Losing Control
With your feet on the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, (yeah!) yeah!
Your head will collapse but there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself:
Where is my mind?
Where is my mind?
Where is my mind?
Way out in the water
See it swimming?
(Where Is My Mind-The Pixies)
~*~
"Answer me!" Lupin's voice was rough and angry. "What is going on here?"
Harry looked over at Hermione, terrified and cowering in a corner of the garden. She pleaded with him silently.
Harry turned to look at his former professor. "It was an accident," he began lamely in a shaky voice. He was still in shock about the whole thing. Ron lay stunned on the ground between them. "I told him not to touch it. It was just like Ginny. He didn't know what he was doing."
Lupin turned to Tonks who was equally stunned by his side. "Summon the Order," Lupin said quietly. Tonks nodded absently, her eyes on the three bloodied teens. "Nymphadora," Lupin repeated.
"Yeah, okay," she said softly then turned back into the house.
Harry suddenly realized that he was still in the fountain and he stepped out of it, shaky and cold to walk over to Hermione. Silent tears were falling down her cheeks as she hugged her knees to her and rocked her body. She had a bloodied lip and nose as well as a considerable bruise forming on her cheek where Ron had struck her. Her wrist looked the worst, the purple mass was beginning to swell and Harry wondered if she had broken it. She was very pale and cold.
"She's in shock," Lupin said from behind him. He walked over to check on Ron's condition.
"Hermione?" Harry said again, gently. She was still staring blankly ahead. Lupin squatted next to Harry to look at her. With a wave of his wand she closed her eyes and swayed gently. Harry's hands darted out to catch her.
"What did you do?" he asked accusingly as he held Hermione to him.
"It's better to have her resting," Lupin said as he got to his feet. "Let's bring them inside."
Harry lifted her and carried her into the house following his former professor. He led him to the room that had double beds, the room that Ron and Harry used to share before they each found their own places in this house. Reluctantly, Harry set Hermione down on his former bed.
"I don't think we should leave them alone like this," Harry said quietly. "Not unless we can find some way to control Ron."
"We're only keeping her here until Madame Pomfrey examines her," Lupin assured him.
"Madame Pomfrey's coming?" Harry asked.
"The Order always has a medic on board for situations like this."
"Situations like this?" Harry looked dumbfounded at him. "Situations like this?" he repeated firmly, his voice rising a little. "Voldemort has decided to take residence inside my best friend. Ron nearly drowned me and almost AK'd Hermione!"
The Order responded quickly and Harry could already hear people walking into the front door, concerned chatter filled the halls.
"I'm not leaving them," Harry said stubbornly, sitting on a chair between the two beds and folding his arms over his chest. Lupin opened his mouth to protest when Professor McGonagall entered the room, followed by Madame Pomfrey.
"What on earth happened here?" McGonagall asked. Madame Pomfrey tutted worriedly as she rushed to the three of them.
"It's always one of you, isn't it?" she muttered under her breath. "Ennerverate!" she cast over Ron.
"No!"
Harry and Lupin shouted at the same time, drawing their wands to immediately stupefy Ron again.
"What on earth did you do that for?" Madame Pomfrey asked bewildered.
"It would be best if he was left unconscious for now," Lupin advised. "He's really not himself, so to speak."
"Ron? Ron!?" Molly's voice rang out as she and Arthur burst into the room. "Oh what happened to him?" she exclaimed seeing the cuts and bruises on her son's face and arms.
"Molly please," Lupin said calmly. "Harry was just about to explain everything," he said pointedly to the teen.
Harry looked at the faces in front of him, demanding an explanation and he desperately wished that Hermione was here by his side. Well, she was…technically just not really there.
"It was the mirror," Harry began tentatively. "We found it…in the fountain and I told Ron not to touch it but he didn't listen." It killed Harry to be lying to everyone like this but if Dumbledore didn't risk telling the Order about the Horcruxes then he shouldn't either. "When we pulled Ron out of the fountain, he…wasn't himself. Voldemort is inside him."
