Monday 17th March
Potter has gotten his wand back!! How and when and how again!? I suspect that Emily might be involved somehow, as she is keeping her lips sealed on the matter and goes rather red whenever I wonder aloud how the stupid bleeder managed to get his nasty hands on it again. Peter told me that Potter is determined to make me pay for my act of thievery, and as it was he who turned Karl's head into a citrus fruit last night, I'm just glad that he never found out who took his cloak.
I'm worried now.
---
Success! I ran a reconnaissance mission with the help of Wood, so I now have my wand back. Good thing, too, as I didn't fancy a detention for being unprepared. I didn't need the wand for History of Magic, but I can't imagine Charm work without my beloved Cecelia. I've never lost her before, and if anyone else ever lays hand on her again, they'll get exactly what Karl Pilkerson got. Evans will get her own just desserts, and it won't be treacle tart.
Tried to consult on the Evans predicament with Remus all day, but he ran off as soon as classes ended. I found him on the Map, but Algernon has not quite mastered the art of fetching people. He likes to bring bacon instead, so it's not a total loss. I'm growing dead nervous about my revenge plan, though, so maybe I'll join him on the seventh floor.
Note to self: teach Algernon the difference between Remus Lupin and a pancake.
Tuesday 18th March
Whoever it was who told James Potter that the Summoning charm works on humans should die. I have, at last count, gone whizzing into his arms six times already today. The last time was at lunch, I was pulled about twenty feet back and landed in his lap, whereupon he pretended like he hadn't done anything, grabbed my waist and proclaimed loudly that he was glad I'd decided to finally forgive him! And he's been giving me this weird look all day, a kind of a half-smirk while he periodically wriggles or raises his eyebrows. Beatrice is of the opinion that he is trying to charm me with what he thinks it his charisma and mysterious magnetism, but as we also agreed, he is actually in possession of neither. So he's just coming off as a fool. Now you know me, diary, I would normally have no complaints about this kind of thing, but I have a very large amount of bruises because of this stupid new habit of his, and I am annoyed that after all this time when I wanted him to flirt with me, he decides to resume his actions when I am trying to forget he exists! The boy is insufferable!
But it's not all that bad; I managed to kick him pretty hard in the shins last time, so I don't think he'll be trying it again. I can see him now, talking to Emily about something. I have no idea what they're saying, but Emily is shaking her head a lot and a few minutes ago she hit him on the head with a copy of Transfiguration Today. Interesting.
My Owl Order presents for Remus arrived today, but I can't find him anywhere. I think I'll go on an impromptu search now. It looks like Algernon wants to come along too. Ha ha, Potter, your cat loves me more than he loves you. Maybe I can persuade him to hide on Potter again like he did before. It will serve Potter right.
---
Plan went swimmingly. Wood got a bit shirty and said I should handle Evans with more care, but first off, I can't control the force of my Summoning Charms, and second, it's supposed to be a revenge. It's not supposed to be nice. Except it is, at least for me, because Evans has such a lovely bum. I quite enjoy her being on my lap. Followed Moony's advice and acted like a lovesick idiot. It was much easier than I'd anticipated.
Got a lecture from McGonagall about the proper use of Transfiguration. I had to write "People are not meant to be fruit or goats" two hundred times. Worth it, I say.
Mum sent a letter telling me about the garden she's planning. It almost makes me long for the letters about forks and knives. I skipped to the end where she mentioned Dad and his mishap with the Headless Chicken that ran into his office. Hilarious!
Ways to propose to Evans: "I like your bum. You have nice hair. Marry me, yeah?"
Wednesday 19th March
I could not bear to spend all of today whizzing around the school, so I pretended to be sick in order to be allowed stay out of class. And then I came here, to my dorm, instead of to the hospital wing. Beatrice told me that she is going to inform Potter that I twisted my ankle because of his most recent Summoning charm (this morning at breakfast) and I am in too much pain to hobble to Potions. My ankle is completely fine, but Potter doesn't know that. Ha. Ha ha ha.
I found Remus in the library last night and he was very grateful for the presents. He asked me if I would talk to Beatrice and let her know, gently, that he is not interested. He still cannot find his dittany so I promised that I would help him locate it. And I saw Terry Heaney wearing my shoes, the shoes that went missing from the beside the lake ages ago! He saw me looking at them and didn't bat an eyelid, just smiled insanely at me and looked down at my feet. I have been wearing a pair of Emily's shoes ever since the incident and I cannot afford to lose them either. Maybe I will look in his dorm now that everyone is in class.
