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Hopelessly Addicted
Chapter 16
"A man and a woman"
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I think I did it again - I made you believe we're more than just friends
Oh baby, it might seem like a crush, but it doesn't mean that I'm serious
'Cause to lose all my senses, that is just so typically me - oh, baby…
Oops, I did it again; I played with your heart, got lost in the game
Oops, you think I'm in love, that I'm sent from above - I'm not that innocent…
Britney Spears, "Oops! I did it again"
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"We need to talk."
"Hm?"
"James?"
"Hmm…"
Lily grinned weakly. Her eyelids felt heavy, and sleep threatened to overwhelm her. She fought against it tooth and nail, struggling to stay awake. She and James had dozed a couple of times that night, but had ended up waking soon after to resume their previous activities every time. As a result, it was now past ten o'clock, and Lily was quite confident that she had never felt this drained before.
So now here she was, lying on James' bed, her body tangled with his, her mind only beginning to function properly. Lily was sweaty and exhausted, but she didn't want to sleep. She knew that this was probably going to be the last time she'd enjoy this satiated, peaceful closeness with James.
Merlin… Lily had forgotten that sex could be this fulfilling, that a man could elicit this feeling of wholeness, satisfaction, and complete bliss… She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this appeased since - er - James himself, actually.
Right then, he pulled Lily a bit closer, and she let her eyes close for a few seconds. Her head was lying on James' chest, and his arm was casually thrown around her waist. He liked keeping her close and under control, even in his sleep… And she didn't mind it, not at all.
Oh, of course she'd promised to herself the night before that she wouldn't, under any circumstances, actually sleep with him. Lily dreaded the prospective emotional expansion of this kind of intimacy and wanted to make it clear to her heart and mind - and to James, too - that there was nothing but lust between them.
Lily knew perfectly well that she seldom kept James-related promises. But this time, she really wanted to try. He would be the best of lovers, no doubt about it, but she couldn't let him tame her again. She couldn't allow herself to think about him more than strictly necessary.
Oh, right. Have fun trying to make that happen.
James stirred, and she started lightly running her nails down his chest. Lily wanted nothing more than to sleep and spend the day in this lazy abandon with him, but she knew she wasn't supposed to do that.
"James…" she began softly.
He opened his eyes slightly. Poor thing - he was clearly as exhausted as she was, or perhaps more. "Yeah?"
"I have to go."
He sighed. "No, you don't."
"Yes, I do. I need to get some sleep; I'm beat."
"So? Sleep here."
"I - oh… oh no… It's Monday! Crap, we have to work…"
James groaned, and she smiled, feeling terribly sorry for him.
"No, listen, I'll go. You stay home and rest - there won't be that much to do anyway."
"No, no," he protested drowsily. "I'll go, you… stay. Yeah, you stay and, um, I'll -"
James was visibly having a hard time putting words together. Lily chuckled and sat, carefully removing his arm from her waist and placing it on the bed. "Don't worry, James. I'll be fine."
"But you just said -"
"I'll go, no problem."
He was trying to fight sleep, but his eyelids were shutting against his will.
"Have a good day, baby," he mumbled.
"Thanks… Oh, and James?"
"Hmm?"
"Happy birthday."
He opened his eyes, grinning sleepily. "Best. Birthday. Ever."
Lily laughed and leaned closer to James, gently placing her hand on his cheek and kissing him.
After a few seconds, she recoiled with uncharacteristic shyness. Even in his hazy state, James could sense that Lily was scolding herself because of the strange display of tenderness. Frowning, she put on one of his t-shirts and walked to the door.
Lily waved goodbye before leaving the room. James' gaze remained fixed on the spot where she had stood. What exactly was going on between them? Was it really just shagging? Wasn't it becoming something beyond that, closer to what they'd had all those years ago?
Well, it couldn't be. Could it?
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Love's for a lifetime, not for a moment, so how I could I throw it away?
I'm only human, and nights grow colder with no one to love me that way
Yeah, I need someone who really sees me…
And I won't wake up alone anymore, still believing you'll walk through my door
You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure, and I'll give all the love in the world…
The Corrs, "All the love in the world"
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"Good morning, Lil."
"Good morning."
Leylann surveyed the living room with amusement. Lily and James had clearly had a great time the night before: candles, blindfold, wine… Well, they sure had spent a long time waiting for each other.
Lily was sitting on the couch, hugging her knees. Her blank gaze was fixed on the empty bottle on the ground near her, and she was clearly lost in thought.
