A/N: This chapter turned out to be a little longer than I intended, but that's not a bad thing, is it? Also, I'd like to give a special thanks to John - a friend from my school who reads this story and makes sure that I write regularly.
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Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
Ch45: THE SACRIFICE
PART THREE
It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end
The End by the Doors
When Harry regained consciousness and opened his eyes he saw that he was in the same place as before. If he had to guess, he would assume that he had only been unconscious for a maximum of couple of minutes. Harry glanced around himself - and his heart sank. Hermione had been captured again - by Avery this time - and her hands were tied behind her back. Her hair had been pushed to one side so that Avery had free access with his wand to her neck. The message was clear: Harry had lost the fight. If he misbehaved, Hermione would pay the price.
"I conquered Harry Potter, I conquered Harry Potter!" Bellatrix cheered herself, jumping from foot to foot in joy and clapping her hands together. Her eyes gleamed with triumph. Seeing that Harry was awake, her mouth formed into a little `o' before she stopped her jumping and looked at the Dark Lord expectantly. The said Master ignored her and raised his hand as a signal for everyone to settle down. Getting up slowly to his feet, Harry did not, however, pay attention to the Lord. He had seen his wand in Bellatrix' hands and he wanted it badly. Surprisingly - after another gesture from the Dark Lord - Bellatrix gave it back to him. Harry accepted it with some surprise. The well used wood was comfortingly familiar, but he knew that for the moment it was of little use for him.
The corners of Bellatrix mouth curled up in a slight smirk and she went to stand beside another Death Eater. As on cue, the Death Eater removed his mask and revealed a great amount of blonde hair and icy grey eyes, making no doubt of his identity: Lucius Malfoy. Smirking down at his companion, Malfoy Senior handed her an item with a piece of cloth over it. "Well done, Bella," he said emotionlessly as Bellatrix gleefully accepted. She seemed to already know what it was and by the tender way she held it Harry guessed it was something fragile. He looked between Bellatrix and the object suspiciously. He had a feeling of what it could be, and Bella's sugar sweet smile did nothing to ease his worries.
A cold sense of dread spread through Harry and he looked back at Hermione. She looked horrified. He had a feeling it was not just because she was captured again, but also because of the way Harry had killed Dolohov, and what would happen now as her ticket out of the Stone Edge was gone. Harry wanted to say something to her, but he didn't know what. What did he say to the one person who had always been there for him, when he had not been there for her when she needed him the most? What did he say to his best friend who he had failed to save and who now also knew the darkest side of him? What did he say to his past girlfriend when they were no longer together and soon would be parted forever?
Harry suddenly found it very difficult to breathe. "I'm sorry," he tried to say, but his voice was so hoarse that nothing audible could be heard. Only the movement of his mouth could indicate that he had tried to say something at all. Harry looked at Hermione desperately and hoped she could see what he was trying to say to her through his eyes. She had always been very good at reading him...
The Dark Lord stepped forth, closer to Harry, getting Harry's full attention in the process.
Harry had run out of ideas. All that was left was to beg. Bowing his head as respectfully as he could, he cleared his voice a little. "Please let her go. Please."
"CRUCIO!" the Dark Lord bellowed. For some reason - and Harry could've cast a Cruciatus curse on himself for that fact - he had not expected it at that moment, and he yelped as the curse hit him. Two more Cruciatus curses hit him from other angles, tripling the effect. The all too familiar feeling of thousand knives stabbing him from the inside out engulfed him, and in a very far corner of his mind Harry registered that his face had hit the floor and he had started to scream.
Harry wriggled, twisted and arched his back as the curse continued to soar through him, his voice failing completely so he could no longer even scream. His lungs lost the ability to take in oxygen and he felt very dizzy. Then he couldn't think of anything else other than the fact that the last time he had been tortured under a Cruciatus curse that strong for a long period of time he had lost his memories - with disastrous consequences. That couldn't happen again.
The curse stopped. Feeling weaker than a kitten, Harry allowed himself to simply lie completely still on the cold stone floor, faking that he had fainted again. He could easily have given up and stopped caring what happened to him, but Hermione was still in the room, he remembered. Therefore he had to continue fighting. And to do that he would need strength.
