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Hopelessly Addicted
Chapter 3
"Throwing Stones"
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Hey, every day there's a reason to just do it all over again
Up all night, I waste my time - I'm fine, but a day behind (...)
All the things I do, don't you tell me not to!
Try walking in my shoes…
Aimee Allen, "I'd Start A Revolution"
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For the first time since they'd started dating, Alain woke up before Lily.
'Five a.m.,' he thought crossly, looking out the window. 'The sun hasn't even risen yet!'
But it would be worth the sacrifice. He'd at least be able to talk properly with Lily, something he hadn't done for the past three weeks.
Three weeks… So much had changed since she'd started working in London! Alain hadn't visited her office yet - she had asked him not to, claiming the location was a well-guarded secret and having outsiders there could be a serious security breach -, but he was sure of one thing: wherever they were, they were keeping her extremely busy.
Lily now woke up at a quarter past five every day. She usually came home at around seven-thirty in the evening, but worked until well past midnight. As a result, she and Alain had barely spent time together in three weeks, let alone gone out or anything. He understood that the change had affected her schedule and that she was still trying to find her balance, but… This was too much.
Whenever Alain complained about her busy schedule, Lily always apologised and said it wouldn't take her too long to normalise her workload… She'd been saying it for a fortnight, and nothing had changed so far.
Lily had used to be so homey… Now she didn't even have time to go to the market! Her only means of shopping was by owl-order. But since she couldn't find the time to cook anyway, she ate at restaurants every day - when she had the time to spare, that is.
Thankfully, she managed to grab a bite at work, so she wasn't losing too much weight. The lack of sleep was already taking its toll, but she tried to balance it by sleeping a little more on the weekends - until six o'clock, that is.
Lily kept saying that she had too much work to rest properly. She was always under the pressure of some deadline! Alain had tried to help her a few times, but she'd always refused assistance, protesting that he wasn't a professional strategist like her. Which was true, but… well, he should have been able to do something to assist her.
The amount of missions she had to plan seemed absurd, or at least strange. Come on, Alain was an Auror, too! Working in London couldn't be all that different from Paris! He'd never heard any rumours about British Aurors not having social lives due to excessive workloads.
'Quite the contrary, actually,' he thought with a smirk. 'British Aurors always get all the best girls everywhere.'
So why was Lily so busy?
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Hey, you're too true to be good, and I'm too bad to pretend
Transparent and transfixed, I'm uncool
Heartbeat, you're looking at me
Must stop, I'm letting you see this isn't how I want it to be…
The Corrs, "Humdrum"
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Lily's alarm clock rang at precisely five-fifteen. She turned it off less than five seconds later, and quickly got up. She went to the bathroom and started brushing her teeth.
When Lily walked out, toothbrush still in her mouth, she started choosing which clothes she'd wear. It was only then that she noticed her boyfriend was standing by the window.
"Alain?" she asked without turning around, settling on black social pants, a loose navy blue blouse, and a black overall. "What happened? Why are you awake?"
"I want to talk to you," he said, walking to her.
"I can't," she replied, frowning. Opening her drawer, she got lingerie, and bent down to decide between the dozens of shoe pairs. "I have tons of scenarios to work on, and then I have to get to the Ministry before seven. I'm sorry, honey. We'll talk later, okay?"
"Lil, I really need to talk to you," he said sternly. "Please? It won't take too long."
"I'm sorry," she repeated, walking to the bathroom. "I really can't do this right now. I have a very important meeting, and a lot of work to be done in the next couple of hours."
"Lil -"
"Go back to sleep," she said tiredly, turning on the douche and taking off her nightgown.
He stared at her in a particular, unmistakeable way as she undressed. "Do you want me to -" he gestured towards the shower.
"No," she interrupted him, annoyed. "I'm late, Alain. I don't have time for this."
After practically kicking him out, she locked the door.
