Monday 28th April
I wrote a note to Potter today, and passed it to him in Charms.
James,
I forgot to ask you before, but would you keep what I told you yesterday a secret? Please? I'm not supposed to tell anybody that I've been made Head Girl, at least, not until the summer! I'd really appreciate it if you kept it between us. Also, thank you for talking to Dumbledore about me. It's partly due to you that I got the job in the first place. I owe you one!
Give my love to Algernon. Could you send him down to me sometime? Also, what's this that McGonagall has said about us getting married? Is there something that everybody's not telling me?
Lily
I realized afterwards that this letter was vastly different from the ones I've sent him in the past, as you, my diary, have proven. I forgot to address him as Potter, but it doesn't matter. I'm rather hoping that he'll read into it in the way I have intended.
Peter Pettigrew and Helena Hodge have split up. I feel sorry for him, but at least the students of Hogwarts can go to the toilet again without fear of contracting a disease. He can do better than Helena anyway. Bonnie Grogan, perhaps?
I feel like I have been neglecting my friends lately. Beatrice kept asking me why I hugged Potter and I think she knows that I'm keeping something from her. I can't tell her, though, she has the biggest mouth in all the land! Emily, I think, would be better at keeping it a secret, but still… I don't want to risk having Rob find out. Wendy Wilde will go bananas if she discovers that I have taken her coveted title from her. Ha. Ha ha ha.
---
Letter from Evans today! I'll have to tell Remus not to spread word about her Headship, but more importantly, she owes me! And she asked me to spend more time with her! McGonagall told Evans of my marriage aspirations, and although this makes me want to punch her in the face, I also want to give her my bottle of Felix Felicis.
On the way to History of Magic I suggested giving Helena the Whore a disease. Remus said that would probably not bode well for my chances as Head Boy.
Speaking of, Dad also wrote to me today. He seemed dead proud that I'm Head Boy, but warned that I should be extra mature until end of term. He might know me too well, as he cautioned against drastic measures when it comes to Helena Hodge. Thought over it a bit, and I suddenly saw the logic in what Remus had said earlier. The solution Padfoot and I decided on is that he will take the fall. Remus said this was against the point, but I'm a man of principles: I can't let Helena the Whore do that to one of my best mates.
If all goes according to plan, which I expect it will, not a one of us will be held responsible for Snape's comeuppance.
Tuesday 29th April
Helena Hodge was talking about her new boyfriend in Herbology today. I think she's lying, because she wouldn't give his name, but that still doesn't take away from what she's doing. Vile little bitch. Poor Peter was trying not to look like he was bothered, but I could tell that he was. For the first time ever, I hope that his friends sort her out. I can't believe I ever let her confide in me.
Potter brought Algernon down to me just a few minutes ago. Algernon, it seems, has gotten very lazy and has taken to spending most of his time under Potter's bed. It is a habit that he should be taught to outgrow, I think. I asked him about the marriage issue but he skirted around it by asking me to elaborate on what I thought would sufficiently repay him for my nudge into Headship. I told him to use his imagination. And then I patted his knee. And then I got up and walked away. Oh ho, Lily Evans. You fiendish girl.
Emily and I had Patronus lessons with Karl today in the Room of Requirement, but we soon gave up. He kept getting distracted by all of the windows. Karl likes to look out windows. I couldn't be bothered to ask him why. Then he started talking to Emily about the Woolongong Shimmy and I got really worried. Emily, on the other hand, didn't look surprised in the least. Maybe she is mad too. I shall ask Rob if he has seen James handing her any bacon sandwiches.
---
Evans might possibly have come on to me today. I told Sirius, and he said I was probably imagining it, as usual. I wasn't sure, so I asked Remus, and he said I had to figure it out on my own. He seemed quite touchy about the subject, actually. Still must think of a way to collect on that lovely debt.
Plan for The Whore has been reworked so none of us will be directly culpable. I'm sure she'll guess it was us, but this is a much sweeter revenge. Serves her right, dumping Peter for that pervert Terry Heaney. Come tomorrow morning, he'll never want to touch her again. In fact, no one will.
Started substance Transfiguration. Easy work. I wouldn't be surprised if at some point in my life I did manage lead into gold.
Phase one of Ultimate Revenge has begun. Last night we put up defenses around the basement of the Shack to keep the cauldron safe from Moony on Friday night, should he get thirsty.
Wednesday 30th April
I talked to Beatrice, who said that I might have come on too strong to Potter yesterday. She says that I should let him come after me, especially since I owe him some kind of debt. I still haven't told her what for, so she has made up her mind to find out on her own. She says that I should keep asking him about the marriage thing, though, but not in an accusatory way. I intend to do just that.
Severus Snape tried to talk to me outside of Potions class, and once again asked if I had been giving any more thought to befriending him again. Two years ago I wouldn't have thought our estrangement possible, but he's very different now, diary. He is planning to become a Death Eater, if he isn't one already, and he wears the label so proudly, like a medal. It's sad, I suppose, but that's how people change. He got pretty irritable and started going on about Potter and asking when the wedding was.
