Disclaimer: Everything concerning Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling. I own nothing, nor is this done for any purpose except my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone reading this. There is no attempt to make any profit.
Warning this chapter contains a scene of sexual molestation. If you are sensitive to or offended by this type of material, skip to the next chapter. I have written my story so that you can follow what happens without reading this.
The Most Ancient Magic
Chapter Twenty-One: Hermione's Terrible Secret
The next morning Harry slept rather later than usual. He made up the sofa, dressed, and went to the kitchen. Hermione and her father were sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast. "Good morning, Harry, pull up a chair," said Hugh.
Harry got some breakfast and sat next to Hermione. Evidently she and her father had been having a serious, but quiet, discussion, and now she smiled to see him.
"May I ask you a question, Dr. Granger?" asked Harry.
"Of course," answered Hugh.
"Did the locket I bought Hermione cause all this? I know you were worried because of how much it cost."
"No, Harry, mostly it was One's letter. The main concern I had about the locket was if it was a measure of your intentions. Usually, unless someone is very wealthy, the most expensive piece of jewelry a young man buys for his girlfriend is an engagement ring. I didn't really think you were trying to buy my daughter's favor so I did wonder how deeply you really felt about her."
Harry nodded his understanding.
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The next week passed rather quickly. Harry and Hermione spent the mornings doing Tai Chi and finishing their assignments so they could look forward to the last week of the holidays without any schoolwork. There was a noticeable slowdown at the Grangers dental practice so they made some afternoon trips to London. Janet was right, Hugh and Hermione were acting normally toward each other by the end of the week.
Being with Hermione was becoming very important to Harry. He found himself looking forward to the hour or so they spent alone together in the Granger's sitting room, and as the days passed the "or so" was becoming gradually longer.
Harry and the Grangers rang in the New Year at a party given by some of Hugh and Janet's business partners. He didn't know anyone, but everyone at the party tried to make him feel welcome and Hermione came in for some good-natured teasing about her new boyfriend.
On the Tuesday night after New Years he came in to find Hermione sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace. "What are you doing?"
"Just watching the fire," she smiled at him.
He sat down close to her, slipping his arm around her shoulders. A minute or so later her lips were pressed against his, the fire forgotten.
"It's getting too hot," Hermione complained as she broke away from Harry. She lay back on the rug with her feet toward the fire. Harry followed suit and propped himself on his elbow. Hermione appeared pleased, she kicked off her shoes and began rubbing her instep against Harry's leg. Harry drew her against him and placed his hand on her waist, caressing the skin under the edge of her shirt.
He enjoyed tickling her. Usually she would squirm and try to distract him by kissing him. This time she slapped playfully at his hand as she rolled away from him. Harry scooted after her catching at her side. He caught her and pulled her back, his hand slipping under her shirt. They froze as he touched the skin over her ribs. Hermione looked into his eyes as her face registered surprise. He bent and kissed her on her cheek. "I love you," he whispered in her ear.
"I love you too, Harry," she answered, and began kissing his cheek and moving on to his lips. Without realizing what he was doing, Harry began caressing the skin of Hermione's side and lower back. After a minute Hermione stopped kissing him and lay still, enjoying his touch.
Somehow Harry became conscious of the seriousness of what he was doing, aware he was crossing some kind of line. Trying to ease his discomfort, he began to tickle her again. Giggling, Hermione twisted trying to escape from Harry's fingers. She squirmed violently enough that Harry's hand was dislodged from her side and slipped against the material of her bra and the exquisite softness beneath it.
Time seemed to stop as Harry realized what he was doing. He pulled his hand away, "I'm sorry, Hermione, it was an accident. I didn't mean to," Harry apologized. She stared at him looking slightly alarmed. He was blushing furiously.
Hermione sat up, "Harry, I know it was," she said accepting his apology. "When you touched me there…it kind of scared me." She seemed lost in thought and after a minute or two she evidently made a decision. Hermione lay back down, as an uncertain smile played across her face. She pulled her shirt up, exposing her waist. She took his hand in hers and placed it on her midriff. Harry was surprised by what she was doing, his stomach clenched and he was unable to keep from feeling excited by being so close to her.
Hermione closed her eyes and appeared to summon all of her concentration. She lay back slightly and guided Harry's hand upward, gently cupping his hand around the soft swell and holding his hand there. Her breathing was shallow and he could feel her heart hammering beneath his thumb. She gently stroked his hand. Harry was keenly aware of the thinness of her bra. Harry tentatively caressed her, after a minute or so he became aware of something responding to the touch of his fingertips, as Hermione moaned softly. Harry began to tremble and he was having as much trouble breathing as Hermione was.
