Monday 5th May
I am the heroine at school today. It is rather odd. Am still on a high from yesterday, it feels amazing to have fought those four slimeballs. I am not one for violence, diary, but they deserved it. And even if they didn't deserve it yesterday, they will. It is an advance punishment, in a manner of speaking. They will suffer worse at my hands one day, if I get the chance.
I have also been called up to Dumbledore's office tonight for a meeting. Therefore, my detentions are due to start tomorrow night instead. McGonagall brought me to her office to tell me and I managed to explain my insane actions from yesterday. It only occurred to me last night that I must have seemed crazy in her office, grinning manically and shrugging off all of her questions. She seemed slightly mollified when I told her that I am planning to devote my life to fighting the Dark Arts, and I think I saw a definite hint of pride in her eyes. I honestly don't care about what punishments Dumbledore is going to dish out, I'm too elated. I've actually done something worthwhile, for the first time in nearly six years at this school.
My objective when I went into the common room last night was to find Potter and kiss him until I passed out, but he beat me to it. I had barely gotten into the portrait hole and I was wondering why everybody was clapping. The applause was for me, as it happens. I don't know how anybody knew about it, I didn't even see anybody else there when I attacked those boys, but apparently there was a huge crowd. Anyway, that's not the point. He kissed me and it was unexplainably lovely. And then we went up to his dorm and talked for ages. I was surprised by how much there was to find out about him. We talked about our families, really, but it still felt like I was meeting him for the first time. It was great. More than great. He is easier to talk to than anybody. I could've stayed there all night if his friends hadn't started moaning about needing their sleep.
We're just going to take it easy for a while and actually get to know one another as opposed to dating right away. We didn't say anything about it, but I think it was a mutual understanding. I'm not worried about it at all, because I know that it will happen eventually. And I'll still get to hold his hand during Astronomy, in the meantime.
I think that my mum and dad would be really, really proud of me.
---
Still can't get over last night with Lily. I knew she was nice and all, but now I know what Remus meant by getting to know her. She's so smart and funny and pretty and I couldn't shut up about her all day. Sirius actually Silenced me for a bit, the tosser, but I forgave him. If he'd gone on like I did, I would've done the same. Remus seemed happy that she and I are getting along so well. Peter might've been a bit jealous, but I suffered through him and Helena, so he can sod off for all I care.
Talking to her about fighting against Voldemort felt so right. It's despicable what he's been allowed to do so far, disappearances and murders. It's only got worse since beginning of term, and I can name too many Slytherins who are or will be Death Eaters. I almost want to go up to Dumbledore and demand to know why they haven't been kicked out of school. I don't want to go to classes and have to sit next to them. It's wearing on my nerves, and it's distracting from lessons. Actually, meeting with the Headmaster wouldn't be out of place. I'd like to further discuss Headship. Am even more convinced than ever that I need to be Head so I can make sure those pieces of rubbish Death Eaters don't get out of line.
I asked Peter if he wanted a new girlfriend. He said he'd had enough of them for a while, but maybe next year. For now he wants to focus on preparing for exams. Have to remember to tell Lily to back off of that, too.
Made Algernon get out from under the bed. If I could I'd make him do laps or something to lose that weight. Can cats diet? I'm not sure that would work, he's too familiar with getting food from the kitchens.
I have to miss the funeral. Damn it.
Tuesday 6th May
Dumbledore did not punish me, amazingly. He wanted to talk to me about the Order of the Phoenix. I heard rumors that he started a secret society of some sort, but I couldn't believe that he called me, plain old Muggle-born Lily Evans, up to his office to tell me about it. He explained the entire idea behind the movement and gave me quite a few names of others involved (like Hagrid, for one) and it is, quite simply, wonderful. I will be joining up as soon as I finish school. It is Dumbledore's one requirement. He refuses to allow students to join.
