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Hopelessly Addicted
Chapter 12
"So much for my happy ending"
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You were all the things I thought I knew, and I thought we could be
You were everything, everything that I wanted…
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending - so much for my happy ending!
Avril Lavigne, "(So Much For) My Happy Ending"
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"Mr. Potter, you married Miss Evans on February 14, 1972, in the village of Hogsmeade," Rita Skeeter repeated with a cheesy grin. "It says so right here. Why have you kept your marriage a secret for so long?"
James was staring blankly at her. He really had no idea what the Daily Prophet reporter was talking about, and he was pretty sure that his alleged wife didn't, either. What on earth was happening?
"I think you're mistaken, Ms. Skeeter," Lily said calmly. The coolness in her voice brought James back to reality, and he began to see the situation with sharp clarity.
Yes, of course Rita was lying. Even though he, of course, had wanted to propose Lily at the time, they had not gotten married while still at Hogwarts! It was an absurd thought.
Rita had already placed her Quick-Quotes quill on an empty scroll, and was anxiously observing the couple.
After a few seconds, she chuckled. "It's pointless to avoid the truth, Mrs. Potter. As you should know, the MAA results came out this morning, and were included in today's Prophet. I was just wondering if I could get an exclusive interview for the next edition of Witch Weekly."
"We have nothing to say," James replied, warily watching the vivid green quill zooming across the parchment.
"Well, are you happy about being elected the Most Attractive Aurors?"
"Yes, but -" Lily began.
"Will that cause you any problems as a couple? I mean, people are bound to try and approach -"
"No, Miss Skeeter, because we are not -"
"Oh, you're one of those liberal couples. In fact, Mrs. Potter, I heard you actually chose to work in another country. Did that jeopardize your relationship?"
"It couldn't -"
"Wonderful! But then again, your feelings for each other must be very strong. I mean, nearly seven years! That's a lot! What's your secret?"
"Skeeter!" James replied, frowning. "We. Are. Not. Married. Which part of that did you fail to -?"
Rita smiled with fake understanding. "The wizarding world comprehends your desire for secrecy, Mr. Potter. But everyone knows it now. In fact, I'm surprised you've managed to conceal this from the public for so long - but then again, you're some of our best Aurors."
"Please," he began despairingly. "Listen to me for just one second. I don't know what kind of misunderstanding happened, but I can assure you that Lily and I are not married."
He glanced at Lily for support, but she was looking elsewhere. Her furious, hawk-like gaze was now fixed on Sirius' guilty facial expression. She appeared to have found the source of all the trouble.
"Sirius," she began softly, with deceptive serenity. "What the hell have you done?"
Upon hearing this, James turned to look at his best friend as well. Oh, yes… He had most certainly arranged this. To anyone else, Sirius seemed (as always) like an angel of charm and alluring innocence. But to anyone who knew him… no, he was guilty. He definitely had a hand in this.
"Oh, can I get a statement from your best friend? Was he best man at the wedding?"
"There was no -"
Rita threw Lily an exasperated look. "Do you want a copy of your own marriage certificate, Mrs. Potter?"
"Uh… yes, that would be nice."
The reporter swished her wand and duplicated the document, handing a copy to Lily. "So? Do you admit it now?"
Lily peered over the document with shock. It surely seemed authentic, but there had to be something wrong! How could Rita have faked this? And, most importantly, why would she have done it? Lily and James' personal lives as coveted and available singles were much more interesting!
"Two in the morning?" she said after a few seconds. "How could we have gotten married at two in the morning?"
Rita shrugged. "In our world, there are many ways of getting married, besides signing a piece of parchment… I would like to hear the story of that great day, by the way! Valentine's Day is a very romantic occasion… How was it?"
Lily was visibly trying to remember what had happened that day. Well, she had most certainly been dating James at the time. But he had never even been close to proposing!
"We were - in Hogsmeade, yes," she muttered to herself.
James looked at her with surprise. What was Lily doing? Didn't she know that Rita's quill was hanging on to their every word?
"What happened, James? I can't -"
"Er… we didn't get married, that's for sure."
"Yes, but - well, we studied marriage in Magical Civil Law, remember? Maybe we did something that night… I just - can't remember what that could've been…" she continued, frowning in confusion.
"We didn't form a circle, Lily! For all of those ceremonies, we had to form a circle with at least seven wizards or witches!"
"I know, it's just -" Lily sighed, and shook her head.
"Wait a minute…" James said suddenly. His face paled considerably as he started recalling the night's events. "Oh, shit…"
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It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared and making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all - thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done!
He was everything, everything that I wanted…
Avril Lavigne, "(So Much For) My Happy Ending"
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Lily turned to face James, her eyes flashing. "What?" she hissed.
"Sirius and Remus… their respective girlfriends… and Peter… with us, that makes seven… They -"
"Oh, Merlin…" she moaned all of a sudden. "They walked in on - oh, bloody hell! How come we never -?"
"We didn't realise it had happened… We never bothered to get an annulment."
She ran her fingers through her hair, shaking her head with irritation. "It's too late for that; we're going to have to get a divorce."
Julia stood and walked to them, clearly flabbergasted.