Oh, why couldn't he understand she needed to be alone right now? She always had an enormous amount of work to get done; she couldn't waste time with these trivialities…
Alain didn't know it, but Lily was still working for the French Ministry. She was accumulating her workload as a British Auror - which was rather oppressive, since she worked in one of the busiest teams in the Ministry - and most of her previous obligations as a French Auror.
Consequently, she was doing practically no field work, which was her true passion. Strategy was only a pastime… But it turned out that there were incredibly few people qualified to take care of that essential part of the work.
So she was stuck in strategy, planning several French and British missions per day. How could Alain think she'd have time to discuss their relationship now? He should have given her some time to find a balance between her work and her personal life, and then things would slowly go back to normal.
Normal… what was normal? For Lily, that usually meant spending some time with Alain, having an affair here and there, and working frantically in the meantime. Obviously, he didn't know that. Now she didn't have time for him, but she didn't have time for any flings, either. She was working more than she ever had - Alain should be thankful for the growth in her workload, she thought with a smirk.
Oh, why couldn't he be a bit more reasonable?
Why couldn't Alain just be a bit more like James?
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I'm not hungry; no, I'm over fed, satisfied with the life I've led
Moving on to where you can't see
What is me, well, it's just for me - mine, end of the line (…)
I've got confidence; I'm not afraid…
The Corrs, "Confidence For Quiet"
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"Good morning, Dorcas."
Dorcas looked up from the typewriter to greet the newcomer. Lily was always one of the first ones to arrive at work, but today she'd had to spend most of her morning in a meeting, so everybody was already at the office.
"Good morning! Here -" said Dorcas cheerfully, handing Lily a jug of hot coffee. "Figured you'd need it after spending three hours discussing Disinformation politics with all those uninteresting people."
Lily grinned. "It was incredibly boring, but hey, I survived. Is there anything for me?"
"Why do you even bother asking? There's a huge pile of parchment on your table, upstairs. About half of them are labelled 'urgent', as usual."
"Thanks."
"No problem."
"I'm in a meeting if anyone looks for me, all right?"
"Sure."
Lily climbed the stairs in a few seconds and entered the huge office she shared with James.
"Morning," he said without looking up from the parchment he was examining. "Lots of work. How'd it go?"
"Fifteen pages of notes - legislation changes and all. There'll be another meeting in a couple of weeks. Details later."
"All right."
Their communication was civil and essentially staccato until they started having an argument. They got along just fine like that - their brief, objective communication didn't distract them from whatever it was they were doing.
Lily stared at the pile of parchment on her desk for a few moments before actually immersing herself in the work.
After a few minutes, James looked up. "A French Ministry owl left a while ago, after waiting for an hour or so. You might want to ask them to resend the message."
She quickly wrote a couple of keywords to help herself remember what she had been thinking about before his interruption. "Why did it leave?" she asked.
James shrugged. "Obviously important and urgent stuff."
"Oh, Merlin…" she moaned, gesturing for her own, Myrie, to leave the windowsill and come to her desk.
"It was about the French Minister's visit next week," he said after a few seconds.
Lily immediately narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "How do you know that?" she asked, walking to his desk.
James sighed - he knew very well what was about to happen. "I just wanted to check what it was - you know, to see if it was important enough to be worth interrupting your meeting."
"And who are you to decide what is or isn't important enough?" she shrieked. "You might want to butt in my work for the British Ministry, but -"
"I was just checking; that's all! I know how important the visit -"
"You were being nosy, that's all!"
She had at last managed to wind him up. James hadn't been in the mood for arguing, but Lily had changed that in seconds… as usual.
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There you go again; you cut me off from talking
You bask in the glory, the centre of the circle
All our friends think you're a comedian, so kind and generous
But I'm suffering… Away from here, I wanna be away from here
Away from every little thing - I used to love your every little, every little thing
(…) Now I hate your every little everything all day…
Paula Cole, "Throwing Stones"
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James stood up, glaring at her. "Nosy?" he spat. "Nosy? Of course not! I certainly have better things to do with my time than to -"
"Well, then don't!"
"I didn't!"
