Monday 3rd March
I managed to get it out of Sirius, he thinks that I stole Potter's quill. This was apparently Potter's before Helena Hodge took it. I should give it back, I think. Sirius says that he is quite pissed off with me.
---
I sat down next to Potter during Charms and slid his quill across the table, along with a note explaining how I ended up with the Quill in my possession. The only problem was, Professor Flitwick came in then and I didn't get the chance to escape. Of course, we had to be practicing Calming Charms today and we had to partner each other. And Potter made me nervous, so I just stared blankly at him (I'm sure that I went red, too) until he took pity on me and performed the charm on himself. He told Flitwick that I'd done it, which was very nice of him and everything, but now I feel stupid. I, Lily Evans, couldn't carry off a Calming Charm in front of James Potter, of all people! I am supposed to always be brilliant around Potter; it's an unspoken rule of mine! I did manage to touch his thigh when I pretended to drop my wand on the floor and had to bend down to get it, so it wasn't all doom and gloom.
Vera Clagg has called a Prefects meeting tonight. I hate Prefects meetings, but at least Remus will be there. He told me today that Terry Heaney has started covering his bed with socks that smell like they have been soaked in coffee. The socks were arranged in formation to spell: Her feet are mine, Lupin. Remus hinted darkly that he is going to let Potter know about it because Potter is better placed to `sort him' than Remus is. Somebody should introduce Terry to Helena, she was sitting out on the grounds today, in tears and surrounded by photos of James Potter that looked like she had taken them when he wasn't looking. She was trying to cast some kind of spell on them. I asked Emily and Beatrice what they thought, but Emily was trying to concentrate on her Herbology homework and Beatrice was trying to cast Diffindo on Remus's trousers so that they'd fall down. It didn't work. Karl said that she wasn't close enough, and that if she made his pants fall down, it would only be polite for her to show Remus her arse, too. And they're supposed to love each other?
---
As it turns out, I don't have to hate Evans anymore! She got my quill back to me as soon as she found out it was mine. She was even sorry enough to partner me in Charms. I think she was feeling ill, so I did the chivalrous thing and did her work for her. It was about time, too, as I might've been getting too excited about being around her. The Calming Charm brought me right out of that, thankfully, especially when she accidentally touched my thigh. High point of my life, right there.
On the other hand, I've a new mortal enemy in Terry Heaney. He keeps making hidden advances on Evans, or so Remus told me. Scoundrel! Padfoot and I grabbed the Cloak from my trunk to go scout out opportunities, but underneath the Cloak I discovered the Traitorous Quill I bought last Hogsmeade visit. After tomorrow, Heaney will know better than to mess about with my woman.
At Quidditch today Austine Kempton, the third Chaser, started interrogating me and Wood about the match, particularly the part where we teamed up against The Berk. She and I make quite the team, I have to say, and we had Austine off our arses in no time at all. Besides, everyone was so well chuffed with my performance on Saturday that nobody wanted to bother me, lest they throw off my confidence.
Non-verbal spells are loads more important than Apparition. If I had to pick between a non-verbal Hover Charm and Apparition, I would pick the former for sure. I remain resolute that Apparition will never come in handy.
Full moon this Friday. I'm going to hide all photos of me in that oak tree, as someone has been pilfering them lately. I find that dead creepy.
Look, the ink changes color! I love this quill, even more now that it's been in Evans's hands these past few weeks. It still smells like her hands.
Tuesday 4th March
Today was wonderfully splendid, apart from one thing.