"So… You're really married?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "I - I - you - I never -"
James rolled his eyes. "We didn't know, Jules."
"Well, you do now!" she replied at once. "So you have to go get a divorce! Right?"
He glanced at Lily, who nodded with a shrug. "Yeah."
"So!" Rita squealed happily. James noticed that her quill hadn't been taking notes for the past few minutes. Now, however, it was beginning to write again. "You two… drank a bit too much, perhaps? And decided to celebrate your union surrounded by friends in the romantic village of Hogsmeade? What a nice idea."
"We weren't drunk," Lily muttered. She already knew that Skeeter would write whatever she wanted… They would just have to deal with the consequences.
"And now you're going through a crisis in your marriage… Well, it's only natural - you've been together for a long time. How do you deal with your husband's infidelity, Mrs. Potter?"
"I don't -"
"Are you the accepting, forgiving wife -?"
James snorted and grinned broadly at that, and Rita's eyes glinted. She was finally getting somewhere.
"Or do you take an aggressive stand, getting lovers as well to get back at him?"
Lily smiled and seemed to ponder the question. It was useless to fight this situation - the best she could do was have some fun, at least.
"Oh, no, I date a lot, too. Sticks and stones, you know."
Rita sighed contentedly. The couple was finally admitting the truth. "Can you give us any names?"
"Nah," Lily said with a wink. "I don't want them to get in trouble; some of them have girlfriends and all."
James approached Lily and muttered something in her ear.
She laughed. "You're right; he's going to get in trouble… Well, there's nothing I can do about that now. Poor guy."
"Mr. Potter, do you two have problems working together?"
He shrugged. "We argue sometimes, but we've always worked extraordinarily well together."
"Why do you sign your strategies 'Potter-Evans' and not just 'Potters'?"
Lily chuckled. "We'll remedy that soon."
"Yes, there's no need for secrecy anymore."
"Exactly."
"And," Rita focused now on Julia, "Miss Rutilia? I assume you're Mr. Potter's current affair. Did he ever tell you he was married?"
"No."
"Are you surprised?"
"Yes, of course."
"Does it break your heart to know that he's loved another woman all along? It must feel awful - you have my sympathy."
Julia clenched her jaw, clearly trying to stop her tears. "He said - he told me he'll divorce her soon."
Rita shook her head despondently. "They all say that, darling."
Lily and James couldn't believe Julia's reaction. Hadn't she seen that they had just found out about the marriage? How could she be so gullible?
"Miss Skeeter?" Lily asked sweetly.
Rita turned to her.
"You caught us - I admit it. We'd be delighted to give you whatever information you may want, but the truth is… Right now, we have a lot of work. We won't be long here in France. Would you mind if we talked in London?"
Rita blinked and checked her watch. "I have to hand this in at noon tomorrow."
James grinned. "Excellent. We'll meet in the morning - how's that?"
The reporter smiled as well. "Wonderful. I'll be in touch. See you tomorrow, then."
"See you tomorrow."
"Bye."
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You've got your dumb friends; I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult, but so are they!
But they don't know me - do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me, all the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew, and I thought we could be…
Avril Lavigne, "(So Much For) My Happy Ending"
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The moment Rita left the room, Lily and James turned to look at Sirius. They had no doubt that he had been the reason that Skeeter had found out about their marriage. The question was how he had discovered that in first place, and why he had decided to pass on that information.
"Spill it, Sirius," James said soberly, looking into his best friend's eyes. "What did you do?"
"Nothing."
"Right."
"No, really! I had no idea you guys were married! I just found out, too!"
Lily sighed. "Sirius, stop it."
"I'm telling the truth! Really!"
"Well, it's obvious you're guilty of at least part of this mess. It's useless to deny it - will you just confess already?"
"I - I… Look. I did nothing. I just - spread a little rumour, that's all. It's not my fault Skeeter decided to check it out and discovered that you're really married!"
"Why on earth did you -"
"I overheard Fabian talking to Cyrus… They were saying that you'd easily win the MAA this year. They were wondering if there was anything that anyone could do to give you some real competition - me, that is," Sirius added with a sly grin.
James snorted, and Lily smiled.
"Anyway… I interrupted them - I had just noticed that they were really on to something. Of course I just wanted to help you win this one," he hurried to say, "but they didn't know that. So I agreed with their plan to spread a rumour that you were, in fact, married. Naturally, Lily was the most obvious and believable choice for your fake wife."
"Naturally," she echoed with a sigh, sitting at the desk and dully staring at the opposite wall.
"If everyone believed you were married, they wouldn't vote for you - or so the guys thought. In my opinion, the hearsay would put you in the spotlight, and more people would choose you. As for Skeeter… well, she has eyes and ears everywhere, so I'm not surprised she heard about this."
"And that was how long ago?"
"The day before yesterday."
Julia was staring at Sirius like she'd never seen him before. "What do you mean, 'the most obvious and believable choice'? I think that would be me, Sirius. Why on earth would anyone think -"
"Jules -" James began.
"No, no, no!" she shrieked, gritting her teeth.
Everyone gawked. Julia was always such a controlled, sweet girl! She had never, ever freaked out like this before.