Molly gasped in horror at Harry's words and Arthur looked as if he would collapse at any moment. The reaction to Harry's explanation was what he expected and he honestly couldn't believe that he had pulled off such a half-assed lie as that.
"Well…," Madame Pomfrey began tentatively. "Cuts and bruises can heal easily on their own. Miss Granger has a wrist fracture but I have something that will heal it overnight. She'll have to wear a bandage for a couple of days."
"We can't leave her in here," Harry looked at her, "We can't risk Ron waking up and attacking her again."
"Ron did this?" Molly looked from her son to Hermione. "He did this?"
Harry turned to face her. "He didn't know what he was doing," he defended. "You know Ron wouldn't harm a hair on Hermione's head."
"Mr. Potter, I need you to sit down so I can examine you," Madame Pomfrey turned to him.
"I'm fine," Harry brushed her off.
"Mr. Potter! You have serious bruises on your neck not to mention the numerous other injuries that are swelling!"
"Harry, it will only take a moment," Lupin rested a comforting hand on his shoulder. "We'll move Hermione in the meantime."
Harry nodded reluctantly and as Madame Pomfrey began her familiar fussing over him, he watched as Lupin and Tonks carried Hermione out of the room and presumably to her own.
~*~
When Hermione opened her eyes she found a pair of familiar green ones staring back at her.
"Hey," Harry said softly as he reached out and stroked her hair.
"Hey yourself," she smiled back. She noticed his bandaged lower lip that was swollen and reached out to barely touch it. She looked up at him. "It wasn't a nightmare was it?" she asked.
Harry shook his head. "I wish it were."
Hermione's face crumpled as a new set of tears sprang to her eyes. Harry, who had been sitting on the chair next to her bed, stood and bent over her, gathering her in his arms.
"I'm so sorry, Hermione. I'm so sorry."
After a moment, she pulled away from him and wiped her eyes. "We knew, we both knew what the risks were when we agreed to be your friend. We aren't backing out now."
"Hermione…"
"Harry, no. Please don't blame yourself for this. You tried to stop him, this isn't your fault."
"But you don't need to be here," Harry insisted.
She reached out and placed a hand on his cheek. "But we are. We chose to be by your side no matter what happened and I for one am not about to back out."
She was so close to him and he reached out and brushed her hair away from his face. Hermione's gaze fell to his lips.
"You remember that night at the burrow, don't you?" Harry asked softly.
Hermione looked up at him. "We were very drunk, Harry," she whispered.
"Hermione, I have to know. Did you think it was Ron?" he asked.
Hermione looked into his eyes, unsure of what answer he wanted to hear from her. Which one would cause him the least amount of pain? She could just lie and say she did if it would alleviate any guilt but she wasn't sure that was what he wanted to hear. So she decided that the truth would be the best way to go.
"I knew it was you, Harry," she said so quietly. "I'm so sorry."
A guilty sense of relief washed over him. "Don't be, Hermione."
Hermione shook her head. "No, Harry. I know you still like Ginny and I feel like such a horrible person coming between you two."
"Hermione," Harry shook his head in protest but she cut him off.
"Harry don't lie to me and say you still don't have feelings for Ginny. I see the way you look at her." Hermione sat up in the bed. "I'm not going to be the one who comes between you and your happiness."
Harry licked his lips in frustration and reached out for her hand, holding it in his. "I'm not going to deny my feelings for Ginny, that's the truth. But I'm doing my damnedest to deny them for you." Hermione was dumbstruck and Harry brought his hands up to cradle her face, resting his forehead against hers. "I don't know when that line was blurred between us Hermione but I feel like a man drowning here. I'm just as guilty as you are for coming between you and Ron."
Hermione let out a half-sob, half-laugh as she wiped some fresh tears from her eyes. "Oh, Harry. Ron and I…we aren't together anymore. We broke up during the wedding."
"What?" Harry said, dropping his hands from her face and sitting up straight. "Why didn't you say anything to me?" He got up off of her bed and started pacing.
"Well, I was a little wasted, Harry," Hermione defended herself as she, too, got up and out of the bed.
"Oh, God. It wasn't because of me was it?" he asked.