Suddenly Hermione rolled away from his touch, ripping the seam of her tee shirt in the process. She scooted backward, hitting the air, fighting something only she could see. She stopped with her back against the wall, her face a mask of terror. Staring at Harry she slapped her hands across her mouth trying to keep from screaming.
Harry sat up in alarm, "Hermione, what-?" He was desperate to help. He knew something was terribly wrong. He tried again, "What can I do? I want to help."
Her expression was wild as she stared at him. "Nothing…just leave me alone," she whimpered. She crawled on her hands and knees toward the stairscase. Rising she made her way quickly up the stairs, her arms crossed over her breast. Harry followed, bringing her shoes, he was about half way up the stairs when he heard the bathroom door snap shut.
He sat at the head of the stairs looking at the closed door of the bathroom, listening to the shower running. Crookshanks came out of Hermione's room. He growled softly at Harry and lay down across the bathroom door. "I didn't hurt her," he whispered to the cat. Crookshanks just stared at him. It was as though the cat knew he wasn't exactly telling the truth. Harry placed her shoes inside her bedroom.
After what seemed like hours the water stopped. Hermione appeared, wrapped in a towel. The skin over the towel had been scrubbed until it was red. Seeing Harry she froze, her expression was haunted. Harry could only stare back. His own expression was one of helplessness. "What…?"
Hermione stepped over Crookshanks. She shook her head and walked quickly to her bedroom door, carrying her clothes. She looked over her shoulder, stared at him for a moment, and shut her door. Crookshanks reassumed his guard duty in front of her bedroom.
Harry went down to the library, he did not feel like making up the bed so he just lay on the sofa. He was worried about Hermione, he had never seen such an expression on her face and all his instincts told him something was very wrong.
He fell into a fitful sleep, waking at the slightest noise. Later he heard noises coming from upstairs, the commode flushed a couple of times, Hugh and Janet were talking softly in the hall at the top of the stairs.
Harry hadn't really been able to rest and when he thought it was late enough he took his potion and went into the kitchen.
"Good morning, Harry," Janet said as he entered, she was ready to leave for the office. "I'm sorry but Hermione is sick today. Why don't you bring her breakfast later and maybe read to her?"
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"We don't know, she was vomiting early this morning. Hugh gave her something to settle her stomach, and she was able to go to sleep."
Harry took the tray upstairs and knocked on Hermione's door. She didn't answer so he pushed the door open and went in. She was still asleep so he put the tray on her desk. He took the chair and sat down beside her bed. After a few minutes he took her hand and waited for her to wake up.
It seemed to take hours but she woke with a start. She looked around the room trying to figure out where she was. "It will be ok, Hermione, I'm here, what's wrong?" She stared at him. "Please tell me, I can try to help."
Her voice quivered as she began slowly and haltingly, " Something bad happened to me, Harry, I had forgotten until you touched my breast. I was made to forget, I think. Why I remembered last night, I don't know."
She squeezed Harry's hand and clutched Jewel defensively across her chest with the other. "I had just turned ten. I was in the schoolyard. As usual nobody wanted to talk or play with me, I walked off in a huff and went over by the hedge to sulk I guess. He was hiding in the hedge-," she choked and it was a couple of minutes before she could continue. "It wasn't my fault," Hermione whined, "he grabbed me, with his hand over my mouth, and he pulled me into the bushes." Tears began to stream down her face.
"He was big, a teenager I think…I never got a good look at his face but he had blond hair…he held me down on the gound, I was so scared, Harry. Anyway he…he…opened my shirt…and he pinched…my…my-," Hermione closed her eyes and curled into a ball with the pain of the memory. Harry dropped to his knees and tried to hold her. "Oh my God … his eyes …the way he looked at me. It hurt, Harry, he was rough…he pinched and groped … it hurt me … and then … then…
Harry was horrified. Suddenly the word had become so massive and hurtful that he could hardly get his mind around it. "Hermione? Did he…he…r-r-rape-,"
"No," sobbed Hermione, shaking her head. "He might have wanted to, but he…he…screamed, Harry. I was frightened and angry…and then he screamed so loud that it hurt my ears. He…he let me go…and he ran, he ran right past all the girls on the swings…they didn't pay any attention, like they couldn't hear him or see him." Hermione's voice was a hoarse whisper. "He fell twice before he could get to the gate. I could still hear him screaming as he ran down the street."
"Good, Hermione, it serves him right," Harry hissed. He was furious that someone could have tried to hurt Hermione like that. She had always tried to help, and while her methods might not be the best her motives were not in doubt. "Did you tell your parents?"