Sirius was in the shower, and James would probably be asleep for a while… It was definitely time for girl talk.
"So… How was it?"
Lily looked at her friend with a cocky smile that pretty much said it all.
"That good, eh?"
"Oh, better…" she sighed contentedly, "So great."
"Was it worth the four-week wait?"
"It was worth the six-year wait! Merlin, I - it was so perfect."
Leylann frowned. "Lily, you do remember this is James you're talking about, right? I mean, don't get me wrong - I have nothing against seeing you two together! I just want to make sure you know what you're doing."
"I do know what I'm doing. I'm fooling around with a work colleague, who happens to be the sexiest and cutest guy I've ever known."
"You do remember what you told me yesterday? Is this really just shagging?"
Lily shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I'm not in love with him anymore."
"I see," Leylann muttered under her breath. "Maybe if you keep telling yourself that, it'll actually happen."
"Pardon?"
"Nothing," she replied, louder.
"I have no feelings for him, really."
"You've already told me that. I'm just not sure it's completely true."
"It is."
"All right." Leylann sighed. "Do you want some tea?"
"Sure."
She went to the kitchen, and Lily was alone again.
Of course it was true. She didn't feel anything for James anymore - it was just nostalgia. Yeah, exactly - nostalgia. That was all that existed between them: nostalgia and physical attraction.
Well, Lily obviously missed part of that childlike delight and giddiness that she had used to feel around James. She knew that sex had been slightly different back then - she remembered his arms used to make her feel not only safe but also loved…
Love. Yes, she had loved him, and he had loved her back. Lily had never felt anything remotely like that for any other guy - and, quite frankly, she thought it better that way. She had put James and their relationship in a little shrine in some corner of her heart… What they had shared had been pure, and perfect.
Lily had no regrets. She sometimes found herself wishing that it had lasted longer - but in truth she was glad that they had broken up before their feelings had started to wane. It was much better this way… Now her untouched love for James was stored somewhere deep inside her heart, merely subject to adoration and wistfulness. Not that Lily still felt it. It was just… there.
She didn't love him anymore. She knew she could do no such thing - she had simply decided not to, and she wouldn't. Lily and James' relationship was perhaps justified by their deep knowledge of each other, but not even they could fully explain why they had completely given up on romantic involvement.
Their present situation often irritated that teenager-ish, idealistic part of her that still dreamed of Prince Charming…
The problem was that Lily's Prince Charming had a name - his name had been assigned many, many years ago. And, deep inside, she knew that she was really waiting for him… She would keep waiting for him, even if her own mind tried to prevent him from coming any closer.
James Harold Potter.
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Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you
Maybe I'm a girl, maybe I'm a lonely girl
Who's in the middle of something that she doesn't really understand
Maybe I'm a girl, and maybe you're the only man who could ever help me
Baby, won't you help me understand?
Jem, "Maybe I'm Amazed"
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"Lil?"
Lily looked up and couldn't help but to smile. James was standing there, looking extremely tired - and yet so utterly irresistible.
He leaned on the couch beside her and put one arm around her. Lily snuggled closer, ignoring the loud alarm bells ringing in her mind.
You're letting him in too far… You're getting used to this!
"I thought you were going to sleep," she whispered.
"How could I, knowing you were awake and considering going to work?"
"I am going to work."
"No, you're not."
"James…"
"You're not," he repeated, kissing her softly. "You know you need some sleep."
"I'll cast some spell on myself and sleep for five minutes or so… That'll put me in much better shape."
He snorted.
"What, don't you trust me with a simple charm like that? It'll work wonders, believe me."
"Lily. Sweetheart. I just happen to be the only person on Earth who's more stubborn than you. So you will get some normal sleep now - even if I have to cast a spell on you to make sure of it."
"No…"
James sighed. All of a sudden, he stood, and carried her back to his room. Lily put up a feeble resistance for the first few seconds, but soon surrendered. He lay her on the bed.
"Promise me you'll sleep," he demanded sternly. "Promise you won't Apparate to the office."
She grinned.
James shook his head, smiling as well. "I'm going to take a shower. You'd better be asleep when I come back."
He entered the bathroom, and Lily's gaze remained fixed on the door as it closed.
Why?
Why couldn't she just let herself love him? That would be so much easier! James was so… so loveable! Why couldn't they just go back in time and let things be the way they used to before the break-up?
