Monday 12th May
Why must friends always choose to say embarrassing things in public, and so loudly that everyone can hear? Walking to
Charms this morning, Emily poked one of my breasts and said, `Lily Evans, where did those huge things come from?!'
And although it's true that my previously tiny breasts have grown about a cup size over the past few months
(unusual in a girl my age, but not unheard of. Plus, they're still really small), she didn't have to point it
out in front of James, his friends, and oh, everyone else in the world!
I hate Emily.
---
My girlfriend has lovely breasts.
Granted, I don't know if she's technically my girlfriend, but for the sake of the argument, I will refer to her as such. It's not like any other bloke is going to get to touch them. And maybe I haven't touched them yet, but I will. Eventually. Hopefully very, very soon. She torments me so.
Remus apparently keeps purchasing dittany, only for it to go missing a few days later. Dead strange. He had some yesterday, luckily, but I got annoyed that he hadn't told me about this problem sooner. The Marauders refuse to be stolen from! Meeting after Quidditch in the dorm to plan out ways to catch the thief.
Whenever I go up to my room, I'm always half-hoping Lily will be there waiting for me in my bed. Now that I've seen her under my covers, I can't stop thinking about it.
Tes seins sont merveilleusement joli.
Yes, now I definitely need to go to Quidditch and work off this... mood.
Tuesday 13th May
I overheard Sirius and Peter talking about how Remus's dittany was taken from him yesterday. I can't believe
that I forgot about that. I think I may have suspected Beatrice of stealing it at one point, but she denied all
accusations. That got me to thinking about how much thievery goes on in this school. At some point or other, dittany,
shoes, cats, quills, wands (ahem), Invisibility Cloaks (AHEM!) and photographs have all been taken from other students.
I pointed this rise in criminal activity out to James yesterday evening after I went to the pitch to watch his
Quidditch practice (He seemed really happy to see me there! And kept looking over until Emily poked him in the
arse with her wand!), but I don't think he was paying attention because he kept staring down at my chest. It was
quite irritating, really. That's the last time I'll be wearing a push-up bra for a long while.
Meeting with Dumbledore is in an hour. Today Karl managed to produce some silvery wisps from his wand, and said hopefully that maybe his Patronus is some strands of hair because that's what his happy memory is, the time before he lost his hair. Well I've known Karl for six years, diary, and frankly, I think he looks better without. Hair makes him look like one of the Wombles.
Sirius Black is sitting alone by the fire, examining a sheet of parchment. He keeps grumbling to himself about something, but every now and then he'll grin and smirk. I hope he gets a really bad paper-cut, preferably somewhere in the region of his jugular.
---
Plan has been initiated. Clever traps are good fun. I can't wait to see who the dittany thief is. I expect it to be sprung by at least Thursday. Lily agrees that there is a lot of common thievery in this castle. I intend to do something about it as Head Boy next year, as I'm sure I can devise some sort of security system.
Bit of a fall-out today with Sirius. As soon as we'd set up everything for the trap, I told them I was spending the evening with Lily (Order meeting, and all). He went on about how I should put my friends first, and how she's just toying with me again. Rubbish, I say! I don't put Lily first - she comes equal to them. I think. I don't actually have a scale or a list. Maybe I should investigate the matter to disprove Sirius. In any case, we're not exactly speaking at the moment. At dinner he pointedly made conversation with Wormtail about his girlfriend search, which is stupid because if Sirius knew anything he'd know that search is non-existent - Peter told me so himself.
I countered Sirius's move by loudly complaining about that new Brunhilda Carmichael song with Moony, who despises her as much as I do. I've never quite understood Sirius's fascination with her. `Transfigure Away My Tears' is a shit song. Absolute, ridiculously horrible, utter shit. I will turn the next person who hums it into a goat. Or perhaps a tortoise? Must consider this.
No time to walk Algernon today. He's dead grateful. I can tell because the note on my bed was in tact.
Wednesday, the Quidditch pitch, 11PM. Be there (alone!) or else.
Oh, have to run. Time for the Order meeting!