---
I am back from the boys' dorms. I hunted around for a while and didn't find my shoes, but I did discover several pictures of my feet, Beatrice's feet, Ellie Morris's feet, Bianca Selwyn's feet and several sheets of paper with my name scrawled on them, all under his bed. There is a large drawing of Helena Hodge under his pillow with various spiky objects sticking out of what I can only assume is her chest. I think I need to tell someone about Terry Heaney, preferably someone in charge of a mental institution.
I had a look in Potter's dorm, too. I can't find the photos of me, so he must have some other hiding place for them. There was a note on his pillow. It read: `No matter how hard you try, your girl will be mine again one day.'
I don't know who wrote it, but I am becoming increasingly alarmed about the mental state of most of the students in this school.
It has been 5 days since I kissed Potter. I miss him.
---
Today I turned Terry Heaney into a toilet. He had it coming, or so Wood tells me. There were some dead creepy things in his room. The Traitorous Quill didn't do enough last time, so I hope he's learned his lesson now. McGonagall was put out that I hadn't learned mine, though, even when I pointed out a toilet was neither a fruit nor an animal.
Evans skived off class today by pretending she'd twisted her ankle. I thought she might've really been ill, but Moony disagreed, as did Wood. They're both clever as Kneazles, they are. I hunted her down before dinner in the common room and, when she had no problems walking, Summoned her and told her I liked her bum. That did not end well. So much for instinct.
Maybe I should ask Wormtail for advice. He and Helena Hodge seem to be attached at the mouth. It's off-putting, enough that I didn't even notice Algernon had brought me another plate of cabbage. I think he's trying to get me to buy him a new squeaky toy since he broke his last one. I'm holding out to teach him a lesson about not breaking his things.
"If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd get rid of the letter K. Off we go, then."
Thursday 20th March
There was a toilet cistern standing in the middle of the common room when I got in from dinner last night. Sirius Black made a big show of sitting on it. Thankfully, he kept his trousers on. I was afraid that he might have taken his pants down, but he probably didn't want people to see his rash. The toilet started spluttering and showered Sirius with water. Comeuppance at last! McGonagall came in shortly after and turned the toilet into Terry Heaney. Nobody was expecting that.
Peter sat down beside me in Transfiguration today. I was confused, but it turns out that he is just trying to find a way to break up with Helena Hodge and needs some advice. All Helena ever wants to do, he tells me, is talk about James. And whenever Peter gives her enough information about James, she permits him to kiss her. Now even I think that Peter deserves better. Peter also handed me a bulky bag, which I later discovered had my shoes in it. I don't know how Peter got them from Terry Heaney, but he says that Terry is pretty angry about it. I am going to make sure they are thoroughly cleaned before I wear them again.
I will continue to take my shoes off in the common room or by the lake or whenever it strikes my fancy, no matter what Beatrice says, because I have a perfect right to. I should not have to keep my shoes on to prevent them from being stolen; the thief is the one who needs an attitude readjustment! Life is unfair!
I saw Potter looking over at Peter and me several times during class. He seemed annoyed. Maybe it was jealousy! It serves him right for sending me flying all over the castle. I know that I pretended to be in pain yesterday, but this afternoon he Summoned me again in the Great Hall and I hit my hand off a glass jug. I'm thinking about hunting down Potter and begging him to stop, but I doubt he will. I'll ask Emily to ask him, they seem to be getting along well now.
If Emily and Potter ever start dating, I will kill them both. Just a thought.
---
Padfoot is back in the Hospital Wing. I didn't even know his rash had come back. He says it's merely a relapse and that he'll be out in no time at all. I gave him his mirror so I can keep him company tonight.
Peter keeps tossing me funny looks. I suppose I'd better talk to him, as well, especially since I saw him hanging around Evans today. He knows he's not allowed near her! Dunno what he was thinking, this goes well against that promise he made me. The common room might soon have two toilets.
My birthday is in a week! I'm nearly a man. Dead exciting.
Astronomy in twenty. I'm planning to tell Cummerbund that my cat ate my assignment. Lately Algernon's been quite keen on eating parchment for some reason. This had better not be more rebellion about that stupid toy.