It was unusually boiling hot today (especially for March) so after classes had commenced, Emily, Karl and I decided that it would be fun to jump into the lake. Beatrice decided against it (at first!), and chose instead to suspend us over the lake and drop us in at unexpected moments. It was so fun, the fear of being dropped actually added to the greatness of the occasion. Of course, we all had our wands on us and used the appropriate charms to stay afloat. More and more people joined in, but Beatrice refused, that is, until Remus and Peter decided to go for a swim, too. She was in the water faster than Helena Hodge when she sees a plate of Brussels sprouts. I was very happy when James came down to the lake with Sirius and I must admit, diary, that I deliberately took my outer robes off and left them on the side of the lake with my shoes and socks, leaving only my blouse and skirt visible, I also made sure that I walked past him every time I got out of the lake. My own suspicion that I am a bitch grows more with each passing day. Apart from one point where I beamed at him (I couldn't really help it, he smiled at me first! Although it could have been somebody behind me), I managed to ignore him for the whole afternoon. Huzzah.
James did not get in the water; he seemed busy discussing something with Sirius. They kept laughing and pointing at Terry Heaney, who was hanging about the lake with a camera and a mug of coffee all day. Sirius did, however, get in trouble with Remus when he vanished all of his clothing (save his underpants, poor Remus). Beatrice says that she is going to hunt down Sirius at the next available opportunity and offer to do or give him anything he likes. She says he made her life.
But! When I got out of the lake, my shoes were gone. I bet it was Terry Heaney. So once again, I am shoeless. And my feet hurt already.
I asked Karl Pilkerson why he's not bothered by Beatrice flirting with Remus and he told me that it's because Beatrice has no chance with Remus, and even if she did, he doesn't see the point. He then asked me if I'd ever let a monkey cut my hair. I told him I had to go and lie down.
---
Ha! Terry Heaney refuses to come out of his dorm, not even to see Pomfrey. He's got writing all over him, courtesy my Traitorous Quill. Over and over again, his skin says "PERVERT PERVERT PERVERT" in large, flashing letters. Not our most clever line, but Padfoot and I liked the simplicity of it. The only downside is that Remus is now not speaking to Sirius, and has decided to blame me, as well. I find this unfair because I wasn't the one who made Remus the decoy so we could make the switch on Heaney. And really, Remus is partially to blame, as according to Sirius, Remus may have possibly implied to Charlene Stebbins that Sirius liked short women, and Charlene is as short as they come. This is bollocks, of course. At breakfast Wormtail asked Sirius who he'd pick, Marjorie Deacon or Rhonda Roper. Sirius said Marjorie because Rhonda was much too tall (and she is enormously tall. I'd pick neither, as Marjorie is a spotty cow). Remus had to go and ask, rather loudly, if that meant Sirius liked short women. I suppose Stebbins was walking by? In any case, this entire thing has been blown way out of proportion, and Sirius has regained Stebbins as a stalker. Lovely.
What is lovely, however, is that Evans smiled at me today when we were preparing for the switch. She looked dead gorgeous, and I liked watching her flounce about with her wet clothing. I can't help that I'm a sixteen-nearly-seventeen year old man. I have needs, needs I would like to be met by Evans.
For some reason Beatrice Booth has offered Sirius anything he'd like. He's going to have her hex Stebbins into the next century whenever she starts lurking about the Fat Lady. Brill plan, I say.
Wednesday 5th March
My friends are all insane, particularly Beatrice. This morning she told Karl that she was going to break up with him and go after Remus, and then she had the gall to get up and storm away from the table in tears because Karl said he wasn't bothered! She and Karl are over in the corner now, snogging like they're looking for buried treasure in each others mouths. Emily is beside me. Her opinion is that Beatrice and Karl should never, ever have children. I told her that I quite agree.
Charlene Stebbins is in the hospital wing with fur growing all over her body. Beatrice did it, and she won't tell anybody why, but I saw Sirius shaking her hand earlier. Curious, most curious. Remus is not talking to Black and is spending a lot of his time sitting with us, something that Beatrice delights in, even if she is still with Karl. At least I know why that is. Remus said to me that he doesn't want to talk about it, but he did ask me if I thought anybody had seen him once Black removed his clothing yesterday. I didn't want to say that pretty much everyone did. Poor Remus.
