Hopelessly Addicted
Chapter 20
"Eclipse"
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Sunday, November 26th, 1978
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If you only got love for your own race, then you only leave space to discriminate
To discriminate only generates hate; when you hate, you're bound to get irate
Badness is what you demonstrate, and that's exactly how anger works and operates
You gotta have love just to set it straight, take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all…
Black Eyed Peas, "Where is the love?"
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Logic ruled the world. Severus Snape was sure of it.
A sentimentalist fool would say that love made the world go 'round. An obsessed materialist would credit that to money. Most Death Eaters, and Lord Voldemort himself, always celebrated power. Egocentric relativists might argue that it was the universe that spun, not Earth itself. Each person had a different view of what moved everyone's lives: luck, wit, confidence, sex, chocolate, destiny…
It didn't matter to him. He was a Death Eater, yes; he'd seen all the effects power had on weak people. Severus Snape was not weak - he would never be. Voldemort's deliriums were unimpressive. The man was mighty, but someday he would fall; it was inevitable.
Severus had joined the group at first out of curiosity and mere thirst for knowledge. In Lord Voldemort, he had found a worthy teacher: a Dark wizard whom he truly respected. Slowly, his respect had waned; only his fear remained.
Nowadays, people were always drawn to the dark side by force or ambition. Voldemort was unable to work on someone's mind, unable to shake the foundation of someone's very soul. Why should he bother? All it took was a simple Imperio…
No, Voldemort would never appreciate the true meaning of torture. Violent, fleeting pain meant nothing. He tried too hard to be evil: he simply couldn't achieve any kind of balance. The Dark Lord was exceedingly simplistic; magic was his dangerous, lethal toy. He was far too… pathetic.
Snape almost smiled. It took courage to think such a thing, especially when one was facing Lord Voldemort in all the magnificence of his anger.
He often felt a certain intellectual curiosity: who would win, if it came to a duel? Snape had heard it many times - the only man whom Voldemort feared was Albus Dumbledore. Was it true? It seemed uncharacteristic of the man, in all his self-assured megalomania, to fear someone. Perhaps it had something to do with the student-teacher relationship back at Hogwarts. Well, it didn't really matter.
Snape was powerful, more so than he let on, but he probably couldn't take on the Dark Lord alone. He would learn, eventually; the wizarding world would need time to heal after these years of terror. This dictatorship of fear had been imposed on the population. They had never learned to respect Voldemort; their fear was due to pain.
It had been a bad move; but then again, when had Tom Marvolo Riddle ever been subtle?
"How could she live?" Voldemort roared, glaring at Snape. Wonderful: it was his turn to be chastised now. "How could you let her flee, when I had specifically ordered her death?"
"She had been forewarned, my lord," he said after a slight pause. "There was a trap. We barely managed to escape."
"You should have pursued her anyway! Crucio!"
Snape's every muscle tensed; he barely flinched. His trembling eyelids were the only sign that he was in extreme pain.
What could he do about this? Voldemort was provoking resentment in all the right people: those brave enough to fight him. Oh, of course he tried to kill them, but, in time, there would be far too many.
Should Snape ally himself with them? It was the first time he actually considered it. It did seem to be the next logical step… Was it worth the risk?
Voldemort lifted his wand, and hissed, "Legilimens…"
At once, Snape conjured the scenes of the unsuccessful attack to his mind's eye, carefully keeping Voldemort away from his recent conjectures. He felt the Dark Lord examining each several times; suddenly, he was released.
"Discover who their informant was," he commanded, Disapparating.
Severus turned to look at the others. Wordless understanding shot through them at once: they needed to find a mole - or a fake one - before sunset.
"We'll meet here at six," said a voice Snape knew to be Bellatrix Lestrange's. Naturally, she would be the one to find the 'true' infiltrator, the one that would be reported at the end of the day to the Dark Lord. Bellatrix constantly tested the lower level Death Eaters' loyalty in the slightest details, and hurried to report on them. She, too, used methods Snape considered too raw.
What would he do? There was no way he could unearth a true traitor in just a few hours… It was best to let Bellatrix do her job the way she preferred.
Joining forces with the likes of Albus Dumbledore was not a pleasing prospect. Snape despised the man, but still maintained some respect for him - as much as one could have for a highly limited but still wise wizard, that is.
The Hogwarts Headmaster would have been great, if only he had broadened his intellectual horizons a tad more. His reluctance to meddle in the Dark Arts was pitiful. Nevertheless, Snape could learn from him as well; it would all work out for his profit.