Why couldn't they just have a simple life together? Why couldn't Lily just let herself settle for a happy married life with her husband?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop it right there!
That wasn't what she really wanted. She couldn't want that. It was just - unthinkable. Why would she want to have a dull and boring married life? She was doing just fine on her own!
Having any kind of intimacy with James would just make their relationship deteriorate. It wasn't worth it.
Lily was getting old - that had to be the only explanation. She was maturing. That damned nesting instinct was beginning to kick in, and she was starting to think about settling for good.
Well, she wasn't going to surrender without a fight. Damn it, she was only twenty-four! Definitely too early to think about serious commitment.
'This coming from a girl who's been married for seven years…'
Leylann's mocking voice echoed in Lily's head. This marriage to James had been a mockery; fate had decided to play an unfunny prank on them. She would definitely not have wanted to get married back then.
Even though, she was forced to admit to herself, I wouldn't have said no if James had proposed.
No, she wouldn't have said no to him. When had she ever been capable of that?
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You can run from love; if it's really love it'll find you, and catch you by the heel
But you can't be numb from love - the only pain is to feel nothing at all
How can I hurt when I'm holding you?
No, I could never take a chance of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance between a man and a woman…
U2, "A man and a woman"
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"Good morning, Chief."
James grinned tiredly, and Dorcas immediately stood. She also looked quite weary, but not nearly as much as he. Her grim Bordeaux outfit reflected her mood, and, for the first time as long as James remembered, she wore no jewellery.
"All right, you obviously need some coffee," she stated in a motherly way, pouring the hot liquid from a jug into a large cup. Oh, that serious demeanour didn't fit her at all. "Here you go."
James drank the whole mug in one big gulp. "It's Irish?"
"Yeah, I figured we all needed the boost."
He nodded, grinning.
"Am I right to assume that Lily won't come to work today?"
"Yes, I don't think she will."
"Okay," she shrugged, inwardly sighing with relief. Oh, they'd hooked up - finally! It had taken them long enough. Life at the office would be much better now … "Work is slow today, thankfully, which means that you only have about twenty different scenarios to finish before the end of the day."
"Excellent. What happened, Dorcas? You look a bit tired. Bad date?"
"Kind of, but I'm also just fatigued - the past few days have been stressful."
"Poor thing. Well, we've all had a tiring week… I'll ask the Ministry to give us a day off some time this week. Is Amelia here?"
"She was, but she went to the Ministry - some high-profile Law Enforcement guy called her for an interview."
"Oh, that reminds me… We need to find a replacement for her as soon as possible."
"You're going to do that without Lily?"
"Of course not! I don't have a death wish," he replied with a grin. "Well, let me know when Amelia arrives, please. I want to know how it went."
"James… You do know that she didn't go to your party because she was afraid of meeting Fabian, right?"
"Yes."
"Oh, okay then. I'll send her upstairs when she arrives."
"Good."
James went up the stairs to his office, deep in thought. Who could replace Amelia? The most obvious choice would be Kate Malshirn, of course. She would be eager to take that opportunity… And he couldn't let her. That meant he needed to find someone before the news of the vacancy spread.
Well, perhaps Kate didn't have the qualifications necessary to take Amelia's job, which involved mainly Runes, Arithmancy, and Muggle relations. But James still wanted to find someone… but who could it be?
In truth, he needed more than one person. His team was definitely too small for the amount of work they had to do. They managed to keep things under control, but barely. Naturally, having to do work for the Order all the time didn't help.
All of a sudden, James realised that, with Amelia's departure, his team would consist solely of Order members. That meant he would have to consult with Dumbledore before calling anyone…
Alastor Moody, Gideon Prewett, and Frank Longbottom were Chief Aurors, and led their own teams. Alice worked with her husband. The only Order member available was Caradoc Dearborn.
James shook his head. Caradoc was a specialist in the Unforgivable Curses; he worked in an experimental group, and was very necessary there.
And then there was Fabian, who, like Amelia, was not in the Order. But his brother Gideon was an active member, and no one doubted the younger Prewett's fervour in the fight against Voldemort.
But James couldn't ask Fabian to join his team. It would be almost ironic to get him to replace Amelia… But no. She might want to visit her old workplace every once in a while, after all, and her ex-boyfriend's presence would certainly make that impossible.
Sometimes he really wished that he could make Amelia and Fabian see that they were just suffering needlessly. James had followed their story for the past few years, and he knew for sure that the couple was deeply in love - and they weren't even in denial! Fabian only insisted on staying away to fulfil his father's presumed death wish.