"I'm sick and tired of all these bloody insinuations! I know Lily and James dated for a long time; I know they were in love. For Merlin's sake, I was at Hogwarts with them! I remember! But why anyone would think that there's any chance that they can still have any kind of relationship is beyond me! They clearly dislike each other!"
Lily and James were absolutely bewildered by her outburst. They had no idea that the situation had annoyed Julia this much.
"Sirius knows that," James said softly, gazing into her eyes with as much tenderness as he could muster. "He's just picking on me."
Julia nodded, drained.
"Excuse me," Dorcas said quietly from the other side of the desk. "I know you guys are in the middle of an important discussion and all, but you have a meeting with Bennett in three minutes."
"Oh!" Lily exclaimed, standing. "I'd completely forgotten."
"We really should get going… Jules, I'm sorry, we'll talk later."
Julia nodded once more.
"Where can we Apparate?" James asked Lily.
She laughed. "Wherever we want… There are no specific Apparition areas."
James blinked, confused. "But - security - it's insane…"
Lily sighed. "I know. Welcome to the French Ministry."
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Something isn't right, I can feel it again… this isn't the first time you left me waiting
Sad excuses and false hopes tied - I saw this coming; I don't know why I let you in
I knew it all along; so predictable, I knew something would go wrong
You don't have to call, or say anything at all… So predictable!
Something did go wrong, something's always wrong…
Good Charlotte, "Predictable"
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Lily and James' gazes locked for a brief moment. She nodded, and they Disapparated with a small pop.
"What's - how can they get along so well? Since when do they have all this complicity? Why do you guys tease them so much?" Julia wailed, sitting and burying her head in her hands.
"Listen, Julia," Remus said softly, feeling truly sorry for the poor girl. "If you manage to spend, I don't know, ten years or so with someone, listening to his every thought, hanging onto his every word, staying in tune with his every feeling, you might just get to know the guy half as well as Lily and James know each other. It's creepy, really. I've never seen anything like it."
"But that doesn't mean they - they still have feelings for each other, does it? I mean -"
"No, of course not," Sirius replied earnestly, even though he was almost certain that his statement was a complete lie. "They just know each other incredibly well, that's all."
"But don't you remember? They used to bicker a lot before they -"
"They're over that. Really."
"Then why do they keep getting under each others' skin so often? James' self-control is usually so good!"
Sirius grinned broadly. "Imagine working every single day with someone who can read your thoughts and predict all your reactions… It would drive anyone crazy!"
She sighed. "I don't understand James - or Lily, for that matter! It makes no sense!"
"Don't try- just leave it to them… They understand each other, they always have."
"We should get back to work, guys," Valerie piped up suddenly, eyeing Alain with caution. She hadn't seen him this angry in a long time - it was kind of scary. His face had literally changed colour.
"You're right," Remus agreed at once. "Julia, why don't you work with Amelia and Valerie?"
"Okay," she replied meekly. Julia was apparently back to her old self… Oh, poor thing! Remus knew that she was the biggest victim in the entire situation - even more so than Alain, who hadn't managed to hang on to Lily.
But then again… Alain wasn't guilty, either. There was no one to blame for the whole affair - no one but Lily and James themselves.
And even so… Were they guilty? Remus didn't think that either would have liked to get involved in that mess again.
Yes, it had been inevitable. Fate.
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You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down, to feel like you're being pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down, but no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like… Welcome to my life!
Simple Plan, "Welcome to my life"
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Remus sighed and looked at Sylvie, who was sitting beside him. Remus really liked the girl… She was usually very sharp, but also sweet at times. Above all, she seemed to like him, too - and that's where his problems began.
Remus was terrified of becoming attached to girls. His sporadic relationships rarely lasted for more than a couple of months - and he suffered immensely at the end of each. It was awfully easy for him to grow dependent on and close to someone… And then he got hurt.
He'd tried telling a few of his past girlfriends about his lycanthropy. They had all been shocked - some had them had begun to shy away after expressing their compassion; others had tried to act understanding… but things had never been the same after the revelation. So now Remus had learned his lesson. He could never tell anyone else. Ever.
Yes. Always being alone, never having true intimacy with anyone - that was his curse. The Wolf forced him to be separate from everyone else… even though Remus needed them desperately.
But together, they were enough. He didn't need human reasoning - he craved no human values. His instincts, more developed than human ones, were more than enough…
No, no, no! What was he thinking? Why did his mind have to go through this constant struggle all the time? How many times would he have to repeat to himself that he was first and foremost a human being? His reasoning was worth more to him than any of his instincts!
It's easy to say that now…
Remus shuddered involuntarily. Oh, he remembered how easy it was to let the Wolf take over. The pain of the transformation brought out the worse in him - it wasn't hard to let go of his human mind.
Not that Remus liked it… it was just uncontrollable. Even now, seven days away from the full moon, he could still feel it… Remus was essentially different from everyone, and his day-to-day feelings expressed it effortlessly: Sylvie's sweet scent trickled his nostrils, a distant cry in another Ministry office made part of his mind wander, trying to figure out what was happening…
Blood…
The familiar smell jolted all his body cells into a state of moderate euphoria. Remus tiredly acknowledged that his heart was beating faster, and his thin, pale hands had feverishly clasped the quill.