Well, Severus would be killed if Voldemort noticed the betrayal. Naturally, he would never do so. Bella… Ha! No, she would most certainly never catch on to Snape's wavering loyalty.
If Voldemort lost, the Headmaster's trust would acquit Snape of all guilt. If Dumbledore and those by his side were killed, Severus would remain loyal until he'd acquired enough strength to overthrow Voldemort.
Yes, it was the logical course of action. He had to go to Hogwarts. Not now - not while his damned colleagues' reunion was taking place, of course. Snape didn't want to meet any of them: they, too, were fools, manipulated fools.
He would bring them all down someday.
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It's hard to remember how it felt before, now I've found the love of my life
Passes, things get more comfortable; everything is going right (…)
We used to think it was impossible; now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago; time always kills the pain…
Gwen Stefani, "Cool"
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"I don't like him."
Lily laughed at Benjamin Fenwick's discomfited face. "Colour me shocked."
"I mean it, Lily!"
"Of course you don't. He introduced you to everyone as Benjy, and you hate that nickname."
Ben threw his former lover an exasperated look. "Well, yes, and now I can't correct people without looking like a jerk. But that's not my point! Can't you see what he's done to you?"
Lily glanced around the room. Most Order members were already there, talking quietly in small clusters. It wasn't hard to find James, and he soon looked up to meet her eyes. She smiled, and so did he. Benjamin shook his head.
"That's exactly what I'm talking about. Look at yourself, Lily - look at the mess you've become!"
"Mess? I'm happy, Ben. That's all there is to it."
He shook his head and offered her a cigarette. She refused. "Don't you remember what happened last time, Mrs. Potter? You've let your guard down again, and I've never seen you do this with any other guy. You're begging to have your heart broken, and you know it."
Lily sighed. If James had heard her sigh, he would probably have understood everything she meant to convey: the long time she'd spent pondering that issue, the decision she'd made, the blissful state of abandon in which she found herself at the moment. Naturally, Ben only grasped that his nagging was annoying Lily.
He looked away and lit up, staring at the Forest outside.
Benjamin had been living around Muggles far too much, Lily mused. Ben was one of the few wizards she knew who smoked. How had she ever shared that habit of his? It was odd; she wouldn't even consider doing it now.
Suddenly, she remembered that James had already smoked as well, a few years ago: it had been one lingering part of the self-destructive cycle he'd thrown himself into after their break-up. Funny, she couldn't imagine him holding a cigarette. It just didn't fit; he was stable, determined. Had they really suffered that much back then? Those days seemed remotely surreal.
Well, Ben had seen the awful time she'd gone through back then. His preoccupation was justified, perhaps, but that didn't mean there was anything Lily could do about it. She'd already let James back in her life and he wouldn't hurt her again.
"Why can't you be a little more careful? Slow down a little, Lily. You're still young. There's no reason to rush this relationship with him."
"Ben, we're already married. We're living together," she said, fighting back a smile. There was no need to mention the mere technicality that she hadn't moved in yet. Lily needed to shock him out of this whining: it was useless to complain! "Frankly, I don't see how we could decelerate now."
Ben frowned. This whole marriage affair had never made much sense, and it angered him. How could Lily take a wedding that had happened without her consent seriously? "It can't last," he shrugged.
Lily glared at him. Why couldn't he be supportive of her? Why couldn't he see that she needed this? "Pardon?"
"You fight too much. You're just far too alike, and you're both utterly unable to settle down. Your attraction to Potter is fleeting. Once it wanes, the frustration will sink in, and the relationship will implode."
Lily closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. She reminded herself that Ben was just jealous. He didn't mean to irritate her. Well, maybe he did, a little. Maybe this was his little revenge.
"You know I love him," she said, after a few minutes. "If not, you should realise that right now. I love him more than anything, Ben - and I don't understand how you of all people can't see how much he means to me.
"I've gotten it bad this time, even worse than when I was younger. What can I do? There's something about James that just disarms me."
"Potter will break your heart," He stated with bothersome certitude, throwing his cigarette out the window. Ben avoided her eyes, disgusted by her lovesickness. It diminished his view of her, and he hated Potter for it. "But I do hope he can make you happy in the meantime."
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And that's about the time that she broke up with me
No one should take themselves so seriously
With many years ahead to fall in line, why would you wish that on me?