Hermione sighed. "No, Harry. It wasn't because of you. It was mutual and I really don't want to talk about it. It's not something I'm particularly proud of and it really doesn't change anything."
"It changes a lot more than you think," Harry said bitterly as he rounded on her. "It makes it worse that fact that I want nothing more than to kiss you right now despite the fact the Ron is lying in another room with my biggest enemy inside his head."
"I'm not going to come between you and Ginny, Harry. I'm not going to be the one to destroy whatever happiness you might find with her," Hermione said defiantly. "For crying out loud, I stayed by her side as she pined away for you, I gave her hope with encouraging words when she cried over you. She's been a good friend to me and I'm not going to betray her again despite the fact that I would love to feel your hands on me again."
Harry and Hermione looked at each other, defiantly, across the room. There it was, they had said it and now it was out in the open hanging heavily between them.
Harry stood there watching her, desperately clinging to his weakening resolve. He had to say something, anything to distract him and keep him from crossing this room and the already blurred and fuzzy line between them. Thankfully, Hermione took it out of his hands.
"What did you tell Lupin?" she asked.
"He summoned the Order," he replied.
Hermione looked surprised. "So the Order knows about the…you-know-whats?"
Harry shook his head. "I only told him that we found the mirror in the fountain. You have to go along with the story."
"You don't really think they bought that?"
"It's the only thing I could give them."
Hermione nodded and looked away, gazing out of her bedroom window. "How do we fix it, Harry?"
Harry wasn't sure what she meant but he had a feeling she wasn't just talking about Ron and the Horcrux.
~*~
Hermione could tell that Mrs. Weasley was biting back whatever it was that was really on her mind. She seemed very short and a little too polite with her and Harry. Hermione couldn't really blame her. Her youngest son had left home to join the two of them on this crazy and dangerous task. Of course she didn't know that exactly but she probably felt that her son would be safest at home, not palling around with Voldemort's most hated target. And furthermore, Hermione hated the way that she would look at her with guilt.
"You know that he didn't mean it, Hermione," she would say to her. "Ron wouldn't dare hurt you."
"I know, Mrs. Weasley," she replied for what seemed the hundredth time. Harry wouldn't say anything, he would just avert his attentions elsewhere.
At lunchtime, Harry and Hermione ate at Ron's bedside, it was their turn to keep watch over him. They sat together on the bed next to his.
"How are they feeding him?" Harry asked quietly.
"Madame Pomfrey is giving him special potions," she replied. "See?" She pointed to a set of small thin tubes that were inserted into his friend's arm. "What happened this morning?"
Hermione refused to be in the room again when they awoke him. "The same," Harry sighed wearily, rubbing his eyes. "Lots of shouting and cursing, calling everyone in the room every dirty name in the book."
Hermione's shoulders slumped. "It's like out of a muggle horror movie," she said softly.
"Tell me about it," Harry replied.
She turned to look at him and saw the tiredness in his eyes. "Why don't you get some sleep. I'll stay awake."
"Okay," Harry said with a yawn and moved behind where she was sitting to lay down on the bed. Hermione surmised that not even ten seconds had passed before he was softly breathing rhythmically. She turned around and looked at him. Yes, he was asleep. She gently took his glasses off of his face and put them on the nightstand. Poor thing probably hadn't slept since two nights ago. She brushed aside his bands and her finger traced the lightning bolt shaped scar.
Sighing she turned her attention back to Ron. He was so still that he almost looked…dead. She carefully got off the bed and knelt down next to him. She got real close to him, her lips by his ear.
"Ron," she whispered. "Ron, if you can hear me, hang in there. We're working on a way to get him out."
She kissed his cheek and noticed immediately the ice cold feel of his skin. Hermione shuddered and got to her feet, rubbing her arms. Her gaze fell on a bundled object on the dresser. It was the mirror. She walked over and carefully brushed her hands over it, carefully unwrapping it, mindful to have the glass facing down.
It was silver and ornately decorated in a way that they didn't make them in this time. The intricate detail on it spoke that it was an antique. She didn't dare touch the metal but it had vines wrapping around the handle, the flowers bloomed on the back of the mirror, the middles of them were lovely blue sapphires.