Stop it. There's nothing you can do about it now.
"Ow, I cut my finger," Remus heard Katrina muttering, very, very far away.
He then heard Sylvie taking a deep breath and saw her opening her mouth to say something. Remus forced himself to listen.
"Do you think that they might try to breach our defences through this window?" Sylvie asked, pointing to the parchment.
Remus sighed. He definitely didn't share Lily and James' gift for strategy, but spending a lot of time around them had certainly taught him a thing or two. "Yes, probably. It wouldn't be too hard to block them, though."
"Yeah, we just have to strengthen the charm in this wall."
"Exactly."
She turned to look him in the eye. "Are you okay?"
On the other side of the table, Sirius' head snapped up, and he narrowed his eyes. Remus could tell that his friend was quickly calculating how far away the full moon was.
One week.
Remus didn't need to calculate anything - he didn't even need to think. The phases of the moon ran in his blood. He could feel the dreaded date looming closer as easily as he could breathe, or think.
From the very first time they'd met, his days with Sylvie had already been counted. Perhaps he'd manage to fool her for one month, maybe even two… Certainly not more than that.
"Yeah… I'm fine."
"I can tell there's something wrong," she replied caringly. "But it's okay if you don't want to talk about it."
Damn it. Sensitive girls often annoyed Remus. Well, there was obviously something wrong - in seven days, he was going to become a monster! A monster who wouldn't think twice before devouring even Sylvie herself, if she came close to him!
Remus hated the Wolf with all his might, but it was a part of him. He fought hard to suppress it… but it was impossible.
His last girlfriend had brought out the Wolf more than any other. She liked it more than she did Remus himself; she only let him have his way with her after seeing the amber flashing in his eyes, the fierce animal instinct breaking through his rigid self-control…
No, Remus couldn't have continued to let the Wolf take over that often. He had broken up with her after a scary incident involving blood play, an experience he wasn't at all anxious to relive.
And now he had Sylvie. Sharp, intelligent, sensitive and lovable Sylvie… No, their relationship couldn't last. Remus couldn't let her get much closer to him. She would get hurt - he would end up hurting her. And, once more, the guilt would be almost too much to bear.
"We'll talk later," he replied after a while. "Let's finish working on this first."
She nodded, looking at him curiously. Had she done something wrong? Had - oh, Merlin, had Dominic had that talk with Remus behind her back somehow? Sylvie had warned her brother several times not to interfere in her relationships… But he always ended up doing it anyway. It was so aggravating!
Remus looked around the table. Sirius and Katrina were talking excitedly - he was clearly flirting with her, and not getting much work done. Dorcas was trying to get Alain's attention, but he was visibly too irritated to work. Marlene and Dominic had stopped discussing and writing to observe the other people at the table. Amelia and Valerie were consoling Julia.
Oh, Lily and James would be thrilled to see how much work had been done in their absence.
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Lui, il t'observe, du coin de l'oeil; toi, tu t'énerves, dans ton fauteil
Lui, te caresse, du fond des yeux; toi, tu te laisses prendre à son jeu
Et moi dans mon coin, si je ne dis rien, je remarque toute chose
Et moi dans mon coin, je ronge mon frein, en voyant venir la fin...
Charles Aznavour, "Et moi dans mon coin"
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"Son of a bitch!"
Lily's growl attracted everybody's attention. She had Apparated in the room all of a sudden, looking dangerously furious.
"Who? James?" Valerie asked tentatively.
Lily was rummaging through some papers with alarming urgency, and didn't seem to notice the question. Sirius therefore decided to answer it for her.
"No. Lily never insults James' mother - she knows he hates it."
"But - but doesn't she want to irritate him?"
"Oh, of course not."
Valerie threw Sirius an are-you-kidding-me look, and he laughed.
"They argue just for fun. They don't actually want to get the other angry."
"Is that so, Lily?"
The redhead was frowning, still examining the papers Marlene had brought from the office. Once more, she dutifully ignored her friend's question.
"Trust me," Sirius laughed. "They're like little kids, teasing and poking each other with sticks until one of them surrenders."
Val grinned. "I see."
"Bastard."
Lily turned at once to look at James, who had just Apparated. Valerie shook her head - well, of course Lily had stopped whatever she was doing at once to pay attention to him.
"Can you believe him?" Lily said, giving James the paper which she'd been looking for since her arrival. "It's, like -"
He examined it carefully, shaking his head. "So inconsequential."
"Absurd!"
"Downright insane!"
"Exactly."
"Ugh," he spat. "If this gets -"
"I know; I'll take care of it."
"He -"
"True. But -"
"That's precisely my -"
"Obviously… Don't worry."
"Are you -"
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"But then again, what can you expect from a man who takes Kate Malshirn as his mistress?"
James smiled. "What do you mean? A man can't plead temporary insanity?"
"Well, you can do whatever you want - just don't tell me Bennett was in his right mind ten minutes ago, because he wasn't."