I never want to act my age… What's my age again?
Blink-182, "What's my age again?"
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"Padfoot, why do you have that look on your face?"
Sirius Black turned to look at one of his best friends. Well, it was Remus' moral duty to make sure nothing too bad was taking place. Unfortunately, by the time Padfoot seemed this self-satisfied, it was usually too late for damage control.
As always, Sirius tried to shrug it off and distract him. "It's nothing. Hey, did James tell you that he's inviting Lily to move in with us?"
For once, the all-too-familiar tactic worked. "Really?"
"Yeah. I wonder what the neighbours will think: two grown men and a woman sharing a tiny flat!"
"They have no way of knowing that you've used magic to enlarge it," Remus mused, grinning. "Yes, they will imagine the strangest things."
"I don't mind."
Moony raised an eyebrow, vaguely amused. "Of course you don't. But doesn't it bother you? Lily moving in, I mean."
"Not at all. It was about time."
It was then that Remus caught that familiar glint again, and remembered to continue his third degree. "You've been up to something, I can tell. Spill it."
"It's nothing, really." Remus just continued staring, and Sirius finally threw up his arms, admitting defeat. "I just sent Gin a letter a few days ago, asking her to come to the reunion."
Moony glared at him, eyes wide with alarm and suspicion. "Padfoot -"
"What? My intentions were perfectly pure!"
Remus preferred not to voice his utter distrust of any possible connections between that adjective and his best friend. "Do you really think I'm that desperate?"
"Well… No, of course not. But you see, the thing is, you have been kind of down since you broke up with Sylvie -"
"- And that was three days ago -"
"- It doesn't matter! You've been terribly depressed, and I remembered that Gin used to have a thing for you…"
Remus half-smiled. "I ended up talking to Carolyn Brandt instead, and look how happy that made me."
"Didn't you at least say hi to Gin?"
"Yes, sure." He shrugged. "She's staying at Leylann's; we're going to meet next week or so."
Sirius grinned so broadly that Remus was forced to wonder if his friend knew more about this than he had disclosed.
"Padfoot… What else did you do?"
"All right, all right. I just mentioned to Gin that maybe she could come live here for a while and study with British Aurors. Oh, and I kind of took care of the paperwork."
Remus blinked for a few seconds, trying to understand his friend's trail of thought. "You did this… so that Lily would live with you and James?"
Sirius nodded. "And so that you could marry Gin and have a ton of babies. That way, everyone will be happy."
Moony shook his head, positively dumbstruck. "How can your plans actually work? You just have crazy ideas and hope everything turns out fine!"
"Well, I'm a genius."
"A modest genius, of course."
Sirius acquiesced, smiling. "Naturally."
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Empty spaces - what are we living for?
Abandoned places: I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for?
Another hero, another mindless crime behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line; does anybody want to take it anymore?
Queen, "The show must go on"
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"I believe we have two operational issues to solve before we discuss recent events," Dumbledore began. "The first one is, of course, the frequency of our meetings. We used to meet once a week, but that is clearly impossible now."
"I believe Hogwarts is somewhat of a liability," James suggested daringly.
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, and most Order members eyed James as if he were insane. Even Lily, who was sitting beside him, looked at him with genuine surprise.
"I mean - of course this is the best place for us to meet, with the best security and age-old protection spells. However, there's the small detail that we cannot Apparate."
"There's always Floo powder," Dedalus Diggle stated. "And the Hogwarts Express. Not to mention, of course, that we can simply Apparate to Hogsmeade and come here."
"Yes, and those are the methods of transportation most people here used," Lily replied, slowly understanding. "But the problem is that they are all easily monitored. It won't be long before Lord Voldemort realises that, for instance, every Wednesday, twenty wizards go to Hogsmeade for no apparent reason."
"Besides, if there's an emergency and someone has to leave, it's harder to do so from here," James added.
"I see," Dumbledore nodded. "Well, no one likes the idea of leaving Hogwarts less than I do, but it's a valid point. Meeting somewhere closer to London would probably be better. Do you have any suggestions?"
Dorcas seemed thoughtful. "We could meet in the office."
"Which office?" Dedalus asked.
"We work together - I work with Lily, James and Marlene, that is."
Caradoc Dearborne frowned. "What about Amelia Bones? I remember she used to be there too."
"She's in Law Enforcement now," Benjamin answered at once. "She's starting tomorrow."
