Monday 23rd June
I haven't heard back from James, and my owl James has not yet returned. I will not lie, diary, I am rather worried that he doesn't want to speak to me. I thought that I was putting on a good show of nonchalance, but according to Beatrice, the eight cookies, four chocolate cupcakes, half an apple pie and entire treacle tart I've eaten in the last twenty four hours is ruining my image rather spectacularly. Aaron suggested that I should get drunk as an alternative method of stress-management, but he admitted that this could lead to him attempting to have his way with me. So I think I'll pass on that. Happily, Beatrice is much happier. She and Miriam are teaching me more sign language. Not the real signs that Miriam normally uses to communicate with people, however, but ones that they secretly invented so that they could talk to each other without Aaron or their parents understanding them.
I feel rather guilty, worrying about James when Beatrice is suffering through her Remus-related heartache, but in my defense, I'm not dating or engaged to Aaron, have never resorted to using magic to win my man's affection, and James is not a werewolf. Also, I love James because he is James, and not because I'm turned on by his scars. If he had any, that is. All he's really got is an odd looking birthmark on his left thigh that's kind of shaped like a frog.
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Letter from Lily today! She promised she's got no interest in that stupid Male Booth, and that she had no idea he'd be at King's Cross. Then she went on about how attractive and wonderful I am. I've written her back saying all's well and forgiven. Also invited her to come stay with me for a bit before she goes off to France because I miss her already. It's true that I'm pining a bit, but mostly I need to convince her not to go to stupid France so some other bloke can impregnate her when she isn't watching.
Algernon continues to thwart my half-arsed attempts to get a job. I told Sirius about this plan. He was not as impressed as he should have been. It's only because he says he's found the love of his life. Some motorbike he saw driving through town. He's dead set on having it. The bike looked all right, but the bloke on it looked too much like my Uncle Charlus. I pretended to listen to him go on about it, but really I was remembering Lily's letter in my head to cheer myself up.
Dad said he couldn't take me to get my Apparition license next Monday because he's got to work. Damn. Mum'll never take me, not after the toe incident. At this rate I'll never get my license.
Wednesday 25th June
I got a letter from James today, inviting me to stay in his house. I assume this means that he's no longer upset about crazy Aaron. Huzzah! I'm going to Apparate to his address on Saturday morning and stay in his house until either Thursday night or Friday morning, when I will be leaving for Little Whinging, and my darling sister's wedding. Probably Thursday night, as the flight out is Friday night and the wedding is on Sunday. James wants to come and get me, but if he did, he'd have to suffer through Beatrice's mother's questions about our supposedly wild and outrageous sex life, involving lots of whipped cream, leather and rope.
Beatrice Booth is a dirty liar. I am going to go to the pantry and steal all of her pineapple fritters. That'll show her. Ha. Ha ha ha.
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Have been hired by the fishery. I am most put out.
Thursday 26th June
Have been fired by the fishery. Thank Merlin. They thought they could handle Algernon on board. Clearly they underestimated his abilities. I hope they don't make me pay for that dingy.
Lily is coming in two days! Can't wait. I told Mum she's coming to stay. She got in a bit of a state because I didn't tell her earlier. Dad was all for it, luckily. I think he's just happy Mum's good and occupied ordering the house-elves about.
Finally got Sirius to shut up about that motorbike. Today he picked up Hobbes in the library while I was at work. After dinner I pried him away from it so we could go mess about in the hills as Padfoot and Prongs. This may have been a bad idea. Some of the neighborhood dogs trailed along and wouldn't leave us alone. Padfoot's got a right little gang. It's rather funny, actually. He got annoyed and wanted to come back and read more depressing Russian literature. Typical.
