Delusional
Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong
You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together
Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through
Happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was never ending
Wouldn't it be nice
(Wouldn't It Be Nice-The Beach Boys)
It was the dull stinging of his scar that woke him up. Voldemort was furious about something and someone had been on the nasty end of a well-placed Crucio but Harry had somehow been able to block this from his mind before his presence could be noticed. He lay there in the darkened room, the thick curtains only let in the outline of the sunlight from outside. Particles of dust danced within them and for a moment, Harry focused on those to calm his racing heart. A glimmer of hope blossomed within him that he was able to cut out Voldemort, maybe the Occlumency was working after all.
But the dark thoughts of his nemesis still intruded into his mind when he began to think of his best friend Ron lying in the other room with Voldemort still stuck in his head. Was Ron still in there? Had Voldemort destroyed him? Dumbledore had so much damage to his hand when he destroyed the ring horcrux and had sacrificed himself in a way to find the fake locket. Was Ron just another sacrifice for this dangerous quest?
He sighed heavily and rolled to his side facing Hermione. She had her back to him, her brown curls fanned out from behind her and spread out on the pillow, a bare shoulder peeked out from underneath her covers. He raised a hand to finger a curl of her hair, the strands soft and silky. Would she be the next sacrifice? The thought filled him with such a feeling of despair that mentally shut down against it for fear that he would completely lose his mind.
Ron and Hermione were his best and most dear friends. They were the ones he cared most about in this world. They were both his pillars that he gathered his strength from and they were both his Achilles Heel. He would be lying if he said that Ron's possession hadn't rattled him. It was shaking him to the core and every passing moment that that bastard was still inside his friend was a moment that Harry was afraid would be one of Ron's last. The mirror had only been the first of the horcruxes they were looking for and the reality suddenly hit him that there was a very real chance that one or both of his friends would not survive this.
Oh God.
He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and quietly slid out of the bed. He dressed as silently as he could, careful not to disturb Hermione's sleep. He carried his trainers and slowly walked toward the door. Her small rubbish bin was by it and Harry caught a glance of something shiny inside of it. It was the Head Girl badge. Ron and Hermione's letters from Hogwarts were in there, along with the badges they had worked so hard to achieve. Harry retrieved them out of the bin and stuffed them in his back pocket. He opened the door to step out into the hallway.
He was so busted.
Lupin was on the other side, coming to ask Hermione where Harry was. He had a look of mild surprise on his face followed by the faintest trace of disappointment.
"Don't look at me like that," Harry grumbled. "It's not what you think." He brushed past his old professor and continued on his way to his room.
"Harry, I think it's exactly what I think," he said as he followed the teen.
"Goes to show what you know," Harry said nastily as he continued to walk.
"And what about Ron?"
Harry stopped and whirled around. "What about Ron?" he shouted. The past two days' emotions just exploded to the surface of his thoughts and he felt as if he were losing control. Lupin was caught off guard and just stared at Harry.
"What is going on here?"
Tonks' voice carried up from below as she stepped out of Ron's room. Moody was with her, his magical eye falling upon the werewolf and the teenager with an extremely guilty look on his face.
"Nothing, Nymphadora," Lupin answered and Harry turned to continue on his way.
He didn't care if he was followed into his room. Lupin stepped in and quietly closed the door behind him.
"They broke up," Harry said quietly as he plopped himself down on his bed.
"Was it because of you?" he asked.
"Hermione said it wasn't. She said it was mutual," there was a trace of doubt in Harry's voice but Lupin didn't pursue it.
"It must be hard to feel so happy being with someone when your other friend is in such a state," he said sympathetically. Harry shifted his eyes away and Lupin raised an eyebrow. "You are happy with her, aren't you?"
"I'm always happy with her," he replied briskly.
"But?" Lupin asked. Harry didn't answer him so he changed direction. "Harry, I don't mean to be blunt but…are you…have you two…had sex?" Harry would've given anything not to be having this conversation. "I take that as a yes. Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's only natural for you and your girlfriend-"
"She's not my girlfriend," Harry cut in. Oh, jeez, that sounded so lame. He considered that he had two girlfriends in the past, Cho and Ginny. Hermione was like neither one of them she was…she was…
Oh crap. Ginny.