Fool. If James had the woman he loved within his reach, willing to be with him, he would never let her go just like that.
He frowned, suddenly unsure. Fabian had let go of Amelia, but had cherished their love, and held on to it, even though that hurt him a lot. James had seemingly forgotten Lily, and was now trying to establish a purely carnal relationship with her.
Who was the biggest fool?
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Step one: realise that you are powerless against your addiction
Step two: accept the fact that your life as you know it is finished
Welcome to reality! (...)
All I crave is your attention; I hope you'll give me what I need
Whenyou decide to say you want me, I'll follow you, no matter where it leads...
Knockout, "Addicted"
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Lily opened her eyes slightly and examined her surroundings. Too many pillows, very little light, strange sheets, a different room…
No, it hadn't been a dream, but it was still somewhat hard to believe.
She was in James' room. She had slept there, with him…
The previous night seemed almost surreal. The overpowering rush of feelings that had taken over was uncharacteristic… She didn't feel like the warm, passionate Lily who had been swept away by James, but she was entirely different from that cold, aloof woman who had entered his office a long year ago.
Lily stifled a giggle. Merlin, she had changed so much! She barely remembered what it felt like to be away from this pleasant frenzy that was her relationship with James Potter. It was almost like they were back at Hogwarts…
She felt like laughing. For the first time in years, she actually felt giddy. Lily had a successful career, a wonderful husband, great friends… She couldn't possibly hope for more.
With a satisfied sigh, she let herself sink into the softness of James' bed… He definitely had way too many pillows, but she liked it. It made her feel warm despite his absence, and it reminded her -
Oh, please. Lily didn't need any reminders! She could still feel James there beside her, inside her, all over her… Every inch of her skin longed for his touch again, every cell in her body longed for him with an intensity that almost scared her.
One would have thought that the previous night would have appeased her need to be with him, but no such thing had happened. Quite the contrary, actually… Lily was actually beginning to wonder what she could do to get James to break up with Julia. It would be so boring to keep sneaking around like teenagers!
Humming quietly to some tune not even she recognised, Lily stood and made the bed. She didn't know what time it was, but she didn't really care. James would certainly warn her beforehand if his bore of a girlfriend decided to return from the mission earlier than expected.
Last night, a part of Lily's mind had actually thought that Julia would show up all of a sudden and try to ruin their night. Now, she wished that the girl had come. If pushed to a decision right then, James would certainly have chosen Lily.
Ironically, Julia had actually been one of Lily's best friends. It seemed like so long ago, but it had really been just a few weeks before… She wouldn't dream of counting on her husband's girlfriend now.
She felt sorry for Julia, yes. But Lily knew she had made a few choices the previous night, and one of them was to lose Julia's trust and friendship.
Did Julia hate her? It was possible. Lily had never seen her lose control over something quite as hysterically as she had back in the French Ministry… Damn, the poor girl really loved him. Well, it was partly Julia's fault, too - a naïve, credulous girl like her should have avoided getting involved with a commitment-phobic man like James.
Lily frowned. No, Julia had known from the start that James was a bit afraid of commitment. She had just thought that things would be different with her - that she'd "fix" James somehow.
Lily would never make that mistake. Not again.
Julia had never found out about any of his affairs. Not that he had ever been keen on maintaining secret liaisons for long, mind you. No, James definitely preferred to have random one-night stands. Keeping permanent lovers demanded money and attention, and only generated more headaches.
Was this what Lily was to him? Was she just a one-night-stand?
She smiled. There was really no way of knowing for sure. Only one thing was certain: there would be encores, many of them. They wouldn't manage to stay away from each other, and they both knew it perfectly well.
After getting her clothes from the living room, Lily Apparated home. Her apartment seemed excessively cold and empty now… Oh, she was glad she'd decided to move in with Leylann!
That reminded her that there was a lot to pack. Of course, being a witch and all, it wouldn't take her long to finish. Nevertheless, it would still take a while.
Lily spent a few minutes waving her wand around, shrinking things and conjuring boxes. She would definitely need some time to take all these things to London.
Well, she had arranged with James to ask the Ministry for a day or two off sometime during the week for their team. She would have a lot of spare time then.
Turning on the shower, she wondered if he had already made the request. It was an important decision, after all… The Ministry hardly ever conceded holidays to Auror teams, unless they'd been under great amounts of stress.
