Special thanks to Anna Rose, for all her help and all her suggestions.
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
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Ch37: PHOENIX SONG
I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere, baby
(Stuck in a Moment by U2)
Hermione had been too blinded by her tears to see who she had ran into. She didn't look up right away to see who had caught her.
"Sorry," she muttered, moving to the side, but Lucius wouldn't let her go that easily.
"Hello Mudblood."
Hermione froze and looked up, her eyes extremely wide. She gasped in surprise and fright when she realized Lucius Malfoy was the one standing in front of her.
Harry didn't know what to do. He didn't know this girl. He shouldn't take the chance of getting caught by Lucius either. Harry stood, shifting his weight from one foot to the other while trying to decide what to do. His mind told him to quit being stupid, that he really should get back to Annie like he had promised. His mind told him to use what he had learned in the last months, to put himself first and ensure his own survival. The mess this Hermione girl had gotten herself into shouldn't be his problem.
The problem was that it felt like his problem. She had come because of him.
At first Harry had thought that perhaps Hermione and Ron were supposed to be trained to be Death Eaters like himself. Why would he be friends with them otherwise? However, when Harry saw the look of horror written across Hermione's face, he knew that couldn't be the case. Hermione was never supposed to be a Death Eater, she supported the side of light.
This thought confused Harry even further, but he knew he couldn't dwell on it until later. Right now he needed to act. Only a coward would hide or do nothing, and he was anything but that.
Lucius didn't seem to be in a hurry. He watched Harry with cool, grey eyes, like he was waiting for something. Harry approached him carefully and slowly, knowing that the Death Eater would have a portkey somewhere so that he could disappear whenever he wanted. Harry refused to be caught or go back to the Stone Edge ever again. He wouldn't even do that for Annie.
Annie's words rang in his mind. 'I like the thought of having someone to protect me. I've never had that before, I think it's in your nature. Oh, you may put up this tough, `bad guy' mask, but underneath that mask you are so much more,' she had said. More importantly, she had meant it. Harry felt the need to prove that he was worth those words.
"Lucius," said Harry coldly.
Lucius was peering at him expectantly. "Ah, Harry. A pleasure to meet you again. Have you enjoyed yourself?"
Harry knew that Lucius, like him, paid more attention to their surroundings than their conversation. Both knew it would only be a matter of time before the Aurors showed up.
"Oh yes," said Harry, his tone matching Lucius'. His time as a Death Eaters came rushing back to him. Suddenly he felt as though he had never left, although he knew he had changed. "I have had lot of fun."
Harry's eyes drifted over to Hermione, who tried in vain to wrestle out of Lucius' strong hands. Even from where Harry was standing he could see that her arms would soon be spotted with dark bruises. She had no chance of getting away. Her face was so pale Harry expected her to faint any moment.
"We all wondered what had happened to you, after you disappeared like that," Lucius continued, seemingly unconcerned by Hermione's protests. "Whatever made you change your mind?"
"I did not," protested Harry indignantly, knowing that Lucius meant about being a Death Eater. "I did not have a choice in the matter! Did you really think I would not figure out what that potion did?"
This seemed to surprise Lucius to the point where Hermione almost succeeded to get away. She managed to get one arm free, but Lucius quickly grabbed her other wrist and jerked her back to him. Hermione yelped with pain.
"No! Let me go, please," she begged. "Please!"
If possible, Lucius gripped her even tighter. When Hermione kicked him in his leg he shook her roughly.
"Stop that," barked Harry before he could stop himself, afraid the shaking could break Hermione's neck or something like that. He had heard it happen before. To his surprise Lucius actually did, but this time Hermione's legs refused to support her. Lucius had to hold both her arms tightly to keep her from falling to the ground.
"I see you have regained a few memories," said Lucius thoughtfully. Hermione widened her eyes at that, while Harry had to restrain himself from showing the same surprise.
"So what if I have?" he said, succeeding in keeping the hesitation from his voice.
"That explains a few things. Master guessed you had, said it could be a side effect from the potion you seem to know all about."
"Yes, that can explain a few things," Harry agreed, trying to think of how he could use this to his advantage.
"Good thing I have your little girlfriend here then," challenged Lucius with a cruel smirk. This time Harry could not restrain the surprise to show from his face.
"Girlfriend?"
"You think we did not know?"