"I know. Are you sure you're going to quit your job here in Paris? I mean, now, especially, you might need -"
"No, I have enough gold saved in Gringotts. I can't stand working here anymore, it's too disorganised!"
"You're saying Paris is disorganised?" James asked, surprised. "After hearing the British Minister saying he'll cancel all the funding for your team?"
Lily shrugged. "I've always appreciated challenges. I just can't dedicate myself fully to London while maintaining the French post… Myrie!"
The owl left the windowsill and flew to the table. Lily quickly scribbled a short note to Jacques Neveu and gave Myrie instructions on where to find him.
James turned to face the rest of them. "So, are you guys done?"
"Are you kidding?" Val asked, almost choking.
He frowned. "No."
"But - but - it's too little time!"
"Are you two even close to being done with your work?" Alain sputtered angrily. "How can you ask us to -?"
James' eyes flashed angrily. "We are working. M. Delacour… but we can't devote our entire time to developing strategies - we actually have other things to do as well. But I guarantee you that we will finish our part long before most, if not all, of you. So please mind your own business and worry about your own work - if that's not already too much for you to handle."
"Whoa," Sylvie muttered. "Can't those two just pretend - just a little bit - that they're not insanely jealous about Lily?"
Remus shook his head slightly. "James has always been that way around her… He tolerated it if Sirius or I made some playful comment, but that was all. No other guy was even allowed to look at her for too long."
"And what does she think?"
"Lily doesn't mind it much, I don't think… Or at least she didn't use to - I'm not so sure what she thinks nowadays."
"I see."
Alain followed Lily's every movement with watchful suspicion. He clenched his fists when James put his hand on her waist for a bit longer than necessary (purposefully, of course) before leading her to their private part of the room.
From then on, the solid barrier protected the couple from Alain's scrutiny, but of course he couldn't help but imagine what was going on in there…
Oh, if Potter even considered making a move, Alain would certainly kill him.
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One minute I wanna slit your throat the next I wanna sex
You make me crazy the way we act like two maniacs in the sack
We fight like two jack rabbits, and maybe that's a bad habit
'Cause the next day we're back at it, the same exact pattern
What the fuck's the matter with us?
We can't figure out if it's lust or love what's attracting us to each other…
Eminem, "Crazy in love"
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"You are so childish," Lily said, laughing. "Both of you."
James smiled coyly. "I couldn't resist it."
"I know!"
James didn't remove his hand from her waist; instead, he kissed Lily, wrapping his arms around her.
"Hmm," she mumbled, pressing her body against his and encircling his neck.
"We can't do this now," he muttered into her lips, watching her frustration with delight. "We need to finish doing our part of the work."
Lily shook her head. "Let me get this straight," she said, sliding her hand down his abdomen teasingly slowly and unzipping his pants. "You're actually telling me… that… you're going… to reject… your own wife… because… of her boyfriend?"
James closed his eyes, and tried to steady his breathing while ignoring what Lily was doing… Oh, crap, it was impossible…
"Lil… baby, come on… I - we should -"
She smiled naughtily and her eyes twinkled. "If you want me to stop, just say the word…"
"Why do you have to use everything I say against me?" he complained, lifting her chin and kissing her again. "Merlin, why do you have to make me feel this way?"
"What, do you think I usually lower myself to chasing after guys who reject me as often as you do?" she retorted, playfully biting his lower lip.
"Oh, please!" James replied at once, kissing her neck. "You know I'm crazy about you…"
"But you know, honey," Lily said after a few seconds, looking into his eyes. "We do have to work."
She let go of James, and he sat on the floor, exhaling heavily. "Yeah."
"Can you imagine how horrible it would be to have Alain finishing his work before us?"
"No, sweetheart. That is certainly not an option."
She smiled.
James cocked his head to the side with a playful grin. "I could totally get used to this."
Lily shook her head, laughing. "Well, don't. We'll get a divorce… eventually."
"Can we just have some fun with this before that? I mean, I'm not sure I'll ever get married again - let me enjoy my current status for a while."
"Sure… Oh!" she exclaimed all of a sudden. "We could go swinging!"
"You have got to be kidding me. We can't even find time to have a sex life of our own, let alone go out and do it with others!"
"Hm, true. So… what? We start arguing over why you left the toilet seat up, or to where I Vanished your work papers while cleaning your office?"
He chuckled. "We already do that, Lil."
"Oh," she said, frowning. "Right."
"But that's not all married life is about, you know."
"I do, but… I just don't think I could stand being married to one person for a long time."
"Well, our seventh anniversary is approaching - seven years is a long time. And yet here we are."
Lily grinned. "I mean for real, James. I couldn't imagine myself living with a man for too long."
"I think you're forgetting that we just about lived together for a year or so at Hogwarts," he said pensively. "I practically inhabited your room."
"Well, you're different."
"How so?"
"We know each other - plus, we were madly in love back then. We got along marvellously well, despite the occasional heated argument... Plus, the reconciliation was always worth it," she added with a coy smile.
"Well… who knows, maybe someday you'll find someone else like me."
Lily snorted. "Merlin, I hope not."
He grinned. "Me too."