"Well, of course you did!"
Dorcas opened the door slightly and peeked. She'd knocked, but no one seemed to have noticed. Oh, they were arguing - as usual. No less than three arguments per day, and habitually a lot more than that. At least Lily and James hadn't started duelling this time… Things usually got pretty ugly when that happened. The office had been refurbished three times in the past three weeks…
"Lily?" she called.
James was yelling at Lily, and she was too busy glowering to listen to Dorcas.
"LILY!" bellowed Dorcas, above James' voice. This caused the two of them to finally look at her. "There was someone here to see you."
"There was? Why, the person's left?"
"Yes."
"See?" Lily roared, turning to James. "You made me lose my visitor!"
"I did not! You started this! And you're so busy you're not even supposed to -"
"HEY! STOP YELLING FOR A SECOND, WILL YOU?"
Lily and James obeyed and turned to look at Dorcas crossly.
"Would you mind coming downstairs with me, Lil?"
She nodded and left, but not without sending James one last withering glare.
"You know," said Dorcas quietly when they arrived at her table, "you were the one who asked me to tell everyone you were in a meeting. Why were you two fighting this time?"
Lily grinned. "Oh… Yeah, that's right. But I needed to yell at someone today… And, well, James did something that wasn't even that irksome, but I was already in a bad mood, so we started arguing - and if you hadn't stopped us, we would still be."
"If you guys could spend at least one day without arguing… I mean, you two never stop bickering, not even during the Order meetings!"
"We can't," she said, shrugging. "We're just complete opposites - we don't get along."
"Rubbish! I've seen you two working together on the field, and you guys are perfectly cohesive. More so than any other Aurors I've ever seen."
"That's different - it's a life-or-death situation. We have to get along."
Dorcas sat down and sighed. "Have you ever considered that your life here would be a hell of a lot better if you'd just… stop? Restrain yourself whenever you felt like yelling at him?"
"I'm sorry, but the only way we'll ever stop arguing is if one of us leaves… And Dumbledore wants us both here."
Dorcas decided to try another approach. "There has to be something good about him. Come on - I can think of hundreds of things. Do you hate him so… completely? Can't you find at least one little trait you like?"
Lily exhaled heavily and looked away.
'Okay, now I have to come up with good things about James. Oh, Dorcas, if you can think of hundreds, I can surely think of thousands. I know him, so I can afford the luxury of hating him… I know every single one of his qualities, and each of his bad traits…'
"Well, he usually respects my space, and he helps me out whenever he can - and when I let him," she replied at last.
"He trusts you more than he ever did any of us, too."
Lily looked at Dorcas soberly. "Only because he knows me better than any of you."
"Just trying to help… Come on, there has to be something more."
She grinned. "Let me see… He doesn't mind me using my time and office resources to do work for the French ministry."
"Oh, and he always makes sure you eat enough - you have to admit that's really thoughtful of him."
"I hate it when he does that. But he does treat me civilly whenever we're not arguing."
"See? He's not that bad."
Lily shook her head. "I know, Dorcas. It's just… I can't stand him."
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No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me
It seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the mess with (…)
I'll be there for you when the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before
I'll be there for you, 'cause you're there for me too…
The Rembrandts, "I'll Be There For You"
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"James Potter is undoubtedly the best thing that has ever happened to me."
Lily grimaced and looked away from Julia's face, dismayed.
"Well, I'm sorry, Lil, but it's true."
"I just don't see how that man can be the best thing that has ever happened to someone. How can you possibly like him?"
"He's adorable, he's sweet, he's gentle -"
"He controls you! You can't even breathe unless he tells you to!"
Julia opened her mouth to protest.
Seeing that, Lily rushed to add, "Okay, I know I'm exaggerating, but come on, Jules, you know what I'm talking about."
"I do… But I don't mind! I'm in love with him, and if he wants me to do something, I will. I don't care if that means he influences me too much… I just want to be with him!"
"Well, you could try standing your ground every once in a while," intervened Leylann.
