Monday 14th April
Several strange and good things that have happened today (so far).
-Beatrice and Emily have made up. I was there to witness the conversation and I am much happier now that I can sit in the Great Hall with both of my best friends. We celebrated by dancing to no music during lunch. Everybody was staring at us, but we didn't care. How rebellious of us. Tonight we are going to have a big catch up talk, and they are going to help me find a way to overcome my Potter problem. Just having them both here for me is making me feel better.
-Classes have started again. I have never been so happy to see Professor Flitwick. He and Professor Banoub gave me Os for the essays I handed in before Easter and Professor Binns gave me an E. Huzzah! Flitwick also told me that he thinks I would make an excellent Head Girl.
-I got a letter back from Petunia! Granted, it wasn't very much, but she said that she hoped I was doing well and that she's getting along fine with Vernon. It wasn't brimming with good wishes or proclamations of love, but it was a letter, at least. Progress is progress, as they say. Although I've never heard that said before.
-My friends and I have decided to make Lake Day a monthly event. It was raining today, but we'll manage it somehow!
-Peter Pettigrew is walking around the school and whistling like a bird. He is also grinning rather stupidly at everyone. I am going to ask him what's what later on.
-I haven't thought about Potter as much!! This is the best news of all!
---
I can't believe it. I am utterly stunned. Peter Pettigrew, Wormtail, that short little bloke with the watery eyes, has lost his virginity before all of his friends. How is this possible? He told us this morning on the way to breakfast. Sirius asked how it was, and Wormtail said it was good enough, as apparently it was nothing new to Helena. Naturally I wanted to know who else would sleep with her. According to him, they have a very honest relationship, and have discussed such matters. (Strange, I think.) The only name he would tell us was Terry Heaney, and this may have been the most shocking news all morning. That's two people whom I know to be considerably less attractive than me, and they've both had sex. With the same girl, but still! At least I can console myself by saying I was the one who suggested he date Helena Hodge.
Letters from Mum and Dad arrived this morning. Mum denied any accusations of mood-altering substances, too vehemently for me to believe, and it's the sort of thing she'd do, slip some to me in chocolate. She did say it was certainly all right if Sirius came and stayed with us for the summer. I told Padfoot as soon as I'd read it. That certainly cheered him up. Can't wait for end of term now, summer will be brill.
Dad's letter was shorter. He said something about how I need to grow up and be more responsible before dating seriously. I dunno, I don't think I did a good enough job explaining what's going on. I feel mature enough. Well, I'd feel more mature if I did what Peter did, but to get there I need to have a girlfriend, so it all comes back to the same thing. Probably could do to talk to Remus about it. Sharp bloke, that one.
During lunch I glanced over at the Slytherin table. Snape had the same look about him this morning that Regulus had a couple of weeks ago, that same strutting arrogance, thinking he's better than everyone else for wearing that stupid snake on his arm. He disgusts me.
I love Quidditch. If I didn't fear for my body's health as much as I do, I'd go professional.
Tuesday 15th April
Peter and Helena engaged in the act of fornication!
How do I know this? Because he told me. Why did he tell me? Well, I guess he was trying to make me vomit. What does this mean? It means that the world has gone crazy. Helena Hodge has taken Peter's virginity. Yes, taken. Apparently she has `dunnit' before, with Terry Heaney. Peter says he can't believe that he is the only non-virgin out of all of his friends. Even Potter.
I have only one word to say about this, and that word is this: Justice. Sweet, unerring justice. Sweet, unerring, ego-battering, soul-shattering justice. I hope it tastes nice, Potter.
Peter swore me to secrecy, so I only told Beatrice and Emily about it. Emily and I were shocked, but Beatrice wasn't. She merely wondered where they had chosen to do it. She wants me to ask Peter, and asked me if he knew about the Room of Requirement yet. That, she says, is where she and Karl go to do it. She thinks that it would be prudent to let Peter know.