The Dark Lord stopped directly in front of Harry and then bent down so that he was nearly at the same level as Harry, like in an absurd parenting way. Harry didn't dare to glance up and meet his eyes, but he did open his eyes. It was a better solution than being caught faking to pass out. The Dark Lord put a long finger under Harry's chin, lifting his head slightly so that he could peer into those emerald eyes.
"You know I cannot let her go without a price," said the Dark Lord softly, as though the torturing had never found place, like Harry was nothing but a child who needed to be reminded why he couldn't have any candy. "You already had a chance of releasing her, but you did not succeed."
Harry gave a single nod.
The Dark Lord made a disapproving sound. Harry could feel the monster's eyes bore into him searchingly. "To let her go now would mean that you would have to do something else for me. What do you think that could be?"
Harry ransacked his brain. Only one answer came to him and it filled him with such fear that he could feel his stomach turning, sending vomit up his throat so that he could taste it in his mouth.
"The potion," he pressed out, knowing it would be useless to play dumb. His voice was barely a whisper.
The Dark Lord looked pleased. "That is correct. Bella, if you may..."
Bellatrix stepped forwards and bent down together with Harry and Voldemort. She removed the piece of cloth that covered what she was holding, revealing a see-through cup of dark blue potion that smelled to Harry as horrible as a rotten corpse would do. "Here, Harry sweet heart," she winked at him and held out the potion, not looking upset at all to get rid of it.
Harry had to forcibly calm himself, suddenly realising his body was shaking.
"NO!" cried Hermione suddenly and yelped as Avery put more force from his wand into her neck to keep her quiet.
Harry took the goblet from Sirius' cousin's hands and saw golden threads spread from the warmth from his hands and into the potion before melting into the liquid, making it green instead of blue. The Dark Lord confirmed what Harry already knew.
"It has to be drunk willingly."
Hermione didn't seem to care that Avery's wand was digging deeply into her neck.
"Don't do it, Harry!" she gasped. Avery grunted in annoyance.
Harry sent her a determined look. "Don't be stupid. I am not going to fail you again." Even more, he added to himself.
It was, in fact, quite an easy decision. Without her, he had nothing. Even when he had no memories of her and was living with Annie he had still felt that something was missing. He would do anything to get Hermione out of the castle so that she could return to Hogwarts and live a safer life. She was the love of his life.
So he drank.
The first sip was enough for his mouth to start to burn, and as he swallowed the burning spread down his throat and down to his stomach. He drunk again and he could feel the burning start to spread further; to his shoulders, down his arms and feet to the tip of his toes and fingers. He gagged, furrowed his brow and forced himself to continue drinking, he had to continue...
Hermione had started sobbing, but she was held tight. A different kind of burning started to prick behind Harry's eyes and he almost felt like crying too, but he couldn't.
He swallowed the last drop and his shaking hands lost the glass so it fell to the floor and broke into a thousand pieces. In all honesty, that's what he felt was happening to him, too. That he was on the edge of being torn apart. His vision was blurry and it was hard to focus on what was going on around him. He felt blackness creep upon him and he had to fight to stay awake and not pass out for real. When he had taken the potion before he had felt immense pain, now, however, all he felt was numbness; like his senses had somehow stopped to function as properly as they had done before.
"Now, Harry, you have to do as I command. You belong to me. My will is now your will. I am going to let you go back to Hogwarts, but as soon as I call you through your mind you have to obey. Come to me when I tell you to, and do everything you have to in order to make it happen."
Harry furrowed his brow and wanted to protest, but he didn't know how to. He was too drained. He could hear the words his Lord had just spoken repeat themselves in his mind. He knew he would never forget them.
Hermione was let go, and she rushed over to Harry.
Still sobbing, and in spite of the fragile condition she was in herself after her captivity, she let him support himself on her. The front doors behind them opened.
"You are free to go," said the Dark Lord, his eyes glittering devilishly.
Hermione wasted no time in turning Harry around and together they started rather klutzily to move towards the exit.
