Monday 9th June
All night I couldn't help but wonder why Felix had sent me to Dumbledore. Canceling Comeuppance didn't `help me with my endeavors,' as promised by the potion. Turns out it did the same thing to Wormtail and Padfoot, too. (It would've done for Moony, had he taken any. He was the only one to carry out his bit of the plan, and on its own it was harmless.) They were both sent out into the Shrieking Shack, and they didn't come back until the Felix had worn off. We were all dead confused when we reconvened last night. Moony suggested that the Felix might have gone bad, or that keeping it near Algernon had somehow tampered with its properties. None of it made sense, really. Well, not until today. Today we had exams. Today was when Snape's brain was supposed to go unnoticeably wonky.
Today was also, as it turned out, the day we were given quick examinations for spell-interference before the exams.
Talk about lucky. Our plan hinged on the fact that except for O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s, the only sort of interferential check is a general room spell that inhibits most magic. Our plan would have slipped past that, but not the more in-depth spell they used today. Snape wouldn't have been allowed to take his exams, and Dumbledore would have had to investigate. Everything would have been ruined.
Thanks to Felix, life plan continues. I'm sure it will be an upstream battle, as I can't ever really stop being the salmon I am at heart, but at least I'll have Lily, my mates, and something worth fighting for. Don't really need much besides that, when it comes down to it. Having my cat bring me a bacon sandwich right now would be a definite bonus, though.
---
Our exams commenced today, starting with Transfiguration and History. I think I did well enough in both, even Transfig, so that's a relief. It's also Emily's birthday, but we aren't celebrating until Saturday due to studying. Beatrice told Emily that she will give her her gift then, which is Beatrice speak for `You won't be getting a present, fool!' Thankfully, Emily hasn't figured that part out yet.
Shock horror! I met Karl in the library today to go over more comic book plans (at my insistence, I am now Lily Devons, Beatrice Booth is Beatrice Bluth, Emily Wood is Emily Wormwood and Karl is now Pilkington instead of Pilkerson) and we saw Peter and Helena Hodge together! He was sitting in the corner with his arm around her while she cried and vainly pulled her big hat down over her now bald head. Evidently, somebody in the school really hated her attempt at gingerism, and scalped her. I don't know whether I should talk to Peter about this or not, as I don't want her to hurt him again, but that still doesn't make it any of my business. I should discuss this with Remus or Emily, I think.
James was upset about something last night and I know he didn't want to tell me about it because he lied and said that it had something to do with Algernon. This is clear violation of the contract, but I can't talk because I lead him to believe that the physical affection/contact ban is only for exam week, and `forgot' to tell him the real reason behind it. He thinks it's just because I don't want to waste studying time, and not because I get the urge to do `things' with him whenever we're alone. Imagine how deep the fake voice would get if he were ever to discover that, diary! Then I'd have to kill him, which would be most unfortunate because he is so very, very attractive.
I'm absolutely starving. Where's Algernon these days? I could really go for some bacon.
Tuesday 10th June
Helena has reverted back to her scarlet woman ways! Today I saw her walking around the lake, hand in hand with Terry
Heaney. Later, when I was talking to Beatrice after our Charms exam, I saw her and Peter heading towards the kitchens
and also hand in hand. The bitch! I am most definitely going to talk to Peter about this later. She also somehow
managed to regrow her hair, but it's now a vile orange color. Ha. Ha ha ha.
Beatrice gleefully informed me after Charms that she finally has a present for Emily, and wants my opinion on it later. She had that crazy look in her eye that she gets sometimes, usually when she's planning something mad, but it might just be because she was asked out by three different boys today and she's feeling smug. Also, Remus has been staring at her all afternoon. I still need to find out what happened with them, actually.
---
Beatrice is either insane or looking to be expelled. It turns out that she stole some Amortentia from Slughorn months
ago with a view to use it on Remus, but her conscience interfered and she couldn't do it. What she's gone and
done now is diluted it with water and put it in a perfume bottle. And it works! She's been wearing it all day,
which is why she's been garnering so much male attention. She's planning on giving a bottle to Emily on
Saturday and I can't seem to convince her otherwise. I told her that what she's doing is immoral, underhanded
and possibly illegal, but it had no effect on her at all. Also, she let me borrow some, so I decided that there was
nothing more that I could do for her. I will definitely reprimand her about it at a later date, though.