Moony advised planning out in advance what I want to tell Evans. I think this might be worse than doing it on the spot. All my brain keeps coming up with is: "Do your feet hurt? You've been running through my mind all day. Also, you've been wearing someone else's shoes."
---
Astronomy is in twenty minutes. I had made up my mind to ask Potter if he will kindly desist in Summoning me and give me back the photos, but I decided against it. I doubt he'll be bothered listening to me because Black is back in the hospital wing and Potter might be keeping him company with those stupid mirrors of theirs. I am going to move my telescope and sit with Peter tonight. We came up with a plan to get rid of Helena. Peter reminded me that Helena is a very jealous person and as I have already had run ins with her due to Potter, we figure that if Peter and I spend enough time together, she'll get mad and dump him. Genius plan, Lily.
Emily just told me that she will speak to Potter about the Summoning and photos during Astronomy, so I won't have to. I can't believe I thought earlier that she and Potter were getting too close. She is on my side, after all, and would never go behind my back with Potter!
And Potter isn't really mine anyway, is he?
I'm depressed.
Friday 21st March
Wormtail is betraying me yet again! The scoundrel. He and Evans were cozying up next to each other during Astronomy, likely to make me jealous. (It worked.) I'm dead tired of Evans toying with my emotions. I consulted Sirius about via mirror, and he said I should give up on her and date someone else, or no one at all. I pointed out that I wasn't dating anyone now, and also that Remus gave me exactly the opposite piece of advice. Padfoot counter-pointed out that Moony's been right so frequently lately that he's bound to be wrong soon. I saw no immediate flaws in his logic, and as such, I am now scouting for possible replacements. I'm quite upset that I had to break my vows about waiting for Evans, but I'm nearly seventeen. I can't wait around forever, I have needs!
Algernon actually had the nerve to eat one of my assignments. Flitwick didn't believe me, and I now have detention on Monday for lying. Dead unfair! In any case, I have sent an Owl Order for the new toy. He'd better not break it too quickly.
Possible Replacement Evans:
Valerie Turpin - Nice shoulder blades. Doesn't talk too much, but has blue eyes.
Wendy Wilde - Friendly, but high-maintenance and has brown hair.
Marjorie Deacon - Spotty cow. No.
Bonnie Grogan - An inch too short. Also, she is not Evans.
I think I need a new list.
---
I had a long and rather illuminating conversation with Remus and Peter today, and I have made some decisions regarding Potter. I like Potter, really like him, and if his friends are correct, then he likes me. I mean, he must like me in some way for him to have snogged me outside Charms! And that was only a week ago (feelings can't change in a week, can they?) and he has been flirtatious ever since…. I mean, there's a chance, isn't there? So I have decided to stop beating around the bush. I am going to get him a nice birthday present and just tell him how I feel. Not face to face, Merlin no! I'll write him a letter, I think.
Peter and I have put our plan into action today. He sat beside me at breakfast and lunch and we've started passing notes to each other in Herbology. Mostly the notes say mundane things, like `What do you think we'll be having for dinner?' and `Do you really think this will work?' but Helena is not to know that, is she? I asked Peter after Herbology what Black and James think about his plan, but he said that he hasn't told them yet. He mumbled something about getting James's permission and ran off.
Karl and Beatrice are back together. They were snogging during lunch and Professor McGonagall gave them both a detention for it. Beatrice was moaning that she's seen plenty of other people snogging before who haven't gotten detentions, but I'm with McGonagall on this one, they were being disgusting.
Oh, James, if only you knew that you're all I think about, you might put down that bacon, cross the common room and ravish me senseless, like you should be doing. He hasn't paid much attention to me all day, I wonder why that is. Although his cat did vomit up bulky pieces of parchment earlier, so that could be distracting him.
Potter,
I know that I'm always saying that you're a stupid, pompous arse, and you might think that this means I don't like you. The thing is, you are a stupid, pompous arse but I think I might be in love with you, so...... Why don't we give it a go?
No, no, no, no, no! That will hurt him more than anything else, I sound like Karl!
Saturday 22nd March
The next time I see Peter in rat form, I'm calling Algernon over. He's been hiding as much as Moony was last week because he feels guilty. He must think me thick, the twat, if he believes I haven't seen him passing notes with Evans. Padfoot and I have agreed not to talk to him anymore. The sound barrier is back up.