---
Order meeting was much the same as mine was, only Dumbledore was explaining it to James more so than to me. He did emphasize how important it was that all Head students and Prefects remain united next year as an example to the school, though. You can see, diary, that all of our problems next year will ultimately lie in that area. The Slytherin Prefects will not go for that idea at all, so it'll be an uphill struggle, I suppose. If only they could all be like Persephone Baddock, the Slytherin prefect from our year. She actually gets bullied by her housemates for being such a `blood traitor.' You would think her sister Pandora would stick up for her, but she's as bad as Regulus Black in that respect. That's probably why they're dating. A fitting match, it seems. What horrible parents Persephone must have, their brilliant taste in girls' names notwithstanding.
Anyway, all of Dumbledore's talk about unity leads me to think that he may just make James Head Boy after all, since he was addressing both of us about it. I hope so. James and I had great fun on the walk up to the meeting earlier, slagging off Brunhilda Carmichael. Honestly, who could like that crow of a singer? Transfigure Away My Tears removes my will to live. I was thinking of singing a few bars of it because I'd really like to know if James thinks I'm a good singer or not. It is, after all, one of the only things I can do well. I didn't, though, because Emily ran into us on the way and immediately drove all thoughts of singing out of my mind.
We asked her why she was covered in Stinksap, but all she could say was, `Beatrice. Karl. Shower. Now,' before running off into the night (early evening, really). I figured it was wise not to follow.
Wednesday 14th May
It has been twenty-nine hours, almost to the minute, since my last entry. I find it hard to believe that everything's happened in such a short time. No clue where to start. The middle, I think.
After dinner us Marauders were all in the dormitory playing Polish Pirate Poker (I was winning by thirty shillings). We had to pick up from the round we played in October, the last time it was warm enough out to withstand the intense Weather Charms involved. Mostly we were waiting for the Trap to be activated, and right when Sirius was about to lose at least half of his shillings because I had his Seven of Diamonds, it went off. Typical timing. I might add that he and I are still not speaking, but the game doesn't require it, thankfully.
In any case, the mystery has been solved: Remus has a secret admirer. No clue who she is, but not only does she love Remus, she has an admirer herself. A house-elf. No joke! Some little house-elf named Twilly has been stealing Remus's dittany to make the admirer happy. It explains why Remus's Anti-Theft Charms didn't work, but still - even I'm having a hard time believing this, especially since Twilly wouldn't name the girl he fancies. And why would anyone want Remus to be without his dittany? Twilly broke through the Complicity Web before we could question him further, and I'll be surprised if we see him again. House-elves are dead hard to find if they don't want to be found. Peter suggested reporting him to Dumbledore, but I can't be bothered. It's too funny, and I don't know if he'd believe us, anyway. Remus thinks his dittany is safe now that Twilly has been outed, but I'm going to try to find house-elf-proof Charms tomorrow just in case.
Speaking of Dumbledore, the meeting last night was brill. More than ever I remain convinced I will get Headship. He went on about House unity, and I expect Lily and I will be in for a battle in that, especially after tonight. Some Slytherins are bound to be expelled - finally! I've been waiting for ages to pin something concrete on them. It'll probably piss a lot of the House off something awful, but I don't much care.
Stupidly, the Death Eaters tried to recruit me not an hour ago. They must be desperate if they're trying to recruit James Lancelot Potter. Or mad. Probably more of the latter. They know for a fact that I think blood purity is a shit idea - my taunts and hexes should have convinced them of that. The meeting didn't last very long, as I tried to leave once they started on about Voldemort's power. They weren't best pleased, to say the least. In fact, I'm confident that if Edgar Clogg hadn't come out of nowhere and startled Lestrange and Mulciber, I wouldn't remember a thing about the meeting right now. Thank Merlin for Edgar. I owe him quite a bit for his help over the years. I wonder if he wants me to do something for him. I wonder what I could possibly do for a ghost who lives on the Quidditch pitch. Must remember to run down there tomorrow night, maybe on my walk with Algernon before Astronomy.
Letter back from Dad about the suitcase. He sent me a catalogue for owl-orders. Excellent. Tomorrow's task list also includes taking care of that, finally.
Off to sleep now. I'm dead exhausted, and I have no idea which suitcase to purchase.
Thursday 15th May
I went to Hagrid's yesterday, and was told that my owl looks to have been attacked in the Owlery, more than likely
by some of the larger owls who are picking on him in an attempt to get their claws on some of the food I bring down to
him every day. Which is why he hasn't been well. My poor little James! He's in my dorm now, and I'm not
letting him near those nasty brat owls ever again, if I can help it. I bet it was Mulciber's owl who did it, the
bastard. Emily has expressed concerns that it wasn't another owl who did it, rather a person, but who on earth
would attack an owl? He's such a sweet, harmless little thing.