"Why? You guys make it sound like he makes me do horrible things! I just let him choose the restaurants we go to and things like that - nothing disagreeable. Plus, if I tell him I don't want to do something, like Quidditch, or… you know, stuff, he always respects my wishes."
"You don't like Quidditch?" asked Valerie, surprised. "It's a nice sport."
"I hate it."
"What about you, Leylann?"
"I do… Not as much as the guys, or Lil, but I do."
"See, Lil? Loving Quidditch isn't natural," said Julia with a smile.
Lily sighed. "I played on the Gryffindor team for six years, Jules. Do you really expect to convince me that Quidditch is boring?"
"I suppose not."
"Anyway," interrupted Valerie. "I'm getting curious to meet this James Potter. When will I get to see him?"
"Any time you want, Val."
"I've gone to Lily's office twice, and he wasn't there! Or rather, he was, but she didn't want to show him to me."
"Why not?"
Lily frowned. "Oh, it's just weird… I don't know… I guess - well, he's going to think I talk to my friends about him all the time -"
Leylann giggled. "But you do!"
"Not by choice! Julia's the one who likes talking about him!"
"Lil, you have to introduce them! Or else I'm just going to have to force her to be the third wheel sometime…"
"No way!"
Lily grinned. "Hey, you guys could double-date. It'll save me the trouble…"
"That's actually a good idea… me, James, Valerie, and… who? Charles or Bernard?"
Valerie made a face and shook her head. "I don't really know. I'll think about it."
"Come on, Val… It's been almost a month. You should've decided already!"
"I'm pretty content with both of them right now, thank you very much."
"They're going to end up finding out… and then you won't have anyone."
"I don't think it'll come to that. I'm going to tell Charles about Bernard - soon. I just don't know exactly what to say. And who are you to criticise me, Leylann?"
Leylann scowled. "Sirius and I are different. He knows perfectly that well I date other guys, and I know he has tons of girlfriends. We just stay together in the in-between… It's a comfortable situation, unlike yours."
"But you really like Sirius, don't you?" asked Lily.
"Well, of course I like him. We've been more or less together since sixth year! I just don't love him, and it doesn't hurt me to think of him with other girls. I know he'll forget about the others after a while - I'm the only… recurring one."
"Your relationship is rather dysfunctional," said Valerie matter-of-factly. "I'm actually also very curious to meet this Sirius Black."
Lily laughed. "Oh, no, you're not, Val."
"Why not?"
Leylann cast Lily a sideways glance and immediately understood Lily's trail of thought. "Sirius is a very attractive guy… You don't want to add an 'I'm-falling-for-my-friend's-boyfriend' item to your already long list of unsolved problems, do you?"
"Oh, I see. Of course not."
Leylann stared at Lily pensively. She was having a hard time believing Lily disliked James as much as she conveyed… Where had all that love gone?
Lily had been utterly miserable during most of Healer training. Leylann remembered consoling her several times; Lily had cried herself to sleep every night for months after breaking up with James.
She had only managed to return to normal after starting Auror training - she had barely had time to think, let alone shed tears for James.
Was this what she was doing now? Her workload was heavier than anyone else's because of her wish to continue working for the French Ministry… Was Lily trying to work this hard just to put James out of her mind?
Leylann didn't know for sure… But this whole situation seemed awfully familiar. Lily and James' endless bickering had inevitably let to their falling for each other the last time. Now, however, things were more complicated: not only did Lily resent James for cheating on her, but Julia and Alain were also in the picture.
Alain wouldn't be a problem. Leylann knew her friend well enough to tell that she didn't love him. For the most part, he was just a rebound board. Lily had been having affairs ever since she'd started dating him! All he meant to her was security…
But Julia… Did James love her?
Was Lily going to have to deal with falling for her friend's boyfriend? Would her love be unrequited?
Leylann was almost sure that things would slowly get back to normal - that is, Lily and James would get back together, and eventually get married.
But that 'almost' was bugging her to no end.
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