Hermione was trying to bring herself under control. Harry got up and sat beside her on the side of the bed. Hermione sat up and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She nodded. "A teacher found me and took me to the office and they called them. My parents came to collect me and we came home. When I told them Dad was so angry. As I look back on it, the situation became very strange. They went upstairs to change their clothes before we went to the police. I followed them upstairs and I heard them talking. Dad was so ashamed he had failed to protect me, Mum was just in tears. We came back down the stairs. Dad asked me to tell him the story again. As I did I couldn't remember all of it and he wasn't so angry anymore. Then Mom asked me to tell her again and I remembered even less. It just seems we sat there for a while and then we went to bed. The next morning we went on like nothing had happened.
"About a week later someone came from the Ministry of Magic. They told me I am a witch and they brought my Hogwarts letter. Someone must have done something because they cut down the hedge. The next year we started at Hogwarts. I guess they were afraid I'd hurt someone else." Hermione bowed her head and began to cry softly.
Harry was stunned and confused. "One, it wasn't your fault, we both know it," he began. "You didn't ask him to grab you or hurt you. I think he deserved worse than what you did to him. I love you, Hermione, what can I do to help? I'll do anything," he added desperately.
On hearing Harry use her nickname Hermione looked at him. She stared into his eyes as if she were looking for something, "I feel so…dirty…used…." Her tears continued, "I keep seeing it…feeling it…over and over. I can't make it stop." She hung her head in shame. "You touched me and it was with love, but now all I can see and feel is…him. He took what should have been a part of our love, and turned it into something full of shame and hurt."
"You know I love you, don't you?" Hermione nodded to him. "Look at me, Hermione, you aren't alone, we'll get help. You just remembered this, so it seems like it just happened, but it was years ago. We'll get through this together. I didn't feel anything dirty, I touched you and it was…wonderful. You are wonderful and amazing…and beautiful. I love you, please don't live in what's past, try to be with me here and now."
Where the words came from he never knew, it was as if someone else was trying to comfort Hermione, "I'm sorry for what happened to you, I wish it hadn't. But in some ways it has made you what you are, formed you into the person I love today. You didn't remember until now, but you didn't really forget. Your memories were covered up not erased. This experience has made you sensitive to those who are oppressed by others who are stronger and abuse their authority. You are trying to defend the House-Elves, you defended Neville against Snape, Ron against Malfoy, me against Umbridge and you have helped me defend myself against Voldemort. You won't allow others to suffer as you have suffered. Now you want to be an Auror, so you can continue to defend people against those who would use their gifts to hurt."
She searched his face again before whispering, "I believe you, Harry." His words and love could not mend all of what was wrong, but a least she knew he still loved her, and they provided a shelter and anchor in the storms of her abused emotions. It gave her some strength and that was enough.
Harry gave into the anguish he felt from his girlfriend and for a little while they wept together for lost innocence.
"Hermione, this may help, it helped me, do Tai Chi with me." He began the form and Hermione followed. "Concentrate on feeling your body move, on your breathing." He watched as she began to control her breathing. "Good, now you can focus and start your Occlumency exercises, bring your emotions under control."
After they finished the form and the exercises, "Thanks, Harry, I think it's a little better." Her eyes were red but she was no longer crying.
"Should we tell your parents?"
"No, please no…" Hermione looked frantic. "It was too long ago, they sounded so hurt back then. After what I did to them last week, I can't hurt them like that again. Please don't tell them."
Harry nodded his acquiescence, "We need to get you something to eat, I know you're probably not hungry, but you need to eat a little something," he said.
After she ate some porridge Harry left so she could get dressed. Hermione came down the stairs and joined him in the sitting room. She sat close beside him, holding onto his arm, he looked into her eyes, "When I'm with you, Harry I'm here, but when I'm alone I'm…" she whispered.
Harry had her lay down with her head in his lap. He gently played with her hair until she fell asleep again. He placed a pillow under her head and went into the kitchen. "Hermione is feeling a little better, Dr. Granger, but now she is sleeping on the sofa."
"Ok, Harry, I'll make some soup for when she wakes up."
"I'm going for a walk, if Hermione wakes up please tell her I'll be right back." Hugh shot a puzzled look and nodded.
"Is there something wrong, Harry? Anything I can do?"
"No, sir," answered Harry as he walked from the room, "there isn't anything we can do."
Harry left the Granger home, he found a secluded spot and called Dobby. Within ten minutes Lupin had Apparated to Harry, he must have realized something was wrong.
"Harry, Dobby was really upset, what is the matter?"
Harry, usually reticent about his own trouble, was unable to stop himself. The story about Hermione welled up and gushed out with his tears. He told his guardian everything that had happened.
Lupin wrapped his arms around Harry's shaking shoulders, "Are you going to tell Hermione's parents?" Lupin's face reflected his care and concern.
"No, I'll leave that to her. She feels that it was too long ago and since their memories have been modified it would upset them to no purpose. What I need are some more mirrors like Sirius and my Dad used to use to talk to each other when they had separate detentions, that way we can talk if she needs to."