Harry wisely shut his mouth, daring another quick glance at Hermione. She looked down, not meeting his look. He wondered why she hadn't told him about that. His heart raced up a bit and he felt almost dizzy. Suddenly it was as though he had found a piece of a puzzle; this had to be the girl he had dreamt about. Although he had never seen her face, he now recognized the bushy hair, her voice and her body. He found himself looking at her again, really looking at her, and this time she met his gaze. She nodded slightly. Harry quickly looked up again and narrowed his eyes at Lucius.
"Let her go." This time his voice was hard and firm. A few sparks escaped from the wand Harry had from the Dark Lord.
"I will, under one condition," said Lucius smoothly. Harry's stomach sank. He knew what that condition would be. Lucius nodded, smirking. "That is right, if you come with me, I will let her go. Her for you."
"I-" Harry began, but he was interrupted by shouting further down the street. Aurors were coming, waving their wands in circular motions in the air, surely to create barriers against Apparating.
"You have three seconds," Lucius prompted, his words hurried now. "One-"
Harry glanced between Hermione and Lucius. He knew what the answer had to be.
"I understand, Harry," said Hermione softly. She stood on her feet now, upright, like she was preparing herself for something she knew she couldn't avoid. Like she already knew her destiny.
"Two," continued Lucius, his eyes not on Harry but on the Aurors who were quickly closing in on them.
"I can't!"
Lucius halted, staring at Harry in obvious surprise. "What did you say?"
"I can't," repeated Harry, his voice soft. He tried to tell himself that he didn't really know the girl, at least not anymore, but it was hard. He had never felt more helpless.
Nobody said anything for several seconds. Hermione was breathing heavily, but she had her tears under control. Harry tried not to look at her, but his eyes were constantly drawn towards her body, her hair and her eyes. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, but he couldn't even do that. At last, when they couldn't postpone it any longer, Lucius nodded sourly.
"You know where to find us," he grumbled, before he pressed Hermione against his body; one arm around her waist and one arm around her neck.
"It doesn't matter, Harry. I love you!" lamented Hermione, and her brown eyes were so full of love for him that Harry could not bring himself to doubt her even one second.
"Three. Activate," said Lucius mercilessly, his tone silky and dangerous. Two seconds later he and Hermione were gone.
Only then did Harry realize that he was in real danger. The Aurors where only thirty feet away from him now, coming from all directions. Feeling panic create a huge, cold ball in his stomach, he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on Apparating outside Annie's house.
Nothing happened. He knew he had done it right because he had felt as though he was about to leave the ground, but then he had met a barrier. The Aurors had already put up the wards! He couldn't Apparate!
Harry spun around on the spot several times, trying to find a way he could run, a way he could get out. For some reason all of the Muggles seemed to have disappeared from the street, so he couldn't hide in a crowd. He had no idea where to go. He didn't have a portkey and he couldn't use the Dark Mark as long as it wasn't glowing.
"Stay where you are!" ordered one of the Aurors. Of course, Harry did anything but that. Dizzy with fear, he spun again and ran the opposite way. There were Aurors there too, but there were not as many as there was in the other directions, so they were therefore Harry's safest bet. He would simply have to find a way past them as he ran.
Harry considered using the Dark Lord's wand, but he hesitated because he didn't want to encourage the Aurors in firing spells back. Harry could avoid three, perhaps four of them if he was lucky, but not the whole bunch. Unless he managed to get past them, he would be stuck. He would be finished. Imprisoned, kissed by a Dementor or killed.
Harry ran as fast as his legs would carry him. He ran so fast that he felt weightless, only the jolt he felt through his body every time his feet hit the ground reminded him that he was not flying. Somewhere in the back of his mind he became worried about falling, as that would surely hurt an awful lot, but he didn't dare slow down. He had to continue.
Harry had every intention of continuing down the broad street he was running on. He ran in the middle of the way as there were no cars to worry about. He didn't notice much except what was going on right in front of him. Once he almost stumbled over a black cat that came in his way, but he managed to avoid it in the last second. The cat let out an indignant hiss, but he paid no more attention to it.
When Harry looked up again, however, he saw some sparks in the air about fifty metres in front of him. Then, a second later, an old man with a long, white beard appeared. He was holding the tail of a magnificent swan-like bird in red and gold, looking extremely powerful despite his old age.