Emily and Beatrice are not talking. It seems that Beatrice threw Stinksap at her because she laughed at Karl's Patronus. All I can say about it is a) Where did she get Stinksap from? and b) Karl's Patronus is a poodle! Who wouldn't laugh?
Terry Heaney asked me out today, in the common room, just like that! It seems he has split from Helena the village bike again. I was bowled over (I mean, really!) and asked him what on earth had possessed him to ask me. He said, `I'm most compatible with size six girls (what the hell??!!!). I'm a ten, you know. Just think about it.' Then he stared unabashedly at my chest and walked away! The cheek! Since when was Terry Heaney confident?! Beatrice suggested that I go for it, since Terry probably has had more practice in the sack than James has. Now I'm not talking to her either.
Come to think of it, I have no proof that James has or has not partaken in that particular physical activity. I mean, Peter said that James hadn't, but James doesn't tell him everything. Has he? Oh Christ, I bet he has. Oh, oh, ew!!! That's horrible! I can't believe James has done that! The bastard! I will KILL the bitch that did it! I bet it was Mary MacDonald, he dated her once. Whore. Bitch. Home-wreckers. I think I need to calm down. Where's Algernon when you need him?
Have just realized; Terry was talking about my feet.
---
Why am I the only relaxed one of my friends? Everyone else has completely overreacted to the whole Death Eater thing last night. I mentioned it at breakfast and the first question was, `Why didn't you take us?' I reiterated the note's requirement of alone, but they were having none of it. And they were all outraged on my behalf. I'm not outraged. Well, a little bit, but mostly annoyed that they wasted my time. I could have been finishing up my Transfiguration assignment instead. There was no chance of me joining the Death Eaters, so what's the big deal?
I'm planning to stop by Dumbledore's office after Transfiguration to get Lestrange and Mulciber expelled once and for all. I'm dead excited to see the looks on their face when they realize their error. Remus insisted that he and the others guard me today from them, as they all believe Lestrange and Mulciber will try to Obliviate me before I can report them. Bollocks. I can defend myself, as last night proved.
---
The world has once again turned against me. Unfairness abound today!
For one, Mulciber and Lestrange are still at Hogwarts. Dumbledore was completely sympathetic, and is dead pissed (I assume) that Death Eaters are trying to recruit at Hogwarts, but recruitment alone isn't enough grounds to expel them. Apparently it's not enough to prove that they're a danger to the school, or some other rubbish along those lines. No wonder they didn't try to hex me at all today - they knew they were within their rights. This has definitely put me into the category of those outraged.
I went and tried to complain to Lily about it, but I couldn't even get to that point. She got caught up, like the others, on why I went at all. She thinks I should've taken her with. Again, no one seems to realize the note said alone. Lily pointed out she could've worn the Cloak, and I didn't exactly disagree with her. I couldn't explain that I dislike when other people use the Cloak without me because I don't know where they are and I find it dead creepy (creepier than Terry Heaney, even!). Anyway, then the conversation went something like this:
Me: It occurred to me that perhaps it was a secret admirer, and I had to go and set her straight. I am yours, Lily Evans!
Lily: I knew it - you are having copious amounts of wild monkey sex with Isabella! Now I will never, ever prove my claim of being able to put my legs behind my head, thus leaving you eternally sexually frustrated!
Me: Say not such things! Here, let me placate you by letting you choose out your new suitcase that I am so chivalrously supplying, having accidentally damaged your old one.
Lily: What?
Yes, it seems she didn't know I had ruined her suitcase. Dead unlike her, to not notice things like a broken suitcase. In any case, she is not speaking to me, supposedly ever.
Sirius is, on the other hand, friendly again. He believes he's been proven right, and that Lily and I are irreparably separated. Bollocks, of course, but I don't intend to tell him as much. He'd only get all moody like he does. Remus disapproves of this, but Peter agreed that it's better if we all get along. Poker last night would've been better, and the next round is tomorrow, so for now, I will attempt to reconcile with Lily without Sirius discovering this.