"Oh." Dedalus looked at Dorcas, frowning. "But aren't you Aurors? I thought all Aurors worked in the Ministry."
"Yes, we're Aurors, but a few teams - like mine and James' - work undercover as Muggles," Gideon explained. "It's just a precautionary measure. Plus, we stay closer to the action that way."
"That brings us to our second point of discussion, even though we haven't reached a conclusion yet," Dumbledore intervened, looking at the Potters. "Your team needs more members."
"Yes, sir."
"I think it would be interesting to have an entire Auror team comprised of Order members."
Lily frowned. "With all due respect, sir, our team needs at least two more members, and most Aurors here can't afford to leave their own groups."
Albus gravely observed her; what was he thinking? It was always impossible to tell. After a while, he nodded, and turned to look at the other Order members.
"Does anyone have any suggestions?"
"I can leave my team," Caradoc volunteered. "But I would prefer not to do so. We've been working hard on the Unforgivable Curses for a while now."
"No, you're necessary there," Lily replied at once. "That's not an option."
Gideon hesitated slightly before suggesting, "I think my brother Fabian wouldn't mind leaving his team. He's not part of this group, but he's well aware of its existence."
Edgar Bones grimaced, and didn't bother mentioning the irony of the situation. How would Amelia react when she heard that Fabian Prewett had replaced her? Lily noticed it at once, and couldn't help wondering the same thing.
Benjamin took a deep breath. "I could leave Law Enforcement."
He barely had time to see James Potter's cross look before Dumbledore smiled and announced, "Wonderful, then. The two of you will fit in quite nicely. And I do believe it is a good idea for us to meet there. Would you mind giving us access instructions?"
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Que reste-t-il des billets doux, des mois d'avril, des rendez-vous?
Un souvenir qui me poursuit sans cesse...
Bonheur fané, cheveux au vent, baisers volés, rêves mouvants (...)
Un paysage si bien caché, et, dans un nuage, le cher visage de mon passé...
Charles Aznavour, "Que reste-t-il de nos amours?"
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Alain didn't want to let go of Lily.
At the moment, she was nothing but a memory: her eyes, her smile, even her temper… He missed that wonderful, sweet girl who had captured his heart.
Alain didn't know the new Lily. He didn't know what had happened to his girlfriend after she had begun working in London, but she had changed. This probably had something to do with James Potter - damn him!
The man had somehow stolen the love of Alain's life, with complete disregard for the chaos that had caused.
Potter couldn't make Lily happy; Alain was sure of it. The British strategist was unable to respect monogamy for long. Soon enough, she would probably get sick of forgiving his mistakes, and return to Paris.
Were Alain absolutely certain of that fact, he would not hesitate before turning Charlotte's offer down. He would definitely not marry a woman he didn't love, or adopt a child that wasn't his. However, the truth was that Alain had to admit that Potter probably intended on keeping Lily for good this time.
The only heir to the Delacour fortune couldn't afford the luxury of waiting several years for a potential wife. The advantages of marrying Charlotte d'Épernay - a French witch from a good family - were evidently numerous. She was the fulfilment of his parents' every dream; she was the embodiment of everything Lily despised the most.
The only practical downside of marrying Mlle d'Épernay was the existence of her young daughter. It wouldn't be hard to convince a one-year-old to accept a new father, but it had to be done soon. It wouldn't be complicated to get a positive paternity test: a little gold here and there, some significant pressure on the right people, and voilà, the girl would become Fleur Delacour.
Oh, Alain would naturally favour the children he fathered, but Fleur would never be belittled. Like his own sister, she would be introduced to the right people when the time came, and marry properly.
Yes, that was tradition: it was the correct thing to do. Marrying a capricious British divorcee would never be the proper course of action for Alain. His family would always patronise her, and she would never truly like them.
"That doesn't matter," he growled to himself. Suddenly, he stopped and looked down at the sidewalk, grimacing as he cursed himself for being so engrossed in his own thoughts. No Frenchman cleaned after his dog - they simply walked attentively.
In Alain's opinion, big-city Muggles shouldn't be allowed to have dogs. The poor creatures were confined to tiny studios most of the time; it was little wonder that they always decided to cause confusion.
He sighed, and examined the surroundings. No one was looking. Well, there were tourists staring, of course. Tourists always stared; they were part of the landscape. Alain surreptitiously took out his wand and cleaned his shoes.