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In retaliation for my eating of her precious pineapple fritters, Beatrice took the treacle tart that her mother had just made for me and threw it in my face. This led to a miniature food fight. She, Miriam and I all ended up with sticky stuff in our hair and the dining room curtains are ruined. I am quite sure that this kind of malarkey occurs daily in the Potter household, so I'm not going to miss it. Beatrice was a little put out when I told her of James's invitation, but she cheered up when I promised to do some reconnaissance work and find out what's up with Remus. Except I already know what's wrong with Remus and I can't tell her. However, I could possibly write to him and figure out some way to explain things to Beatrice without including his Lycanthropy. This is all ridiculous, really. His illness wouldn't bother Bea in the slightest, I'm sure of it.
Success! Also, horror! Petunia phoned the house today. The good news is that I am allowed to being a second person to Petunia's wedding, as well as Beatrice. I must write to Emily and see if she is free to go to France next weekend. Thank Merlin for Emily's father, who insisted that she get herself a Muggle passport. The bad news is that I had to agree to be a bridesmaid, and to sing at the reception, in order to procure this invitation. I could tell that Petunia would rather have stuck her head in a barrel of snakes than ask me, but she has no choice because her head bridesmaid and singer, Yvonne, has contracted meningitis and cannot come, and my aunty Ivy suggested that she ask her beloved little sister. Unremarkably, Petunia is more worried about the effect this will have on her wedding than her best friend's wellbeing. What a darling. I'm annoyed that I now have to be bridesmaid, but also quite pleased that I am going to ruin Petunia's wedding day by doing exactly what she asked me to. Haha!
Friday 27th June
Have officially got myself a job. It's not all bad, but I still hate it on principle. Sirius was mad at me this morning because I dragged him into town and away from Tolstoy, so he retaliated by being Padfoot and refusing to talk to me. (Algernon was locked in my room at home. He gets funny around Padfoot.) The dogs in the area started following us again, much to Padfoot's chagrin, and an old man in the street stopped me. He asked me to walk his dogs for him every day, since I've got `such a natural affinity with animals.' I didn't disagree, so now I'm employed. It doesn't take up too much time, either, and I'll just make Sirius come with and keep the dogs in line. It'll keep him away from Hobbes, too. Sirius keeps going on about how life is nasty, brutish and short. If that's not Russian, I don't know what is, no matter what Sirius says.
Off to Moony's for the night. Full moon. Padfoot, Wormtail, and I are all going to sneak into that pen his parents set up in the forest to keep him company. I'll have to run early in the morning, though, to get ready for Lily's arrival. Remus understands. I should invite him over when Lily's with us so we can talk some sense into him.
Mum was pissed off that I keep trying to send Algernon into the kitchen for food. Poor Algernon. Hooves do not suit him.
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I got a call from a woman who claimed her name was Mrs. Habadasher this morning. She is altering Yvonne's bridesmaid dress and wanted to know my measurements. Then my cousin Beverly phoned with a list of Petunia's favorite love songs. She wanted to discuss which one I would be singing. They were all vomit-inducing, and if Beverly decides, and I think she will, that I have to sing something by Doris Day, I may jump off Beatrice's roof. Or James's, as I'm going there tomorrow morning. Yay! Beatrice's mother gave me a selection of cakes and pies to bring over, and I was happy to see that she's made another treacle tart. I can hide it in my room and gorge psychotically on it if I get nervous. I can't say I'm looking forward to meeting his parents. Peter tells me that James's mother is a fruitcake who doesn't think that any girl is good enough for her baby James. I think I'm going to be sick.
Aaron wrote me another song last night, and presented me with the lyrics today. He managed to rhyme my name with silly, frilly, willy-nilly and hilly. I also didn't know that you could rhyme the name James with `giant axe,' but apparently Aaron can.
Saturday 28th June
Lily is here! Dad took Mum out of the house when she arrived so we could be alone. (Sirius was in the library. Again. He's moved on to Marx.) I'd set up lunch for the two of us in the dining room. She was early, but I wasn't bothered. After lunch we went outside for a walk. Apparently Male Booth has been trying to woo her all week, but to no avail. He wrote her love songs, the idiot. Lily cannot be persuaded by such trivial charms!