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. What a mess he had gotten himself into.
"She's not your girlfriend," Lupin repeated. "Harry, what are you doing?"
Harry couldn't explain it. He couldn't explain his attraction to his female best friend. He couldn't explain the intense desire he felt for her. He could chalk it up to his hormones but he'd had heavy snogging sessions with Ginny and it was nothing compared to this. The instinctual attraction that Hermione invoked in him, the carnal need to have her in the most intimate way two people can be. How could he explain that he wanted to deny his attraction to her but couldn't? He couldn't stop it any more than an ant could stop a waterfall.
"I tried," he croaked out. "I tried to stay away from her."
"Harry, do you care for her?" Lupin asked.
"Of course I do. She and Ron are the two most important people in my life."
Lupin walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder in a most fatherly gesture. "I know it is terribly difficult to deal with what has happened to Ron. Sometimes, a traumatic event will bring two people closer together than they ever had been before. I care for the three of you very much, therefore I have to advise you to talk this over with her. She deserves at least that. You both do."
Harry looked up at him and nodded knowing that he wouldn't do such a thing. He had found such a comfort and escape in her arms that he selfishly didn't want to do anything that would bring that glass ceiling come crashing down on him. Lupin nodded approvingly and left Harry to his thoughts.
~*~
"I have an idea," she said to him, her face beaming.
Harry, who was holding a cup of coffee, set it down and peered eagerly at her. He couldn't help the blossom of hope within him when her face brightened with the most brilliant of plans.
The idea came to Hermione when she was brushing her teeth after her shower. Attempting to get a good look at a zit that was threatening to surface, she took out her compact mirror, turned around and held it up to her face. Her endless reflection stared back at her, trapped in an endless echo of mirror images.
"That's it!" she said breathlessly as she closed the compact with a snap. She hustled out of the bathroom to find Harry.
And here she found him in the kitchen, his hair still slightly damp from his shower that morning and she took a moment to breathe him in.
"Hermione?" Harry interrupted her thoughts.
"What? Oh!" she snapped out of it. "We will use mirrors."
"We've already tried that," he said, his hope deflating.
"No, no, no. Mirrors, plural. More than one?"
"I know what plural means."
"Sorry, anyway, we set the horcrux up against another mirror, prop Ron in the middle then cast Reducto into the mirror…then duck."
"Then duck," he repeated. He took a sip of his coffee to buy himself some time to think this plan over but his mind was so burdened with this problem that he knew he would agree to whatever she thought of.
Harry was willing to try anything and so when the afternoon came and the two of them were left to watch over Ron, they snuck him into the attic. They had found a large mirror there and Hermione pulled the dusty old cloth off of it, revealing a long dressing mirror set in mahogany wood.
"I hope this works," Harry said as he propped Ron's levicorpused body in front of it.
"I'll hold the mirror, you cast the spell," Hermione said as she unwrapped the bundle. "Be careful and do not look into the horcrux." She held up a trembling hand and turned away from the mirror.
Harry looked at her. Deep down he had a feeling that this plan would work and he suddenly had the desperate desire to kiss her. He stepped forward and gently brought down her arm that was holding the mirror. She turned to look at him in question but he lifted a hand to cradle her jaw as he leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her lips. He broke it before he could entertain the idea of deepening it and placed his forehead against hers, giving her upper arm a gentle squeeze before stepping away from her.
Hermione turned away again and he focused his attention on the reflection of Voldemort in front of him, careful not to look into the mirror just to the side. "Okay," he whispered.
"Ennerverate," Hermione said, pointing her wand at Ron.
Voldemort's eyes blinked open then widened in surprise.
"REDUCTO!" Harry shouted as he cast the spell.