He did not ask me to join outright, either, and said that he would never want to make me feel like I am obligated. I got what he meant, though. He says that as Head Girl, he hopes that I will aid him in his effort to unite the school houses and get to know some of the students who agree with our aims and want to join or help out, too. He also thinks that if I get James on board, we could make a very good team. I quite agree with him. I also completely disregard any comments I may have made before about Head students not being allowed to date. It is a capital idea. I am to come in for another meeting next week, with James in tow, if he'll come. And he will, diary, make no mistake about that.
Oh yeah, Dumbledore also told me that perhaps I shouldn't go starting any more fights in corridors, as there are more profitable ways to channel my energies. And he is right, of course, but even the best witches can't control themselves at times, and Regulus Black did insult my James. So I think I can excuse myself. It won't happen again, anyway.
I'm so excited that I woke up at five this morning, like a ninny. It's almost time for breakfast, I think. I'll go up and wake the girls.
I cannot wait to tell James about last night! And also, I can't wait to see him. It's been ages.
---
At long last, I have a calling! Well, I had the calling before, but now there is an answer: the Order of the Phoenix. I was on my way to go speak with the Headmaster when Lily stopped me. She saw him last night, as it turns out, and she even brought me up during the meeting. I'm positive I'll be Head Boy next year, if Dumbledore thinks I'm good enough to join the Order. So long as we don't fight with more Slytherins we'll be all right, it seems. I briefly thought of Snape's comeuppance, but that's not quite the same, so I'm not worried. The only problem is that I'm not allowed to tell my friends about it just yet. Shame, because I think they'd all be for it, too, especially Sirius.
Vinegar into wine in Transfiguration today. Not difficult, but I was surprised that McGonagall had us dealing with wine. We normally aren't supposed to consume our assignments, but that's never stopped us before. I think with this particular lesson she was really asking for it.
Off to take Algernon for a walk with Lily. He needs the exercise, and I want to speak with her about the Order.
---
James was pretty down earlier because he can't go to the funeral, so I was expecting him to be much the same when he came down for our walk with Algernon. It's all in a bid to make him lose some weight. Algernon, not Potter. Potter's physique is perfectly fine, thank you very much. Anyway, I was expecting that he would be sad, but he wasn't. He seemed slightly tipsy, actually. He probably drank some of that wine from Transfiguration earlier. Silly boy. We talked for ages about odds and ends and normal things, and then we got down to discussing my meeting with Dumbledore again.
As I thought, he is all set to join the Order and more than willing to have a shot at house unity if it's all for a good cause. We're meeting Dumbledore on Friday to discuss it.
Also, James kind of dived at me when we were walking back up to the school and kissed me again, but I figured that it could be allowed as an act of celebration. Or, even, a demonstration of pure-blood and Muggle-born unification staged in an act of defiance against Death Eaters and purist snobs. We should protest like that more often, teach them a lesson. I'm sure that Dumbledore would agree that it's a fantastic idea. It's a sacrifice that I am willing to make. For the cause, you know. Ahem.
Beatrice seems to be a bit annoyed with me. I think she's irritated because I'm spending so much time with James. Emily, on the other hand, thinks that it's perfectly wonderful that we're `in love,' as she puts it. I told her that we're not dating and that we're not in love. She didn't believe me, and to be honest, I'm not sure what I believe myself.
Wednesday 7th May
I can't believe I ever thought about killing myself. I never really got to experience snogging Lily before. I mean, we'd kissed, but it's so much better now that I'm not cheating on my other girlfriend, or worried that she'll slap me and run off once we've finished.
Sirius is in a right state. He kept going on about how Lily will turn on me any day now, and I'll be miserable and suicidal again. Well, he didn't say suicidal, as I never told him about the will, but it was implied. I'm not worried, though. Lily and I aren't dating, but that'll happen sooner or later. Preferably sooner. I'm getting dead excited just thinking about Lily. I still have to best Peter.
I wish there were a spell to send me into the future, when I get to join the Order. The Marauders will finally be allowed to give those Death Eaters exactly what they deserve without fear of detention. I assume the others will want to join once I am allowed to tell them about it, because honestly, we've been practicing for this for six years. I'm dying to tell them about it so they can join in Lily's and my enthusiasm. I almost mentioned it at lunch, but subtly changed my meaning mid-sentence.