Sirius says he'll be out of Pomfrey's care tomorrow, and then he and I will go hunting for a Replacement Evans.
Greta Catchlove - Charming, but smells vaguely of cheese.
Camelia Pinkstone - Flouts authority, which is rather a turn-on, but also has pink hair, which is weird.
Winifred Barnes - She's back from St. Mungo's now, and the boils on her ears are barely noticeable.
I hope Padfoot can come up with some better ideas. I'd ask Moony, but I've deliberately forgot to tell him the plan as I think he might be heartbroken that I took Sirius's advice and not his.
Edwin Edwards is about to get thrown off the Quidditch team because he refuses to turn in a Divination assignment where he has to predict his own death. He hasn't shown up for detentions, and Professor Forsooth has taken it to the Headmaster. The rest of the team and I are going to force him into a classroom until he finishes it because it's too late in the season to go looking for a new Beater. I even offered to predict it for him. My favorite was death by undercooked bacon.
---
I talked to Peter in the common room today about our plan. We have informed Remus of our decision and he wasn't very supportive of it. He thinks that it would better for Helena if Peter just told her the truth, but diary, we all know how Helena can get. I still have a mark on my arm from where she burned me. Thinking about the mark spurred me to ask Remus about his dittany, but he says that it has not been recovered. Then he left, because Beatrice saw us all talking and made our way over. And I had wanted to ask Remus about what present to get Potter!
I asked Emily to ask Potter what he would like, ideally, for his birthday and she has gone to do that now. I have plenty of money in savings and I am prepared to spend a little bit more on him than I did on Remus. Emily rolled her eyes when I told her, but after all, I am not in love with Remus, am I?
Potter,
If you were ever thinking of acting out any of your sexual fantasies, I am perfectly willing to fulfill them for you. Unless they involve a third person, because I find that idea incredibly sickening. Other than that, I am completely open-minded and very flexible. I bet Winifred Barnes can't put her legs over her head!
Sincerely,
Evans
No, no, no, I am not a harlot!
Sunday 23rd March
I don't understand. Why isn't The Rat happy with Helena Hodge? She's decent enough, once you get past all the stalker habits. Persistent, that girl. That's a good thing most of the time. I expect their relationship won't last much longer if she catches up to the rest of us and sees The Rat and Evans practically sitting on top of each other during classes, the traitorous fiends.
Padfoot set my list of Replacement Evans on fire without even reading it. He said the title alone proved how ensnared I was in her web of temptation. I was a bit pissed off because I'd forgot who was on it overnight. The only name I could remember was Winifred Barnes, and that might only be because I tripped over her feet in the Great Hall. I talked about it with Sirius and he agreed it was probably my best bet, as I already have a history with her. He also volunteered to look up Charms to make her ears look normal. He said it's what best mates are for.
Remus saw us whispering in the common room. I think he might know something's up because he wouldn't leave us alone. It's almost as though he doesn't trust the two of us. Padfoot and I are going to slip away in the Cloak tonight to further plot.
It seems that I've more admirers than I'd previously thought. Wood asked what I wanted for my birthday, and I told her chocolate. There's no question that I could best her boyfriend in a duel, but I'd rather avoid a showdown all the same. Chocolate seems like a friendly teammate gift.
---
Potter,
I'm single, you're single, and you can do addition, can't you?
Evans
Good one, Lily, seduce him with your mathematical prowess. You stupid, stupid girl.
Emily told me that Potter wants chocolate for his birthday, so I told her to ask him again. I'm not getting him chocolate, anyone could give him chocolate! I was hoping for something more personal. I might ask Black. Or not, I don't think that asking Black is a good idea. He'll run off and tell Potter. I'll ask Peter. I wonder where he is.
---
Potter and Black are plotting some kind of deviancy. I went down to the kitchen to look for Peter and didn't find him there, so I headed back up to the common room and ran right into Potter and Black. They were covered in the Invisibility cloak, but it fell off. Black must have a real problem with me, because he stuck his nose in the air and walked off. That was, I thought, the moment to elaborate a bit on the plan, so I asked Potter what he wanted for his birthday (with the biggest smile I could manage, mind you!). He looked pretty pleased about it and told me that I didn't need to buy him anything, and I thought it was going well, but then I asked him where Peter was and he walked off all annoyed.
What am I supposed to have done this time?!
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