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Ch29: THE DISCOVERY
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life yeah
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
(Meant to Live by Switchfoot)
If Harry had ever known that this potion would affect him that way he would never have taken it willingly. Everything he knew seemed to shut down and he instinctually knew that his heart had stopped at some point.
He had honestly thought he would never wake up again; that he had taken his last breath and would wake up in another place. Perhaps as a different person. However - with a burst of pain - he could feel air entering his sore lungs. He gasped, nearly giving himself a coughing fit. He had to use several minutes to get used to his own breathing again, and he had to constantly remind himself to take one forced breath after the other. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking. His eyelids were heavy and dry, making them hard to part. Everything was happening in slow motion.
Harry had the mind to move his limbs; fingers, toes and neck to see if he was paralyzed. He was not, but something within him had changed. Not only did he feel as though he had been revived from the dead, something different had taken residence inside him. Something dark, that seemed to grip around his brain and refusing to let go.
The darkness was unlike anything he had ever felt. It rooted deep within him and tried to get control. It left his mind strangely blanker than before, like he was slightly drunk, but his body was raging with anger, bitterness and adrenalin. He felt as though he could do anything and somehow he also knew that the trouble with killing someone had disappeared. In fact, he felt it hard to resist hurting somebody at the very moment. Too bad the rest of him felt dead tired. His body craved it and he wanted it! He wanted to feel the rush of power!
As soon as he thought that though, he remembered the potion again. This was not him speaking, this was the potion. It had to be right? One could not change so drastically overnight just like that?
No, he thought; he recognized it now. He had felt this way before, only not so demanding and not so powerful. He had felt this way after using one of the Three Most Powerful curses from time to time. He had just been too scared of himself to recognize it.
He frowned as he felt something struggling to emerge in his mind, like the day in Diagon Alley. He paused his train of thoughts and searched deeper. Then, what he had thought was impossible for him happened: He saw memories of his former life; memories he had forgotten.
He remembered himself shouting Avada Kedavra at a portrait of an old, vile woman. He remembered himself waking up after blasting a hole in the wall in front of him. He remembered himself shouting Crucio at a woman that looked like just like Bellatrix. That did not make much sense though, unless she had a twin or someone used Polyjuice to look like her.
Harry gasped as an other, different memory hit him. He remembered faintly sitting on a fence, holding a girl in his arms and then suddenly pushing her to the ground as a green curse flew over their heads.
What in the world?
Harry did not understand. Why was he remembering this? Why now?
The feelings were also crashing into him like waves. He felt anger and hate, shock and anxiousness. Anxiousness for the person - whoever she was - he had been sitting with.
He had always considered himself a Death Eater and those memories proved that he had been able to use the Three Most Powerful Curses for quite some time. That had to mean he was on the right track right? That he had not done something he would not have done, had things been different?
Harry could feel suspicion gnawing in his mind and he stiffly sat up in his bed, alerting Bellatrix who was in the room with him. Harry's eyes widened when he saw that he had indeed tried to curse her with the Cruciatus, and as she had not changed much he realized it could not have been too long ago either. How silly of him to even consider it - of course she did not have a twin!
"Everything alright, Harry?" she asked, though he could not detect any real concern in her voice and her eyes were hard.
"Yeah - yes," he quickly corrected himself and rubbed his forehead. "Just really tired, that is all."
Bellatrix scowled slightly and left the room, probably to find the Dark Lord and tell him about Harry's condition.
Harry sighed and laid back in his bed again, letting himself sink deeper into his pillow. He did not want to get up; he was dead tired and his limbs were so sore he felt like they were on fire.
The door opened a moment later, though instead of the Dark Lord Bellatrix had brought in a very feminine, male doctor. The doctor bent down by Harry's bed, lightened his wand with a tiny lumus, and opened Harry's eyelids wider so he could see how Harry's pupils worked. Harry twisted away, but the doctor ignored him and took a few other tests with his wand, not saying a word. Harry wondered where his own wand was, as the urge to curse someone was stronger than ever and the doctor annoyed him immensely.
"GET OFF!" growled Harry, fueled by something he did not know. The doctor yelped back and glared at him, then at his left hands who had an ugly, black burn on it. He adapted a scared look and took a few steps away.