"I remember the spell. An owl will deliver the mirrors within the hour. Are you going to do anything else?"
"Yes, when we get back to Hogwarts I'm going to tell Professor McGonagall. Hermione needs more help than I can give her," Harry was managing to look both forlorn and angry at the same time.
"Good man, if you need anything else, just ask. Give Hermione my love. I know you two will get through this."
Harry made his way back to the Granger's house. Hermione was still asleep, Janet was back and Hugh was preparing to leave, "Soup's on, Harry, if you want some. Did you have a good walk?"
"Yes, sir," he answered, making a beeline for the sofa where Hermione was curled up. After reassuring himself that she was ok he went to the kitchen to get some soup.
Hermione woke up a short time later, after a brief examination, her mother sent her back to her room. Janet hoped that if Hermione rested she might avoid becoming really ill. Harry went with her, holding her hand until she fell asleep again. The emotions surging within her had left her exhausted.
True to his word an owl delivered a small package about an hour after Harry made it back to the Grangers. All Harry could do was wait until Hermione woke up again. It was rather late when she did wake up. Her parents served her a light supper in her room and it was a short while later before he could show her how to use the mirror. Hermione was pleased by his thoughtfulness as well as being intrigued by the magic that made them work. "I'm sure Remus would be happy to show you," he explained that his father and godfather used them to talk during their detentions. That night Hermione had a nightmare, using the mirror, Hermione was able to talk to Harry from the safety of her bedroom and he was able to soothe her enough to allow her to get some rest.
All through Thursday Harry and Hermione struggled to keep her parents from realizing anything was wrong. Harry tried to keep Hermione occupied, by keeping her busy. It was easier for her to ignore the memory that fought like a raging demon against its cage. Her Occlumency exercises helped to strengthen the bars that kept it under some semblance of control.
Harry was forever indebted to Ron for the juggling supplies. The concentration required was an enormous help in keeping Hermione's mind off her memories. The afternoon was almost enjoyable as they tried to master the ancient art.
Thursday afternoon an owl brought a letter warning Harry that someone would come from Hogwarts to collect him early the next morning.
That evening they all played Bridge again, Harry's struggles to master the system of bidding kept them from answering too many questions. Realizing he would be leaving in the early morning the Grangers said good bye when they retired for the night. Hugh started, "Harry, it has been a real pleasure having you here. Please feel free to visit anytime, whether Hermione comes or not."
"Thank you, for everything," he replied, "I'd really like to visit some next summer. I've never felt so welcome anywhere."
Janet gave Harry a big hug. "Hope to see you soon. Don't keep him up too late, One, they'll be here early."
After her parents went upstairs they sat together on the sofa. "Are you all packed, Harry?"
"Yes," he said. He looked at her wishing she was all right again, he longed to kiss her, but he didn't want to trigger her memory.
Hermione reached up and traced his scar. She did it so gently it made him shiver.
"May I kiss you?" he asked.
In answer she leaned over and pressed her lips against his. He enfolded her in his arms, pulling her against him. For a few minutes it seemed that everything was back to normal. Then she stiffened in his embrace, as he looked into her eyes he saw the fright steal back into her expression.
He released her immediately, "I guess I have a scar too, Harry."
"No, my love, not yet," he said sadly. "You have an open wound, but it will get better, time will help."
Hermione struggled to get her breathing under control, Harry could tell she was using her Occlumency exercises again. He stood up preparing to go to bed, "Call if you need me."
She nodded, "Thanks for understanding, Harry, I love you."
Hermione slept fitfully that night. It was still dark when someone knocked softly on her door. She drew on her dressing gown and opened the door. Harry was standing there; she could see Professor McGonagall standing behind him. "You said never leave without telling you good bye."
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A small smile touched her lips, "Bye, Harry," she gave him a quick peck on his cheek, "and thanks."
A couple of hours later she stood in the library. It was hard to realize that Harry had really lived here for three whole weeks and that they were together. She hoped that returning to school would help her overcome her problem. She was tempted to try to call him on his mirror; instead she opened her locket, choosing to concentrate on the memory of a walk on the beach.
Her parents were calling, she joined them at the front door. "One, a word of warning." Her mother was looking seriously at her.
Hermione looked at her quizzically. "We allowed you and Harry some time to experience a little intimacy," she continued. "From what Headmaster Dumbledore told us you won't be able to get away with as much kissing as you were allowed here at home. I don't want to get letters from school telling us you got caught snogging Harry in some broom closet. Please keep your mind on your work." Her mother smiled. Hermione worked really hard trying to smile back.
It did not seem much time passed before she found herself on the train platform staring at the express. With a sigh she headed for the train.