Everything was going well until Mum and Dad came back. Mum didn't seem to like her at first, but warmed up to her over dinner. I asked her later why she'd changed her mind. She said Algernon rubbed against Lily's legs while we were eating, and if Algernon approved, so did she. This didn't make much sense. I told her as much. Apparently she liked Lily immediately, and when Algernon also approved, she knew Lily must be good since such different personalities liked her. While I'm glad Mum doesn't hate Lily, I wish she hadn't asked about our wedding during dessert. Talk about awkward.
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James seemed to have doubled in craziness since leaving Hogwarts for the summer. I arrived at his house just in time for lunch and could see him through one of the windows, running around with a knife and fork. I knocked on the door, and this is a record of the conversation that ensued:
James: But I haven't even had time to put the forks out!
Me: What?
James: I mean, er, come in!
Me: Wow, you have a really lovely home.
James: Thanks. I have a job.
Apart from that, and the small panic attack he had when he couldn't remember which side of the plate he was supposed to put the knife and fork, he was his usual cocky self. We had a really nice lunch (I suspect house-elf involvement, because there's no way I believe that James made the raspberry jam himself) and went for a walk afterwards. Then I met his parents, which was scary. His father liked me immediately and apologized to me for James's insane behavior over the past few months, but his mother didn't seem to like me at all, and asked me a lot of rather intrusive questions. She's being lovely now, however, and after she sent James into the study to clean Algernon's poo off the floor, she told me that she's `very fond' of me, I'm a nice match for James, and that our children would be very attractive. I had to excuse myself then, and now most of the treacle tart is gone. I'm a nervous wreck!
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Have just remembered to warn Lily about checking her food for Love Potion. She seemed confused. I'm not sure why, though. I'm positive told her about Algernon at Easter. I caught her on the way to the bathroom before bed, and I remembered to drop into her room and leave a chocolate on her pillow, like my mum told me they do in nice hotels. It's a way for me to be with her since Mum would lose it if we slept in the same room. If she caught us, she'd ask me for the details. Ew.
Sunday 29th June
When he's not with me, Sirius tends to go off and read. A strange, apparently old habit of his. He said he used to hide out in the library at Grimmauld Place when he needed to get away. I never knew this. Unexpected, but better than many other habits he could have, like unicycling. He and Dad got into a debate over dinner. Sirius got a few pages into Plato's Republic and then chucked it across the room. Dad tried to persuade him to give it another go, for the sake of exposure to the ideas, but Sirius said he refused to waste time on an author who never made a conclusion. Or something. I wasn't paying that much attention since Lily was sitting across the table from me and kept rubbing my shin with her foot. Very distracting.
I forgot that while I'm at work with Sirius, Lily is at home. Alone. With my mother. This cannot end well. Lily said she was pleasant enough today. They looked at pictures of me when I was younger. Wonderful. I need to murder my mother.
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I woke up with a huge lump of chocolate mashed into my hair this morning, and was not surprised at all.
Today James had to go to work. I say he had to go to work, but all he actually does is run around with three cocker spaniels and throw sticks for them. Sirius is staying here too, but he said he'd walk James to the house of the man he works for because it's on his way to the library, so I was alone with James's mother, who has instructed me to call her Odette. It was fun. She made us both tea and toast and we chatted a little about Hogwarts. Then she brought out seventeen photo albums, each consisting of photographs of `our gorgeous James,' one for each year of his life. It's easy to tell why he's so full of himself now, actually. Each album featured a full running commentary, courtesy of Odette, and albums one to six are mainly full of naked photos. Apparently, James used to be rather fond of taking his clothes off and trying to escape from the house, presumably to share his nudity with all of Swansea. I didn't tell her that James still seems to be fond of taking his clothes off, if my recent experience is anything to go by.
I was allowed to choose a photo of James for myself, so I selected a recent one of him asleep on the sofa with Algernon on his chest. I'm not telling him about it, though, because I'd be willing to bet all of my money that he doesn't know it was ever taken. His mum is a bit of a loony.
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