I rushed back to my common room to pick up a book before Potions this morning and saw Terry Heaney, wrapped in a blanket from head to foot. He has used a hair growth charm to make his hair fall over his face, and diary, my curiosity got the better of me and I asked him what he was doing. He told me that it was because he was suffering from a bout of acne and wanted to hide it. We had a short, rushed conversation, which was actually quite normal and non-frightening until he asked me if I ever liked to bite my toenails. I left then.
I smiled at Potter again today as I passed him a box of spider eggs (he had run out), trying to convey in one smile exactly how I feel about him. I don't think it worked, but I may try it again. I think he winked at me during Defense class, but I may have imagined it because I am sadly and seemingly desperate for some affection from him these days. I am a stupid, pathetic girl.
I could try sitting beside him tomorrow morning in one of our classes and accidentally touching him again. I figure that he has to get the message soon.
It's sunny out, I think I'll go and sit by the lake on my own for a while.
---
Only two days to full moon! Can't wait, I'm dead ready to get out in the Forest again. I'd go mad without the monthly run. Plus, no matter where I hide my photos, they keep disappearing. I've looked up the best hiding charms to cast over the pictures. I'm not sure why I'm so bothered, because I know I'm quite handsome, but I wish whoever's taking them would ask first.
Another smile from Evans! Huzzah! Spider eggs have never been more romantic.
Mastered a non-verbal Shield Charm in Defense. I'm well chuffed with myself because no one else accomplished it. My own abilities continue to amaze me.
Moony refuses to associate with us. Wormtail has taken our side, but that's only because he was supposed to be the decoy, up until Remus "betrayed" Sirius. I don't know why Padfoot doesn't get a girlfriend, really. He could have near any girl he wanted, and he's got those pictures of the Muggle girls hanging on the walls of the dorm, so I know he's not a shirtlifter or anything. Strange. Even Wormtail looks to get a girlfriend before Sirius, but at least he's trying. Remus thinks himself an animal, the poor fool, and I, well. No one can hold a candle to Evans. Ever since Mary Macdonald last year, and what a fiasco that was, I remain resolute to hold out for Evans. I hope she gives in soon. I could go for a bout of snogging.
Thursday 6th March
Transfiguration is our first class. I'm at breakfast. It's in twenty minutes. I need a plan of action for Potter. I will sit beside him for no reason this time, so that he won't be able to suspect that I'm just there because I need to leave something back for him. No, I will be there because I want to be around him. Surely Potter, being as arrogant as he is, will naturally assume that this is because I am attracted to him. And then maybe he'll doubt his judgment, but then he will remind himself that he's always right. At least, that's what I'm hoping will happen. And dammit, I am going to smile at him, and find excuses to touch off him, and I will call him James. I don't think I ever have called him James to his face before. And if he still doesn't get it… no, he will get it. I will know after this class whether he likes me or not. There is no way that Potter could miss something this obvious.
Also, I made an effort to look effortlessly nice this morning.
Five minutes until Tranfig, I think I'll go down there now.
---
Evans has caught an illness, I believe. Her lips were really red, and her eyes stood out loads. I'm not actually sure this constitutes an illness, but I remember the last time she was ill she looked stunning, so I assumed she was ill again, especially when she lost her wits and called me by my first name. I told her she should go to the Hospital Wing, but my caring did not go over well, strangely. Women make no sense.
Friday 7th March
Potter didn't get it.
At least, I hope he didn't get it. I'm telling myself he didn't get it. He told me that I looked ill this morning, so I went upstairs immediately after lunch and washed all of the makeup off. I've been thinking all day about what else I could do and I came up with the plan I just carried out in Astronomy. I think, in fact I'm positive, that I made my feelings more obvious than I ever have before. I plonked my telescope down beside his (when he asked me if I'd been to the hospital wing, I said that I had and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, so there is NO WAY that he could still think that I am sick), pretended to yawn and rested my head on his shoulder. I even moved my hand so that it was touching his and left it there. I don't think that I could be more obvious if I grabbed him and shoved my tongue in his mouth.