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Lui, il te couve, fiévreusement; toi, tu l'approuves, en souriant
Lui, il te guette, et je le vois; toi, tu tu regrettes que je sois là
Et moi, dans mon coin, si je ne dis rien, je vois bien votre manège
Et moi, dans mon coin, je cache avec soin cette angoisse qui m'étreint...
Charles Aznavour, "Et moi dans mon coin"
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"So. Sylvie?"
"Four out of six."
"Amelia?"
"Three out of six."
"Katrina?"
"Three out of six."
"Dorcas?"
"Two out of six."
"Marlene?"
"Five out of six."
"All right, that's pretty good," Lily said, grinning. "But you guys really need to hurry - we don't want to be here for much longer, and most of you still have a long way to go."
Dorcas stared at her pointedly and threw Alain an annoyed look. Lily noticed that he was visibly not getting any work done. At the same time, Amelia nodded meaningfully at Julia, her eyes sending the message clearly: 'it's impossible to work with her now.'
"I think," she continued firmly, "that it's time for a slight rearrangement. Does anyone oppose changing pairs now?"
"I do," Remus replied at once. "We're halfway through a task; it'll be harder to start from scratch with someone else."
"We're almost done with our last one as well," said Marlene. "It would be better to finish it before changing pairs."
"Anyone else?"
Sirius glanced at Lily with an unmistakeable grin. Oh, he didn't want to be separated from Katrina - but his reasons had nothing to do with work.
"All right, uh… Amelia, you can -"
"Chief?"
She turned, and grinned delightfully. "Will!"
They hugged, and she laughed.
"I'm not your Chief Auror anymore; you don't have to call me that."
"It would feel weird to call you 'Lily.' I'll stick to 'Chief,' I'm used to it. How are you? You never even come to visit!"
"I know; I'm sorry… I'm great!"
"Seriously, why don't you come here anymore? I receive your strategies all the time - and there's no use denying you made them, because I know your style -, and Neveu says you still work for us… It wouldn't hurt to visit once in a while!"
"That's true, and again, I'm sorry. But the thing is… well, I've just handed in my resignation, actually."
"Oh, really? That's a pity."
"But hey, I'm a full-time Londoner now!"
"I still can't believe you left us for London!"
She laughed. "Ha! I like it there, it's very… challenging."
"I'm sure it is. So… have you been promoted to Chief Auror yet?"
"Yes, since my transfer."
"And you're working with whom?"
Lily gestured towards the Aurors seating around the table. "Will, these are Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Marlene McKinnon, Amelia Bones, Julia Rutilia and Dorcas Meadowes. Guys, this is William Ryder."
"I think I know you from somewhere…" Sirius said pensively.
"Yes, you pretended to be a Muggle who'd accidentally entered the Ministry and almost scared Will to death," Lily replied. "But no hard feelings, right?"
Will grinned. "Of course not."
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Lui te regarde furtivement; toi, tu bavardes trop librement
Lui te courtise à travers moi; toi, tu te grises, ries aux éclats
Et moi, dans mon coin, si je ne dis rien, j'ai le coeur au bord des larmes
Et moi, dans mon coin, je bois mon chagrin, car l'amour change de main..
Charles Aznavour, "Et moi dans mon coin"
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"Hello, Will," Dorcas said with a slight grin.
"Dorcas…" he muttered, staring at her with evident surprise, "It's been a while."
"It has… How are you?"
"I'm - fine… And you?"
"I'm fine too. And your wife - Caroline, isn't it? Is everything all right?"
"Yes, we have a little daughter now."
"How nice."
Will nodded politely and turned to look at Lily. She noticed the courteously uncomfortable atmosphere in the room and hurried to start getting people to work again.
"Well… let's see. So Remus will stay with Sylvie, and Marlene and Dominic -"
"We're done," Marlene intervened suddenly. "You can reassign both of us if you want."
"Oh, wonderful."
"I need the French plans," Sirius said. "I need to check how we'll exchange shifts."
"Yes, good point," Lily agreed. "I actually need that too. Who's in charge of it? Alain?"
He cleared his throat. "Yes, I'm in charge."
"Well, can I see them?"
"I'm afraid not."
Lily narrowed her eyes. "Why on earth -?"
"I have received specific instructions to keep them confidential, submitting the plans only for the approval of M. Neveu himself."
"Alain Delacour," she hissed, "I need to see those papers, and I need them now."
"I don't have them."
"How - dare - you withhold information from me? Are you out of your mind?"
"I have orders," he insisted, avoiding looking her in the eye.
"You must have misunderstood those orders… it would make no sense -"
"I'm afraid the French plans are not available for your consultation," Alain stated with cold civility. "You will have to deal with that, honey. There is nothing I can do about it."
"You can't just - just not tell us…"
"Who says only you have the prerogative to keep a secret?" he growled. Most of the people present had the distinct impression that the issue at hand had nothing to do with the French Ministry. "Neveu's security scheme while in French territory is an internal affair - something with which you should not meddle!"
"I was a French Auror until, what, ten minutes ago! Oh, Alain, honestly!"
"Just because you think laws are meant to be broken, that doesn't make that true! I follow the rulebook, even if that means going against your will."
And today, especially, because it goes against your will.