To Harry's complete shock the spell hit the mirror…and went right through it, hitting Voldemort in the chest. Ron grabbed his chest and screamed. Hermione jumped in shock and Harry panicked at hearing the anguished cry coming from his best friend. He locked eyes with Hermione and saw that she was seriously rethinking this plan.
"Don't even think about it!" Harry scolded.
There was a loud boom and Harry's spell shot back out of the mirror, hitting the horcrux. A shockwave came out of the mirror that knocked Harry across the room. A gust of wind whipped violently around them and he heard Hermione scream in terror.
He scrambled to his feet and ran to her side. "Let go of it!" Harry shouted. Ron was still screaming.
"I can't, Harry!" she cried, clawing at the hand that held the horcrux. He reached over and tried to pry her fingers off of it but they wouldn't budge, it was like they were glued to it. Harry's spell beam was still bouncing back and forth between the two mirrors and Ron was still screaming.
"Harry?"
There was a shout from far off along with pounding on the door but the two of them had sealed it shut. There was a cry of surprise from Hermione as she suddenly began to rise off the floor along with Ron. Harry clung to Hermione, trying to tug her down. His spell beam continued to bounce between the mirrors until it slammed into the horcrux with a loud boom, sending Hermione flying across the room. There was the sound of breaking glass and Ron fell to the floor with a thud. There was an explosion and the attic door burst open with Lupin, Tonks, the Weasley's and Moody piling in.
"Hermione," Harry said and scrambled over to her, falling to his knees at her side. She lay quietly with her eyes shut, mirror face down next to her. Harry was too frightened at the possibility that Voldemort had moved from Ron to her.
"Move over Harry," Lupin said, kneeling next to him. "Hermione," he said gently as he shook her and patted her cheek gently. Harry held his breath as her eyes fluttered open to reveal…
…the most beautiful familiar brown eyes in his life.
"Hermione," he breathed as he gathered her in his arms. She groaned and looked up at him.
"Did it work?" she asked.
Lupin used the corner of his robes to pick up the mirror. Broken shards of glass fell to the floor and he turned it over to reveal the cracked mirror. Harry and Hermione scrambled over to Ron who was being carried out of the room.
"Is he okay?"
"What happened?"
"Did you wake him?"
They peppered questions at the others as they rushed him out of the attic and into the room they had been keeping him in.
"Wands at the ready," Moody said nodding to the others in the room. Mr. Weasley set his son down on the bed then promptly backed away. "Ennerverate!" Moody said.
Ron sat up straight. "HARRY IT'S HIM! IT'S YOU-KNOW-WHO!" he screamed and everyone jumped.
Harry's heart burst with joy. "RON!" He shot out from everyone and tackled his friend in a hug. Hermione shortly followed, tears streaming down her face as she joined in the hug.
"Ron!" Mrs. Weasley cried as she and Arthur joined in the melee.
Ron looked absolutely bewildered and confused.
"Ron, Ron, you're back!" Hermione cried.
"What? What is everyone on about? You didn't touch it, did you Harry? The mirror, you didn't touch it?"
"No," Harry shook his head. "You did."
"Why aren't we by the fountain?" Ron asked. "Did you get me out?"
"Don't you remember anything?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, the fountain and the ho-mirror," Ron corrected quickly. "I touched it but it wouldn't let me go and then You-Know-Who appeared and then…here I am."
Madame Pomfrey had been summoned earlier and she bustled into the room, clearing everyone out except for the Weasley's. Harry and Hermione didn't want to leave but Lupin pointed to the drawing room. Giving each other uneasy looks the two of them reluctantly followed their old professor.
"Professor Lupin," Hermione said immediately when he closed the door, hoping to get a jump in before he started whatever he was going to say. But he held up a hand.
"Don't you two even start with me," he said in a very controlled voice. Hermione cowered away. "What you two did was very dangerous and extremely stupid."
"It worked didn't it?" Harry shot back.
"It doesn't matter if it worked or it didn't, Harry. The point is that you two put yourselves in grave danger over a secret that you are both hiding. Now, once and for all, tell me what you are hiding."