I will have it stated here, diary, that I have known for a good few months that Beatrice was getting up to those kind of shenanigans with Karl, but I still never wanted to hear her say it. I got a cold shiver, I'll admit. It's not nice to think about your friends doing that, is it? I cleverly averted from the subject by asking about this mysterious room. Apparently there is a room somewhere in the school that turns into whatever you want it to. You have to walk past a certain tapestry three times and a door will reveal itself to you. Beatrice and Emily and I are going to sneak out tonight and find it. I am so unbelievably excited. I have never prowled around the school at night before, not unless I was patrolling.
But who prowls whilst patrolling? You can't. Prowling is only for people who are up to no good. Which I shall be, later. Ha. Ha ha ha.
It is nice to feel cheerful again after the past few weeks.
Thought about Potter ten times today, but six of those times were preceded by his entering the room, so they don't count. Yay me.
---
If Algernon were in better health, I'd have him bring me some arsenic. Peter, apparently fortified by his new manliness, has taken to talking about sex with Helena. All the bloody time. It is beyond disgusting. And it's stupid because he's done it all of once, although he says they're going to give it another go this weekend. Kill me now, thanks.
Had a good chat with Remus after Transfiguration (and after I'd apologized to McGonagall for destroying two and a half desks). I mentioned my Dad's letter, and he partially agreed. He admitted that he's always thought it weird how I obsess over Evans even though I don't talk to her all that much. I said when it comes to love, you don't need to speak. He thought this was dumb, and as soon as I'd said it, I thought so, too. I still wasn't convinced I was up to Evans's standard, but when he asked who was, I couldn't think of anyone else. He pointed out that if I got to know her a little better, perhaps I would be better suited for her. I'm giving this suggestion some thought, but… well, I don't want to make her cry again. That was the worst.
Maybe I can convince everyone else in the school to stay clear away from her. Then I wouldn't have to see her with anyone else. At least she doesn't seem to be with Pilkerson anymore. Probably he was scared off. Oh no, what if she cried because he left her? Must talk to Wood about it tomorrow at practice.
All these detentions are bothersome. Today Sirius `entertained' me via mirror by listing out all the places Peter and Helena could have had sex. I'm of the opinion it was the Shrieking Shack, but I did have to give Padfoot a good thumping on the head when I got back to the Tower. Revolting, repulsive, ugh.
Wednesday 16th April
Before I recount the day's events, I have to put on record this conversation I had with Karl, because I am sure that it will continue to amuse me even when I am in the depths of despair.
Karl: The world is round, yeah?
Me: Yes, Karl, it is.
Karl: But… why doesn't the ground feel curvy?
I think the entire Great Hall heard me laughing. I have certainly been attracting enough strange looks ever since. I had to hang on to Karl's arm in an effort to stay upright on my seat. The boy is a genius. What will I do without him next year?
Last night, we snuck out to the tapestry and Beatrice was not lying, the Room of Requirement truly does exist. We had so much fun! It transformed itself into a huge swimming pool type room with slides and real waves in the water. And then afterwards we played Potter darts. It's like normal darts, only with a picture of Potter as the dartboard. Fun for all the family, Emily says. She doesn't know how she's going to keep a straight face at Quidditch practice this evening.
Speaking of Potter, Slughorn set us a task today, making a Franchenhaus Fusion. The mystery prize at the end was revealed to be, not a box of crystallized pineapple, but a vial of Felix Felicis. I remember he was going to give some of it away a few months ago, but Sirius Black `accidentally' blew up the cauldron and ruined that plan. Just because he knew he'd wrecked his own potion. Anyway, Potter won, as luck would have it. Professor Slughorn was disappointed; I could tell that he was hoping for me to win it. I'm sure I would have but I couldn't concentrate, what with curved ground and Potter darts and Beatrice whispering in my ear every five minutes about how sure she is that Peter is an animal in bed. I couldn't stop laughing! We ended up destroying whatever it was that had been in my cauldron in the first place. But I don't mind, because I'm busy being happy!