A phoenix, Harry realized, although he couldn't remember anyone telling him. Without meaning to he slowed down. He got the feeling something was about to happen, and it did: When the phoenix opened its beak and sang, it opened something in him. Harry felt more nauseous and distressed than what he could ever remember being. All strength left him and he couldn't run anymore. Instead he froze on the spot, unable to move, until even that became difficult. He felt as weak as a kitten.
"Hello Harry," said the old wizard in front of him. For some reason Harry felt the urge to cry. He was lost, he truly was. In the end it hadn't mattered that he had decided not to change places with Hermione, the only difference was that one more person would suffer because of him.
"It will be all right, Harry," said the old man in front of him and the Phoenix sang some more. Harry wished it would stop. He wished he had the energy to kill himself with the Avada Kedavra curse. His life wasn't worth anything. He didn't want to live anymore.
To Harry's horror he felt his eyes water. He couldn't cry! He had worked too hard to learn how to stop himself to begin now. However, the more Harry tried to stop himself the harder it became. Unable to help it, he felt the first tear escape his eye. Scolding himself, he quickly brushed it away, but it kept coming more. His chest hurt of suppressed emotions. Soon he was sobbing just like Hermione had.
The old man had reached him now. For some reason the Aurors had stopped to watch. Harry briefly wondered why, but had no time to think about it as the man suddenly reached over to pet him on the shoulder. Harry instinctively flinched away, but that only seemed to encourage the man to come closer. Before Harry knew what was happening, the old man had pulled him into a tight embrace.
Still sobbing, Harry knew he should be scared or at least embarrassed, but found himself too drained mentally and physically to care. All he wanted at that moment was to bury himself in the warm clothes and stay there. Harry felt his head being stroked by a warm hand and felt it oddly comforting. His sobs subsided a little. When he finally opened his eyes and rubbed them, he saw nothing but velvet cloth decorated with yellow stars and moons.
What an odd man.
When Harry found the courage to look up, his eyes locked with pale, twinkling blue ones. The old and wrinkled hand continued to stroke Harry's messy, black hair.
"I believe we have everything under control," said the man to the Aurors who were watching silently. "Thank you for all your help."
The Aurors nodded. "Glad to help, Albus," one of them said, before clapping his hands and looking at his team. "Let's clean this mess up then!"
Harry turned his eyes away from the scene. He knew he was about to be arrested. When the old man called Albus grabbed the bird's tail again, Harry wasn't surprised to feel himself leave the ground in a whirl of flames.
-
Harry reappeared in a bright, fancy looking office with a lot of portraits and silver instruments. The portraits seemed to be snoring, but he instantly knew better. He could practically feel their eyes on him and their snores were far from even. The phoenix flew to a perch in a corner of the room, cleaning its wing with its beak. Harry didn't mind as long as it didn't sing.
It hit Harry that it was a very weird room for being questioned in. He had expected it to be in a dirty and badly lit basement, with heavy and intimidating guards. Not in an almost comforting and fancy looking office. Harry licked his dry lips, feeling uncomfortable.
The old man instantly went over to the fire-place, threw in a handful of Floo Powder and called for a woman named Poppy. A few seconds later a woman in her fifties emerged, cleaning herself free from soot with a quick spell from her wand. Her eyes instantly searched the room. When she spotted Harry she hurried over, waving her wand over him. Harry would've drawn a wand himself, but it didn't look like she was about to curse him. Actually, if he was not mistaking, she was a nurse.
The woman continued to wave her wand over him in complex patterns while muttering under her breath in several minutes. Harry waited impatiently for her to finish, but he didn't dare to complain.
It took a while, but when the woman finally finished she seemed satisfied. "He has a few bruises, Albus," she told the older man, "but he's not hurt. A good night sleep will do him well though."
The man nodded. "Thank you, Poppy. I am very happy to have Harry back with us, alive and well."
"Absolutely," said the nurse kindly, smiling at Harry. Harry merely stared back. "Yes, well," said Poppy, looking a tad unnerved. "I better get going then. Good day, Albus. Mr. Potter." With that, she left the way she came.
Harry felt his body tense. Surely the Aurors would be the next to come? He didn't understand why the old man, Albus, had said he was happy, of all things, to have him back with them. Harry threw the man a skeptical look, but he definitely did look pleased. His eyes were practically shining, twinkling and dancing at the same time.
"Harry," said the man, walking over to Harry and resting a hand on his shoulder. Harry flinched, gritted his teeth and moved away further.
"Do not touch me!"
Albus let his hand drop at once and hung his head, as though ashamed. He sighed deeply.