Harry stayed silent, his face emotionless. Lupin turned to Hermione who also was silent and had a defiant look on her face.
"This isn't some game you two. This isn't going into the depths of Hogwarts to retrieve the stone. This is serious and dangerous. Look at what happened to Ron and what could've happened to you two."
"We would do nothing different if we had the chance," Hermione said quietly.
Lupin pursed his lips together. "Harry, Hermione, you know that you can trust me. I would never, never, betray you," he pleaded with them. "I care for you two so much and I only want to help you. So many people care about you Harry and would do anything to help you. You have to trust us."
Harry sighed heavily. Of course he knew that Lupin would never betray him and if it were any other secret, he would've gladly shared it with him. He desperately wanted to tell him about the horcruxes, tell him that he needed help, that he knew he was in over his head. But Dumbledore didn't tell anyone about this, only Harry, not even the Order and Harry thought there must have been a good reason for that.
"I can't," he answered quietly. "The Order isn't as trustworthy as we wish it to be. I'm living proof of that. I can't. Not about this, I can't." It killed him to see the hurt in Lupin's eyes. His parent's hadn't chosen him to be their Secret Keeper, and Sirius hadn't persuaded them to use him either. Instead they chose Peter Pettigrew, for whatever reason, and that was the worst betrayal of all. Snape came second. Both trustworthy members of the Order. And now Harry, his best friend's son, wouldn't trust him with this secret. It hurt.
"I'm sorry," Harry said softly.
Hermione stepped forward. "We do respect you and we do trust you. But this is too important and we just can't take the chance that it could fall into the wrong hands…even if accidentally."
"But I still need you," Harry added. "I need you to trust me on this, to support me, to believe in me."
"Of course," Lupin said immediately. "You don't even have to question that."
Harry smiled slightly. Deep down he knew he had wounded this man who had shown him nothing but kindness and understanding. He knew that things would never be the same again but when this whole thing was over, maybe then Lupin would understand why he did what he did.
~*~
Mrs. Weasley cooked up a feast of Ron's favorite foods for her extremely ravenous son. He was still in bed, Madame Pomfrey ordered him to do so until tomorrow, and Harry and Hermione took dinner with him in the room.
"So, how long was I out?" Ron asked them.
"A few days," Harry answered.
"Wow," Ron softly sighed. "So what did you guys do?" He looked between his two friends. Harry looked up sharply then looked at Hermione.
"We tried to get you back," Hermione answered. "We used a mirror and when that didn't work we tried reenacting what had happened…"
"It was Hermione's idea to use two mirrors that finally got you back," Harry said softly.
"I don't remember any of it," Ron shook his head. "I'm so sorry that I touched the damned thing in the first place."
"We're just glad to have you back," Harry smiled at his friend.
"So we did it then," Ron beamed. "We destroyed one of the horcruxes."
"Yeah, we did," Hermione smiled back.
"You see, Harry?" he said. "We can do this together." But Harry didn't return his enthusiasm.
When it came time for them to turn in, Harry decided to sleep on his old bed that was next to Ron's. Hermione, not wanting to leave her friends, conjured up an extra bed in the room.
"You guys really don't have to do this," Ron said sheepishly, touched at their gestures.
"Just humor us, Ron," Hermione smiled gently at him.
Harry stayed quiet and picked silently at some random lint on his comforter, chancing a glance once in awhile at Hermione. She was dressed again in the white tank and flannel plaid pants. The ones she wore this morning before he had slid them off of her. He quickly looked away from her.
Crookshanks padded into the room and hopped up onto her bed as she snuggled underneath her covers.
"Nox," she said and the lights went out. She could hear her boys sinking into their beds.
"Goodnight, Harry. Night, Hermione," Ron said sleepily.
"Goodnight Ron," they both replied.
In the light of the streetlamp from outside, Hermione could see Harry's silhouette in the darkness. She looked longingly over at him, wishing that she could slide into the bed next to him. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. With a start, she realized that Harry was gazing at her.