When they were almost there, they heard the voice of the Dark Lord drawl: "You are forgetting something." Both casting a look over their shoulders, they saw the Dark Lord holding up a wand.
Hermione's wand.
Hermione let out a tiny sound mostly thought of as a whine from a small dog and for a second she stood still. To get her wand it would mean for her to leave Harry where he was and go back to where the Dark Lord stood waiting.
Harry felt Hermione tremble underneath him, but her decision had been made. With a new determined glint in her eyes, she ignored the invitation from the Dark Lord and hurriedly continued towards the exit. Harry admired her courage and his heart swelled with love for her. Somehow it gave him strength to speed up.
As they went through the door they could hear the Dark Lord laughing.
Hermione didn't look back. All her focus was on helping herself and Harry to get out of there. They stumbled down the hall. "Move Harry, move!" she urged him and Harry nodded, trying to do as he was told. But he was so incredibly tired and all his muscles seemed to have mysteriously vanished ... he could feel the potion move around in his belly, making him feel sick...
They rounded a corner and Hermione threw him off herself so that he stumbled against the wall. He was about to ask her what she was doing, but she wasted no time in explaining.
"You have to throw up the potion immediately. Now!"
Thinking it would be easy because of his nausea, Harry bent over and gagged, but nothing came up. It was as though something stopped it. He tried to put two fingers in his mouth, but with the same useless result.
"Oh, for heaven's sake..." mumbled Hermione and took his wand from his hand. "Contromit!" she cried, pointing the tip of his wand to his belly. Suddenly Harry could feel his stomach contracting itself and then he was throwing up, nice and thoroughly. "Good, good," said Hermione, petting him anxiously on his back. "It'll be ok. Everything will be ok. We can handle this ... we've been through difficult trials before. Come on, let's get out of this place."
Harry took his wand back cleaned his mouth with a scourgify.
"Yes," he said, his voice not quite sounding like himself. He tried to ignore that in spite of throwing up a good part of the potion he didn't feel much better. "Let's."
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As Hermione didn't know the way, it was up to Harry to tell which way to go. It didn't go as fast as he would've liked it to, however. Both he and Hermione were tired, so tired in fact that both of them doubted they had ever felt worse. The thought of a hot bath, a bed and some food seemed like something that belonged to another world. Harry swore to himself that he would never take that for granted again.
In spite of Harry's disorientated mind he managed to guide them both out of the castle and outside to the soggy ground and heavy clouds above. Harry gave a brief thought to the fact that it must had rained while they had been inside, but the thought was soon forgotten. It had no importance.
Working their way to the Apparition boundaries, Hermione with bare feet, Harry sincerely hoped this would be the last time he was in that place. However, that wish could only come true if the potion went away and the prophecy was cancelled somehow. Both seemed just as unlikely.
"I'm not sure I'll be able to Apparate us both, Harry," panted Hermione anxiously.
"You can," assured Harry, thinking that there was no way he could apparate them or even himself alone at that point. The world was spinning too much; he would be lucky to only splinch once if he tried it. Hermione looked at him anxiously, probably knowing what he was thinking.
"What if I get it wrong..."
"You won't," said Harry quickly. "And if you did, I wouldn't be mad. Besides, you were always best at this."
Hermione closed her eyes in an attempt to gather courage. Harry smiled gently and grasped her hands, thinking the Sorting Hat had been right to put her in Gryffindor. When she opened her eyes again she had the same determined glint she had back in the room with the Dark Lord.
"OK, let's try. On three ... one ... two ... three..." Harry felt his feet leave the ground and a second later they were standing in Hogsmade, with Hogwarts' impressive size at some distance before them. Harry hands still clutched Hermione's, and he shook them gently in triumph.
"You did it!"
Hermione took a deep breath and let it go, looking just as relieved as he felt. "Yeah."
"You are without a doubt the most astounding, brilliant witch I know," Harry praised sincerely. Not finding the thought of walking all the rest of the way very appealing, Harry let go of Hermione's hands to pull out his wand.