Arranging his tie, he continued to walk. It was good to pretend invincibility, aloofness. If anything, the past few weeks had taught him to exude self-confidence.
His self-esteem was at its lowest, but the casual observer couldn't tell. Well, it was hard to keep the memories away at night. How could he not think of her when he saw things that she had left behind? How could he look into a mirror?
That was when he broke down, and began to wish for a way out of this situation. Afterwards, he wondered if having Charlotte beside him would help. Alain reckoned she would do her best to make him forget the nostalgia. He just wasn't sure if he wanted to move on…What if Lily returned?
Well, he could always divorce Charlotte, but he would never do such a thing. Oh, the scandal it would cause! It was unthinkable for Alain Delacour to force his wife to become a single mother…
Was he ready to destroy his reputation even more because of Lily?
Alain looked up at the dull, grey sky, and inadvertently bumped into a few strangers. He muttered a hasty apology, but it didn't matter to them, or to him.
He wasn't the type of guy who was carried away by emotion. He hated it, and valued his ability to keep his feet on the ground. It was time to focus on reality once more: streets, people, family, status, life… Lily had turned his world inside out for two years. That had to change. He had to change.
Yes, marrying Charlotte was the right thing to do.
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Monday, November 27th, 1978
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She may be the face I can't forget, a trace of pleasure of regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
She may be the song that summer sings, may be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things within the measure of a day (…)
She may be the mirror of my dreams, a smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem inside her shell…
Elvis Costello, "She"
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"Wake up, love. We're almost late."
Lily opened her eyes and jumped out of bed, nearly knocking over James. He had been standing right beside the bed, and had to grab her waist to keep them both from falling.
"What time is it?"
"Six-thirty," James answered, grinning. It wasn't particularly late, but he knew that she took a while to get ready.
Lily cocked her head to the side and smiled. "I'm cold," she muttered, still half-asleep.
He rubbed her arms protectively, and directed her to the bathroom. "Have a good shower," he said, kissing the tip of her nose. "I'll go make breakfast."
When he left the bathroom, she was sleepily staring at the mirror. Half an hour later, when Lily came to the kitchen, she resembled her normal self significantly more.
"I need to drink something," she said, examining the table with a grin. "Hmm, I don't think I will ever get used to you cooking for me."
James poured Lily and himself some tea. "I see you've finished organising the closet."
"I did, only a couple of hours after you went to sleep," she replied, nibbling on some toast. "I've already managed to enlarge it enough to make my closet fit inside it, and then I just Vanished the wood."
He made a face. "You have too many clothes!"
Lily threw him an amused look, and remained silent.
"I mean, I remember you used to have quite a bit of clothes back at Hogwarts, but this is just insane! Seriously, honey, your closet is something like five times the size of mine - not counting the shoes…"
She smiled. "Does that bother you?"
"No, not really, provided that I still have some space there."
"All right, then."
After a few seconds, James cleared his throat and reached for a piece of parchment. He had obviously started working earlier today. "Crouch has announced the creation of a special commission to investigate the Heathrow incident."
Lily frowned. "It's not like him to show off for the press. Who was chosen?"
It took James a split second longer than normal to answer the question, and she guessed the answer.
"Did he say why he chose me?" she amended her question.
"I'm not sure; everyone knows we need you in Strategy. Crouch may know more than he's let on so far," he mused. "In that case, he probably has a specific reason."
"There are many other strategists available, you know. He didn't have to pick me," she complained, with a hint of exasperation in her voice. "It's not like I need the media scrutiny and constant pressure!"
"You can refuse."
"Oh yeah, and then that will leak, and everyone will think I'm heartless. No, of course I have to go."
James didn't react; he had already arrived at that conclusion.
"Fine," Lily consented under her breath. "What does he say in the letter?"
"You can continue working in our team for a while. He says that the amount of work you'll do in the committee depends solely on your compassion for the memory of those poor dead people, or some equally guilt-inducing suggestion. I don't think he wrote that letter personally; it's probably just a standardised thing."
"Yes, that's likely. Is everything confidential?"
"Ah, yes, of course - you can't mention a word to anyone, including your husband."
She smiled. "How long do we have before the press finds out, in your opinion?"
"A day or two, tops."
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And I find it kind of funny; I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, 'cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles, it's a very, very mad world…
Tears for Fears, "Mad World"
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Fabian took a deep breath when he entered the first-floor office, and didn't bother turning on the lights. He just wanted to feel the atmosphere of the room. Amelia had worked there; it had been a long time since he had been in contact with anything of hers.