"Forget it! I'm not doing this; he's obviously strong enough to manage things himself. The deal's off - you're own your own!"
Bellatrix stopped him on the way out, her wand stretched out towards him. Her eyes glinted dangerously. "You are not backing out of this!"
"Yes, I am," said the man, and crossed his arms in front of his chest while tapping his foot impatiently. He dared a small glance at Harry, who glared back and flexed his fingers.
"A little rest and small doses of exercise every day for a couple of weeks should be enough for him to recover fully. Now let me go."
The dangerous look had not disappeared from Bellatrix's look, but she lowered her wand and took a few, tentative steps towards the doctor. Once she stood close enough in front of him she engulfed him in a loose hug, and the doctor patted her uncomfortably on her back. Bellatrix winked at Harry and whispered - just loud enough for the three of them to hear - a few words that would end the man's life:
"Thank you so much for your help, Doctor. I may just feel like Avada Kedavra you!"
The curse hit the man in the stomach before he had any chance to react and he went limp in Bellatrix's arms. With a small grunt she pushed him sideways to the ground before turning to Harry.
"You enjoyed that, did you not?" she asked, and batted her eyelashes at him. He suddenly saw that she had his wand in her pocket. "Does it turn you on?"
Harry brushed a few hair locks from his face. "Give me my wand, Bella. I wanted to do that myself."
"Certainly."
Harry snatched his wand out from her fingers as soon as she got close enough and held it tightly. He enjoyed the way his blood seemed to heat up. It was as though the soreness from his muscles eased a bit as well.
Curious, a male voice said in the back of Harry's head. It is very curious indeed, that you should be destined for this wand when its brother - why, its brother gave you that scar.
Harry looked around to make sure it was just a memory. Seeing no one he turned to Bellatrix who stood by the door, peering at him.
"Now, you are going to stay in bed until we tell you not to," said Bellatrix sternly, turning to go. Harry's mouth dropped open.
"But I am feeling so much better! I bet I could do lots of things, maybe even a raid!"
"Petrificus totalis! Now you are going to listen to me, young man! I can not marry you if you lay six feet under, and you died just a few hours ago! Heart attack is not something to joke about, despite being a wizard! Be grateful we managed to restart your heart almost right away, or you would have been dead or brain damaged by now!"
As Harry was petrified in every possible way he could not do anything, but he wished he could hex her mouth off for being so rude to him.
"Now I am going to see the Dark Lord and talk about important stuff that is of none of your concern and you better stay where you are!" She walked out of the door, but right before she closed it she stopped herself and said, almost in afterthought: "Not that you have much of a choice. He he." Then she closed the door roughly behind her. Harry heard her steps echo in the hall behind the door that separated them.
He lay there for a while, unmoving and fuming. However, he still held his wand and the tip of it pointed towards his leg. Perhaps he could...?
Ennervate! He thought. The tip of his wand glowed for a second, but nothing else happened. ENNERVATE! He screamed inside his head at last - rage boiling in his veins - and this time he felt the spell as a small bomb in his leg. A second later he felt the spell Bellatrix had cast on him lift and he could move again. However, he now had pain in his leg and his heart raced a little faster than it should be. He did not need another heart stop thank you very much.
Dismissing the thought as unnecessary to worry about at the moment, he swung his feet down to the ground and tried to stand up with a shaking body. He felt a little dizzy, but other than that not too bad. He walked unsteadily to the door, opened it and went through. The hall was empty and that suited him well. He did not like the thought of being in the dark about something, especially when he was the Heir. He would be damned if Bellatrix knew more than him! He was the Heir, not that woman!
He knew the way to where the Dark Lord was by heart and had no problems getting there. However, for some reason he felt strangely hesitant. A strange sense of foreboding came upon him, and the strange, new blackness in his mind pulsed.
He stopped just outside the door to the Dark Lord's private chamber. Luck was with him, because the room was normally sound proof, but this time Bellatrix had forgotten to close the door properly. Harry could therefore hear most of what was being said.
"Always, always. Thank you, My Lord, you are merciful. It is not much left now until we gain complete control over him."