"Accio firebolt!" Harry shouted, feeling the cool air starting to get to him; he now not only wanted to find a bed to sleep in, but also one to find warmth in. However, in spite of how tired and afraid he was, he was sincerely happy. Not just because they were very close to Hogwarts, the one true home he had ever had, but because Hermione was beside him. She was still naked under Harry's coat and her hair had never been more bushy, but looking at her Harry realised he had never seen anyone more beautiful.
-
After making it back to their school, they dismounted Harry's broom and put it away in one of the Quidditch broom closets. Hermione, who had never been very fond of riding a broom, had not complained once on their flight. Harry was amazed that he had managed to stay alert. Maybe he had more strength than he had thought after all?
They took no detours in getting to the Gryffindor common room. Their only obstacle was when they had met Dumbledore and Snape, who had both given him very inquiring looks and was insistent on talking with them. They said something about hospital wing, but Hermione managed to convince them that it was not necessary, that all they needed was a good night's rest. Harry was quite nervous the whole time and made sure to keep his arm around Hermione's shoulders so they couldn't see his Dark Mark. At the same time, however, Harry couldn't help but feel resentful towards the two older wizards for keeping them.
When they finally reached Gryffindor tower Harry was in no mood to talk to anyone, so he just nodded and smiled back to his housemates when they greeted him and Hermione. Parvati seemed exceptionally happy to have him back. Harry smiled at her, glad that she had regained some sparkle in her eyes. He hadn't see her have that since the night she had lost her parents and had come to Grimmauld's Place where he had to take care of her. Harry had not been too fond of the task then, but later he had been glad because it had given him a new friend.
Ron came over as well, but he went quickly from cheering "Hey, you're back! Both of you! Brilliant!" to stop talking and then get very long neck like he was curious to see what Hermione was wearing underneath Harry's coat. Harry was about to snap at him when Neville come over and offered them some chocolate. After eating a bite Harry no longer felt the need to snap at Ron. When he thought about it, he could actually understand the Weasley in a way. Hermione was an attractive girl. Harry took another piece of chocolate and felt some more energy return to him.
After excusing themselves, Harry and Hermione sent each other a silent look of agreement. Instead of going to her own dormitory, Hermione followed Harry up to his. After all they had been through they didn't want to say goodnight to each other just yet.
Fortunately the rest of the Gryffindors seemed to realise they needed some alone time and no one followed them up. Hermione and Harry sat down on Harry's bed together, sitting close and holding hands. The curtain was slightly open which allowed some moonlight to get in. Hermione was deep in thought and didn't say anything at first.
Harry sighed and looked at her. He knew he had to be the one to start talking.
"I am sorry I have changed," he forced out, not beating around the bush. He looked away in shame.
Hermione's eyes flickered almost involuntarily to Harry's Dark Mark and then to the scars around it from when Harry had tried to remove it with a scissor after magic had failed to.
"You were brainwashed," she relented finally. Harry could feel her hand put a slight more pressure into his. "Obviously they introduced you to the Dark Arts, making you addicted to them..." Hermione hesitated and looked at him uncertainly. Harry gulped, remembering that he had introduced the Dark Arts to himself, even before the Dark Lord had aided him. Sometimes he had just felt so restless and angry, and using the Dark Arts had felt good at the time, like therapy. Somehow, however, Harry felt that there was an explanation for that, but the answer escaped him. "...and I know you remember everything now," continued Hermione. "And that you're still addicted, that the Dark Arts are still a part of you. I mean, after what you did to Dolohov -" seeing Harry's face Hermione quickly added "-not that I'm sorry. He was one of the worst in there, he was downright vicious and he deserved what he got."
Harry looked at her in surprise.
"I'm not sorry about him being dead, Harry. I'm sorry that you have to have his death on your shoulders."
Harry nodded in understanding. But a worry he had had since he had first seen her chained and naked in the Stone Edge had not let go of him. He felt his stomach go cold, but he knew he had to ask.
"Did they, you know, do something to you while you were there? Did they touch you in an inappropriate way, or something? Did they?" Harry swallowed, realising his voice was shaking.
Hermione looked away, her eyes growing blank. Harry froze, hardly daring to breathe. Did that mean that she had been raped? Harry was not tired at all anymore: he had grown warm with fury and he was clenching his jaw together so tight with determination that it was painful to him. He knew that he would hunt whoever had done it to hell and back if he had to in order to avenge her honour. How dared they?!