"My will is not what is at stake here! I am one of the Aurors responsible for Neveu's security during this trip, and -"
"What, you think only British Aurors can come up with good strategies?"
"Not at all," Lily spat sharply. "I'm just sure you can't."
Alain looked more hurt than offended by her remark, and stared at Lily, speechless, for a few seconds. He seemed torn between running away on the verge of tears, and retorting in an equally hurtful fashion.
"I would prefer if you didn't choose to prove to everyone that I'm right by using the French Minister of Magic as your guinea pig."
Lily didn't even give Alain a chance to reply; turning on her heel, she returned to the part of the room isolated by a solid, one-way soundproof barrier.
Katrina eyed her Chief Auror cautiously before approaching him with a hesitant, "Chief Delacour?"
He turned to look at her with obvious annoyance.
"There is no strategy, is there? I mean -" she hurried to correct herself, "you haven't finished one yet, right?"
Alain threw her an exasperated glance and stormed out the room, seething.
"Yeah," Katrina muttered with a sign. "Yeah, I thought so."
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You say we're fatally flawed; when I'm easily bored, is that ok?
Write me off your list, make this the last kiss - I'll walk away
Why don't we talk about it? I'm only here, don't shout it
Give us time - you'll forget… Let's pretend we never met…
Robbie Williams, "Sexed Up"
.................................................
Alain loved Lily.
He truly loved her - and he didn't doubt it for a second.
But did she love him back? Now, more than ever, Alain doubted Lily's sincerity.
Oh, of course she had always openly flirted with her work colleagues - she made no secret of it. They both knew that those little jokes and taunts would never lead to anything concrete.
But this - this was different. There was something about James Potter that threw Lily off balance; Alain had noticed that, and it threatened him.
James had, after all, met Lily long before Alain, and that, obviously, gave him some advantages. But then again, Lily had changed a lot since her teenage years. Nevertheless, these changes seemed less apparent and important whenever she was with James. Near him, she went back to "her old self," whatever that was.
Alain knew only that she was different now. Lily had grown distant from him, and - even though she probably didn't even realise it - much closer to James, who in truth represented her new life, her career in London… He was apparently one of the best Aurors there, and, unlike Alain, already knew all her British friends… and, since that afternoon, most of her French ones as well.
Oh, Alain could already guess: most of Lily's friends were probably encouraging her to dump Alain and move to London! And the worst part of it was that he wasn't sure she disliked the idea that much…
Why had she taken the stupid job in first place? If only he could go back in time and reverse the situation! They would have been engaged by now, happily planning a life together…
And then, a small voice in the back of his head reminded him, you two would find out about her previous marriage and she'd be forced to meet Potter again anyway…
Ugh, that marriage. Alain still hadn't fully digested that particularly unpleasant new piece of information.
Lily was married.
He was dating a married girl.
Lily, his Lily, was married to a man whom she had obviously loved deeply a few years ago. A man who just happened to be her work colleague now, and one of the best British strategists. A man who had some strange kind of power over her, making her lose control with absurd ease… Someone who understood her, and knew her better than anyone, save, perhaps, herself…
If James Potter was indeed determined to get Lily back - and Alain had absolutely no doubt about that -, he would be the toughest and strongest competitor in this bittersweet dispute.
But was it even worth the fight?
Well, that depended solely on Lily. Alain loved her enough to face the entire universe for her without flinching. For instance, last year, his entire family had tried to force him to marry Charlotte d'Épernay, a from-a-good-family young lady.
Alain had refused. And he would keep resisting anything and anyone who tried to keep him away from Lily… provided that she stood by his side through it all.
And, alas, this time he lacked that certainty.
.................................................
We gon' sex every day, but when we sex we tease
Those little elaborate ways got the guard feeling released
To relax for the day, it's on you, ma
Baby, if you give it to me, I'll give it to you
I know what you want - you know I got it…
Mariah Carey ft Busta Rhymes, "I know what you want"
.................................................
James Potter's predicament was entirely different. Knowing full well that Lily felt no true love of affection towards her boyfriend, he was quite sure of being the man closest to her heart, let alone her body.
Yes, even after all these years, she still belonged to him. Their bond was deeper and stronger than either had initially thought possible - and perhaps that had something to do with the fact that they had been married all along.
After all, a magical wedding had a lot more significance than a regular Muggle one. It wasn't just a ceremony - it was the establishment of a strong link between two souls. Lily and James' wedding 'ceremony,' especially, having been realised according to Ancient magical rites, was highly profound.
James closed his eyes for a few moments, trying to remember that night: Valentine's Day, 1972, in the village of Hogsmeade. 'Wedding ceremony?' Yeah, right. 'Crazy sex out in the open witnessed by five voyeurs who would have spared the couple in question a great deal of trouble if they hadn't decided to watch at the same time' was more like it.
With a sigh, James opened his eyes and looked at the woman lying in his arms. After plenty of tossing and turning, Julia had finally fallen asleep - still on the verge of tears, still whiny, and even weaker than usual.
