Chapter 11
I apparate to the Burrow. I'm late. It's my own damned fault, if I would have just taken a shower and not lured Harry into the bath, I would have been on time. But no, I had to be the seductress, the vixen. I think I have created a monster; the man is insatiable. I brush the imaginary lint from my robes as I step into the living room.
I look up to see Ron sitting on the couch, staring absently into the fire. I'm glad I didn't come by Floo. I probably would have scared the poor man to death. I clear my throat to make my presence known and he turns to look at me. He is smiling, albeit not wholeheartedly, but he is smiling at me. I smile back. Suddenly I realize why we are here, and the butterflies in my stomach are now the size of bludgers and are flying around as fast as they can.
"Hi, 'Mione," he says as he stands and steps toward me.
I envelope him in a reassuring hug. "Hello, Ron."
He pulls back and grins cheekily at me. "What?" I ask and he shakes his head chuckling.
"You're late."
"I know, I got held up. I had some things to… finish." My god, did that sound stupid? It did from this end.
"I see." There is a devilish glint in his blue eyes. He knows that Harry and I had sex. How did I think I could get it past him? I was married to him for ten years, for Cerce's sake. Of course he would see the afterglow.
"Oh, bugger off, Ron."
"Ooo, such language," he teased. "So… how was it?" I look at him, astonished. How could he ask such a thing? I can't believe him. Here we are getting ready to inform our children that we are divorced and he wants me to tell him how sex was with his best friend. I could be mean and tell him it was the best sex I ever had. It's true, but I'm not that cruel.
"That, Mr. Weasley, is none of your business!" I said triumphantly, thinking that would be the end of the conversation, but alas, I was wrong.
"By the look in your eyes, and the glow surrounding you, it was pretty damn good." I couldn't help but blush. I damn my body for betraying me. "It's alright, Hermione. I know you love him. I want you to be happy. I couldn't do that, he can, and obviously has." He raises a ginger eyebrow at me. He reminds me of a redheaded Snape. I grab the closest pillow and throw it at him. That's what throw pillows are made for anyway, right?
That one thrown pillow starts a melee of sorts, and Ron and I start hitting each other with pillows and tickling. I can't help but laugh. He knows every spot I'm ticklish and he uses that to his advantage. The two of us are rolling around on the floor attacking each other like we did when we were kids in the common room at Hogwarts. I miss those days, sometimes. He hits me hard upside the head with a pillow and I lunge for his legs. I grab his feet and start to rip his shoe off when we are interrupted by two pairs of eyes looking questioningly at us form the kitchen door.
Ron jumps away from me and sits on the couch. "Hi kids." I try to tame the mass of tangles out of my hair with my fingers as I sit next to Ron on the couch. Arthur and Candace come to sit in front of us.
"Grandmum, said you wanted to talk to us," Arthur speaks first. I can tell he is confused. He knows something is wrong, and he's probably wondering why, if something is wrong, were we wrestling and tickling each other. I take a millisecond and ask myself the same question. I think we needed the tension breaker. Yeah, that's it, I convince myself.
"Yes, your mum and I want to let you know some things." Ron sounds so scared. I subconsciously grab his hand, reassuring him, that we can do this. "Kids, your mum and I are…"
Words have seemed to fail him and I try to take over, with no avail. "Kids,… um… what your dad is trying to say is…" That's when my brilliant nine-year-old son decides to take matters into his own hands.
"You're getting divorced, aren't you?" God, I have never heard him sound so broken, so weak. I look into his brilliant blue eyes, just like Ron's, and I nod. That's all I can do. What am I supposed to say?
"What's di-forced?" Candace asked in her sweet little voice. I reach over for her and pull her into my lap.
I take a deep breath and try to explain it so her three-year-old little mind can understand it. "Baby, a divorce is when two people who are married, decide to not be married anymore."
She looks at me with her big brown eyes and asks innocently, "Mummy, don't you love Daddy? When you love somebody, you're s'posed to marry them."
My tears are slowly filling my eyes. Why does this have to be so hard, when it was so easy for us to decide this? "Yes, baby, I love your daddy. I always will. But I think that Daddy and I are better friends than we are being married to each other."
"That's bullocks, and you know it!"
"Arthur Frederick Weasley, you watch your language." I try to hide a chuckle at the idea of Ron scolding anyone for cursing. But at the same time, I absently wonder where Arthur learned such language. I will have to talk to the twins, about that.
"You guys are going to get divorced and then we will have to choose who we want to stay with. You will use us as pawns like in chess." Of course he would use that analogy, he is Ron's son after all. "I don't want to have to go back and forth from one house to another. I like it the way it is."