---
I was right! James is a sex maniac! A pervert! I'm obviously not good enough for him, most likely because I haven't torn both our clothes off, tied him to a chair and had mind-blowing sex with him yet. But let me digress, diary, before I explode with anger.
He told me earlier that the resident Slytherin Death Eaters tried to recruit him on Wednesday night! He got an anonymous note asking him to go to the Quidditch pitch alone in the dead of night and went there only to meet a hoard of them! What the hell?! Who gets a note like that and goes alone?! I asked him about that, arguing that he could have taken me, Remus, Peter, Sirius, anyone, along under his cloak, but do you think I got an actual answer out of him? Why, no, I didn't! What a shocker. And then, AND THEN, when I asked him why he hadn't considered the danger of what he did, the conversation went like this:
James: I didn't bring anyone because I thought it was just a secret admirer or something. No big deal.
Me: A what?
James: Like Isabella! I thought maybe she wanted me back, so I thought I should go see her.
Me: You thought you'd go down to the Quidditch pitch at night, alone, to meet your ex-girlfriend?
James: Yeah, why?
Me: Oh, so you could get back with her, hmm?
James: She's just an example! It didn't have to be her, it could have been anyone!
Me: So anyone would have done? What, am I not good enough for you?
James: What do you- we're not even dating!
Me: Excuse me?
James: No, no, n- Look! Here's a catalogue, with suitcases in it! Ooooh! I thought I'd get you one to make up
for breaking your other one!
Me: What? That was you?!
James: No! It was, it was, Twilly!
Who the hell is Twilly? Another one of his girlfriends? I walked off then, and now I'm not speaking to him. Emily thinks that I overreacted a bit, and perhaps I did, but I can hardly be blamed, can I? Doesn't it sound bad to you, diary?
I suppose I've sort of forgiven him, seeing as Emily just now pointed out that James never shuts up about me at
Quidditch practice, knocked three people over when he ran to kiss me after my fight with those Slytherins, has no
brain, and could well have been meeting his nonexistent secret admirer to let her down easy. So if he feels like doing
something nice to make it up to me and telling me the truth for a change, I guess I might consent to be friends again.
But Merlin, why does he always have to mess things up? At this rate, Angie, Harry and Rachael Potter are never going to
happen. Because their dad is an IDIOT!
What were those Death Eaters thinking?! Of all, people to invite, James Potter? Sure he has the wealth and the blood status, but he's made his aversion to Voldemort perfectly clear ever since he was born, practically! Mind, you wouldn't think that now, given his reaction. Isn't he even annoyed that they were essentially asking him to do stuff like, oh, lets see, kill me, the Mudblood? I would have kicked the shit out of all of them. But of course, James didn't because he was too busy wallowing in the disappointment of not having seen precious Isabella. I hope he falls off the Astronomy tower later.
Friday 16th May
My mood lately is reminiscent of my salmon period. After I explained everything to Remus he said something like, `When it rains, it pours.' I thought this was stupid because I find it usually rains and pours at the same time. Wormtail said Terry Heaney is after my woman, my woman hates me for destroying her suitcase, and Rosier kept shooting me superior looks all during Charms. I assume he knows about the Quidditch pitch incident, and that he was rubbing the injustice of it all in my face. Is it any wonder I was unable to restrain myself from Transfiguring him into a cockroach? I think not. Detention is a small price to pay for my dignity.
Lily is still refusing to acknowledge my existence. I had a dead brilliant explanation set up to give her during Astronomy, but Sirius, in his rediscovered best-mate-ship, kept on about Polish Pirate Poker the whole class period. He made a fair amount of points about the last round, and later we're going to team up to take Remus's Queen of Hearts. Hahaha. Unfortunately, I've forgot a lot of the explanation I had devised for Lily overnight. I will have to improvise when I get the chance. Even more unfortunately, this chance is small.
Remus reports that his dittany has yet to be stolen. Another small up in my overall down life.
Poker round in ten. Must find my scarf, and also send Algernon into the common room for his safety.
---
Last night in Astronomy practically every Slytherin in the class kept hissing stuff like `filthy mudblood' at me (just me, nobody else, mind) so that even the professor could hear. Even more proof that James doesn't care about me, he pretended not to notice and stayed whispering and laughing with Black all during class. I think that contributed to my eh, temper tantrum somewhat, because Black and I had a huge row and I kind of lost it a little. Just a little. Ahem.