Off to study for Potions with James!
---
I think I'm falling ill. Today I found myself fantasizing about Booth. Something is not right. She is not Lily Evans, who is the only woman I could ever be attracted to. I asked Remus what he thought about Booth today. He made a low growling noise, then looked terribly embarrassed and excused himself. Dead confusing.
Speaking of psychotic women, Helena Hodge is a fucking whore. She'll wish atrocious hair was the worst of her worries come the end of the week. Moony, Padfoot, and I are dead tired of her messing about with Wormtail. (At least there's one person I know I can safely take revenge on. Lily might even be proud of me for it, enough to give me a kiss….)
No Poker until Friday night, and then a legitimate Hogsmeade visit Saturday. Planning to ask Lily to accompany me. It will be just the two of us. Algernon will not be invited. He has been uncooperative as of late.
Must go repair my trousers, then off to find Lily and try to entice her into breaking the ban.
Wednesday 11th June
I am so embarrassed. Today I tried to get Beatrice's `perfume' from her in order to get rid of it. Although it did work a treat last night when James came to find me for revision (he became increasingly handsy and glassy eyed as the evening wore on, and literally begged me to break my vow), the problem is that when Beatrice wears it, she seems to have a similar effect on him. He was staring at her with his mouth open at breakfast and grinning stupidly. I will not have that, diary, so I attempted to get it from her today. It's unfair and dangerous, that perfume is. She wouldn't give it up, and I ended up chasing her to the common room and wrestling it from her on the floor, to the delight of every male in the room. The fight ended when Black sprayed us with water from his wand (pervert) and Beatrice started yelling about how he was going to `wash it off.' Much explaining followed this, and although I'm quite embarrassed about it all (Beatrice isn't, just annoyed with me for ruining her chances), I'm not nearly as humiliated as James and Remus are. Remus went up to his room and hasn't come out since, and James is under the impression that he's committed some serious act of adultery and is groveling. To shut him up, I told him that I had to go meet with Karl, which has put him in an even worse mood. I forgot that I never told James that Karl and I weren't really dating. There is some serious contract violation going on here.
Helena was kissing Peter after our Potions exam. This has to stop. I've had a rather inspired idea about how to solve this problem, actually. I think there's someone I have to talk to before I meet Karl....
---
Still a bit down about Comeuppance's utter failure. Things worked out all right in the end, but it's frustrating to know that he got away with ruining my Apparition test. I can't test until the end of June now. It helps when I think of Lily, though. Well, it did until I started wondering if she's secretly dating Karl Pilkerson. She and Booth were apparently trying to seduce different men by wearing love potion perfume yesterday. No wonder I was thinking about serenading Booth with Brunhilda Carmichael songs! I wouldn't even do that for Lily. Unless she asked, of course.
I am going to try to reclaim Lily's affections tonight. Earlier I came to the following conclusion: Peter Pettigrew can raise one eyebrow. Terry Heaney can also raise one eyebrow. Peter and Terry Heaney have both had sex. Clearly there is a correlation between the two. I have long suspected this, and am now convinced. I spent an hour in front of the mirror practicing, but to no avail. Even magic failed me.
Before I invite Lily up to the dorm, the others and I are having a meeting. Today we found Peter face-locked with Helena the Whore in an alcove outside of Potions. I sicked up a bit. We pried him off of her, though, and I shook my fist at her. Tonight we're going to give him a stern talking-to, and then plot against her. Should be good fun.
I should also find a Hair Growth Charm before the others show up. Spellotape should have warnings about its interaction with facial hair.
Thursday 12th June
A lot happened to me in between my entry last night and this morning, far too much to recount normally. Which is why
the list is my new best friend.
In the past sixteen hours, I have:
-Talked to Terry Heaney and convinced him to at least think about breaking up with Helena for good.
-Allowed Terry Heaney to rub my feet. It was a large sacrifice on my part, so Peter had better pay me back one day.
-Written six comic book storylines with Karl.
-Explained both Karl and my earlier Terry incident to James, and had a lot of my worries (e.g. he might like some other
girl, not find me as pretty anymore, secretly be planning some huge prank that involves breaking my heart) laid to rest
by him, which is a good development.
-Discovered the following about James: His middle name, his favorite book, Quidditch team and subject, his weird theory
about how single eyebrow raising equals sex, how he came to own Algernon, and what color boxer shorts he had on last
night.