Oh, no, he hadn't forgotten! The faint, bittersweet smell surrounded him, invaded him, and stirred his very soul. Her presence was strong here: he could almost see that fleeting shadow, touch her, hold her…
Shaking his head, Fabian snapped out of his reverie. The fact that this office had been assigned to him was disturbing. He hadn't complained, of course. After all, brooding had never kept him from working.
What was he doing here anyway? Gideon hadn't been specific in his request, and everyone in this team seemed to be a perfectly normal Auror. Fabian could tell they weren't. Oh, please - how could anyone think that James Potter, of all people, wasn't in Dumbledore's group? What did these people want from him anyway?
Was this yet another attempt to get him to join that so-called Order? How many of them were in on the secret? If this were just a plot to influence Fabian, they would all be sorely disappointed. He approved of their work, yes, but he would never become one of them.
Fabian was devoted to the Ministry alone. There was no reason, he reckoned, to trust another wizard to command the fight against Lord Voldemort, even if that wizard was Albus Dumbledore.
"Fabian?" Dorcas' head appeared through the door. Clearly, people in this office didn't bother to knock. Well, he would have to work on some charms if he wanted privacy. "We'll have a meeting in ten minutes."
"I'll be there," he replied. The head disappeared, and he leaned back in his chair.
What now? It was going to be fun to work with these people. They were good, and everyone knew that. Fabian just didn't want to be dragged into their secret world of mixed loyalties.
He loved being an Auror. At first, the expectations had been overwhelming: his father had been a famous Chief Auror and politician, and his brother had quickly obtained command of his own team. In time, however, Fabian had obtained respect for his own achievements.
He stood up with a sigh, and walked to the door. It was strange to work wearing Muggle clothes; Fabian hadn't gotten used to the office routine of changing attires there. Perhaps in time he would grow accustomed: he always did.
After all, the story of his life was a tale of concessions and conformity. He had yielded to his father's final wishes, and settled for the sad, risky life of a lonely Auror.
It was probably worth it in the end. He didn't have the proper perspective yet, right? Or maybe - maybe this lack of purpose was all there was to life anyway.
The hallway was awfully bright compared to his dim personal space. The contrast was normal, yet metaphorical. This was the time when he put on the mask to face his senseless daily humdrum. No, life couldn't have a real meaning. Was Fabian really that different from those surrounding him? They didn't seem to be in a better condition than him - well, at least most of them didn't.
He climbed the stairs and slid into the Chief Aurors' office. Lily Potter was looking out the window - oh, some offices had real windows here; how strange -, and her husband had his arms around her. Were they happy? It certainly seemed so, but appearances could be deceiving.
Fabian felt bad for intruding. The other staff members hadn't arrived yet, and the couple was clearly enjoying a quiet moment.
"Hey," Lily greeted, turning to face him. James detangled himself from her, and they examined the newcomer with sympathy.
"How was your first day, Fabian?"
He shrugged. "Everything's fine."
The Potters were strange, he reckoned. James had been his friend for many years, and Lily was all right, but they were too - happy. Most people gaped at their gorgeousness and perfection, but Fabian knew better than to believe that image.
Well, Lily wasn't Fabian's type; he understood why most men would find her attractive, but her beauty didn't impress him. Besides, he couldn't forget James' angst in the months after their break-up.
"I know everyone here," he continued. "But I heard that another member will join, some guy from Law Enforcement."
"Yes, Benjy Fenwick," James replied. He smirked when Lily threw him a significant look, but Fabian didn't understand the inside joke. "He starts tomorrow."
"Would you prefer changing offices?" Lily asked worriedly, out of the blue.
Fabian's eyes barely betrayed his surprise. He should have guessed that James would tell his wife the whole story! Nevertheless, the fact that more people knew about the situation with Amelia was slightly upsetting. "No, I'm fine, Lily -" he shifted uneasily. "Should I call you Lily? Mrs. Potter? Chief?"
"Any of those is fine," she shrugged.
"Anyway, they're probably waiting for us," James said, gathering a few pieces of parchment spread clumsily on his desk. "Shall we?"
"The meeting isn't here?"
Lily shook her head. "Didn't Dorcas show you? There's a meeting room downstairs."
"Ah, I see."
James led the way down; before they got to the ground floor, he stopped and reached back to grab Lily's hand. They stopped; Fabian noticed they wanted to exchange a few words alone, and immediately hurried past them.