Ron looks at our son, who seems so grown-up for being nine. "Do you really like it, the way it is? That I'm never home, that your Mum and I fight? Artie, I know you don't like it."
"How do you know what I like and don't like? And don't call me Artie!" I can't believe that my son, my non-redheaded son, is yelling at the top of his lungs at his father… and Ron's taking it.
"I'm sorry… Arthur. Do you like seeing your Mum sad? Do you like me not being home? Do you like having to…" I can tell Ron is having a hard time with this and I try to step in.
"Arthur, dear. Your dad and I still love each other. We have been friends since we were eleven. But we are better friends that we are husband and wife. We're not in love with each other anymore. I can't make your Dad happy and he can't make me happy. It's better this way." I see the crestfallen expression on Ron's face and my heart breaks. That sounded so much harsher than it did in my head. I mentally kick myself with the foot I just extracted from my mouth.
I am brought out of my self-defamation by a small hand tugging on my sleeve. "Do you still love us, Mummy?" Candace's sweet face looks from me to Ron. "Daddy?"
I squeeze the little person in my arms. "Yes, baby, we both love you two very much. We want what is best for our family, and we think that it would be best if Mummy and Daddy weren't married anymore."
"Can we all live in the same house?" she asks. I love her. She is so sweet, so innocent. How can I break her heart like this?
"No, baby. Uncle Harry has invited us to stay with him for a while." I hear Ron snort under his breath. "Daddy is going to still live in our house, so when you see Daddy, you will stay there."
"Why does he get to stay in the house? He's never there! Why do we have to find another place to live, why can't he?" That boy is most definitely a Weasley.
"Arthur," I say warningly. "Harry offered us a place in his home, so that your dad did not have to move all of our stuff out at once. Your dad has the money from his job to pay for the house. I don't have a job right now, how am I supposed to pay for it?" I am saying this as calmly as possible.
Ron shudders and whispers toward me, "I would have paid for it 'Mione."
"Yeah, Mum. My friend, Christopher's parents are divorced and his dad pays his mum alley money."
"That's alimony, dear, and I don't want your dad's money. I have some money in my Gringotts account that we can use until I get a job." I want to go to work. I miss working. I miss the excitement of learning and teaching. That's what I can do… teach. Maybe I can get a job at Hogwarts as a teacher, or even a librarian. I heard Madam Pince is planning on retiring soon. I didn't realize that I was thinking out loud until Ron looked at me strangely.
"You don't want my money? Hermione, I will pay you all the money in the world, if you need it."
"Ron, it's not about money. It's about being happy, and you know that money does not make me happy. I want other things out of life than money." I guess that pacifies him for the moment, as he turns away from me and looks at the ground.
"Arthur, please. This is hard for us too. But you have to understand, that this is for the best." Ron says trying to stay calm and collected. I am very proud of him.
"That's what you say, Dad. But Christopher's parents hate each other. They are always fighting and putting Chris in the middle of it. I don't want to be in the middle of it." I see tears running down his freckled face, before I can reach out to him, Ron has pulled him onto his lap.
"Arthur, I don't hate your mum, I could never hate her. She is my best friend. I hope she still feels the same about me. We will still talk, and maybe we can all have dinner sometimes, but your mum and I just don't get along very well when were married. I'm sorry, son. I love you and I didn't want to upset you." Ron gave Arthur a small kiss at his temple. Ron never shows affection like that. My heart leaps at this new breakthrough. Why does it take this for him to show that he loves his son? Why does it have to be too late?
"Son, I am leaving the choices up to you. I know you are not happy with us right now, and I understand. Your mum has arranged things with your Uncle Harry to stay with him. When you want to come see me, just send me an owl or Floo me, and I will be there. If you want to set it up so that you and Candi can stay with me every other week or weekend, that is up to you."
I look from Ron to Arthur and then down to Candace, who has fallen asleep in my arms. Her tiny face is streaked with tears, and I am torn apart. I look back up at my son. "Arthur, you do understand why this is happening don't you?" I ask softly.
"Yes, Mum. I understand. I have seen you cry when Dad is gone. I know you're not happy. I see you fighting with Dad when he's late. I know he's not happy. I'm not happy either. I just want it to be the way it used to be. When we would sit at the table and eat together. When you would read to me in front of the fire while Dad was reading the sports section of the Daily Prophet. I want Candi to know how happy we used to be." My heart is now a pile of mush on the floor. We have crushed our son. When did he become so philosophical? I reach out and rub his arm lightly.