-Broken my vow. A little. Sort of. A lot. But not too much, thankfully. I also have it on good authority that I will
not be asked or pushed into breaking it too much for a long time.
-Slept in James's bed.
-Misplaced my bra. Had this pointed out to me by Emily five minutes ago. She'll be smirking for the rest of the day
now. I must find a way to destroy her. I'd ask Beatrice, but she's not talking to me. I just love my
friends.
---
Success! Vow was broken last night. My bed wasn't the same without Lily in it. I tried to convince Algernon to sleep next to me earlier this week. He's still in a right state about it. I may have told a small, insignificant lie to Lily last night, but it's really no big deal. She'll only have to know if we ever get married. Damn. I am planning to marry her, so she'll have to find out my middle name eventually. My psychotic mother will pay for this one day. I should investigate legally changing it.
Not only do I have to punish Helena, I also have to kill Terry Heaney for touching my woman's feet. Even if she volunteered for Peter's sake. That's just not on. Disgusting. I don't want to think about it. I should turn him into a giant shoe. Then everyone would be happy.
One more day of exams! Thank Merlin. I'm more than ready for Poker, and for the vow to be over. Yes, it turns out it was only meant for this week. I'm still chuffed I was able to get her to break it early. Definitely was the eyebrow raise. Apparently mentioning it is enough to get a girl going. This is a secret I will take to my grave. I certainly don't want the French finding out. They already have enough going for them, what with their damned sexy language. I can't believe Lily is still going to France without me. Unacceptable.
Must run, it looks like Lily isn't wearing a bra. I love when that happens.
Friday 13th June
My exams are finished! Proof that Friday 13th is not unlucky! Astronomy and Defense were yesterday and I finished up today with Herbology. Beatrice is still not talking to me and is not talking to Karl because he's still talking to me, but one can't have everything. I hope we make up soon, because I'm going to her house for the first week of the holidays and then she's coming to France with me.
After the Astronomy exam, James walked me back to the common room and asked me to come to Hogsmeade tomorrow. Alone! I'd promised to spend Saturday with Emily for her birthday, but Emily has been invited to Hogsmeade by Rob and is having a big party in the common room tomorrow night instead. So I can go! I'm going on a date with James! Our first proper date, as a matter of fact. I'm elated, but also horribly nervous about the whole thing. I'll have to find something nice to wear. Eek!
---
Shit, shit, double shit, I hate Beatrice! She's just gone and told James that he should keep and eye on me because
I dated her brother for all of last summer. I'm sure this won't bother James at all! Especially since I'll
be spending most of the holidays in Beatrice's house! If we make up, that is, which we won't.
James is going to think I deliberately omitted this information (I didn't, I just forgot!) so I could cozy up to
Aaron over the hols and break up with me, or something. He gets jealous really easily and my so-called friend knows it.
I'm going to murder Beatrice Booth!
---
Have just marched up to my woman in the middle of the common room and given her a sound snog in front of everyone. In my defense, Lily looked unbelievably sexy today, I couldn't help myself. Plus, as it turns out, she is spending the summer with an ex-boyfriend of hers. And she neglected to tell me!! Booth's brother, as it turns out. Scoundrel! I saw her first! I think a visit to Booth's house at the beginning of summer is in order. Just as a precaution.
Letter from Mum this morning, confirming my arrival home in a week with Sirius. Useless letter. I sent one to Dad telling him to see if he can get Mum to visit Aunt Ophelie for a bit this summer to get her out of my hair. I expect this is as likely to succeed as the Cannons are to win their next match.
Poker in five. Then hopefully Lily will come up and join me in bed. A perfect end to exam week. If only Algernon were more agreeable, then nothing would be amiss. As it is, he is ignoring me. Wanker.
Saturday 14th June
It's nine in the morning, and I'm sitting in a very awkward position writing this entry because James is asleep and currently using my stomach as a pillow. His lovely head makes a useful surface to write on, however, so I won't complain. He fell asleep in that position last night while I was giving him an apologetic head massage and reassuring him of how he's much smarter/funnier/sexier than Aaron Booth. So our date is still on for today. Which reminds me, I must write to Aaron and apologize in advance for James and his inevitable possessive stupidness this summer. I just love it when James gets territorial.
