin up bravely she went out from her dorm and down the stairs to the common room where there were unusually many people than it should've been at that hour, most of them looking extremely tired. Her eyes immediately searched for Harry, but she couldn't find him. Instead her eyes stopped at a spot of red and her eyes widened. Ron didn't use to be up so early.
She was about to ask him what was going on when she noticed his expression.
"What's wrong?" she asked instead and Ron looked up at her, ghostly white and shaken.
"He's gone," the red-haired boy whispered.
Hermione stared at him, automatically knowing he had meant Harry. Had he ran away because of her? "What do you mean?"
"They took him, Hermione! While we were sleeping! I saw him just as Wormtail took him away by a portkey!"
Hermione swayed. No. It couldn't be! Her knees failed her and she collapsed to the floor, shaking. She felt cold and nauseous all over and some part of her waited for someone to say `fooled ya!' but it never happened. They wouldn't joke about something like that.
"No!" she choked, tears flowing down her cheeks furiously. "No, no, no!"
She was distinctly aware of someone kneeling beside her, patting and stroking her back as sobs racked her body.
-
A week later there was still no news about Harry or his whereabouts. He had simply disappeared like he had never been there in the first place. For once Hermione was unable to pay attention in classes, actually she couldn't focus on anything. The entire time she was racked with guilt, sorrow and numbness and she didn't have strength to do anything. She moved through the day's activities and all the classes without speaking or doing anything. If someone tried to talk to her she would either ignore them or walk another way.
She always carried a picture of herself and Harry. The picture had been taken without their knowledge, but that was the reason she loved it so much. It had been taken on her birthday, when she had received the gift from Harry on the bench outside, not far from the water. Her picture self beamed with happiness and from time to time the two of them kissed or hugged. That often forced Hermione to tears, but she wouldn't trade it for anything other than the real Harry. Another thing she always had in her pocket was the mirror. The gift from Harry still showed the reflection in the Boy's dormitory and that meant that he was still alive and breathing. Hermione had even went to Lupin and asked if what Harry had said was true and it was, Lupin even added that the spell had been cancelled twice before: first time when James died and the second time when Sirius died. Therefore, Hermione always checked the mirror when she had a spare moment, and every time she saw a reflection that wasn't her face she breathed a sigh of relief.
At least she could still hope.
She had almost forgotten about Akin, but when she remembered him she had rushed up to the dorm and retrieved him and gave him some of the food that she had seen Harry give him. She felt horribly guilty for leaving the little snake behind and from that day on he slept under Hermione's bed.
Hermione had also found a way to vaguely communicate with the snake; by using Occlumency. She was nowhere near the level where she mastered it, but it was enough for her to show Akin some of her thoughts and receive some in return. They had to use pictures though, as she had no way to understand the words. She had also learned that the snake could feel Harry's emotions and could provide her pictures of what he thought was going on. However, she couldn't make any sense of them as the images was clouded with confusion.
-
Snape returned to the castle a little more than two weeks after Harry had disappeared. She and Ron were invited up to Dumbledore's office and she was almost crazy with anxiousness. She clung tightly to the picture of Harry and Ron's arm all the way up.
They could hear Dumbledore's grave voice before they entered the office, but not what he said. All she knew was that it was very serious and she didn't look forward to it.
"Please sit down, Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley," said Dumbledore, but the usual spark in his eyes were missing. Hermione paled.
"Is he dead?" she asked, suspecting the worst. She didn't dare to look in the mirror.
Snape shook his head. Hermione noted with surprise that her potion master seemed more tired and drained than usual. His cloak was filthy and he had an ugly, black burn a little over the hem. However, compared to Harry he was not important in the slightest, she concluded, and listened to what Snape had to say about her former boyfriend: "Not yet, but he is close. He'll count himself lucky if he dies soon. He has not much sanity left either."
"So they used the Cruciatus curse on him?" asked Hermione hoarsely, unable to stop herself. She had felt the Cruciatus once and it was an experience she did not wish to feel twice.
"Not just that, Ms. Granger... I believe he has gotten every bone in his body broken at least once."
Hermione gasped in horror and clapped her hands in front of her mouth, almost crumpling the photo in the process. She felt sick. It couldn't be true, could it? It had to be one of Snape's exaggerations, right?
"And you didn't stop him?" growled Ron angrily. Snape gave him a glare.
"No, I could not do that without exposing myself. Who would be here then, telling you about your friend's condition?"
Ron shut his mouth, but the sour expression did not leave his face.
"Did you talk to him at all?" asked Hermione, afraid that Harry was still angry at her.
"Yes, as a matter of fact I did. And he told me to tell you a few things."
Hermione held her breath, wondering how many different ways one could say `I hate you and you betrayed me' on. She clutched the picture a little tighter and held it close to her chest.