"What, do you feel like playing matchmaker?" Lily asked under her breath, staring after Fabian.
James nodded slowly, and turned to face her. "I've been thinking of setting those two up for a while. He's so miserable; it's sad."
"You know, he may freak out and want to kill you."
"Yes, and he may be truly completely happy for the first time in years."
"True. When do we do this?"
"Some time this week. Let's give him some time to get used to the team."
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Friday, December 1st, 1978
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His eyes said it all; I started to fall, and the silence deafened
Head spinning round, no time to sit down, just wanted to run and run
Be careful, they say - don't wish life away… Now I've one day! (…)
In just one hour, they'll be laying flowers on my life: it's over tonight…
Jem, "24"
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Every second, the ominous ticking of the clock weighted more oppressively on Julia's heart. 'We'll talk after the party,' James had said right after welcoming her. His greeting had been far too distant.
Her heart had sunk when she'd looked into his eyes: he'd made his choice. There was no hope, she knew - she'd known it from the moment she'd seen the new issue of Witch Weekly.
There they were: the Potters, the golden couple, just like old times. They were happy, people said; they were in love. Julia suffered--it hurt to see them together. James whispered something in Lily's ear; they were almost kissing. His eyes darted to his girlfriend, and he quickly pulled away.
The nerve of that girl! Lily had dared to come to Julia's party! 'Happy birthday,' she'd said, with the most hypocritical of smiles. Oh, what would Mrs. Rutilia say when she saw the redhead here?
"Hey, Julia, come take a picture!" Leylann called from the other side of the room. She, too, was a fraud; everyone was allied against Julia. Naturally, all of James' friends preferred Lily. Why wouldn't they? Julia truly loved him - but they didn't care about that.
They were after fame, exposure. They wanted the notorious, explosive girl, and not the quiet one. Julia was far too restrained, they probably said. She wasn't right for him. She wasn't bad enough.
James clearly felt the same way. He'd let himself get seduced… Bastard. There he was, talking, making her laugh. Why should they bother pretending now? Everyone knew that they were together and that that Julia meant next to nothing to him. Why had he even come to the party? Oh, right. It was in his apartment.
James should have chosen Julia. Lily would dump him again, and he would have no one. On the other hand, Julia would've gladly forgiven his mistakes. He hadn't asked her to do so - he didn't believe he was doing anything wrong.
Did he know he was breaking her heart? Did he know he was making Julia suffer as much as his beloved Lily had suffered, all those years ago? Did he even care?
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Every now and then, I get a little bit restless, and I dream of something wild
Every now and then, I get a little bit helpless, and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Every now and then, I get a little bit angry, and I know I've got to get out and cry
Every now and then, I get a little bit terrified, but then I see the look in your eyes
Every now and then, I fall apart…
Bonnie Tyler, "Total Eclipse of the Heart"
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"What are you doing here?"
Lily squinted and tried to see the man standing in the doorway. "I'm tired, love. Can you come in, and oh, please close the door? There's too much light out there."
James complied and walked to his bed. "We had quite a day, didn't we?"
She yawned, and stretched. "I can't believe we had to hide every trace of my presence in this place. It took more work than I'd imagined."
"Well, you sure have a lot of things. But that doesn't matter; things will be simpler after I break up with Jules."
He lay down beside her. "How do you think she'll take it?"
"Not well. She'll cry a lot."
"Yeah, I think so, too. Do you resent her?"
Lily hesitated before answering, and leaned her head on his shoulder. "No. She kept you safe for me." She grinned. "Who knows how many awful gold-diggers were waiting for you to be available?"
He chuckled. "I'm not that rich."
"Well, you have a pretty decent income - ah! I owe you this month's Godric's Hollow rent."
"True. Actually, I haven't paid it yet; I'll do it on Monday. Where does that lady live again?"
"Somewhere in Scotland. It shouldn't be hard to find."
"Yes, probably."
James stroked her face, and suddenly realised her cheeks were wet. Nothing else in her demeanour had indicated she'd been crying. "Lily, why were you -"
"It was nothing," she interrupted him.
"Yeah, sure. Now tell me."
"I just - I don't know. I saw you with Julia."
"And?"
Lily shrugged. "Maybe I felt guilty, maybe I thought you could still love her a little. I had this feeling that everything was wrong about this - about us."
"It's not wrong, love. It feels right. You know it's right."