Must go take Algernon on another walk. He complains something awful, but I know what's best for him. It's unfortunate that I can't eat bacon around him anymore - I tried last night and he all but scratched my leg off. This is supposed to be a diet for him, not me!
---
James can be the world's biggest idiot sometimes. In fact, he can be the world's biggest idiot quite frequently. Actually, he is the world's biggest idiot. You want proof, diary? Al lunch earlier I was happily discussing the difference between today's rice pudding and yesterday's with Peter (we concluded that it was leftover pudding, given the slightly sour aftertaste), when James made this little blunder:
James: So, Sirius, I wanted to tell you about the Order of the Phoenix.
Sirius: What?
James: It's the… band I want to start.
Remus: Sorry?
Peter: You want to start a band?
James: Fine, I won't start a band, then. Thanks a lot, Peter.
So you see, diary, not only is he an idiot, he's a sociopath headcase. Kind of like Karl, but without all the wisdom. Oh, if I didn't like him as much as I do…. Luckily, his friends are used to his random acts of lunacy, so they weren't at all suspicious. No harm done.
I got an owl from Petunia this morning at breakfast, but I haven't disclosed the contents to anyone yet as I'm still trying to figure out a way to respond to it. It seems that she has run out of excuses, diary, and has decided to extend an invite to her wedding my way. As much of a wrench that must have been to my darling sister, I'm sure that she would rather have me there than face the questions and accusations from our extended family, who all want to know why her little sister hasn't come. She can't exactly tell them that I'm a witch now, can she? Thank Merlin that Vernon's parents are wealthy (some kind of drill company?) and can afford a wedding in Paris, because Petunia would have developed a hernia if she wasn't able to marry in the city of romance. Materialistic Cow (with a capital c and everything!).
I think I'll go. If there was anything even remotely interesting to do over the summer, I wouldn't, but I happen to have no life at all. Plus, it's a weekend in Paris, during which time Petunia will have to be nice to me. And I can bring a guest! Petunia's only request is that I don't bring `that Snape boy' (like that will happen!). But who will I bring? Beatrice will kill me if I don't bring her to Paris, but also, Emily will kill me if I don't bring her to Paris. Maybe I should flip a Galleon?
Ha. Ha ha ha. James (who, now I come to think of it, would look very nice in a suit. With me. In Paris. Ahem. No, Evans) just came over to moan about his cat and how he shouldn't have to diet just because Algernon is. I told him that he, too, could stand to lose a few pounds himself. Revenge for his mishap at lunch. He got all huffy and walked off. Nothing that a good snog won't make him forget, I think. Yum.
Thursday 8th May
Beatrice is coming to Paris. She and Emily and I decided that Petunia'll give me less of a hard time if I bring a fellow Muggle-born to the wedding. I considered asking James for about ten seconds before I remembered that we'd have to share a bedroom. (!!!!) He's still a bit pissy with me on account of Beatrice announcing very loudly at breakfast that she and I have to both find a fit French lad to have a one night stand with. I'm not sure who she was trying to make jealous, Remus or Karl. Either way, it didn't work. Off to class!
---
Lily is going to France. I am not invited. I am most put-out. Why would she take Beatrice? Paris is the city of love! As in, Lily Evans and James Potter are in love, and therefore should definitely take advantage of the opportunity to stay in the same bedroom in the most romantic city for a few nights! Why, world, must you defy me at every turn?
Plan is to somehow convince her to take me instead. Or to hide in her bag. Either one will suffice, so long as I end up there with her. Also, I don't trust the French to leave my Lily well enough alone. They speak French, which from my understanding is a massive turn-on, and one of the few talents I lack. Oh no, what if Lily loves French? What if she doesn't speak French and somehow accidentally agrees to go home with some smarmy French bloke?
I have to stop her.
---
Apparently she's going this summer, not this weekend. My mistake. I hope she forgives me for ruining her suitcase.