Black waited, like the sly little dickhead he is, until after his mates had left Astronomy to attack me with what
I'm sure was a well prepared diatribe. The conversation, word for word (Emily was with me and can testify!), went
like this:
Black: What the hell are you playing at, Evans?
Me: Excuse me?
Black: I'm sick of you messing around with James all the time.
Me: WHAT? I'm messing around with him?
Emily: Are you mad, Sirius? She's not messing him around at all!
Black: Do you think it's funny or something?
Me: What are you talking about? I like James. I really, really like him and I'm not messing him around!
He's the one who wanted to meet his ex-girlfriend down at the Quidditch pitch!
Black: They were Death Eaters, not an ex-girlfriend, you dozy cow.
Me: I know that! But he told me that he thought it was Isabella, so what was I supposed to think?
Emily: Potter should be grateful that Lily keeps forgiving him when he starts acting like a prat!
Black: Stay out of it, Wood. You know, I don't know why he even wastes his time on you, he's worth a hundred of
you.
Me: Oh yeah, and you're so great, aren't you? You've really been there for him lately.
Black: Hah! More than you have. At least I'm not just pretending to be his mate to get one over on him.
Me: Please. You're just jealous that you can't have him all to yourself. What's the matter, do you fancy
him too?
Black: You've already got a boyfriend, though, don't you? Dear old Snivellus. What, Evans, did he put you up to
it? Is this your idea of a good laugh?
And that, diary, is when I thumped him in the face with my schoolbag. I wish I hadn't packed my telescope away because that would have been handy to murder him with. Then I told him to go fuck himself up his own arse. That's not physically possible in most cases, but as Black essentially is one giant dick, I'm sure he'll manage. Or, you know, maybe he'll ask James to do it for him, since he's so into him and all. I'm still holding out for Black's death by paper cut. I hope I'm there to see it.
Saturday 17th May
Remus came over to me in the library a while ago and asked me up to his dorm room for a chat. Curious, I went, only for
him to ask me if I knew the name Twilly from anywhere. Apart from the fact that James mentioned the name before,
I've never heard of it. Then he asked me if Beatrice hung around with any house-elves! I seriously worry about the
sanity of, well, everybody in this school. Everyone is bloody bonkers! He wouldn't tell me why he wanted to know
because apparently I'd `think him mad' if he did. Like he hadn't freaked me out enough already.
I stayed up there for a while, as Black and James were absent, and talked to Remus and Peter. I was happy to hear that Black lost an eyebrow last night due to a game of Polish Pirate Poker. I have no idea what that is, but I was most satisfied nevertheless. Then Peter asked me if it was true that I could put my legs behind my head, so I showed him. He and Remus were very impressed, although it did disturb me somewhat that Peter went very red in the face and started breathing heavily. I feel violated, and not in a good way, either.
Helena Hodge came over to our table at lunch and loudly asked James for a kiss in honor of her seventeenth birthday. I was shocked, but secretly quite pleased, when James announced, equally loudly, that he couldn't because his `lips belong to Lily Evans.' I pretended not to hear him and I feel bad about it. Although I bet he wouldn't have said it if Black had been around. Speaking of Helena, her ex-lover Terry is now pestering me for a date wherever I go. It's horrible! Even if he wasn't a creepy ferret boy, I still wouldn't go out with him because he's only fourteen. Who on earth would - OH MY GOD, HELENA HODGE IS A CHILD MOLESTER! HE'S ONLY FOURTEEN! EW! EW! EW! EW! Helena Hodge: Sexual deviant and pervert. She should be locked up. That is actually wrong. I feel sickened.
It's almost time for Algernon's walk, I'm sure. I think I'll go find James and go with them. I hate the idea of not talking for another two weeks. I might as well give him a chance to explain himself, if he feels the need to, because a good relationship requires communication! How are we expected to fix our problems if we keep ignoring them?
Also, I want to tell him that I want the blue and white suitcase from his catalogue. He did break mine, after all. I deserve it! I must remember to ask him what on earth that's about, too.
---
How is it that with all of the spells to protect secrets and the like, news still travels faster than Apparition around Hogwarts? Helena Hodge is apparently aware of the difficulties Lily and I are having and tried to snog me at lunch. I gave a grand speech about how I belong to Lily and Lily alone. It was dead romantic. I meant to seek out Lily this morning, but then since the Poker game went on for ages, we all had a bit of a lie-in. Then Padfoot and I went out to the Shrieking Shack to attend to the comeuppance potion, which took a bit of work. Must remember to not to breathe in too many of the fumes next time. For now, I might need to see Pomfrey about my earlobes.
