Chapter 12
I am going crazy… literally. I am lying here in my bed… alone, again. I thought that having Hermione and the kids move in would keep me from being alone. Most of the time I'm not, but right now, in my bed, I am alone. It has been 3 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours and… um… 36 minutes since Hermione, Arthur and Candace moved into Grimmauld Place. And in those 3 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours and now 37 minutes I have gotten to spend absolutely no time alone with Hermione. How can you actually be alone when you are with someone? Hmmm…
Well, enough of that train of thought. I miss her. She is 40 feet away and I miss her. I miss holding her, kissing her, loving her… I just plain miss HER. Don't get me wrong; I love the kids. I love having them here, but I can't even come up behind her and nuzzle her neck without her jumping away… 'just in case the kids come in.' I know that this is a hard time for them, but I can only take so much. I had so long to learn to live without her, that once I had her, there was no turning back.
I grudgingly get out of bed. I might as well start my day. I may be retired from Quidditch, but I still have things to do. Exactly what, I can't think of right now, but I know I have better things to do that stare at my ceiling all day. I pull on my jeans and a t-shirt. Comb my hair, not like it matters, and go down stairs for a cup of coffee and my morning constitutional.
When I walk into the kitchen, I find a small redhead eating cereal drowned in orange juice and wearing the most mis-matched clothes I have ever seen. I can't help but smile. She's so damned cute.
"Candi?"
"Oh, hi Uncle Harry." She looks back down at the newspaper on the table, acting like she is reading it. She is just like her mother, intellectual from head to toe.
I go to pour myself a cup of coffee and find that there's none made. That's odd. Hermione usually makes it when she gets Arthur off to school. I wave my wand and conjure up a cup. It's not as good as the real thing, but it will do. I sit at the kitchen table next to Hermione, Jr. and she ignores me, her eyes moving rapidly over the paper.
"So, anything exciting happen in the news today?" I ask her, and she looks at me blankly for a moment before realizing I am asking her about the newspaper.
"Nope, just the same old thing," she answers flatly. She wants to be so grown up.
"So, what's for breakfast?"
She looks up at me and grins. "Cocoa Clusters and Orange Juice. Would you like some?" I can't help but cringe at the thought of what that would taste like. I shake my head telling her I don't want any cereal and take a sip of my coffee.
For a while I just sit in companionable silence with the three-year-old, amazed that she could be so much like her mother, even this young. Speaking of her mother…
"Candi, did you make your breakfast this morning?"
She beams at me and nods her head with a mouthful of the disgusting mixture of chocolate and sugar and orange juice. My body involuntarily shudders as she swallows the mouthful without chewing. "Mummy's sick," she says between bites.
That was not what I was expecting to hear. Hermione is never sick. "Did she come down to take Arthur to school?"
She shakes her head, red curls looming dangerously close to the bowl of cereal. "Nope, Arthur walked to school. Mum knows, so don't go tattling."
I smile slightly but can't help the concern from showing on my face and Candace continues talking as she eats. "Mum was up a lot frowing up." Throwing up? I look at the young girl and begin to ask her another question when I am suddenly overcome with the urge to throw up myself. If I thought Candi's breakfast looked disgusting in the bowl, it's worse when it's half chewed in her mouth as she is talking to you.
"Please, don't talk with your mouth full," I reprimand her lightly.
She swallows. "Oh, sorry."
"Uncle Harry? Will you take Mummy to the medi-place to get her better? I don't like it when Mummy's sick."
I think about it for a moment and nod. "Candi, I'll be right back, all right?"
She nods and turns her page in the paper. I stifle a chuckle at her as I walk into the living room. Grabbing a handful of powder from the mantle, I toss it in and stick my head in the green flames. Suddenly, I am looking at the closest thing to a mother, I have ever known. "Molly?"
The plump woman turns to me. "Oh, Harry. How are you this morning?"
"I'm all right, but I think Hermione might have come down with something."
"Oh dear. Well, there is that bug going around. The twins had it last week. Maybe its…"
I interrupted her as politely as I could, "I'm sorry, Molly, but would you be able to take Candi for a while so I can take Hermione to the mediwitch?"
She smiles brightly and agrees. After gathering the technicolor child from the kitchen, I floo to the Burrow, kiss Molly and Candace on the cheek and floo back home. I take a few minutes to make some tea. I know just how she likes it… a little cream and a little honey. I smile at the idea that I may get to have some time alone with her. I know, I know, she's sick. I'm not going to do anything; I just want to be with her, without the interruption of children. I can just hold her and nurse her back to health.
I carefully walk up the stairs carrying a tray of tea and biscuits, trying hard not to trip or spill the tea. I knock softly on her door. A low grunt is the only reply. "Hermione, I brought you some tea. Can I come in?"
A second later the door opens of its own accord and I look in to see Hermione with her head buried in her pillow and her arm up pointing her wand at the door. As I step closer, I see that she looks like death warmed over. Her hair is tangled and her eyes are bloodshot. I set the tray down on the table and feel her forehead for a fever. Nope, no fever. Gingerly, I sit on the bed and push some stray tangles away from her face.
"You okay?"
She shakes her head. "I can't stop throwing up. It started about 4:00 this morning and barely has let up."
I grab a mug off the tray and offer it to her. She sits up slowly and takes the cup. She smiles as she sips it. I know just how she likes her tea. "Can I do anything for you, love?" I ask her softly as I run my fingers up and down her leg. I can feel her skin prickling under my touch. I have missed her.
"No, but thank you for the tea. It's seems to be helping a bit."
"Do you think it's just the flu or something?"
"I don't know Harry. I feel like I was run over by Hagrid followed by a few dozen thestrals."
