Monday 17th February
Have made amends with Peter. I was going to forgive him after Evans (strangely, I might add) showed me the letter he'd sent her, but I don't think he expected her to show it to me because he later did something just for me. And Sirius and Remus by proxy, I suppose. During Charms he hexed Snape so that his fingers reversed order. It was dead funny. Wormtail took two nights' detention with Filch for it, so Moony, Padfoot, and I decided to forgive him. I wish I weren't such a twat around Evans. She always seems bored when I talk to her.
I overhead Oswald Fitz telling Nelia Newman during Arithmancy that Winifred Barnes has taken suddenly ill and is in the Hospital Wing. I hope I didn't catch anything from her at Slughorn's party.
Mum wrote to me again, and she gave me some advice on how to woo Evans. It sounded like a load of bollocks to me, so I didn't bother finishing the letter. She did not mention Dad, which gives me hope.
Hah, I've just remembered: Peter had a crush on Bertha Jorkins, the cow. I can't stop laughing whenever I think about it.
Oh, damn. I tried again to get Algernon to fetch me a sandwich, but instead he's brought me Evans's shoes. This cannot end well.
---
I have just seen Potter's cat running towards his dorm with my shoes. I. Am. Going. To. Kill. Him.
Right now.
In one minute.
I should just check that my hair looks nice before I go up there, and that my robes are neat. I might just open another button of my blouse, too. Maybe I'll take my hair out of its bun. I'll ask Beatrice's opinion.
Beatrice threw her hairbrush at me and screamed at me to shag Potter and get it over with. I am going to take that as a sign to let my hair down.
Tuesday 18th February
Last night I thought of a brilliant plan to hide the shoes in Terry Heaney's room, but then I realized I'd stolen that idea from Wormtail. I felt dead stupid, then. Before I could think of a plausible lie, Evans barged into my room, demanding to know what I was thinking. I tried to tell her I'd only wanted a sandwich, but she was having none of it. She never does. She threatened to kill my cat, but I told her I'd had more than enough of people harassing my cat. She gave me a weird look. I explained that I was training my cat to get what I wanted, but that didn't go over any better. I don't understand girls. I wish someone would tell me what they want. Maybe I should ask Sirius. Girls are always fawning after him. Then again, he doesn't actually care. Remus, perhaps? Anyway, the night ended poorly when Evans grabbed her shoes, hit me over the head with them, and stormed out. Sirius, who'd closed his curtains, started laughing the instant she left. I can never catch a break. At least she looked especially pretty. That felt like a bonus somehow.
I quite enjoy the Poisonous Petunias we're working with in Herbology. One of them tried to eat Helena Hodge. I laughed.
----
I am going to give up on Potter, I think. I have been forced to come to the conclusion that he is simply too stupid to comprehend any type of normal human emotion. There used to be a time when he would flirt with me and surprise me with acts of gallantry even as I threatened to kill him, but those days are long gone. I think that if he ever acted that way again, no matter how slightly, the surprise might kill me. He is not the same James Potter I fell for. It's all shoe stealing cats and laughing at economy showers and whatnot now.
I'm not going to mention Potter again for the rest of this entry, I swear on pain of death.
Emily has noticed that I have started to take more pains with my appearance over the past few weeks. But so what if I feel like wearing my hair down now? So what if I don't really wear my really heavy robes any more and just prefer to go to class in my blouse and skirt? I feel like I have every right to take pride in my appearance! It's not as if anybody notices the change in me. If they are, they're not saying anything. The Potter of a year ago would have. Bastard.
I found a really nice eagle feather quill underneath Helena Hodge's table in Herbology, after she was rushed to the hospital wing. I think I might keep it. It makes the ink change color as you write. That reminds me, actually, of Peter's cold cloth. I should bring that back, but I don't want to. I'll tell him that Potter tore it from my hands and stamped on it in an act of insane rage because he wanted a cold cloth for himself. Yes, yes, that's what I'll do; I'll tell Peter that Potter needs a cold cloth for the bags under his eyes. I'll put it about that Potter undergoes a beauty regime to rival Marilyn Monroe's, oh ho! It's not like I won't be believed, he might be an asshole, but he's still delicious.
Transfiguration was after Herbology today. I didn't think that the frog could swell that much, or that frog guts could antagonize a rash that much. Poor Sirius.
I mentioned Potter four times since I swore not to. That's not bad, not bad at all.
Thursday 20th February
Got a letter from Dad. He said I should stay clear away from women because they only bring trouble. I think he's getting bitter in his old age. Or maybe he's just tired of Mum going on about the silverware - I know I am. I decided to talk to Remus. He recommended I do something nice for Evans. I said everything I thought up was wrong, so he should tell me what to do. He didn't think this was a good idea, claiming he has had no success with the other sex. This is bollocks, of course. Remus is too modest and lacking confidence due to his illness. That's also bollocks because it only affects him on certain days. The rest of the time he's perfectly fine. Rhonda Roper was giving him the eye the other day and he didn't even notice, much less reciprocate. I would've, if I were him. She's a looker, although not as much as Evans. At Remus's prompting I told Evans she had nice hair, but I think she misheard me.