I passed Mulciber in the corridor outside the Great Hall. McGonagall was not too far away, which meant I was unable to do much of anything. Mulciber knew it, too, and was nearly palpably with glee. Oh, if only McGonagall didn't have such influence over the Order and Headship….
Peter says he's well over Helena Hodge. He must be laboring under the impression that I didn't see his face this morning. I hope he doesn't hold this against me, as I can't help how gorgeous my hair is. I don't need any more rifts with my friends. Things with Sirius are tenuous enough. He and Lily got into a row last night, he says, and Lily and Wood ganged up and brutally assaulted him. I find this somewhat hard to believe, and I'm dead annoyed that Sirius would lie to me. I can't tell him that, though, or risk sending him into one of his moods. I've suffered enough frustration because of Lily, and I don't need multiple kinds of frustration at once.
I wonder how long it will take people to notice Terry Heaney has gone missing, and furthermore how long it will take them to notice the new statue in the common room.
Sunday 18th May
My walk with James went well last night, save his unusually blue earlobes that I decided not to mention. He assured me
that if there had been a secret admirer at the pitch, his intention would have been to ward her off, nothing more.
Although it took a while to get that out of him because he was under the impression at first that I was only pissed
about the suitcase, which I couldn't care less about, to be honest. What a fool he is. He sulked a little when I
told him of the gymnastic demonstration I gave to Peter yesterday afternoon, but he soon cheered up when I told him how
attractive I think he looks when he's annoyed. A bold move on my part, I'll admit. I don't think I've
ever told him anything like that to his face before, but he'll pay me back in kind soon, I hope. Sorry, I mean, he
bloody well better!
Why is there a statue in the common room? It is a snowman statue, which would be nice, but somebody has drawn a crude
and tasteless picture of a certain part of the male anatomy (or, you could say, drawn a picture of Sirius Black) on the
face. That is most unattractive.
Most oddly, I saw what appeared to be a large rat in my dorm while I was getting dressed this morning. I swear the rat was watching me, because I noticed it was standing still out of the corner of my eye, but the second I looked over at it, it squealed with fright and scurried from the room. Emily thinks that I am crazy, but I've never seen a rodent behave in that way. Maybe it's a magical rat? Do they act differently? I don't know any girls who own a magical rat, but I'll ask Remus or James if they know anyone who does.
I have a rather awful headache, so I'm going to have a nap now. I've been ill at ease all day because some of those Slytherin boys were following me around quite a lot and I feel helpless because I know I'll get in trouble if I attack them first. Men have all the luck.
---
No more salmonhood! Lily thinks I'm the handsomest bloke in Hogwarts! This has made my week! Last night she joined me for Algernon's walk, and we worked out the whole suitcase debacle. It was bliss. Her encomiums have inspired me to pick up more French. This would be easier, of course, if Sirius were amenable to teaching me alluring French phrases.
There is an inverse relationship between my Lily and Sirius friendships - Sirius is now well pissed that I've `taken that harlot back.' She's taken me back, for one, and I'm dead grateful. Two, I don't have to pick between them. Or I shouldn't have to, in any case. I've just about had it up to here with Sirius. He's my best mate, and he's staying the summer with me, but sometimes a man has to draw the line.
I'm dead tempted to set up a comeuppance for Mulciber and Lestrange, like I have for Snape, but Dumbledore would know it was me, and he's all but forbidden me from any `rash actions.' My plans are anything but rash - they are brilliant and well thought-out, thank you very much!
Last Quidditch game is on Saturday. I'm sure we'll trounce Ravenclaw and take the Cup, but just to be on the safe side I've scheduled practice every day this week. Well, except for Tuesday when I have detention, and Wednesday when I'll likely get detention because of Terry Heaney, who has yet to be `found.'
Have officially warned Peter off of Lily. I want to warn Lily to watch out for more nosy rats in her dorm. Only problem is even I think that would sound a bit mad.
Author's Note: Thanks to all the reviewers who helped us with translating last chapter! Anyone care to take a stab at this week's poor attempt at a language neither of us have studied?
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