They were certainly eligible, Lily thought with a smirk.
She would have to stop by the office to see if James had managed to arrange that holiday.
Maybe she could also help with a scenario or two. And, who knew, with maybe a snog or two along the way as well.
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Loving you isn't really something I should do
Shouldn't want to spend my time with you, and I should try to be strong
But baby, you're the right kind of wrong…
Might be a mistake I'm making, but what you're giving I am happy to be taking
'Cause no one's ever made me feel the way I feel when I'm in your arms…
LeAnn Rimes, "Right kind of wrong"
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"I told you to stay home and rest," James rebuked her, looking at her with a very stern facial expression. It made Lily want to laugh.
She shrugged. "I wanted to work."
"You need to rest."
"I already have."
"No one in this team has had much sleep in the past week - and you least of all. Come on Lil, go home."
"I want to work," she repeated stubbornly, walking to her desk and gesturing towards the parchment spread around. "See? There are tons of things to do."
"Nothing I can't handle in a couple more hours."
"What time is it anyway?"
"A little past five."
Lily smiled. There had been a time when she would never have woken up after six AM, even if that meant not sleeping at all. James had ruined her routine completely… And she was very thankful for that.
"Go home and get some sleep."
"No, you go. I've slept enough."
"I'm not tired."
"Rubbish. You were exhausted this morning, James."
"Yes, but I slept a bit here."
"How long?"
"Only a few minutes, but I used magic… I'm not tired anymore, really."
"I'm not leaving."
"Neither am I."
"Okay then," Lily acquiesced, sitting at her desk and staring blankly at the pile of parchment. Oh, heavens, how could she focus on anything right now? He was right there - and looking at her, too…
James grinned. He could see that her eyes were focused on a blank scroll of parchment, and her mind was far away… Or perhaps not that far away - just unwilling to focus on work.
Oh, he knew what she was going through… He'd spent all day trying, and failing, to get the previous night out of his mind in order to concentrate.
"Have you paid any attention to work today? Like, at all?"
"No," he answered truthfully. "And your presence here doesn't help."
"We're going to have to work together every single day, you know."
James stared at her for a few seconds. "Damn, I didn't think this through!" he exclaimed suddenly, with a mock self-reproach.
She smiled. "Right."
He shook his head and walked to her desk. "It is really inconvenient, you know. I didn't even consider this when I decided to put a shower inside this bathroom, two weeks after you started working here. It was really the last thing on my mind when we cast that soundproof charm around this office. I really," he paused to kiss her, "really, really didn't think this through…"
"I suppose you also haven't considered that we happen to work in one of the busiest teams in the Ministry…" Lily added, sitting on the desk and idly toying with his tie. "We won't get to do this every day, you know."
"One day at a time… Today, work's slow, and we wouldn't get to do much anyway."
"Hmm, true," she whispered against his lips.
James reached underneath the table, and pressed a small button. Instantly, all the parchment and quills disappeared.
"You really did think this through, didn't you?"
He shrugged. "I had quite a few weeks to picture every possible scenario, and this one came up pretty often… So I figured this little device would make things faster and less messy."
"I'm glad to be sleeping with such a born strategist," she said, grinning. "I've had a few ideas of my own, which I'll run by you later, if you don't mind."
"Not at all. Just not now."
"No, not now."
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Once upon a time, I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do; a total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time, there was light in my life, but now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say; total eclipse of the heart...
Bonnie Tyler, "Total eclipse of the heart"
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"Has Valerie answered your letter yet?" Leylann asked, examining a photograph of Lily and Val in Paris with interest.
Lily's room was a mess. There were boxes and suitcases everywhere; unsurprisingly, it was hard to fit all the junk she'd accumulated in her old apartment into a single room. Of course, some of it would eventually go to other parts of the house, but Lily was strangely attached to some of her souvenirs… Including an ungodly amount of photos, some of which Leylann had already decided to display around the house.
Lily peeked out the closet with a puzzled look on her face. She was sitting in there, literally buried in clothes and trying to organise them. "No, she hasn't."
"That's odd."
"Well, last week Sylvie told me she had decided to take a few days off with Bernard. Maybe she just didn't have time to read the letter."
"You know she'll be very pissed off when she finds out by letter that you've moved from Paris, right?"
"Well, yes, but she left me no choice."
"Have you told James yet?"
"Yeah. He loved the idea."
"Oh, of course. You have to admit, it looks like you're doing this because of him."