"I can show you..." said Snape lazily, and whirled his wand a few times in a pensive that was placed in front of him. An image of Harry inside a cage appeared in front of them and Hermione began to feel the tears press behind her eyes again when she saw the horrible condition Harry was in; with a swollen hand, dark circles under his eyes and a lot of dust and grim on his PJ's. Harry's voice echoed through the room:
"I'm sorry. For revealing the Prophecy. I honestly didn't mean to, it just ... I didn't know, I couldn't stop it ... you know, I haven't even told Ron about it. I didn't know if I could and I was afraid, I suppose. I didn't want him to look at me any differently, I wanted to have a normal friendship. That's all I ever wanted ... to be normal, with a normal family and a normal home and normal friends. I know you don't believe me but I never wanted to be the bloody Boy Who Lived..."
Ron's eyes were very wide and Hermione could tell that he was confused, but paid close attention at the same time. Sadly she realized that Ron never thought their friendship was normal and that Ron had always been jealous at Harry. She also knew that without Harry she and Ron would never have been friends either. Already their friendship was crumbling - Harry had been the glue that had held them together.
Snape from the pensive looked annoyed and glared at the pensive-Harry suspiciously. "Why are you telling me this?"
"I want you to tell them all that I am sorry for how things turned out. I need you to tell them that I don't blame them and that it's my fault ... that they must continue fighting and not give up on hope. Tell the Weasleys that I'm very grateful for what they did to me, allowing me into their family and all. And you must tell Hermione that I'm sorry for whatever I did to her that was wrong."
This time Hermione couldn't stop the tears from falling and she had to hid her face behind her hands in embarrassment. She hated herself more in that moment than she had ever done before in her life.
"Anything else?" questioned the pensive-Snape and to Hermione's surprise she saw Harry smile a little.
"Yes, I need you to tell her to take care of Hedwig and Akin."
"Akin?"
"Yeah, it's my snake."
"You have a snake?"
The image faded and Hermione became aware of where she was again. She had been so focused on the pensive that the reality seemed like a ton of bricks in her head. Looking at the bowl again she saw more images swirl around in the weird looking liquid. She saw Peter Pettigrew and Voldemort beside Harry, who was in obvious pain as they did something to his hand.
"What's that?" asked Hermione, pointing at the bowl with shaking hands.
"Something that is likely to give you nightmares the rest of your life," said Snape dryly, but Ron had also seen it.
"They are torturing him, aren't they?"
Snape rolled his eyes, while Dumbledore was looking at them sadly - something that did nothing to ease their worries.
"What are they doing?" asked Hermione fearfully.
"They are breaking every finger in his hand," said Snape, sounding only too eager to share this information with them.
"Severus..." warned Dumbledore, but his voice was interrupted by two similar yells of outrage from the two teens. Hermione glanced down at the picture she was holding again. Why, oh why did this have to happen to him? Would he even have a chance to survive, and where was he now? Suddenly filled with a cold, chilling doubt she dived into her school bag after the mirror. She pulled it up and quickly looked at the glassy front. A small sob of relief waved through her when she didn't see her own reflection.
However, was that -? No, it couldn't be her own eyes she had seen in that small instant. Impossible. Besides, it was still showing the roof in the dormitory.
"A handy, little tool that mirror, is it not, Ms. Granger?" said Dumbledore, a small twinkle appearing in his eyes at last. Hermione nodded and forced a smile, drying her face with the back of her hand.
"Why aren't you helping him to get out?" asked Ron, glaring. "You've practically been eating dinner with You - Know - Who for more than two weeks and you still haven't been able to get Harry out?"
"I tried," growled Snape, his eyes visibly darkening even though they were black already. "However, it is not a simple feat to get someone out from the most secure place in the Dark Lord's castle! And do you know what?" Snape leaned a little forward. "Your little friend did not seem too eager to get out. He was too frightened, too cowardly! In fact, if I did not knew better I would never believe he was a Gryffindor once."
"BULLSHIT!" roared Ron, leaping from his chair and reaching Snape's seat in an instant. Snape, however, was quicker on his feet and summoned a large book that crashed in the red haired boy's head. Hermione watched in shock and horror as her friend hit the ground, knocked out.
"That was uncalled for, Severus," said Dumbledore with an edge of anger in his tone. "We do not hurt students."
"That was merely self defense, Albus. Surely you must know what that is?"
Albus rubbed his temples between his hands and sighed. Hermione bent down by Ron's side and tried to help him back to his chair.
"Is there any way we can get there to help him, Professor?" she asked Snape.
"Unfortunately not. The only way to get there is to use a Dark Mark which I know you do not have or being transported by a portkey that the Dark Lord has made himself. Even if you did get there, you would never survive five minutes."
Hermione knew he was right, but a part of her refused to accept it. There had to be a way she could help Harry. She turned to Dumbledore desperately.
"Isn't there anything we can do, Headmaster?"
Dumbledore looked at her sadly. "I am sorry Ms. Granger. For now it looks like we have no choice but to wait."
-
Hermione did wait. She waited a long time. A week went, then another. Still no sign of Harry. If it hadn't been for the mirror they would have declared him dead. She wondered if he still had the watch she had given him and if he ever thought about her.
Maybe there had been something else behind what Snape had said. Maybe he didn't want to leave was because of the way she had treated him. She truly was a horrible person! She was cruel, selfish and mean. She had been lucky to have Harry; he deserved someone better.