He looks up at me and sees the tears in my eyes. He looks at Ron and sees the same in his. "Why don't you love each other anymore?"
Ron looks at me like he's asking permission to tell the truth. I nod, but speak before he can. "Arthur, I have fallen in love with someone else. He makes me happy." Let me take the blame, Ron has enough hurdles to jump in his relationship with Arthur, no use making it worse. Ron's eyes are huge as he looks at me. That's right Ron, let Arthur be mad at me.
"Mum? Why?"
I look deeply into those blue eyes, "You'll learn someday, that you can't control who you fall in love with. I love your father, but I am in love with this other man. Like I said, he makes me happy." I force a smile. I hate breaking my son's heart, but I know he'll understand someday. I watch as he looks over at Ron.
"It's all right, son. I want your mum to be happy. That's all I want. She deserves it, and I can't give it to her."
"But what if Mum decides to marry this other guy?" Ron looks at me with a small grin on his face. He's testing me. I dove in headfirst and now I must try to keep from drowning.
"Arthur, if that is going to happen, it will probably be a long way away. But if I decide to get married later, the man will be you're stepfather. He will not try to replace your dad. Your dad is your dad. No one can take that from you." That sounded good. Where did that come from? My mind is so far out of it; I'm surprised I can even make a coherent thought.
"And if I decide to get married again, the woman would not try to replace your mum. She carried you in her belly for nine months, she gave birth to you. No one can ever replace that. Alright?"
Arthur nods, and wipes his tears fiercely with his sleeve. "Now go and get your things, so that your mum can take you to Uncle Harry's." Arthur gets up from his father's lap, but before he can move to go up the stairs, he wraps his arms around Ron's neck.
"I love you, Dad."
Ron closes his eyes. I can tell he's holding back the tears. "I love you, too, Arthur."
Arthur pulls away and heads to the stairs. "Dad?" Ron turns to look at him. "You can call me Artie, if you want."
Ron smiles and shakes his head. "No, Arthur, you're too grown up to be an Artie. Arthur fits you much better." Arthur smiles as best he can before trudging up the stairs.
My arm is falling asleep under the weight of Candace and I try to maneuver her so I can lay her down on the couch. Ron stops me and takes her from my arms. He hugs her tight to his body, her red curls falling over his arm. The tears are now falling unchecked down his cheeks. I reach up to my face and realize that I am crying too.
He looks up at me with bloodshot eyes. "I'm sorry, Hermione."
I move closer to him and wrap my arms around him. "Ron, you don't need to apologize. We can both be happy now." He kisses me lightly on the forehead and does the same to our daughter.
"It's better this way." I'm not sure if he is trying to convince me or himself and I squeeze his hand in mine. We sit there together looking at our beautiful girl. A slight sniffling comes from the kitchen door, and I look up to see Molly standing there, kneading her apron in her hands.
Before she can burst into tears, I stand up and wrap her in a hug, "Oh, Molly. It's alright."
"I know, dear. I know you both are wonderful parents and I know that this is the best for you and the kids. I just don't want you to think, Miss Hermione, that you can just ignore us now. You are a part of this family as much as anyone else, including Harry. Don't be a stranger." I smile at her scolding tone. She can be very intimidating at times. Right now, though, with her voice cracking from unshed tears, the ferocity just isn't there.
I hug her fiercely. She is the closest thing I have to a mother, now. I could never let her go. "Molly, I don't think the kids would let me be a stranger." I chuckle lightly and she kisses my cheek.
"I love you, Hermione, dear. You know, if you want, you can call me Mum, everyone else does."
I look her straight in the eye and smile. "I love you, too… Mum."
With that she nods and leaves the room. I am assuming to let out the tears she has been holding back. I turn to look at Ron who was putting Candace down on the couch. He turns to me and kisses me softly on the lips. "I've got to run." I nod at him. This is goodbye. "I love you 'Mione."
"I love you too, Ron."
He starts to walk out the door and then turns suddenly, "Mum's right. You are a part of this family. Don't be a stranger."
I smile at him and he returns it genuinely. "I won't. But you have to agree to the same."
He nods and reaches out his right hand. I shake it. "Agreed," he said.
"I'll see you later, Ron."
"Yeah, I'll see you later. Bye 'Mione." I watch the door as he walks away and disapparates. I close my eyes and sigh, trying to contain the tears that threaten to spill. I have cried enough. I don't need to cry anymore. This is for the best. I walk back into the living room and pick up Candace in my arms. "Yeah, this is for the best." I say to no one in particular before heading upstairs to collect my son and go home.