I'm sure Severus would have won, had he not been in the hospital wing. I was told he broke his leg or something. My sympathy is limited.
---
Positive: I won Felix Felicis in Potions. Yes, my own intellectual prowess astounds me. Honestly, Franchenhaus Fusion? We picked that up fourth year. There's still a stain in the Great Hall, right at the end of the Ravenclaw table. No clue what I'll do with my winnings, but it's nice to have. I've hidden it under the bed with Algernon's belongings for now.
Negative: Evans was all over Pilkerson again today. Off-putting.
Positive: Padfoot and I bested Snivellus in the corridor today, and we didn't even get caught! Justice, for once.
Semi-Partial-Negative: Talked to Wood. She refused to give details about Evans's and Pilkerson's relationship, but she did say I shouldn't be concerned about it if I want to make a move. I should, apparently, be concerned about making a fool of myself. This is nothing new from her, though. She doesn't quite understand my brilliance, except on the Quidditch pitch.
All in all, positive day. I'm feeling better, Sirius is smiling, Peter's swaggering, and Remus...all right, he's normal. That almost makes me think something must be wrong that I'm overlooking. Must consult with Remus and see if all is really well in his life.
Have just remembered that Apparition tests are this weekend. Double damn! Off to practice.
Thursday 17th April
Peter and Helena got down to business in the second-floor girls' bathroom, apparently. I am disgusted. What kind of man/boy brings a girl to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom to make love for the first time?! Romance is truly dead. I think that I would dump Peter if I were Helena, just for that. And I, as anybody who knows James Potter will attest, am not fussy, but it is the height of disrespect to expect your girlfriend to do that in a smelly loo while a wailing old ghost watches you. Beatrice and Emily agree. Even Karl thought it was a bit sick.
And why does Peter keep telling me these details? Why, moreover, does he always choose to talk to me about it when I'm trying to eat?
I have ordered three new pairs of shoes from Gladrags today, because I'm too afraid of Terry Heaney to confront him. James has been sent off to get them because they don't operate with their own owls. I am rather worried that James is not up to the task, he's not a very big owl and he's never carried a package before, but I didn't want to insult him by picking a school owl. Thinking of James always leads to thinking about Potter, naturally, and it's just occurred to me that I haven't seen his cat in ages. I might ask Potter about him in Astronomy. There's no law against my enquiring about Algernon, is there? I love him almost as much as Potter does, and I miss him. Algernon, not Potter. Although I might miss Potter a little, but I'm sure that it's just because I haven't had a proper kiss since the angry one in his dorm and I'm craving physical affection. It doesn't sound like me, but it can't hurt to listen to Beatrice every once in a while, can it?
Remus sent me a note in Transfiguration today, saying that he needs to talk to me about something. I hope that everything is ok. Astronomy is in ten minutes, so I'll try to have a word with him then.
---
Word is that Terry Heaney has stolen Evans's shoes again. I know it wasn't Peter because he was probably off sleeping with Helena (gross as that might be). Tonight after Astronomy Wormtail and I are going to sneak into the third-years's dorm and give Heaney his just desserts. I've been forbidden from Transfiguring people into animals and inanimate objects, but I've been perfecting my human Transfiguration. I'll only offer to reverse the spells if he hands over Evans's shoes and swears never to even look at them again, the pervert. It feels right to be defending Evans from the dregs of Hogwarts, even if she isn't really speaking to me.
Speaking of, Remus might possibly have had a point about how well I know Evans. Today I realized I don't know what color socks she has, only shoes. A sad gap in my knowledge about her. At least I know her owl's name.
Algernon is loads better. Today he brought me some biscuits. I wanted treacle, but I was willing to settle considering he's still recovering from my mother's madness.
Apparition in two days. No time to practice today, but I'm hoping to squeeze in some time before Quidditch tomorrow. I'm dead good at it now, but it never hurts to perfect.