The Death Eaters had been quiet for a while, though she had heard about a few attacks on squib families. What worried her though, was that after those attacks the reflection in the mirror changed. She couldn't see her own face, but she couldn't quite see the roof in the dormitory either. She had checked if the mirror was still there and it was, so that wasn't the problem. The more she thought about it the more scared she became. She'd feel cold and a dark knot would appear in her stomach for the rest of the day. Something was happening to Harry and it wasn't good. If only she knew what it was!
"Come on Hermione, you got to eat a little."
Hermione turned in her seat and blinked softly. She was sitting in the Great Hall and practically laying in her dinner without noticing it. She frowned. "Why?"
"So there'll still be something left of you when Harry comes back," replied Ron and continued eating. Hermione felt a flash of annoyance. He dared to talk about Harry as though he was merely out flying on his broom! With a little growl she rose from her seat.
"Where are you going?" asked Ron, eying her carefully.
"Out. Anywhere but here."
Ron hurriedly stuffed some more food into his mouth. "Just a second! I'll join you!"
Hermione shook her head. "There's no need for that. I can take care of myself."
"No you can't, just look at you! Harry would have wanted you to eat!"
Hermione let out a hoarse sob. "I guess I'll never know that now, huh?"
She jogged out of the Hall and into her Prefect room, where she let herself fall on her bed and lost control of her emotions.
-
Someone woke her half an hour later. Hermione opened an eye tiredly and spotted McGonagall, leaning over her bed. "There is news about Harry," she said.
Hermione felt her tummy do a huge flip-flop and she bolted upright, managing to skull her professor in the nose. Hermione gasped and clapped her hands in front of her mouth, horrified that she had hurt a teacher like that.
"I am SO terribly sorry, Professor! I didn't mean to!"
McGonagall rubbed her nose sorely and sniffed. "It will be fine. I do not think it is broken. However, next time you need to be more careful."
Hermione nodded vigorously. "Please tell me about Harry."
"Professor Dumbledore suggested we should go to-"
"I'd rather not go there right now, Professor," interrupted Hermione, her tiredness returning to her. When she thought about it she did not want to leave her bed at all.
"Very well," said McGonagall. "I will tell you. Please do not interrupt me before I am done."
"I won't," promised Hermione, but realized she probably would. "Please."
"Alright," said McGonagall with a sigh. "Harry was spotted yesterday in Diagon Alley. Albus got fire called from George Weasley who worked that day, telling us that Death Eaters were attacking the Alley. Harry was with them."
Hermione gasped and clapped her hands in front of her mouth again, feeling her stomach do a big lurch. The thought of seeing Harry again was overwhelming. "Is he alright? Can I see him?"
"Unfortunately we did not reach the Alley in time and we did not rescue him. I believe he was with an older Death Eater called Dolohov -" (Hermione gasped again in fear) -" and he kept Harry under tight control. They were actually surrounded by Aurors at a point. They got out, however, and it seems like Dolohov had Harry under the Imperious curse."
Hermione opened her mouth to say something and then paused. Harry was immune to the Imperius curse! She didn't know what to think. There had to be a logical explanation.
"It can't have been," she muttered, but the Professor heard her.
"What? Care to explain why?" said McGonagall sharply, peering at her through her thin glasses.
Hermione explained. "He's been immune to that curse since fourth year, when the fake Moody tried to curse him in class."
McGonagall gasped. "He tried Unforgivables on students?!"
"I'm afraid so, Professor. I wondered why at the time too, but it seemed like a useful thing to learn to block."
McGonagall mumbled something under her breath.
"Sorry?"
"Nothing Miss Granger. Now what do you think they could have used on Harry if he was not under the Imperious curse?"
Hermione thought for a while. "It's hard to tell. There's more than one way to control another human being without using the Imperious. Most of them are potions, but they are rarely used because the victim has to take them willingly, as they are very dangerous and foul-tasting. It's nearly impossible to trick someone with it because of that. It doesn't make it more legal though, and it's guaranteed to put someone behind the bars in Azkaban for good."
"Very good, Miss Granger. Ten points to Gryffindor. It is believable that Harry could be affected by one of those."
"Yes, it is," said Hermione, frowning. "What I don't get though, is how he could've taken it without dying. Most potions like that requires a tainted soul to succeed."
"Though not everyone?" questioned McGonagall, concerned. Hermione found it a bit strange that she told her Professor something that the old and clever lady didn't know already.
"No, not everyone," answered Hermione, studying her shoes.
"I'll inform Albus about it," promised McGonagall. "In the mean time, take care of that brilliant mirror of yours, would you?"
Hermione nodded and waved goodbye to her Professor, before she let herself sit down on the floor against the high stone wall. She had every intention on keeping watch over the mirror.
She took her hand into her bag and felt the cold of the now very familiar handle. She pulled the mirror out of the bag and studied the backside for a moment before turning it over.
What she saw made her wail so high that it made the students run out of their classrooms to investigate, and teachers to come out with their wand at the ready. They found Hermione clutching the mirror tightly with white hands and a picture of Harry beside her. When they saw the reflection in the mirror they could see Hermione's panicked face looking back at them.
The spell was broken.
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