He didn't move or push me away, but he still didn't say anything, the fucking prick. I hate Potter. I am going to ask Remus if he knows anyone who I could be set up with, and I will be sure to do it in front of that speccy bastard.
Speaking of Remus, he's not looking very well at the moment, poor thing. I hope he makes up with Sirius, Peter and the wanker, I don't like to see him unhappy.
If I have any confidence left after sixth year, it will be a shock even to myself. And now I must go to bed. I didn't realize that it was nearly one in the morning.
Saturday 8th March
My soul is tormented. Lily Evans near threw herself at me during Astronomy on Thursday. She swears she isn't ill, but I can't comprehend the alternative. If she still looks beautiful the next time I see her, I'm dragging her to Pomfrey myself. I love her too much to see her this delirious, because not only will she regret it once she's back in her right mind, it toys with my emotions, as well. Unfair to the both of us, really, although I will shamefully admit I took great pleasure in the way she held my hand all evening. I didn't find a single constellation I was supposed to during class. Her hand was on top of my right hand, and I'm not used to using my telescope with just the left one, but I didn't have the heart to pull away and finish the assignment. Worth it.
I'd talk to Remus about it, but he's in the Hospital Wing, and I'm also not sure if he's forgiven us. Last night we all went out to the Shack to meet Moony as normal, because we may not be speaking, but the three of us promised way back when that he'd never spend another full moon alone, and we weren't about to break our word. Moony seemed reluctant to be around us, but he eventually gave in and we all went for a romp in the Forest. This time I lead the way and found the oak tree. I sent away the others so I could transform back. I'd tied the photographs in a pouch around my neck, but when I went to put them in the oak tree, there were pictures of Evans in there. I switched those into my pouch and went back to finish out the night with Moony.
I'm in a bit of a fix, now, since if anyone else found them they'd think me the stalker. The only ones who knew about the hole in the tree, presumably, are Wormtail and Padfoot. No question which one of them put the pictures there, really.
Last Apparition lesson. I always knew I'd be outstanding at it. Twycross near had me teaching everyone else from the beginning. Can't wait to get my license next month.
Algernon has run off again. Bloody cat. I want some bacon.
---
Have confronted Wormtail. He swears they're a remnant from the whole shoe-thing (I asked if he'd hidden the shoes there, as well, and he went red in the face). In order to protect Evans from him in the future, I have made Peter promise to avoid contact with Evans as much as possible, and to try to date Helena instead. I feel this is the right move. Sirius agrees.
Off to see if Evans looks radiant.
---
James Potter is fucking insane!
He walked into the Great Hall just a while ago, saw me, grabbed my arm and started trying to drag me out of my seat. Now as you know, diary, I live for the day when James Potter may try to drag me into, say, a deserted closet or something, so I went along with it at first, but when I eventually got it out of him that he was trying to bring me to the hospital wing, I cracked. I pulled out my wand and pointed it at him, not really sure of what hex to use, but that seemed to harden his resolve and he pulled me on again. I had to use Expelliarmus just to make him let go of me, he has a bloody firm grip when he feels like it. It's kind of sexy, I think, the way he took charge just then. But I now hate the bastard, so I digress. I'm glad that he splinched himself during Apparition today!
Potter's argument was that I look too ill to be allowed walk around the castle without immediate care, so I told him that just because he thinks I look shit, doesn't mean that he has to make fun of me. I also told him that he should be ashamed of himself for playing with people's feelings, and walked off before he could retaliate. This is the last time that I am nice to James Potter. Oh, there'll be no more hand-touching or hugging or smiling or calling him by his wretched first name any more. No, no, no. I've had enough of the arrogant little toerag. Beatrice wants to go up to him in the Great Hall and shout at him for his stupidity, but I implored her not to.