Out of sick, morbid curiosity, I asked Peter if he and Helena got busy in the Shrieking Shack. He said no, but then said it might be a better place than where they do it now. That made me not want to know where they currently have sex, if that's an improvement, and also made me want to find somewhere else to practice Apparition.
Tried to ask Remus what was troubling him during lunch, but he's mastered the art of changing subjects. I think I need to get him drunk. Perhaps a celebratory toast after the tests on Saturday?
Friday 18th April
Apparition tests tomorrow! I wish there was somewhere that I could have some extra practice, but alas, no. I'm pretty confident that I can do well, though, so I guess I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed tomorrow. Karl says that it's easy enough to pass the test, although he failed it the first time. He Splinched himself. They fixed his head right in the end, but his hair never grew back. Poor Karl.
Remus and I talked in Astronomy last night. He wanted to talk about Potter, surprisingly. He says that he has been trying very, very hard to get us together, but he fears that Potter is too pigheaded and daft to really understand what needs to be done. So he asked me (the cheek of him) if I would consider trying to be friends with Potter! He is sure that if Potter gets to know me, he won't go around making such a pig's arse of things. I told him I'd think about it.
I think not, Remus Lupin. Ha ha!
Not unless Potter makes the first move, anyway. I am not going out of my way for that delinquent fool, no matter how good of a kisser he is.
There are people laughing very loudly in the common room downstairs. Time to investigate?
---
Things always seem to go well, and then something happens to fuck it all up. Second only to Evans crying is Evans terrified for her life. Sirius keeps telling me there was no way I could've known Evans was afraid of clowns, but that only proves Remus right - I don't know her well enough. If I could just Obliviate her, only of this morning when she walked in on us laughing at Heaney, then I think I would be in a much better position to make friends with her.
McGonagall ruined my threat by Untransfiguring Heaney. She also gave me several nights' worth of detention with her, supposedly to `knock some sense into me.' I have a bad feeling these will include lectures about things like `responsibility' and `common sense.' I've enough of both, thanks.
I'm confident I'll pass tomorrow. Why shouldn't I? I'm quite the wizard, after all.
Wood wouldn't talk to me during Quidditch. I don't blame her, but it made it dead difficult to practice the Porskoff Ploy. She got even more upset when the Quaffle hit her in the eye.
---
I will not be able to sleep tonight, or ever again.
I hate Potter.
Saturday 19th April
Passed! Passed with flying colors! I didn't even Splinch a hair. Professor Twycross said that I was near perfect. I was one of the first ones to manage it, too! I'm so proud, and I feel like celebrating. I think that today should be Lake Day. I will ask Beatrice and Emily what they think. I am sure they won't mind celebrating. Beatrice passed too, and Emily will, once she turns seventeen. The bruise on her eye has turned yellow, the poor girl.
Potter didn't pass. I was near him during the test and I Apparated before I got the chance to see him try, but Remus says that he didn't. He also implored me, once again, to talk to Potter. I told him that I did not care for Potter any longer, but he just gave me this knowing look and walked away. I hate stupid Remus and his stupid knowing looks. Stupid know-it-all.
I will ask Potter about Algernon, I think. That way, I'll make Remus happy without going against my principles. Everyone's a winner.
Peter has just run out of the common room like his pants are on fire. I bet he is going to have sex with Helena again. I feel sick.
Terry Heaney gave me back my shoes, just as James was getting back to Hogwarts with my new ones. Irony at its best, I suppose. I couldn't look at him without shuddering. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. I would hex Potter's unmentionables off if he hadn't been trying, in some sick, stupid way, to defend my honor. Also, I feel rather sorry for him, due to the Apparition and all. First Peter loses his virginity before him, and than Apparates before him. It must be a real blow.
Ha. Ha ha ha.