Lily grinned. "I don't mind."
"I can only imagine how great life at the office must be these days. You haven't argued in, what, four days?"
"Since Monday… That's three days. Actually, we still argue. We just have better ways of ending our discussions - definitely better ones than that boring and endless 'am not' / 'are too' we used to do every time."
Leylann grinned.
"And how about you? How are things going with Jason?"
"Great. He ran into Sirius here last night, you know."
"How was it?"
"Hmm, let's just say you've just found yourself another affair."
Lily chuckled. "Remind me of that when I meet Jason, please. I might just slip and make him believe I'm faithful to my husband."
"I'll try to remember."
"Is Sirius still okay with this whole thing?"
"Oh, yeah. He got along marvellously well with Jason - the two of them discussed Quidditch for quite a while."
Leylann's nonchalant approach to the whole situation amused even Lily sometimes.
"Do you ever think about settling for good, Leylann?"
"Yes, of course."
"With Sirius?"
Leylann thought for a while before answering. "No. I could never be with Sirius for too long. He's fun, and we always have a great time, but I don't trust him enough to commit full-time. And I don't think he'd ever want to do that, either. Come on, Lil, we both know that he's extremely immature. He can't handle real emotions well, and tries to avoid them with that annoying joie de vivre of his."
"That's true. But if he ever does want to settle down… I don't think he would choose any other girl. He really cares about you, Leylann."
"Oh, of course he does. I care about him, too. It's just - not like that, Lily. If Sirius ever wants to settle down… well, I'll probably be senile by then. He'll end up marrying and divorcing several twenty-year-old bimbos, just because he really can't stand to be alone."
"Who knows? Maybe he'll mature before that."
She shook her head.
Lily looked at her friend curiously. She certainly didn't presume to know Sirius better than Leylann.
"Look at what he's been through, Lily. He had the whole situation with his family, he ran away from home… And, soon afterwards, James' parents, whom he loved, were murdered… He's fallen in and out of love more times than I care to remember… He's witnessed Remus' constant heartbreaks, and James' breakdown after you left… He's an Auror, for goodness' sake! He sees so many sobering things every day at work, and he has to deal with complicated, thought-provoking situations all the time… And yet his personality is practically still that of the fifteen-year-old Marauder! I don't think there's anything that could make Sirius mature now."
Lily was pensive. Indeed, it was odd. All the Marauders had gone through several hard-hitting, sobering experiences… Remus, James, and even little Peter had changed a lot in the past few years. But not Sirius. He was still that joking teenager, who every once in a while managed to have some surprisingly significant and helpful insights into one's personality.
"Anyway, enough about Sirius. Do you really expect to finish unpacking tonight?"
"Oh, yeah. As soon as I finish separating these clothes into the right categories, by colour, fabric and style - I'm almost done, by the way -"
Leylann shook her head, wondering how on earth Lily managed to be so organised. Of course she liked some level of order in her things too, but Lily was just… too much.
"- I'll just use magic to shrink most of these things and put them in the upper part of the closet. I don't have to worry about them now, since they're already in their boxes and all."
"Why do you have to keep so many pictures? You've always obsessed over these things, but really - you have too many of them!"
"I know, I know. I just can't help myself! But I have been taking fewer pictures lately."
"Well, of course, you've been busy! But you already have heaps of them… It wouldn't surprise me if you'd left some of them back in your old apartment."
Lily smiled guiltily. "Only a few of the newest ones. Will hasn't made his decision yet, after all. I can still keep some of my stuff there for at least one more week."
"Do you think he'll want the apartment?"
"Probably. Caroline's expecting another baby, and his current place is a bit too small."
"I see. You were lucky to find a buyer so fast."
"Yeah, it was great," Lily replied, climbing out of the closet and admiring the result of her hard work. All the drawers were colour-coded, and the dresses also followed a meticulously determined order. "I'm done."
Leylann glanced at the closet, and whistled. "You're insane, girl."
"Yeah, what else is new?" Lily asked at once, grinning. "Now give me those photos… Let me see how small they have to be to fit up there."
"Would you mind it if I put a few of them around the house?"
"No, of course not."
"Would you mind having a picture of you and James hanging on your bedroom wall?"
"Yes, I would mind."
"All right, fine. I'll put it in the living room."
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Bleeding is believing - I used to…
My mouth is dry; forgot how to cry
Why? What's up with that? You're hurting me
I'm running fast, can't hide the past
What's up with that? You're pushing me…
Natalie Imbruglia, "Smoke"
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"Merlin, I'm tired," Lily breathed out, lying on the bed and closing her eyes.