Sirius is still in the Hospital Wing. I thought that rash had gone away, but it turns out he really was a stubborn git. I'll bring him his mirror later so I can keep him company after Pomfrey kicks me out.
I sent out Algernon for some bacon. He brought me a kipper. I feel like he's only getting what he wants, now. Stupid cat.
As fine as Evans has looked lately, Wormtail confided in me that she must be coming down with something because she's been lying. The Lily Evans I know would never knowingly lie - she is too pure of heart to do such a thing.
Wait.
That is the Evans I know. Crap. I have to go run damage control. Five kinds of cream, my arse!
---
I am sick.
Madame Pomfrey says that it is nothing more than the Muggle illness pneumonia, and a light case at that. As serious as pneumonia is in the Muggle world, it is very simple to treat here. I feel much better after taking the potions she gave me, but she says that I am to stay here at least until the end of the weekend. I felt fine this morning, and I was having a grand old time telling people about Potter's eyelash curling spell at breakfast, when I got a rather jarring pain in my chest. It continued to bother me all day, but it didn't really kick in until after dinner, when, according to Emily, I actually fainted without the help of Beatrice this time, and right into the arms of a Marauder, although it was Remus and not Potter. Remus rose to the occasion quite magnificently, or so I've heard.
I often wonder why Remus doesn't get himself a girlfriend. I saw Rhonda Roper giving him the eye the other day, but he didn't seem to notice.
And as for Potter, I care not about him. He told me I looked like a bear the yesterday. At least, I think he did. He might have said `hair', but it really sounded like `bear'. He had bacon in his mouth at the time, so I can't be sure.
Emily, Beatrice, Peter, Remus, Matilda, Karl Pilkerson and Professor McGonagall have all come in to visit me so far, it makes me feel quite happy and loved, I must say. Sirius Black is in the bed down the ward from me. He is covered in red, shiny scales. It is his fault for rolling around in poisonous plants with no pants on. He says that it wasn't his fault, and that Potter kept spelling his trousers to fall down, but that is no excuse.
I think I'll just try to sleep now.
Friday 21st February
Has it really only been a week since Valentine's Day? It feels like ages longer. I want to go visit Sirius, but Evans is in there, and she's never in the mood to see me. Maybe if Remus goes with me and distracts her, I can sneak by to get to Sirius. Or if I bring Wormtail, in which case she might be more upset with him than with me. Ideally I could bring both….
Where's Algernon when you need him? I want some treacle tart, but I plan to ask him for some cake instead to see how that works out. Would he deliver food to me in the Hospital Wing? I must investigate this new skill of his.
---
Remus came in earlier and told me that Potter is now afraid to enter the hospital wing in case I go crazy and start throwing things at his head. I told Remus to tell Potter not to be stupid and use his Invisibility Cloak if he's that scared of me, but then Emily came up with a better idea. Thank Merlin that Sirius was asleep when we thought of it, because he definitely won't approve. Remus, funnily enough, agreed to the idea (in fact, I think he may have thought it up with Emily), but only because he says that he is sick of our `circling each other like vultures.' I know that Remus is an intelligent fellow, but sometimes even I have trouble understanding him.
Anyway, Remus is going to tell Potter that I have been given a draught to lull me to sleep and that he is guaranteed at least an hour of time which can be spent in the hospital wing, being as loud as he likes. Only I am not going to be asleep. I shall be pretending. Eavesdropping galore!
He said they'd be three minutes, I should lie down now…
---
I feel I may have been deceived by yet another one of my friends, but I can't be sure, and it's Moony. He's not usually the type to do such things, so for now I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Also, I may have been hallucinating. I was in the Hospital Wing, after all, and they have strange Potions ingredients knocking about in there.
According to Remus, I'd have a couple of hours to talk to Sirius while Evans slept. Good news, especially when Algernon seemed more cooperative than usual before I left. Padfoot and I talked for a bit, but it was hard to take him seriously with the scales. His own fault for playing in fun-looking-but-unknown plants. I think he was overwhelmed by the dog in him and didn't want to admit it. I thought I heard Evans stir, so I looked over. Her hair was all fanned out around her, but she was really pale. Not healthy-looking, but still dead pretty because she's Evans. I mentioned as much to Sirius because I was distracted; normally I wouldn't tell him those sorts of things. He didn't seem to like that I was paying attention to Evans instead of him.
Things would've been fine if Algernon hadn't entered the room. He dragged in a roasted chicken, but instead of bringing it to me, he leapt onto Evans. That cat is going to either get killed or get me killed some day. Evans shot up in her bed in surprise. She was clearly not asleep, but after shooting me a frantic look, she laid back down and pretended to go back to sleep. I was too annoyed - with Algernon, Sirius, and Evans - to stay any longer. I grabbed the chicken and left.
