Chapter 13
I'm going to be a dad! I stare at the beautiful witch in my arms. I can't believe she is going to have my baby. I'm going to be a dad, a father, a papa, a daddy! Oh my god, I don't know how to be a dad. Will I be any good at it? It's not like playing Quidditch. Will it just come naturally? I never knew my dad. I never learned how to be a dad. I'm thirty years old and I'm going to be a dad. I'm rambling, I know. I am just in such shock right now. I know I look calm on the outside, but I sure as hell am not calm on the inside.
I look again at Hermione who is still crying. Why is she crying? Is the prospect of having my baby that bad? It's not like its Snape's or anything like that. I kiss her softly on the top of her head and pull her deeper into my embrace. My heart is overflowing with love for her. I am overwhelmed. I just want to lay here all day with her, make love to her, but I guess holding her will have to suffice.
" 'Mione, what's wrong, love?" The tears are still flowing down her cheeks. I hate seeing her like this. I want to take away all her pain, all her doubt.
"Are we ready for this, Harry?" Hell no, I'm not ready for it, but it's not like we have a choice. OK, that sounded bad. I'm glad that was only in my head. I nuzzle her neck with butterfly kisses.
"We'll make it. I promise."
"I can't help but be scared, Harry. I mean, We have only been together a total of almost 4 weeks and now we're going to have a baby. Ron and I were married at least a few months before we were faced with this. I'm just scared." I pull her closer and she buries her face in my chest. I know she's scared. I know that she is afraid that we will bring a child or even children in the world and later rip their world apart by separating.
"It's different this time, 'Mione. I swear. I'm not like Ron. I will never leave you." I seal my statement with a kiss to her forehead. I can feel her shaking in my arms, and the front of my shirt is rapidly becoming damp with her tears.
"That's what Ron said, too." Oh gods. How am I supposed to fix this? What can I do to prove to her that I will not leave her, that I want her for the rest of my life? I want to marry her, but is it too soon? The kids don't even know about us yet. But I don't want her think that she has to do this all on her own. Would she say yes if I asked her to marry me? I don't want her to think tat its just for the baby, either. God, I'm screwed.
"Let's just take this one day at a time, love. Today is today, not yesterday or tomorrow… today. And right now, today, I love you more than anything in this world. I want to shout it off the rooftops. What can I do to prove to you that I will never leave you?"
She turns her body so that she is straddling my lap as she looks into my eyes. Her tears have started to subside. I wipe them away with my thumbs and kiss each of her eyelids, trying to stop more tears from forming. I look intently at her. "Hermione, what can I do?"
"Make love to me."
Her answer is so simple. It's true. If I pour all my love into making love with her, then maybe she will see how much she means to me. How much I love her. I don't hesitate for long before I kiss her gently. She tastes like mint, probably from the toothpaste earlier, but I'm not complaining. I personally like mint.
In a few short minutes we have rid ourselves of our clothing and I am raining kisses down her chest and stomach. I stop just at the little pooch of a belly she has from her two other children. I kiss her abdomen, pouring my love through my lips and into her skin. My baby is in there. My baby. Our baby. I whisper an "I love you," to my unborn child. I know it can't hear me right now, but I can't help it. My baby is in there, growing.
I wrap my arms around her waist and lay my head over her womb. Tears are prickling my eyes. Her fingers are running through my hair. This seems so domestic, but immensely intimate at the same time. I could stay like this all day, holding my love and my baby.
After a few moments I look up to see her beautiful face, brown eyes gazing deeply into mine. I crawl up and find her mouth with mine. "I love you so much, Hermione," I whisper against her lips. She repeats my words. There is so much emotion behind her eyes and suddenly she pulls me to her, almost into her. My manhood is nestled in her curls, lying like a good boy in the warm folds of her core.
Without words, we urge each other on. After 3 weeks, 4 days, and almost 17 hours, you would think that we would be desperate, ravaging each other. But, no, we are taking our time, savoring each kiss, each caress. I slowly slide into her heat and almost collapse from the sensation. She feels so good around me. I have missed her so.
Hermione is the most beautiful woman in the world, but even more so when she is lying wantonly underneath me, moaning and arching against me. I know that I will not last long. My heart is so full that it wants to explode, and after a few more deep strokes, that is just what I do. I explode into her as she writhes beneath me riding her own waves of passion.
After what seems like an eternity, our bodies come down from that blissful euphoria and I pull her to lie beside me. We are still connected. I like falling asleep like this, with myself still buried in her. It is strangely soothing and comfortable.
"Harry, are you sure about this?" Her eyes are so uncertain, scared.
"Hermione, I have never been more sure of anything in my life. I love you." I place my hand protectively over her belly. "I want this. I have dreamed of this. I know it's not the most opportune of circumstances, but we will make it."
She looks deeply into my eyes again and I can see the worry in her eyes. "What about Arthur and Candace?"
I stare at her dumbly. What is she thinking? That I would turn my back on her other two children for my own? No. I love her children as my own and they will have a little baby brother or sister around the beginning of May. My baby…
"How are we going to tell them?"
The only thing that comes to mind is Molly. Molly had to tell all her redheaded monsters that she was pregnant. Hell, Bill had to hear it 5 times. "Maybe we can talk to Molly. She'll know what to do."