Peter keeps squeaking and running away from me whenever I see him. Does he find me hideous, too? But look, Algernon has brought me bacon! Somebody still loves me, at least!
The bacon was first rate. Remus is in the hospital wing and I am off to visit him now. I will be sure to ask him about setting me up with somebody while I am there. Hopefully Potter will be there and overhear me. I will make sure he knows that I have gotten over him, ha ha!
Sunday 9th March
I am a fool. Yesterday my attempts to care for Evans by forcing her to Pomfrey ended poorly. I went to go visit Remus to ask him about it, as Padfoot was no help at all, but when I arrived, Evans had beat me there. My initial thought was that she was being treated, but she was really talking to Moony about dating other people. If she dates The Berk again, I will murder him in his sleep.
I couldn't bear to be in the same room as her when she was discussing other men, so I went back today instead. I told Remus what had happened, and he told me, in no uncertain terms, that I had been an idiot, and that Evans had literally been throwing herself at me in hopes of getting my tongue thrust down her throat. He said he didn't understand how I did so well on my OWLs when I'm so thick. It was all in his Remus-way, though, gentle and matter-of-fact, so I wasn't bothered. I asked him why he hadn't told me earlier, and he sighed and didn't answer.
Anyhow, I'm now regretting burning up my will, because my will to live has been incinerated by Evans. Evans was in the Hospital yesterday to say she's given up on me for good, so I've completely ruined things with her. Maybe I will convince Algernon to feed me poison. I probably couldn't do it myself because I imagine it would taste revolting. It would be a nice surprise that way, hopefully taking effect right in the middle of class. What should my final words be? "Watch out for fish, Evans" doesn't have the right ring to it.
---
It is Remus's birthday tomorrow and I have no present. It is not my fault, as I completely forgot about it until I saw him yesterday. I will get him a present by Owl Order, but I'll ask him what he wants, first. I went to ask him earlier, but Potter was in the hospital wing, so I didn't go in. From what I heard, Remus was insulting his intelligence, another reason to love him, I think. I will ask Remus what he would like for his birthday tomorrow. I do not believe in getting people stupid, pointless things that they don't need. I made him a really nice card, though, using magic of course. I am not really artistic, but Beatrice is and she helped me out there. We signed it: Love Beatrice, Emily and Lily, because it's true, who doesn't love Remus?
I have taken to leaving the room whenever Potter enters, and I am making sure that I do not look at, speak to or touch him at any time. During class, when I obviously won't be able to leave, I plan to spend the time imagining ways to kill him. Perhaps I could teach Algernon to force feed him poison, a slow-acting venom, perhaps, so that I can witness his death in class. Then the last thing he will ever know before he dies is my accusing stare and the sound of my voice, saying: `And that's why you never lead people on, Potter!'
I asked Remus if he knew anybody I could date, and he jokingly suggested Sirius. He is adamant that I should just hold out for Potter a little longer, but it's not going to happen, Remus Lupin, never and ever and ever again.
Terry Heaney's blanket fell from his shoulders in the common room today, and he is covered in ink! The word `PERVERT!' has been scrawled all over his body like some kind of weird tattoo! He ran from the room in shame when it fell and I felt rather sorry for him, evidently he has fallen afoul of some kind of mean prank, no doubt at the hands of someone like Sirius Black. I was sitting with Beatrice, Emily and Karl at the time, and Karl said that you would think that Terry could have picked some varying colors for the words on his skin, as it gets boring looking at all black. I honestly don't understand Karl but Beatrice seemed to find this fresh bout of stupidity irresistible and dived on him. She is always extra affectionate with Karl when Remus is not around; I think that Remus's scars have some kind of hypnotic effect on her. Thank goodness for Emily. She may have a boyfriend, but at least she and Rob don't crawl all over each other at every available opportunity.
I miss Potter. I want to go looking for him and hug him/kiss him/tell him that I love him, etc, but I can't because I despise the stupid, arrogant, pathetic, unbearable little bastard.
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