"They did, didn't they?" he pressed when she didn't answer him. "Who? Who did? I'll kill him, I swear I will, just like I did to Dolohov, only I'll torture them for a much longer time. So long in fact that he'll beg for me to kill him before I'm halfway done!"
Hermione turned to face him, looking worried by his words. "You'll do no such thing," she said firmly. "You're going to stop with the killing, and Dark Arts in general. Because you're Harry - you're too good for it. In spite of everything you've been through, and in spite of that horrible thing..." She said, nodding towards his Dark Mark. "...you're not a Death Eater." She blinked to force back some tears. "And I was never raped by them. Being a Muggle Born of unworthy blood meant that I was too dirty for them; below their standards. " She choked, unable to fight back her tears anymore. "I'm not sorry about that, of course. It's just..." she choked again and seemed unable to continue the sentence before she had collected herself. Harry waited patiently, feeling immensely relieved, but also worried why it had still managed to upset her. "You think I'm pretty right, Harry? You were lying when you said you felt nothing special towards me to V-Voldemort, right?" Hermione looked up at him desperately, her hazel eyes red and swollen with tears. "I know we broke up," she continued before Harry had the chance to answer. "Well, I broke up. I shouldn't have done that. I'm not really smart, am I? Everyone thinks I'm so clever just because I read books, but in real life I'm not smart at all! Not smart, not pretty, not-"
"Hush," Harry interrupted her, cupping her face with his hands and brushing away some tears with his thumbs. Then he leaned forwards, feeling her warm and sweet breath on his chin. Then he closed the rest of the distance and kissed her, more gentle and tender than he had ever kissed her, or anyone, ever before.
It took her a second to respond, but then she was kissing him back, just as carefully, raising her hands to his shoulders, holding him close to her. They deepened the kiss, tongues brushing against each other softly, not demanding anything, but simply to revel in each other's presence. It was a promise to each other: that from now on whatever happened they would stand together, fight together, doing everything together. Kissing her made Harry forget all the troubles of his past and all his worry about the future, especially now that he had drunk the last dose of the potion. Kissing her made all that seem unimportant. All that mattered was him and her, and that moment.
Harry traced his tongue over her bottom lip, back and forth, making her moan and clutch him tighter. Somehow they ended up kissing lying down on the bed, Harry on top. His hands were still cupping her face and he marvelled in how soft her skin was. He stopped kissing her for a moment and pulled back a couple of inches to take in how beautiful she looked. Her hair was spread across his white sheets and the moonlight from the window illuminated her face, giving her an eerie glow. He wanted to remember that sight forever.
"You're so beautiful," he said sincerely, unable to avert his gaze. Hermione looked as though she wanted to believe him, but not quite daring to.
Instead of trying to convince her with words, Harry decided to show her just how beautiful he thought she was. Tracing his fingers from her face, her neck and to her collarbone, his fingers found the hem of the coat he had given her earlier. It suddenly seemed quite incredulous to him that she was wearing still it and that she would look even better without it. Gently he spread to coat to each side so that her breasts were visible to him. Liking what he saw, Harry helped her remove the coat completely and put it on the floor beside the bed. Then, slowly, he began kissing her jaw. Instead of moving to kiss her mouth, however, he moved down to kiss her neck, making her moan again, before kissing further and further down her body; between her breasts and to her belly, only stopping when he reached her belly button. He didn't want to go further if she wasn't ready.
However, Hermione's pretty eyes did not look scared or hesitant or upset, instead they were calm, sure and filled with love for him.
"You don't have to stop," she said, moving her hands to caress him beneath his shirt.
Harry's heart soared with happiness. "Stay with me tonight?" he asked her, brushing his lips against hers again.
"Yes," she breathed, arching her back slightly so she could come closer to him. "Yes."
"You're so beautiful," Harry repeated, and added: "Like an angel."
Hermione laughed; her laughter sweeter than music to his ears. Then Harry remembered something she had said in the room with all the Death Eaters and he smiled down at her. "And I love you, too."
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