Friday 9th May
Someone destroyed my suitcase! I mean, literally destroyed it. I walked into the dorm last night and somebody had pulled it out from under my bed and torn it clean in two. It's in two halves. I suppose it serves me right for getting a fabric suitcase instead of a solid one, like Emily has. Who would do something like that?! Maybe Emily, because she is a bit upset that she has to miss France, but Emily's not the kind of person to attack luggage. Who attacks luggage??
James rugby tackled me today as I walked down to Hagrid's house to ask him about James (my owl, not the person, I tried to send my reply to Petunia last night and he just flopped onto the floor of the Owlery. Hagrid is taking care of him now). I honestly don't know what possessed him to do it. I heard him shout something behind me and then the next thing I knew, he had flattened me into the ground. Then he asked where I was going. When I told him, he went really red and started talking about bacon. He also asked me if I knew basic French, and that it was crucial that I learn it, lest I get hoodwinked into pregnancy, marriage, or slavery of the sexy variety.
Yeah, I don't understand him either, diary.
---
I may have made a huge mistake in telling Sirius about the suitcase incident. He roared with laughter when I told him about trying to squeeze Algernon in too, the tosser. He's told Remus and Peter, which I normally wouldn't mind, but Remus will no doubt hear about the suitcase from Lily. I trust him not to tell, but it's not exactly nice to ask him to lie for me.
Tonight at practice we placed bets on Hufflepuff's game against Slytherin tomorrow. Even if I'm not dating Isabella anymore, I'll still cheer for her over that Death Eater Regulus Black. Besides, I know from experience how quick her reflexes are. Not to mention Isaac Stoneham, who despite being a third-year barely lets the Quaffle through. Well, unless you're intelligent enough to realize he is completely awful at dropping down, like my team is.
Algernon is hiding because he knows it's walking time. Silly cat doesn't realize he isn't resistant to Summoning Charms.
---
Emily didn't touch my case, and neither did Beatrice. I repaired it fine, but still, defiling somebody's
property, somebody's suitcase, like that is just plain rude. And also has psychotic murderer
written all over it. The act, not the actual case. Nobody wrote on the case.
I was petting Algernon just now and all of a sudden, he went flying out of my arms! I wouldn't mind, but I was letting him play with my watch at the time and now it's gone. And I really like that watch. Chances are James has it. His behavior has been increasingly strange over the past few days. I would think that he's behaving oddly due to the recent deaths in his family, but since when does that make you jump on people? And anyway, his mood has improved a lot ever since I told him about the Order. I think it's given him some hope.
Perhaps he is still annoyed about my slight on his weight? I should go up to his dorm before he sets out for his
evening walk (routine is good for people on diets, even if that person is an insane cat) and snog him or something.
Ooh, I like that idea.
---
Best way to make James Potter forgive you: Go up to his dorm, push him against his bedpost and snog him senseless.
Best way to make James Potter pissed at you again: Do this for fifteen seconds only. Then let go of him and leave without a word.
Guess who's just done both!
Saturday 10th May
I'm almost positive Lily knows I ruined her suitcase. Why else would she have teased me so last night? My back still has bruises, but I don't mind. I love her, but Sirius may be on to something when he calls her cruel. Algernon's walk helped him lose weight and me shake off my unplanned frustration.
Match today was decent enough, considering my team wasn't playing. Austine Kempton owes me five Galleons. That'll teach her a lesson about contradicting me for the sake of it.
I wish I'd been allowed to attend the funeral today, but Mum and Dad were dead set against me missing any school. Absurd, really, since all I've done today is watch the game and then sit by the lake. Sirius sat down to join me for the latter, but I said I wanted to be alone. And I thought I did, until Lily settled down next to me and held my hand without a word. We didn't talk much, but I assume she's temporarily forgiven me for the suitcase incident. I should really do the chivalrous thing and buy her a new one. Dunno where I'll buy one, though. Might have to send an owl to Dad.
Sirius looks right pissed off about something, but he won't tell me what. Remus said it was obvious, and Peter is as clueless as I am.
---
I'm really excited about the Order meeting on Tuesday. I might find James tomorrow and talk a little about it with
him. It would be good to take his mind off things. Merlin knows I had nobody to take my mind off things when Mum and
Dad were killed, except Petunia, who was too busy pretending I didn't exist to bother talking to me.