"Something of Ravenclaw…" she whispered to no one.
She looked back over at Ron then set the mirror back down on the dresser, wrapping it up again. She quietly pulled open the drawers of the dresser but they were all empty. So was the wardrobe in the room. She moved to the nightstands on either side of the beds when she paused.
She and Harry had brought their food up on a silver tray. A tray that somehow escaped Mundugus' raid. She carefully emptied the tray and silently brushed the crumbs off of it. She paused once again to glance at Harry. She reached over and poked him in the arm. Harry made a small grunt and rolled over to his other side. Satisfied that he was fast asleep she took the tray and walked toward Ron.
~*~
"Harry! Harry wake up!"
He could feel Hermione shaking him and he abruptly sat up. "What is it? What's wrong?" He looked over and Ron and saw that he was still peacefully sleeping.
"Come here!" she whispered and grabbed him around the wrist, practically yanking him out of bed.
"Hermione what are you doing?" he asked, putting his hand on a silver platter she was holding.
"Look at the reflection," she said.
"Are you crazy? I'm not looking at it, I think we've already learned our lesson on that one."
"I already tried it, it's safe," Hermione replied.
"What do you mean you've already tried it?" Harry shot back, mentally cursing himself for falling asleep.
"Just look," she insisted and held the tray up in front of Ron.
Harry looked at her and sighed, slumping his shoulders. He knew he wasn't going to reason with her right now so the best thing to do was to just comply.
He put his glasses back on then knelt down next to Ron's bed and peered up at the tray.
"Holy shit!"
He scrambled away from him.
"Is it him?" Hermione asked eagerly. "Is that what he looks like?" She put the tray down on the other bed.
"Yes, that was Voldemort," Harry replied, irritably. "Why can we see him on that tray?"
"It's his reflection, Harry. Just like a mirror reflects," she said as she helped him to his feet.
"I think we need to use the mirror somehow to get Ron back. Ron," she continued, pointing at her friend, "isn't in there. I think he's trapped in the mirror."
Harry eyed the bundle on the dresser nervously.
"We have to find some way to get `Ron' to look into the mirror," she continued.
Harry eyed her. "Something tells me that it isn't going to be as easy as it sounds."
"We both hold the tray with one hand, that way we'll both have another hand free for our wands," she said as she handed Harry his side of the tray. She raised her wand and pointed to Ron but Harry stopped her.
"Wait!" he said. "Silencio." The room was sealed and Hermione couldn't believe she hadn't thought of that. "We don't want anyone else running in here in case things go bad," he said as he pointed his wand at his friend. "Ennerverate."
Ron's eyes blinked as he came out of his stupor and the two of them moved the tray over in front of his face. The red eyes blinked at stared at the reflection before a smirk grew on his face.
He looked up at the two of them. "That's the best you could come up with you moronic piece of f---." Harry stupefied him again with a heavy sigh.
Hermione frowned and sat down on the other bed, tray on her lap. "I thought it would work," she said softly.
Harry walked over and sat down next to her. "I think you're on the right track, Hermione," he said comfortingly.
She would not cry. She would not start crying.
She repeated this over and over as she stared over at the lifeless form of her best friend. "I need to go to the library," she said. She needed to busy her mind in the comfort of books and knowledge.
Harry didn't say anything at first, then nodded reluctantly before getting off the bed. Hermione followed him out of the room but he stopped suddenly and before she could ask him what was wrong, he held up a hand in a gesture of silence.
Voices drifted up to them from below, an argument in the foyer was taking place.
"No, no, Molly, I will not allow it!" Lupin was saying.
"You can't say no. You aren't his guardian!" Molly shot back. Harry was surprised that they were arguing, they usually got along so well.
"He's of age, Molly, he doesn't need a guardian. We can't treat him like a petulant child," Tonks spoke up.
"I had entrusted you two with the care of these children and look what has happened!" Mrs. Weasley said in a shrill voice.
"Molly…," Mr. Weasley's voice was calm and placating.