I stand up and urge her to sit forward a bit. I maneuver myself so that I am sitting with my back against the headboard and Hermione between my legs. I wrap my arms around her and hold her as she leans back into me. Neither one of us speaks; it is so peaceful, quiet.
My hands absently rub over her belly and I suddenly feel a rumble under my fingertips. A moment later Hermione is dashing to the loo. I can hear her heaving and my heart aches for her. I hate to see her like this. After a few moments I can hear water running and the distinct sound of her brushing her teeth. Her parents were dentists after all, you know.
She slowly comes back to me and curls up against my chest. I kiss the top of her head as I pull the covers over her. "Harry, will you stay with me today?"
I smile into her hair and whisper "Of course."
I love this. Just sitting here, holding her. This is the best way I could ever possibly spend a day. Well, almost the best, I can thing of a few more amorous ways of passing the time. It has been so long since I have even touched her that my body is reacting already. I shift back a bit so that she can't fell me against her rear.
She's chuckling. She knows what I'm doing. Dammit.
"I miss you, Harry." Those four little words make my heart sing. I kiss her shoulder softly and tell her that I miss her too.
"Where's Candace?"
"With Molly."
She turns slightly to face me. "You mean, we're alone?" The look in her eyes is scary. Honestly. I nod, not knowing what else to say. She kisses me soundly on the lips and I want to deepen the kiss, but don't take the chance with her being sick and all. Her head lays on my chest, under my chin. She feels so good. Her hair against my skin, her weight pressing into my chest. My arms wrap tighter around her, trying to express how I feel.
"Are you all right, Hermione?" I ask her after a few more minutes and a few more sips of tea.
She nods. "It's just so weird. It came on so suddenly this morning and now it feels like it's gone." I can tell she is feeling better, her voice is clearer and her eyes are sparkling. God, she is beautiful. I nuzzle into her neck as she continues talking. "The last time I felt like this was when I…" She sits up abruptly, her body tense.
"What, 'Mione? Are you going to be sick again?" She shakes her head and shoots me a panicked look. "Hermione?"
She looks away from me and before I can turn her face back to me, she gets up and starts pacing. "Hermione?" I ask again. She seems lost in her own thoughts and I am becoming more and more worried. When she turns around, I see the sparkling of tears on her cheeks. I stand up and wrap her in my arms letting her rock slightly. Soothing her. I absently rub her back with my fingers. "Hermione, what is it?"
She shakes her head and mumbles something incoherent into my chest. "What was that, love? I don't have ears down there."
She stops rocking herself and looks straight at my Adam's apple. "We didn't use a charm."
I shake my head. What in the heck is she talking about? We didn't use a charm for what? And what does that have to do with anyth… Oh Bloody Hell! I pull her to arms length away, so that I can look her in the eye.
"Hermione, are you saying what I think you're saying?" My voice is shaky. I don't even know what I feel right now - fear, apprehension, pride, joy, hope. She nods, but is still focused on anywhere but my face. I cradle her face in my hands and bring her to look at me. I gently wipe her tears away with my thumbs. I search her eyes for something, anything.
"I'm sorry, Harry." That's not what I was searching for. She pulls abruptly away from me and flops onto the bed. Her tears are falling unchecked down her cheeks. Why is she sorry? Why is she so upset by this?
I kneel in front of her and urge her to look in my eyes. "Hermione, do I look upset to you?" She shakes her head almost unnoticeably. "Then, please don't apologize." She looks at me then. Her eyes are unsure, searching mine. I kiss her tears away and smile as I pull back from her.
"Hermione, we made love four times that night... and morning," I say reassuringly. "Neither one of cast the charm. We didn't think about it. I know that all I was thinking about was that I had you in my arms." She blushed and turned her head away. No, she will not look away from me. This is important. I need her to understand that this is not necessarily a bad thing.
"Plus, as you were the top student in charms, you should know that contraceptive charms only last for so long. We would have had to cast it multiple times for it to have worked properly. And honestly, I don't think I would have had the strength to stop and cast a charm. Hell, my brain barely functioned as it was, I don't even think I knew my name, except when you were screaming it into the night."
I smiled at the deeper blush on her cheeks. "My, Hermione, you do turn a pretty shade a red." A pillow comes flying at my head and I catch it before she nails me. It feels good to see her smiling again. I know I had to resort to my perverted alter ego, but I got her to smile.
"Harry, you're not upset about this?"
"Why would I be upset? Granted, it is a little sooner that I had expected, but I wanted you to have my children eventually anyway." Now I am blushing. I can feel the blood rushing over my face and I turn away. I can't believe I admitted thinking that.
Suddenly, her arms surround me. I can feel her heart beating against my back and her head resting on my shoulder. "I love you, Harry." That's all she has to say and I am weak. I turn to her and kiss her fervently.
All too soon, the kiss ends and I look deep into the brown pools staring at me. "I love you more than anything, Hermione. And if you are indeed carrying my baby, it would make me the happiest man alive."
She smiles and looks at me again. "Harry, if I tell you the spell, will you check?"
I look at her with the most confused expression on my face. "What spell?"
She shakes her head. "There is a spell that you can check if a witch is pregnant. But I can't cast it on myself. You'll have to."
I nod and pull out my wand. She tells me the incantation and I point my wand at her belly. "Expertus gravida." A pale purple light shoots out of my wand and surrounds her womb. I stare at her stomach, not knowing what exactly I'm looking for, but suddenly the purple light becomes yellow and fades to a pink before it dissipates completely.
I look up at Hermione expectantly. What just happened? What did that mean? She is smiling, but crying at the same time. Her voice is no more than a whisper as she looks me in the eye. "Harry, you're going to be a dad."