Saturday 22nd February
I composed a letter to James Potter today and handed it to Remus to deliver. Here is what I said:
Potter,
Firstly, I feel that you have no right to be annoyed just because I woke up when your cat jumped on me yesterday. How would you feel if I set James on you with a cooked animal carcass in his mouth? James would never do that, because he's a good owl who knows his place, not like your cat who is pilfering food from odd places like a common thief. I know that you are happy about the fact that your cat can fetch food, but you really should look into what it's bringing to you. I heard a rumor this morning that Algernon caught one of Hagrid's chickens and roasted it himself. Although I'm sure you started that one, being the arrogant toerag you are.
Anyway, my point was this, don't get angry with me! I've done nothing wrong! You're the one who's gone around laughing at me behind my back and comparing me to bears and all manner of other odd things. You owe me an apology. Several of them.
How is darling Winifred? As wonderful as ever, I hope?
Lily Evans
P.s. I would thank you for saying that I was pretty yesterday, but you were probably lying like always, weren't you?
I forgot the one thing that would always make Potter flirt with me: insulting him. Maybe it will work? I am hoping that the letter will anger Potter into responding, and that he'll do it personally. Preferably with his tongue in my mouth.
I wonder how Apparition lessons went for Emily and Beatrice?
---
Surprise of surprises, I got a letter from Evans today. She went on about the owl I got her during that Christmas exchange. I don't remember what she said about the owl, as I was too happy to see her writing my name out. Naming that owl was one of my most genius moments, I have to say. She also said I shouldn't be angry with her, and that I should stop comparing her to bears. I haven't the foggiest where she got the bear thing. I suspect that my earlier suspicions were right, and that this illness is affecting her mind. Poor thing. I sent back a letter, via Remus. Perhaps I should've named her owl Remus. Hah! No.
Evans,
I don't get you. You don't like my compliments about your feet or your hair, and then you get mad because my cat doesn't understand a simple order for treacle tart. I also would expect you to know more about Winifred than I would - isn't she in the Hospital Wing with you? I thought Nelia was exaggerating about St. Mungo's…. In any case, I stand by my compliment: You are ravishing. Now stop messing about with my head.
JP
She is ravishing, even when she faints of illness. She probably could've done with some roasted chicken. It's too bad I threw it away because of the cat saliva.
---
Potter,
You never complimented me about my hair, you liar! And your remark about my feet was laced with sarcasm; don't think I didn't miss that. Do you have any idea how much pain my feet were in that day? Did you ever ask me how I felt? No! And what about when I fainted, when you apparently found it to be hilarious and walked right by me. And I can get mad at your cat if I want because it's constantly coming into my dorm and trying to drag me out from under my bedcovers. And I hate that you named my owl after yourself. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to say the name `James' without wincing?
I haven't got the foggiest idea where that stupid girl is, but she's not here. There is only me and your insane best friend who keeps cackling about stags.
Stop being an arse, James `Merlin's gift' Potter. I don't like you so much that I'm going to believe your weak compliments and become an easy target for teasing.
Lily Evans
I am so unbelievably angry that his reply did not involve kissing of any sort. He will pay for that. Wankerface.
Sunday 23rd February
After Evans's last letter I went into the Hospital Wing to try to talk to her. Sirius got out today, and his first stop on the way out was to go back to the Forest to burn the plant he'd messed about in, so I knew it would be the two of us. Poor Winifred, she must really be in St. Mungo's. Luckily I feel as fit as ever, so she apparently wasn't contagious. Good news, for once. Evans didn't seem very happy to see me, and after her last scathing correspondence, I'm not surprised. I told her I had complimented her on many occasions, and that she always hated them. She was having none of it. She didn't even mention the compliment she knows I gave her, but maybe her mind has been addled. I said as to the fainting incident I was waiting for her friends to take care of her, because I thought she'd be mad if I did anything. It's strange that she's mad I did nothing - I thought she'd be dead happy I didn't take advantage of her during her moment of vulnerability. Actually, I almost said I didn't know why she kept writing to me, but Remus' voice in my head (thank Merlin for it) said I should not point that out, so I did not.
All in all, I fear I made little progress with Evans today. She still seemed distressed when I left, but that might be the pneumonia. She kept licking her lips while I was in there. It was dead sexy, actually, but I refrained from pouncing on her. That would've set me back years.
---
I gave Remus another note to give Potter today, and told him to act how he saw fit with it. I do not know, I may not have been in my right mind when I wrote it.
Potter,
You are an idiot, and if you haven't copped by now that I maybe wanted to be taken advantage of, you will always remain an idiot. I am never talking to you again until you acquire some sense. Goodbye.
Lily Evans (who is, apparently, a bear)
Algernon came into the ward today carrying what looked like a bag of raw liver. I was vomiting into a bucket for the next hour. Stupid cat. I hope it gets killed by a wayward baby on a toy broomstick, but what are the chances of that?
-->