"I understand, Harry. I understand your resentment."
"Good," was all Harry replied.
"Let us sit down."
Harry shrugged and did as the man suggested. Albus looked every bit his age now, not like the powerful wizard Harry had seen appear with the Phoenix at all Harry shrugged again. He knew looks could be deceiving.
"Lemon drop?" asked the old man once he was seated behind his desk, holding out a box with yellow candies.
"What?" said Harry, confused, then eyed the drops with skepticism. He wouldn't take Veritaserum if he could help it. "No thanks."
The man seemed to expect that answer and popped a candy into his mouth. Maybe the drops weren't fed with truth serum after all, Harry reasoned. He fought the urge to squirm when Albus suddenly leaned forward and looked at Harry very seriously. Harry steeled himself. He wished he had joined Annie when he had ordered her to go home.
It was funny how things could change in only a few hours.
Harry had steeled himself so much that he hardly heard the first thing the old man said.
"Sorry?" asked Harry, forcing himself to pay more attention.
"I said I am sorry for letting you down, Harry," Albus said. Harry felt his eyes widen in surprise.
"You are?"
The man in front of him looked sad and remorseful. "Of course. I swore to protect you that Halloween. I am afraid that I underestimated the enemy. In the end it did not matter how many guards we had around you and around the castle, you were taken anyway. For that I am sorry. I should have guarded you myself that night."
Harry paused, unsure on how much he should tell. "Um-"
"I never wanted it to come to this, Harry. No one wanted you to be taken, I can assure you of that. Now, Severus informed us what happened the first night when you were in Voldemort's hands-" (Harry gasped over the rude and disrespectful way to address his Lord) "-so we already know what made it possible for the Death Eaters to get you. They already had Wormtail inside Hogwarts by the time he made the threat official. The Order, and I in particular, should have foreseen that." The old man grabbed Harry's astonished hands. This time Harry didn't flinch away, but he came very close. Only his curiosity kept him in his seat. It was obvious that the other wizard didn't know anything about Harry's lack of memories. It remained to be seen if he should try to keep it that way. The old man stared Harry deeply into the eyes as he continued speaking again. "You are very important, Harry. Not only for the war and the side of light, but also for the people who care about you. I am one of them ... and that makes it even more regrettable that I could not stop you from being taken out of the safety of your bed. I know I cannot even begin to make up for you."
This time Harry did remove his hands. "Er, all right."
The man shook his head, looking even more resigned. "No, Harry. It is not all right. You have every reason to be angry, to be disappointed. It will not make you a bad wizard."
Harry felt something clench deep inside him. He already was a bad wizard. He had killed people. He enjoyed it even. How could this man even begin to think Harry didn't protest because he was a light wizard? A light wizard, no matter how weak, would never take the Dark Mark. Instead of answering, Harry pressed his lips tightly together and stared at the man defiantly.
Albus sighed. "Do not misunderstand me, Harry. It is truly remarkable to have you back with us, alive and well. I must admit, when Snape failed in getting you out we thought all hope was lost, and that was before we saw the condition you were in inside a Pensieve. No boy, no man should ever go through what you have endured. To have you here now, after all this time, is like a miracle. However, I must ask you how you managed to keep your sanity after all the Cruciatus Curses they used on you? Did you use Occlumency to guard your mind?"
Harry didn't know what to say to that. He realized that he couldn't possibly fool the man forever into believing he still remembered his former life. He should just as well admit it before it became too obvious. Clearing his throat, Harry opened his mouth. "I do not remember anything from my past life, sir." His voice were rough and hoarse, and didn't sound like himself at all.
The other man stiffened. "Pardon?"
"At least not much," Harry quickly added. "I do not remember much before last December."
"Oh dear." The man looked at Harry in shock. Harry fidgeted and looked down at his hands.
No one said anything for several minutes. Harry tried not to dwell much on his lost memories. Instead he forced his thoughts to focus around the issue of punishment. Harry was sure he would be killed himself for killing and hurting all the other people. He could claim he had done it all under the Imperius, but only cowards did that. He would never sink to that level.
However, Harry made sure that his Dark Mark was covered by his sweater, just in case. Then he looked up and gazed at the older man. It had gone unnoticed; the man still had a sorrowful and faraway look in his eyes.
"I have a long name, but you may call me Dumbledore," said the man at last. "However, it is definitely a problem that you do not remember anything. This is something only Severus can fix."
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