Leylann sat beside her, grinning. "Well, of course you are. Just out of curiosity, how much time do you and James spend working in that office?"
"Not much."
"I thought so."
"But it's still tiring… I need some time off. I'm glad James convinced the Minister to give us the next few days to stay home and rest."
"To be honest, I'm pretty exhausted too, but the prospect of not working tomorrow really improves my disposition. Oh, did I tell you that Jason gets Thursdays off as well?"
"Really? That's nice! You guys can totally arrange something. But yeah. I won't sleep any time soon - I know that I'll go to bed late tomorrow."
"You're so lucky. Four days of doing nothing! Although, knowing you, you won't stop working."
"Yes, but that's not the point. I can work at home, which is always great."
"Won't you miss James?" Leylann taunted.
Lily laughed. She was about to answer when the distinct sound of someone Apparating nearby - presumably in the living room - reached her ears. After a couple of seconds, a muffled, shaken voice called them.
Alarmed, Lily sat up, and said, "We're here!"
Valerie entered the room, and the two girls stared at her for a few seconds, shocked. She had clearly just been beaten heavily: she had bruises and cuts on her arms and cheeks, her lips were cut, and her body shook with sobs.
"I - I need you guys to - I couldn't go to a - I need -" she tried to say, still sobbing. "I - I -"
Leylann immediately rushed to the kitchen to get some potions, while Lily quickly did what little healing she could with her wand, and gently guided her friend to sit on the bed.
After taking a few potions, Valerie calmed down. She felt no more physical pain, but her head was still throbbing with the evening's events, and her heart was severely bruised. Lily and Leylann could see this with clarity, but there was nothing they could do right now, other than sit there and wait until the girl was calm enough to tell them what had happened.
A thousand possible scenarios were flashing through Lily's mind. Who could have done that? Without a doubt, the attacker hadn't been a Death Eater; if that had been the case, Valerie would have gone to the Ministry, or to a hospital…
Who, then? Perhaps Charles Friedrich, her magnetic ex-boyfriend? It was highly unlikely. He had known Valerie for a while, and nothing she could have done now would have caused such an explosive reaction. He still loved her, but he knew she was with someone else … Yes, Charles would know better than to do anything like that to her. He still wanted Valerie back - he wouldn't screw up his chances like that.
Maybe Bernard Dolet, her boyfriend. That was an odd possibility. Lily was the one who had introduced him to Valerie; she wouldn't have guessed that he was capable of such a thing. He was a nice guy, after all, even though he did have a bit of a temper sometimes…
She cringed inwardly. That didn't prove anything, of course. But if Bernard had done this to her friend, Lily would never forgive herself. He seemed sweet, and he was just the type of guy Val liked… Merlin, how could he have done it?
Valerie took a deep breath, and seemed ready to talk. Leylann and Lily looked at each other for a second - they had both been thinking the same thing. Had Bernard been capable of doing such a terrible thing?
"Bernard and I asked the Ministry for a few days off; it was an impulsive decision, so I didn't even write to you about it or anything, sorry. Anyway, we went to Aspen, and it was great. I - I don't know. I just felt like I could trust him… So I told him about Charles."
"You told him what, exactly?"
"That I'd been with Charles the night after Gideon's birthday."
Lily bit her lip. Oh, no. Valerie definitely was the kind of girl who couldn't afford to cheat on her current boyfriend… She always ended up telling him all about it, giving in to a sudden pang of guilt.
And that, of course, was also why Lily could never say anything too bad about her boyfriends, either. She'd learned that after losing a couple of friends due to Valerie's big mouth.
"And - and you can tell how great his reaction was," Valerie continued with a small, bitter smile. "He started calling me names, and yelling that he didn't know how I'd done this to him, that I'd betrayed his trust, that he had once loved me, but… not anymore…"
She started crying again, and Lily hugged her, not knowing what had hurt Val more: Bernard's words or his actions. "Ssh," she whispered. "He doesn't deserve you, Valerie. Look at what he did - he's not worthy of your love, or your tears."
"Well, yes, I can see that, but I can't help it! It's not like I chose to fall in love with him! It's not like I - I wanted him to break my heart like this… What did I do, Lily? Honesty is supposed to be the foundation of every relationship! I just - I wanted to be honest with him… I love him so much…"
Lily grimaced. See, this was why she was terrified of falling in love. The heartbreak really wasn't worth it. Well, of course Lily had never been beaten by any of her boyfriends, but she could understand what was happening to Valerie.