"I do… But she knows, James; I can't help feeling a little bit sorry for causing all this, and yet I don't. I want to be with you, and I don't care about her."
He acquiesced. "I understand."
She sat up, and looked at him with a smile. "I should go."
"Where?"
"Will sent me an owl; I left a few things in my old apartment. It shouldn't take me long to gather everything. Either way, it's not like Jules actually wants me here."
"All right. The party should end soon. I'll talk to her."
"All right."
"See you later."
They kissed briefly, and Lily stood. "I hope it goes well."
"So do I," James answered to an empty room. For once, he didn't really know what to say to his girlfriend. There was nothing she didn't know, or hadn't guessed. Julia wasn't stupid: how would she take this?
James shouldn't have postponed this break-up for so long, he knew. He should have done it the moment Lily had entered his office - what was it, two months ago, maybe less?
He knew their relationship had been inevitable, inescapable. He just had to convince Julia of that.
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I'm there at your side, a part of all the things that you are
But you've got a part of someone else - you've got to go find your own shining star
Where are you now that I need you? Tears in my pillow, wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to you ocean…
Destiny's Child, "Emotions"
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Julia had made a mistake. Well, she'd made many mistakes, but trusting James had been her biggest one yet: of course he wouldn't manage to spend one week away from Lily! Sure, Julia had needed this time with her family to think things through, but he… he had stayed with her. Now, the damned viper had been let in too far.
Julia had lost him for good. He thought he was happy with Lily. He felt loved. He had forgotten his girlfriend, the one girl who had been with him through thick and thin. She hadn't abandoned him like Lily.
None of that mattered to him, and Julia just couldn't accept that.
She felt sick and dizzy. Lily had disappeared, but James still paid no attention to Julia. He was far too busy with their friends, obviously talking about Lily and how perfect the couple was… Had everyone forgotten the birthday girl existed? It certainly seemed so. How long would this torture last? What would he tell Julia after the party?
It just didn't work out between us, probably. It's not you - it's me. She already knew that much. Julia had done nothing wrong… He had simply had enough. He wanted more: he wanted Lily…
I'm with someone else. James couldn't even say he'd met another girl; Lily had been there first. Nevertheless, she had no right to steal him away like that. She didn't deserve him. Julia couldn't let go of the man she loved so easily - she wouldn't.
"Julia, are you okay?" Leylann asked suddenly, staring at the birthday girl with concern.
She turned to look at Lily's best friend, her stomach sinking further. Did Julia have to count on these people to be there for her? All her friends knew Lily and James… No one would support her. She had to find a way -
"No, I'm not," Julia heard herself saying. "I've been sick all week."
Surprise flickered in Leylann's eyes. The Healer instincts in her began processing the information; Julia could feel the skilled gaze taking in the ashen colour of her skin, her pained facial expression, the feverish grit in her stare…
Leylann remembered Julia hadn't drunk anything since the party had begun. No… This couldn't be happening, could it?
"Julia," she said, her voice noticeably, nervously lower, "are you -"
She sighed, and didn't answer.
Leylann closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. The effects of this could be devastating, or minimal. Everything depended on decisions of both Julia and James. How would Lily take it if - oh, Merlin, Lily…
"I need to talk to James," Julia said resolutely, turning away from Leylann. "Don't you dare say anything -" her voice quivered a bit, "to either of them."
The Healer nodded absent-mindedly, too busy looking around for her best friend. Lily needed to know this right now.
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J'irai chercher ton coeur si tu l'emportes ailleurs
Même si, dans tes danses, d'autres dansent tes heures
J'irai chercher ton âme dans les froids, dans les flames
Je te jetterai des sorts, pour que tu m'aimes encore
Fallait pas commencer, m'attirer, me toucher
Fallait pas tant donner - moi, je sais pas jouer…
Celine Dion, "Pour que tu m'aimes encore"
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A/N Okay, you can kill me now. I'm so, so sorry! I got caught up - so much has happened - well, I'm sorry. In the end, I didn't even like the way this chapter turned out, but I knew I'd be lynched if I had to rewrite it and everything. Ah, well.
Okay, so, since last chapter, my story did get deleted from fanfiction.net. I have definitely joined The Great Break. We're working on a new, better archive, and that's that. If you have a LiveJournal, come join our community!
I hope to upload two or three before HBP comes out, but I won't make any promises. Thanks for all the reviews, guys! See you soon.
-Chris