---
I will fucking kill Severus Snape. This morning he must have slipped me a Distracting Draught or something because I couldn't focus at all. Says a lot for my so-called friends that they didn't even notice. Sirius says he thought it was nerves. I should not have told them about my Easter practice, it seems. During the test my Determination was utterly fucked, and I Splinched my right foot. Snape leaned over me as I lay on the ground in agony and smirked. Oh, how he smirked! It was then I knew it was him, no doubt revenge for the last time we crossed wands. My vengeance will be swift and wicked. It's unfortunate that so far all of my plans end in his murder.
Strangely yet joyfully, Evans talked to me today. It was only to ask after Algernon, which was weird, but the conversation did not end in either of us pulling wands, so I consider it a success. It went much like this:
Me: Oh, hello.
Evans: Yes, I know, I'm stunning. It's too bad I only came over here to ask about Algernon.
Me: My mother accidentally poisoned him, but he's better now.
Evans: And now I stalk off haughtily and sexily!
And she does walk sexily. I hadn't noticed before, which is surprising.
Detention with McGonagall on a Saturday night. She said it would teach me character, which is bollocks - I'm already brimming with character. Would've broken out the mirrors, but I may have pushed McGonagall to her limits. She watched me like the cat she is as I filled out `character case studies.' There were a whole bunch of scenarios, and I had to explain what I would do and why. Then she'd point out the supposed flaw in my logic. Dead boring and frustrating. She doesn't understand my thought processes, she said. As if that's my fault! Can't believe I've two more nights of this.
Peter is gone. I don't want to know where he is.
Sunday 20th April
I talked to Potter last night. It wasn't a long conversation. It went like this:
Potter: Oh, hello.
Me: Hello. I just came over to ask how Algernon is. I haven't seen him lately. Is he ok?
Potter: My mother tried to brutally murder him with an Easter egg, but luckily I knew the exact recipe for the antidote and I whipped it up in a jiffy. So now he's absolutely fine. In fact, he's even better than he was before the whole affair. Evans-
Me: Thank you. Goodbye.
I thought I was quite friendly, actually, even if I did cut him off. Remus doesn't think that it was enough, he says I came off as being haughty. I asked him how exactly I was supposed to act around the boy who rejected me for a snaggle-toothed Hufflepuff and turned my stalker into my worst nightmare. He told me that I could at least try to be a little nicer. I assume he means that I should start holding Potter's bloody hand in Astronomy and throwing myself at him in class again. Will not happen. I give Potter a week to actually try acting like he wants to be friends, and then I'm washing my hands of the whole affair. Why does Remus care so much, anyway?
Lake Day was not yesterday, as suggested, due to a sudden downpour. It will be happening tomorrow afternoon, instead. The Prophet reports that the weather tomorrow will be sunny. Karl will be joining us, and I'm sure Peter and Remus will, too. A lot of people joined in last time, so it should be good.
Peter has reported that he has begun using the Room of Requirement to know Helena. Potter darts is out of the question until I know that that place gets scrubbed. I don't care what it turns into for Peter.
---
Isabella Marks found me outside the Great Hall today, wanting to know how I was doing. I said well enough, considering life is conspiring against me. She laughed. I'm dead pleased I broke things off with her, if she can't see the way I am a salmon, swimming against the current, accompanied by my flock of salmon friends.
Another detention with McGonagall, another two hours wasted. This time there were no assignments, just an `informal chat' between a Head of House and her student. Bollocks. She just wanted to know why someone as smart as I am `is wasting his life away on mastering goat Transfiguration.' I told her it was useful at the time, and fun, but this didn't go over well with her. Apparently I should be focusing on what I want to do with the rest of my life. All I want to do is play Quidditch, see my friends lots, and marry Evans. The last one she approved of, although I got the feeling she was laughing on the inside.
Hah, have just remembered my Career Advice session from last year. I didn't know (still don't), so I said I wanted to be a frog when I grow up. She threatened to turn me into one if I didn't tell her what I really wanted. I then learned how boring it is to be a frog. And she wonders where I get the inspiration to turn people into animals.
A/N: No update on the archives next week, but the week after for sure. Watch the LiveJournal (haggis_cat) - there might be some extras.
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