"How was he after he woke up, Bella?"
"Weak, but that is unsurprising. He got annoyed when he did not get to curse the doctor himself."
Harry had to lean against the wall to support himself when he realized they were talking about him.
"Excellent. Did he say anything about how he felt?"
"Just that he was tired, my Lord. I did not want to raise suspicion by asking too much about it."
"I see. He should feel the effects by now. After all, just one more and he will be totally under my control. He will do everything I want without question."
Harry frowned in confusion. He was a loyal servant! The Dark Lord already had full control over him.
"May I ask something, My Lord?" came Bellatrix's nervous tone. Harry understood her hesitation, it could be dangerous to ask the Dark Lord about something. One wrong question and they could be tortured or killed.
"Yes?"
"Would the potion still be necessary had the boy not been able to throw off the Imperious curse?"
The Dark Lord did not answer right away, and Harry was afraid to breathe. He knew he was really testing his luck; the Dark Lord knew just about anything that was going on and if he found Harry spying on him the consequences would be most ... disastrous. Harry closed his eyes in shame and prepared to leave, but he could not do that as long as they were this quiet.
"The Imperious curse could easily be reversed, Bella, if someone were suspicious. And they would be, since he is their `Hero' after all. No, better to be sure with the potion. After he has taken the last dose he would not have a mind of his own anymore, and would be completely under my control until the day I die - something that can not happen as he is the only one who can kill me!"
Laughter.
Harry did not know what to think, but he knew he had heard enough. As the laughter continued to leak from the room he made his way back to where he had woken up.
He did not see much of what was going on around him. Nothing felt real anymore; it felt as though there were two of him and that he was his other self and watching from the side, mocking the lost boy who walked there.
He pushed those thoughts away and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other the rest of the way.
He was numb and cold when he finally got back. He crawled up in his bed, longing to get some warmth from the blanket there.
What he had just heard could not mean what he thought it meant. No way. Impossible.
Still, the logical part that was left in his mind told him there was a possibility. He could only remember, what, two months of his life? That was nothing compared to his age. He could have been anyone, even the Dark Lord's greatest enemy. Harry shrugged. No, that was a little farfetched. The Lord wanted him for a reason. He would never want an enemy as an Heir and would certainly not help Harry recover from his severe injuries. Yet, Harry concluded, he could not have been a Death Eater all his life either, because then it would not have been necessary for him to take the mark.
Harry shifted position in bed and thought about the other things he had just learned.
The Dark Lord wanted to control him with the potion. As far as Harry understood it, that potion would take away Harry's ability to think for himself. He would be a puppet, controlled to do other people's bidding. Just the mere thought made his blood boil, and red and gold sparks flew from his wand. Harry gritted his teeth. He did not know what to do about it, but he knew one thing: He did not like the thought of being completely controlled; like a robot waiting for instructions. Though if he was not mistaken that was just what he would become if he took the last dose of the potion. He did not like it one bit. He had to do something.
Harry felt his anger flare as the bitterness welled up in him. With a cry of anger he smashed the wall in front of him with a killing curse.
That was not enough for him, however. He needed to feel the thrill of killing; to feel the adrenalin pump in his veins as the life of the victim got sucked out of its body. He jumped down from the bed and began pacing around the room impatiently. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was a bad idea for him to go out of the room, because the was a telltale sign that Harry could have heard what the Dark Lord and Bellatrix were talking about. Harry did not know if he wanted that to happen.
He blasted another killing curse from his wand, then another, before he finally could feel himself calming again. He should definitely find a way to avoid taking the rest of the potion. Maybe if he insisted on taking it on his own, without them watching him? No, he interrupted himself, they would never allow him that. Not when it was so important to their Dark Lord. Perhaps running away was the only option? Harry did not like the thought of running - that was the coward's way out. Still, however, he'd favor being a coward rather than a mindless robot any day.
Harry spun around when the door to his room slammed open, revealing Bellatrix. She did not look surprised by the black burns that Harry had created in the room, but he could detect a small smirk in the corner of her mouth.
"Harry," she purred, "The Dark Lord would like to see you right away. The last part of the potion is ready."
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