He had been thinking the same thoughts, how wonderful it would be to feel her in his arms right now. He broke his gaze from her and turned over, away from her and closed his eyes to what would be a very long night.
~*~
Hermione opened the bathroom door to find Ron on the other side with his fist suspended in air in mid knock.
"I was just about to knock," Ron said. "Breakfast is ready."
"Good timing, I just finished getting ready."
She moved past him but he caught her arm. "Are you okay?" he asked her.
Harry rounded the corner to tell Hermione about breakfast but stopped when he saw Ron holding her arm. He hid himself behind the corner and peeked out.
Hermione looked up at Ron, concern written all over his face. Was she that obvious? Was the conflict on her face so evident? The past few days she had become closer emotionally and physically to Harry than she had even been with Ron. And Ron had been possessed by Voldemort that whole time. How messed up was that?
"Oh Ron!" she threw her arms around him and began to cry. "You have no idea how much I've missed you."
Ron was taken aback. "Hermione?" he asked with concern. He didn't want anyone to see her in such a state so he ushered her back inside the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Harry quietly turned and went back down the stairs.
There was nothing like the return of your best friend to redraw that line between Harry and Hermione. They sat across from each other during breakfast, not making much conversation. Thankfully, Tonks bounced into the kitchen.
"Guess what?!" she squealed at the teens. "Guess who is your new Transfiguration teacher?"
"You?" Ron said incredulously and Hermione shot him an annoyed look before turning back to her.
"That's great!" Hermione said.
"Congratulations," Harry said, genuinely happy for her.
"Oh, I can't wait! Can you believe that they almost closed Hogwarts this year? There was so much debate over it this summer but the teachers are coming back and…"
"Not all of them?" Harry asked with a dark look.
Tonks' smile faded slightly. "No, not all of them. At least…I don't think so."
"No one's heard from him, Harry," Hermione said quietly. "I overheard Moody talking to Lupin about it."
"Even if he did come back, McGonagall wouldn't be stupid enough to hire him back," Ron added quickly.
"Hogwarts will be the safest place to be this year," Lupin said as he walked into the kitchen. He gave Tonks a congratulatory kiss and Ron looked away, making a gagging gesture. Harry smirked. "The Order will be patrolling the school along with some aurors. Some of us are even becoming teachers," he hugged Tonks proudly.
"Will you be teaching?" Harry asked.
Lupin shook his head. "No, Harry, I'm afraid not but I will be patrolling the grounds. Harry, Aberforth is upstairs waiting for you."
Harry sighed and left the table.
The lesson wasn't that bad this time. Harry had enough memories of him and Hermione that he desperately didn't want anyone to see and that was motivation enough to keep Aberforth out of them. But he still needed to work on what Aberforth could get out of him, random but important memories. He even managed to get a peek of Ginny walking down the aisle in her brother's wedding. A pang of guilt went through Harry that Aberforth immediately picked up on.
"Well, it was better this time," he said to Harry. "Still need a lot of work though. Are you clearing your thoughts when you go to bed each night."
"Sort of," Harry mumbled. Last night was terrible and he didn't sleep much anyway. He found it a lot easier to clear his mind after having sex with Hermione, he was absolutely useless after they were together like that.
"Work on it," Aberforth said gruffly. "But for now, I think we should try something new. Now, clear your mind and look into my eyes. Invision yourself entering my head, seek out my thoughts."
Harry took a deep breath and concentrated on his eyes. They were the same twinkling blue ones as his mentors and Harry broke the contact. It was just too painful to think about.
"I can't," he said, turning away.
"Try again," Aberforth encouraged.
Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He needed to do this.
The door suddenly flung open and an angry Ron stomped in with a bundle of books in his arms.
"What the fuck is this?" he said angrily, dropping the books at Harry's feet.
"Excuse me, young man," Aberforth scolded but Harry interrupted him.
"It is what it is," he said defiantly.
"You sent it in, didn't you?" Ron pointed an accusing finger in his face. "You returned our acceptance letters. You're sending me and Hermione away."