"How dare you imply that we aren't watching over them!" Tonks defended. "We care very much about them."
"By having them running around unsupervised in a house filled with dangerous items!"
"We had no idea about the mirror or where they found it," Lupin said calmly. "Sirius honestly believed he got rid of those items." Harry heard Mrs. Weasley scoff but Lupin continued. "I won't deny that those three are indeed up to something but I trust Harry and I think he deserves our trust in return."
"Remus," Mrs. Weasley said sharply, "I am the mother of Fred and George. I can tell when someone is lying to me and Harry is lying!"
"You will not use Veritaserum on him," Lupin said adamantly.
"Hermione, no!" Harry whispered as he reached out to grab Hermione but missed. She went storming down the stairs.
"Harry's telling the truth!" she declared to Mrs. Weasley. Harry was hot on her heels, grabbing her shoulders and trying to steer her away but she shrugged him off. "We told Ron not to touch it but he didn't listen! We tried to stop him…," she choked on her words, recalling the horrible scene by the fountain. It was too much and she ran outside into the garden. Harry only hesitated a moment to stare at the four adults he respected most in this world. It was a horrible day when you discovered that the ones you so looked up to as parental figures, as heroes, as friends, were just as human as you.
He found Hermione in the fountain in the garden, the same fountain that provided the sultry background to his proposition to her to take a ride, the same fountain that his best friend tried to drown him in. She was in the bottom basin, splashing around and muttering "Where is it?" under her breath.
"Hermione, stop it," Harry said calmly but she continued on. "Hermione," Harry repeated more firmly.
"Where is it, Harry?" she asked frantically. "Where is that…stupid…bleeding…box?"
Harry walked over to her and touched her arm. "Hermione."
"Hmm?" she said vaguely as she continued to search.
"Hermione."
"What?" she shouted impatiently, finally stopping what she was doing.
"I got rid of it," he answered.
Hermione's eyes widened. "You did what?"
"I got rid of it," he repeated.
Hermione scrambled out of the fountain. "Harry! I can't believe you did that? Maybe we can still find it." She headed toward the house but Harry grabbed her arm to stop her.
"I already checked it out, Hermione. There was nothing."
"How do you know?" she demanded. "We don't even know what to look for!"
"I'm not an idiot, Hermione," he hissed. "It was just a plain old stupid box that was holding a dangerous item!"
"But there could've been a clue, a hint," she persisted.
"There was nothing!" Harry shouted as he slightly shook Hermione. "I checked that stupid fucking box for any sort of clue, anything that might help us. You don't think I want Ron back? My best friend? Believe me, Hermione, no one wishes Ron was here right now more than I do."
Hermione's face crumpled into tears and she wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him close to her. Harry welcomed her embrace, burying his nose in the crook of her neck, feeling the damp cool skin against his nose.
Oh Merlin. He couldn't do this now.
"You're shivering," he whispered in her ear.
He barely stepped away from her as he drew out his wand and cast a drying charm at her feet. Hermione basked in the delicious warmth that blossomed around her feet and slowly made its way up her legs with his wand. Harry moved his wand up her legs, licking his lips slightly as he moved over her torso, past the swell of her breasts then over her shoulder and down her arms. As he moved around her, she gathered her hair and lifted it so he could dry her back.
With a tentative hand, Harry reached out and touched her hair, letting the silky strands flow through his hands as he dried it. When it came to the end, he reached out for another section, repeating the action until her hair was dry and fell into gentle waves down her back.
She turned to look at him, a look of pain and longing on her face. "Thank you," she said softly. The sky was turning orangey-purple with the evening sun and the first of the crickets began to chirp. She was so close to him.
"You're welcome," his voice was low and husky. Hermione had to get out of there before she did something really stupid. Like re-enact their night together. And oh, did she want that so badly. To feel his arms around her, his hands roaming over her body, his weight over hers.
Oh God, she wanted him.
Harry felt it. The line between being friends with Hermione to being…something else. It was frightening, scary and intimidating. But oh so tempting. It beckoned and called him and he stepped to the line.
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