"You need to write something to Law Enforcement; they'll want to have a talk with Bernard," Leylann suggested quietly.
Val shook her head. "No, I couldn't do this to him. Yes, he overreacted a little, but it was my fault, too. I did something terrible - I shouldn't have betrayed his trust."
Lily and Leylann looked at each other, incredulous and stupefied.
"Can't you see? I still love him… I wouldn't want anything to happen to him."
................................................
No more rolling with the punches - no more using or abusing
I'd rather die standing than live upon my knees begging please, no more
Black eyes, I don't need them; blue tears, give me freedom
Black eyes, all behind me; blue tears will never find me now (…)
No more crying in the corner - no excuses, no more bruises…
Shania Twain, "Black eyes, blue tears"
................................................
"Listen, Val, you have to write a report of some kind. At least ask them to obliviate him or something… The last thing you need is a psycho stalker."
Valerie looked at Lily with wide, teary eyes. "He'll - forget all about me? How can you suggest that? Lil… please. He won't do it again. He loves me too, and he'll forgive me eventually."
"Do you still want to be with him?" Leylann asked, shocked. "After all he's done?"
"I don't know, I - I'm confused. I never thought he'd be capable of something like this, but now I just - I don't know."
"Valerie, he doesn't deserve you," Lily repeated. "He really doesn't. You can't be with a guy like that."
"What if he never does it again? I'll lose the chance to be with a sweet, caring guy who really loves me -"
"A guy who really loves you wouldn't have hit you, Valerie. If you stayed with him, you'd be constantly afraid of doing something that displeases him…"
"He is a great guy, Leylann. You can't judge him just by this one -"
"Yes, I can. I thought he was a nice guy, too - but not anymore."
"It was my mistake. I shouldn't have cheated on him! He's this perfect guy, who didn't deserve what I did to him -"
"He. Is. Not. Perfect. He will always think you're unworthy of him, Valerie. Things between you will never be the same - you'll always be afraid of him, and he will never trust you fully again. This has to be the end of your relationship."
Valerie sighed, tears running down her cheeks. Lily was just rubbing more and more salt on her open wounds, and it hurt… But was she right?
Val didn't know - she didn't even know if she wanted Lily to be right or not.
It had been so abrupt, so sudden… Her relationship with Bernard had been so idyllic! Stupid, stupid girl. If she hadn't said anything about Charles, they would still be together.
But then again… who knew when his temper would explode? Valerie was bound to do something to irritate him at some point. If she stayed with her, would he beat her up later?
It hurt to admit that possibility… But Lily and Leylann were probably right.
"I just want to forget all about it, okay?" she said tiredly at last. "You do whatever it is you have to do, Lily, and then we'll just - not talk about it."
Lily quickly grabbed some ink, a quill, and a piece of parchment, and started writing furiously. After a few minutes, she handed the quill to Valerie, who signed the letter without even reading it. Myrie, Lily's owl, was then sent to the French Ministry, carrying an envelope labelled 'urgent'.
"You should stay here until Law Enforcement deals with this," Leylann suggested.
Val nodded.
"You can use this room," Lily offered. "I've just finished organising it."
"No, I can sleep in the living room, no problem."
"Rubbish! For goodness' sake, Valerie, I won't let you."
"Whatever you say then, Lily. I'm… not in the mood to argue about anything. Do you guys have any alcohol here? I could really use a drink. And then you can all tell me what's been happening in your lives - you know, to shift the focus from my problems and all."
"Are you sure?" Leylann asked worriedly. "Wouldn't you prefer to have some rest or something? You went through quite an ordeal."
"Goddamn it, Leylann, put aside the Healer for a moment, will you?" Valerie snapped. "I just want to unwind and have some amusing girl talk with my friends!"
"It's okay; I'm just a bit worried, that's all."
"I - I know, I'm sorry. I'm not in the best shape today."
"I know. And of course you can have a drink, Val. What do you prefer, Firewhisky, wine, or do you want to mix some cocktail?"
"Do you by any chance have absinthe?"
Lily grinned. She hadn't had absinthe in a while, and she missed it. "No, but I'll go get some."
"In Paris? Or around here?"
"In Paris. I have to stop by my old apartment to pick up some more stuff anyway… I won't be long."
"Okay, then."