"You'll be safer at Hogwarts."
"How dare you!" Hermione said from the doorway. She had tears in her eyes and she looked ready to spit fire. Harry was momentarily afraid but he wouldn't budge. She stormed over to him and before he couldn't even blink, her fist collided with his cheek. Harry saw stars and his cheek throbbed. He had forgotten that Hermione could punch. She turned and fled the room.
"Hermione," Harry moved to go after her but Ron stopped him by grabbing a fistful of the front of his shirt.
"Don't even think about it," he threatened and shoved him away, turning and following Hermione.
"You're not going back to Hogwarts?" Aberforth asked.
"No, I'm not," Harry replied irritably, rubbing his jaw. He walked over to the window and drew back the curtain slightly. As he predicted, Hermione ran out into the garden, her shoulders slumped and shaking as she cried. Ron quickly followed and embraced her, holding her to him. A roar of jealousy rose quickly but Harry stomped it down. Angrily he turned from the window.
"Let's continue with the lesson," he said determinedly.
~*~
Word of his non-return to Hogwarts swept quickly through the house and by dinner time he received lectures from every adult in the house, including Fineas' portrait. He avoided the kitchen where everyone was sitting down to eat and instead went to his room where a howler was waiting for him from Professor McGonagall, now Headmistress of Hogwarts. He sighed wearily and opened it, might as well get it over with.
A half and hour later there was a knock at the door and Ron entered the room carrying a tray of food floating behind him. Harry had been brooding on his bed and was a little wary of his friend right now.
"Hey," Ron said quietly.
"Hey," he replied.
Ron set the tray down and stood in front of the bed. "Did you, uh, pay for the books yourself?"
"I told them to charge it to my vault."
"I'll pay you back then."
"You don't need to."
"I don't want your charity," he said fiercely.
"It's not charity," Harry replied shortly.
Ron pursed his lips together and sighed. "Is this because I touched the mirror? I told you, I didn't mean to, I just couldn't help it."
Harry shook his head. "This isn't because you touched the mirror. It's because of what happened to you when you touched it."
"We were supposed to do this together," Ron insisted.
"And we have. Look, you heard Tonks, Hogwarts will be a hell of a lot safer than any place else. Especially since I won't be there."
"And what about us?" Ron crossed his arms.
"Is it such a crime to want my two best friends to be safe?" Harry asked.
"You can't do this alone," Ron insisted. Harry didn't want to argue anymore. He decided to hit Ron below the belt.
"Do you want to put Hermione through what happened to you?" he asked. He knew it was low and that it would get some sort of reaction from him.
Ron glared at him.
"Do you know what its like to see your best friend suffer?" Harry demanded. "To see him struggle against such unspeakable evil?"
"Yeah, I do," Ron replied. "I've seen it since our first year."
"Imagine if it was Hermione instead of you lying in that bed."
"That's not fair!" Ron shouted.
"It is fair!" Harry shouted back. "Because it could happen Ron! There's a very good chance that it could happen and I'm just trying to protect her as well. Can you even think what would happen if he somehow got a hold of her in any way? I can't even fathom it, I refuse to. I can't let it happen!"
Ron stared at him for the longest time. He opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it. He turned and left the room.
There was laughter coming from the drawing room and Ron walked in to see his parents talking with Lupin and Tonks. Hermione was sitting in an armchair by the fire, staring into the flames. The light of the fire cast a soft glow around her, highlighting her pretty curls. What if what happened to him, happened to Hermione? Harry was right, he couldn't bear the thought.
His sleep was restless that night and he was all alone back in his room. He heard a soft sound from outside his door and he quietly got up to investigate. When he opened the door, he saw the soft glow of firelight from the drawing room and Hermione still reading by the fire. But someone else was watching her.
Harry was standing quietly by the doorframe unbeknownst to her. He was gazing at her with a look that Ron recognized. He quietly closed the door and crept back into his bed, the image replaying in his mind. Yes, he knew that look on his friend's face all too well.
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