She looks at me like I have grown three heads. "Molly? As in my ex-mother-in-law, Molly?"
I nod. "Yes, Molly. Who else?"
She sighs indignantly. "Of course, Molly. You're right Harry. But how is she going to take it? It's not Ron's."
My index finger curls under her chin and brings her eyes to look at me. "Hermione, Molly is just like our own mother. She would be happy for us. If anyone can help us, it's her."
Her eyes pull away from mine and she agrees that Molly might be our only hope in this. After a few cleaning spells and finding each other's clothes, we are dressed and heading to the Burrow.
We apparate into the kitchen, that smells wonderfully of apple pie and sugar cookies. Grandmum is loading the kiddies up, isn't she? I can hear laughter coming from the back garden. I pull Hermione toward the door, grabbing a warm cookie off of a plate on the way. What can I say? I'm a kid at heart, I can't resist sugar cookies, especially, Hermione's and Molly's. Those two woman will have my fat by the time I turn thirty-one.
"Mummy!" Candi comes running up to us and wraps her arms around Hermione's legs.
"Hi, baby. Can you go play in the garden, so that I can talk to Grandmum?" The little girls nods and runs off toward a few baby garden gnomes. They might even be small enough for her to fling over the fence. Molly is walking toward us, worrying her apron in her hands.
The three of us sit at the picnic table and the older woman waits patiently for one of us to start. Before I start to talk, Hermione raises her hand to quiet me. I look at her confusedly when she stands up and pulls my wand out of my back pocket. She looks at me and places the wand in my hand. I know what she wants me to do. It's the easiest way for us to say it, isn't it?
I point the wand at Hermione and softly say the incantation, "Expertus gravida." And once again the pale purple light from my wand surrounds her womb, turns yellow and then turns pink before dissipating. Hermione and I are looking at our surrogate mother, who is smiling through her tears. Without a word, she reaches across the table and wraps us both in her a tight hug. After a while she releases us and we sit back down, in a slightly uncomfortable silence.
I chance to speak first. "Molly, how do you feel about this?" I ask tentatively.
Her eyes are still shiny with tears as she tries to compose herself. "I am so happy for the two of you," she smiles. It seemed to be a true smile. I smiled back. Hermione on the other hand is still beating herself up.
"Molly, I'm sorry. I know it seems fast and…"Molly stops her mid-sentence with a hand placed over Hermione's.
"Hermione, I have told you to call me Mum, haven't I? You are just as much my daughter as Ginny is. And Harry you are my seventh son. Never doubt that I love you both. I am truly happy that you have finally let fate and destiny take over in your lives. This baby is a product of that. I am not upset or disappointed in either one of you. You love each other more than most other couples and I know that you will make excellent parents together."
I can't help but smile. A weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I can feel Hermione relax significantly next to me. OK, we've told someone, but how do we tell the most important ones? "Molly, how do we tell the kids? They don't even know about us." I whisper softly, so that Candi can't overhear.
"Just be honest with them. They love you, Harry. I think they will understand. They want their mum to be happy. You make her that way. I think they will be fine with it."
"What about Ron?" Hermione asks and my heart breaks slightly. I don't want to hurt my best friend. E will probably never forgive me. I didn't even let her get cold and I made love to her like a rabid animal.
"What about Ron? He is the one who cheated. He has no right to get upset about anything. Just tell him the truth," Molly says before she turns around to watch Candi start to stumble over her own feet. "The poor dear is ready for a nap. Why don't you take her home and wait for Arthur to get home. Tell them together. I think it would be best."
I nodded and went to pick up my half-asleep goddaughter. I carefully hold the child as we apparate back to 12 Grimmauld Place. I take Candace upstairs to her room and tuck her into bed.
When I return downstairs, I find Hermione in the kitchen, making a pot of tea. I could use some, definitely. I wrap my arms around her and run my fingers lightly over where my baby is. She smiles softly as I nuzzle her neck. What starts out as nuzzling, turns into full blown snogging. The next thing I know, I have Hermione sitting on the counter with her knees on either side of my hips, our mouths fighting for possession in a fiery kiss.
"WHAT THE…??!!"
We pull apart suddenly at the intrusion and look to see an irate Arthur standing in the doorway. Hermione jumps down from the counter and busies herself with the neglected tea. "Hi, sweetheart, how was your day?"
Arthur stood there, silent, glaring daggers at me. "Why? WHY? Why did you do this? Why did you tear my family apart?" I step toward the boy, defeated. I knew he would be upset, I just hoped I wouldn't be here for the blowup.
"Arthur, I love your mum," I say sheepishly. Even to me it sounds pathetic.
"I HATE YOU!" he yells before stomping up the stairs.
I look at Hermione and she rushes to follow her son. Before she leaves the kitchen she sends me a sympathetic look and mouths the words, "I'm sorry."
Here I am sitting on a chair in my kitchen… alone. Why do I always end up alone? All I want is to make Hermione, Arthur and Candace happy. I love them all, but I think I just lost Arthur. I will wait until Hermione straightens everything out. Hopefully, she can. Until then, I will sit here with my head in my hands and wait.