You know, for somebody who claims to be James's best friend, Sirius Black isn't a very attentive one. When I went down to the lake earlier, James was sitting there all by himself. You would think, seeing as it was the day of the funeral, that Sirius would have kept him company, but no. He was too busy Marauding and whatnot. I wasn't surprised that Remus wasn't there, as he's rather uncomfortable with that kind of thing, but Sirius, I thought, would be different. It really pisses me off.
However, it's not my place to say anything, so I'll keep my mouth shut, and watch Karl attempt his Patronus instead. Beatrice has been berating me for writing in here instead of paying attention, but she's paying enough attention to him as is, more than enough. She's still dead set on the French one night stand idea. I'm beginning to fear that she'll hire us some strange male prostitute named Henri who oils his muscles and wears a mustache that curls up at the ends. And why on earth would I want to have sex with slimy Henri when I could do it with James instead?
And that, diary, is precisely why I'm not inviting James. Not that I'm easy, or slutty, or would ever consent
to doing that unless we'd been dating for an entire millennium (or similar) but I've heard things about Paris.
It does things to people. My neighbor's niece got pregnant there. So don't tell me it's not
dangerous!
Sunday 11th May
I'm growing worried that Lily hasn't mentioned the suitcase. She knows I did it, and I know she knows, and knowing Lily, there will be severe consequences to it. More than what happened Friday night, anyway, and that was bad enough. Have sent an owl off to Dad regarding the subject, and considering Sirius's response, I somehow forgot to mention the part with Algernon.
Still a bit down today. I took Algernon on an extra long walk around the grounds. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have the Order to look forward to. Maybe I would've gone psycho like Lily did on those Slytherins. (I still get excited whenever I see that scar on her face.)
I've started learning French, just in case. Luckily Sirius speaks it. I managed to bother him into teaching me some basic phrases, like, `I want to join you for a romantic dinner in Paris.' Tu sentes comme un cochon. I think I sound dead sexy speaking French, if I do say so myself. I started practicing on Algernon, but quickly concluded that after a forced two hour walk, he was in no mood to listen.
Off to ask Remus for some of his dittany.
---
A bird flew into the castle window at four in the morning earlier, and woke me up. I wasn't able to sleep afterwards. My own fault for picking the bed nearest the window. I'm so tired! I can't sleep, though, because Lucinda Zheng and Heather Jordan are having a huge fight over some Ravenclaw bloke they both fancy. Heather conjured a load of water from her wand and soaked Lucinda, and she retaliated by setting Heather's robes on fire. There is a lot of screaming to be heard. They're so loud that I'm sure only bats and dogs are able to hear half of what they're saying. Beatrice and Emily (Emily, by the way, thinks that my snogging James in his dorm the other night was genius. She says that I am sneakily gaining all of the control in our relationship by deliberately being coy) are watching in amusement, but I'm not. They're driving me crazy. I need sleep!
I'm going to James's dorm. There are no yelping girls there, and I don't think James will mind letting me nap on his bed. This night even work in the ways that Emily pointed out!
Besides, it's not like James has a choice in the matter. I wear the trousers in this friendship/relationship?? I don't know what we are. A ship of some sort?
---
Terry Heaney was crying in the common room when I went down to make my way to James's dorm. He had also spilled
coffee down his front. What a constipated shit he is.
I think James was shocked when I came in. He jumped right off the bed and hit his foot off Algernon's head, who screeched, jumped onto Peter's bed and ripped his pillow apart. As advised by Emily, I merely lay on James's bed and said that I was hijacking it with no other explanation. Being as wonderful as he is, he didn't ask questions, just sat on the bed beside me in silence as I drifted off. I did have the weirdest feeling that he was watching me, though. I don't mind if he was, as he is lovely.
I managed about an hour of sleep before Sirius came in and started noisily throwing stuff around the room, so I left then. It's ok, only Emily is in our room now and I can sleep in peace. I love Emily.
Author's Note: Thanks to SoulDonkey on UR for fixing the French!
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