Beatrice and I made up last night, when she confessed that the real reason she lost her temper with me is because after years of pining, she'd actually gotten Remus to kiss her (!!!!) the other day (Poor Karl!). Of course, now he knows why he buckled and is avoiding her, pretending he doesn't like her when he quite obviously does. It all makes sense! He must fancy her, but doesn't want to date her because of his problem! I do amaze myself sometimes. Must talk to James about this.
Algernon is beside us on the bed, hacking up hairballs and pieces of green stuff. Also, James just muttered the word `salmon' in his sleep, snorted and drooled a little on my stomach. This should be bothersome, but is not, which is bad. Clearly, being drooled on by James Potter should bother me. Therefore, the knowledge that I'm not bothered when I should be is the bothersome part. Furthermore, I think I've actually fallen in love with James Potter.
Oh no.
---
It turns out this `open communication' business is handier than I'd previously thought. Today's date to Hogsmeade was nearly a disaster. I was bragging about how miserable Helena Hodge must be this morning, but also how it was not as bad of a revenge as we could have done. This did not go over well with Lily. She got on her high Hippogriff about how if I want to be Head Boy and in the Order, I've got to stop with this revenge fixation. It is not a fixation! It's justice, is all. Luckily she stopped herself from ranting more, and I cut myself off and told her exactly what we'd done. Then she wasn't so upset. I've no idea what she'd thought we done.
Later she tried to bring up the `revenge fixation' again. I cleverly cut her off by kissing her. It worked surprisingly well. This will be my new strategy, I believe. Can't believe I didn't think of it earlier.
After the kiss she muttered something about never having seen me in my pants. I started to undo my trousers, but then she stopped me for some reason. So much for open communication.
Sunday 15th June
Hogsmeade was very, very strange yesterday. I've never spent such a large amount of time with James before, at least not alone, which I was really excited about until I woke up yesterday morning and realized exactly why I was so excited. Therefore, I spent almost the entire day trying to pick out every single thing about James that I can't stand in an attempt to no longer feel excited. And apart from the way he eats with his mouth open, continually brags about himself and apparently doesn't mind taking his clothes off in public places, I didn't find much at all.
I acted like a dead body for the entire date anyway. The only real, coherent thought in my mind went along the lines of, `I love him, I love him, I love him.' And as it turns out, being in love with James Potter pisses me off even more than, well, James Potter. I ended up picking fights with him over the stupidest things. Only now the bloody twit's found a way to counter my rage, by kissing me! I must find a way to regain the power in our relationship before I turn into a gooey pile of submission.
While we were in bed last night, I told James about Beatrice and Remus. He was so shocked that he bolted out of bed, stood on Algernon's tail, and ended up spending a most uncomfortable hour in the hospital wing having his crotch seen to. He would have been in out twenty minutes, but he doesn't seem to be as eager to take his underwear off for Madame Pomfrey as he is for me. My poor baby!
Thankfully, James had Sirius to keep him company when the moment of truth came, so I didn't have to witness any bloodied reproductive organs. Ew.
---
Most painful experience of my life last night. Lily told me some shocking news. One thing led to another, and my private bits were severely injured in the process. Algernon has been banned from the dormitory.
It turns out Remus kissed Booth! He was under that damned potion influence, too, although I might point out I certainly didn't succumb that much. Lily told me not to tell Remus, and I love her and all, but I couldn't not bring this up with Moony. He kissed a girl! On the mouth! I believe that's the most action he's ever seen.
I asked him about it after lunch. He was mortified that I'd brought it up, but he seemed to be happy I'd done so without Sirius or Peter around. He confessed he does `have a certain affection' for her, but refuses outright to do anything about it. I reassured him that anyone who dates Karl Pilkerson must not have very high standards. This didn't seem to help my case. He's dead set on bachelorhood, though, so I won't say anything. Shame. Well, not really. Merlin help me if I ever had to spend prolonged periods of time around that loony girl.
I'm tempted to leave Algernon at Hogwarts over the summer in retaliation, but that would be more of a reward than a punishment for him. He'll come home and suffer through my mother with me.
Note from vea: This weekend I'm heading out to Europe, where my internet access will be sporadic at best and thus the regular updates may or may not happen. Come the end of December, Sarah Kavanagh and I will reunite in person (!!) and finish Haggis. The last entry will probably be July 6th. Thanks for all the reviews!
-->