Couldn't she understand what was happening? She was an Auror, for goodness' sake - and a bloody good one at that! Drawing conclusions (and quickly acting accordingly) was an essential part of the profession…
Julia just couldn't see! James was crazy about Lily - hardly a minute went by without thoughts of her entering his mind. And it was torture to know that, somewhere, she was also lying in bed, thinking of him as well.
With Alain Delacour right beside her.
James felt a burning cold rush of jealousy. What did Lily see in that guy? He was clearly not good enough for her - he had nothing to do with her. Why was she with him?
All right… According to most people, Alain was quite charming. Of course being heir to one of the largest fortunes in wizarding Europe didn't hurt. In fact, the combination of these two traits meant that he was pretty much one of the most sought-after men in Parisian society.
But Lily didn't need to marry a rich guy to get popularity; she was doing just fine on her own… James could imagine her answer as easily as if she had said it herself: 'I decided to have a long-term relationship, just for appearances' sake. That having been decided, I chose the best guy I could find.'
Lily's cool rationality could shock most people, but not James. He of all people knew the fire and intensity of her true feelings and instincts, which she had been fighting hard to suppress. James alone knew that her carefully planned mask of aloof calculation was beginning to fall apart - she was starting to resemble herself again…
They both knew that the only person who could be blamed for her transformation was James himself. He enjoyed provoking her until she lost her rigid self-control (and, well, that was when she started yelling at him, but that wasn't the point.) Nowadays, she didn't even bother putting up much of a façade - not when they were alone.
Quite on the contrary, James pondered with a smirk. When they were alone, it was like… it was almost like nothing had changed. Lily didn't seem to resent the messy break-up and he certainly didn't mind putting it all behind him.
So… what now?
.................................................
There's always that one person that will always have your heart
You'll never see it coming, 'cause you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that only one for me; it's clear for everyone to see
Oh baby, you will always be my boo…
Usher & Alicia Keys, "My Boo"
.................................................
James knew himself well enough to realise that he had no objections whatsoever to getting back together with Lily. Hell, he'd even settle for an ordinary married life with her… She was, after all, the only woman to whom he'd ever considered proposing.
His greatest fear was not the prospective emotional involvement. He was sure that he would enjoy it immensely if he learned to love her again. No, what he feared the most was how the relationship would end. Not only had he become a wreck the last time they'd parted, but the blame for that break-up had also been exclusively his.
James had been foolish enough to cheat on Lily. He had been crazy enough to betray the trust of the love of his life because of a fickle bitch like Kate Malshirn.
After a while, Lily had agreed to take him back - his stupid mistake hadn't made her cease to love him. But, eventually, they had both realised that their relationship was doomed.
But was it really?
Had Lily made the right choice, leaving London? Their issues back then didn't seem so impossibly complex anymore…
Frowning, James let go of Julia, pushing her away. He appreciated having some space to sleep. James couldn't possibly fathom why so many women enjoyed cuddling so much.
Well, of course he didn't dislike it, but he certainly didn't feel that need to feel close to his girlfriends so often. And sleeping… he couldn't remember the last time he'd actually fallen asleep while genuinely savouring having a girl in his arms.
Oh, wait. Of course he remembered.
Ten guesses who that was.
.................................................
Inevitably, you'll be back again, 'cause you know in your heart
Babe, our love will never end
You'll always be a part of me; I'm part of you indefinitely
Don't you know you can't escape me?
Oh, darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby…
Mariah Carey, "Always be my baby"
.................................................
After a few seconds, James got up and went to his office. It was nearly 3 AM… He was supposed to leave for Godric's Hollow soon, with Lily.
He opened a drawer, and reached for a small box in the bottom. Opening it, he stared longingly at the engagement ring he had bought for Lily seven years ago. So much had happened since then… And, well, now its existence was more than superfluous.
It was only a reminder now - a reminder of the most idyllic year of his life, a reminder of a time when his life wasn't nearly as complicated… James had been happy back then. And he had honestly thought that marrying Lily would make that happiness last till the end of his life.
Well, now they were married, and he wasn't happy.
There was a wedding - but there is no marriage.
Oh, whatever. James sighed and turned his attention to the heaps of parchment in front of him.
The final plans for Neveu's visit were spread across his desk. To be honest, he just wished the damned visit would be over already. Planning every detail was so tiring!
The entire team was going to live at Godric's Hollow for a week, and James could already foresee the torture: he was going to live in a house whose every tiny corner was constantly under surveillance by at least two Aurors in separate parts of the house. And, to make matters worse, he would be living with Lily in a house where they would be watched all the time.
The very thought of it made James sick to his stomach. Even if the audience didn't perturb them (they would surely get to that stage of desperation before the week was over), no such distractions would be allowed. The Aurors were only allowed to take short breaks for eating and showering, and one longer one for sleeping; during the rest of the day, all they could do was work.
Oh, the oppressive panopticism in Godric's Hollow would drive them all mad… James had to do something to prevent it!
Grabbing a quill, he sketched a schedule that would allow each person to spend a few hours away from the house every day.
For goodness' sake, there had to be a way for him to find time to sleep with his wife!
His wife. His wife. Lily Evans was his wife… Mrs. James Potter. Lily Potter.
"Lily and James Potter," he muttered with a smile.
It did have a ring to it.
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