That, dear diary, is none of his business, and I told him that I am at perfect liberty to like James Potter if I feel like it. He went for his wand then, and I honestly thought that he was going to attack me, but lo and behold, it was Sirius Black who he was aiming at. Black witnessed the whole exchange, apparently. He told Snape to back off and then walked to Defense with me. We had a weird, stinted conversation in which he asked me if I was ok, and told me that I shouldn't listen to Snape because Death Eaters are all psychotic. He knows this for a fact, apparently.
I guess this means that Sirius knows that I like Potter, but even Potter knows that. I'm more interested in why he suddenly decided to stand up for me. Maybe because he saw me being unkind to Snape? That is not the right foundation on which to build a friendship.
---
I knew I would regret going to Slughorn with Algernon. Today he held me after Potions to request my presence at the Slug Club meeting on Saturday, hinting back at the debt I owe him. I'm not one to ignore my debts, and I might need him again in the future, so I'm going. I know it'll be awful, but I'm going.
Evans keeps asking about the marriage thing. Have decided admitting my desire to marry her might be a bit too much too soon, so I'll keep avoiding the issue. Not denying it, because that would also send the wrong signal. I do want her to have my children. They would be unbelievably attractive and intelligent.
Helena Hodge was not at any meals. I suspect she's trying to cure herself, but she won't be able to. Hah hah, success! I had a short discussion with Evans about a new girlfriend for Peter. Somehow she seems to have developed a soft spot for him, but it doesn't seem to outshadow me, so I'm not bothered. I think Charlene Stebbins might be a match, considering Peter's last choice, and Evans is all for Nelia Newman, but we both agreed Marjorie Deacon is out of the question. Spotty cow.
Algernon has more or less moved permanently to the space under my bed. He's getting fat from his laziness. No more bacon for him.
Thursday 1st May
Potter turned Helena Hodge's skin into something akin to moldy bread. She looks disgusting, all pale with podgy green spots. I saw her today as I walked past the hospital wing. Pomfrey had pulled back her curtains for some reason and I got a good glimpse. She deserves it. I am proud of Potter.
There's a Slug Club tea party on Saturday. Members only this time and no guests, so I'll only have Nick Crabtree and a couple other Gryffindors to keep me company. Potter is always being asked, but he never goes, which is a pity, because Slughorn doesn't bother to expand his office for the member only meetings. It gets very crowded, you see. People end up practically sitting on top of one another. Stupid Potter and his refusal to come. He'll never see me put my legs over my head, at this rate.
I asked Karl when he wanted to have his next Patronus lesson, but he said that people never get anything done by planning, and told me to spring it on `im when he wasn't expecting it. I came back five minutes later and told him we were about to have our lesson and he developed a mysterious pain in his tummy. Beatrice bolted over to give him a tummy massage. She makes me sick sometimes. I can't believe that she's not a virgin and Emily and I still are. It makes the mind boggle.
Not Astronomy again! Why does it have to always be at midnight!? Would one hour really make that much difference?
---
Letter from Mum. Uncle Charlus and his family are dead, murdered by Death Eaters. I'm dead depressed. No more tomfoolery with Marcellus at family events. I hope there aren't any stupid letters about silverware from Mum. Who cares about goblets when my favorite cousin is dead? I can't believe the Ministry are so inept at making progress against Voldemort. Talked to the others about it before Astronomy. Remus was feeling ill, unsurprisingly, so we were all huddled around his bed, pretending he was just tired. I love my friends.
Friday 2nd May
Peter told me this morning that Potter's cousin, aunt and uncle were killed by Death Eaters. I have felt sick to my stomach ever since, and horrified, and oddly selfish, and stupid to boot. What right have I had to worry about Karl or classes or who Potter might have a crush on when people are being killed by Voldemort and my friends are losing their families? I mean honestly, who cares if Terry Heaney has been stealing my shoes or not? They're just fucking shoes, aren't they? James and his friends are nowhere to be found this evening, either. I know the reason behind Remus's disappearance (at least, I'm 99% sure that I do), but it never actually occurred to me that his friends are always absent, too. I wonder where they go on nights like this? I suppose it's not my business, but it's something to think about.
Slughorn's tea party seems so unnecessary now, but he's plowing ahead with it anyway. I suppose Death Eater murders are ten a penny to him. I am sorely tempted to find him and slap him in the face, but of course, I will not. I am going to do something about the general attitude of this school when I officially become Head Girl. I am enraged with myself for being so ignorant about the whole thing, so bringing attention to my failings and the failings of everybody else is the least I could do.
James wasn't eating anything during lunch this afternoon, so I sat beside him and held his hand until the bell rang. For the first time in quite possibly ages, it wasn't an attempt to seduce him, either.
I'm going up to Potter's dorm and I'm bringing Algernon down with me. I don't like the idea of him being up there alone.
---
Full moon tonight. I'm still going, although I'm not sure I'll be much fun. They'll probably understand, though. Friends do that.
Saturday 3rd May
Still down about Marcellus, Dorea, and Charlus. Uncle Charlus always was smiling, and he had that great big bushy beard. Auntie Dorea could out-sing Brunhilda Carmichael. I hadn't written to Marcellus in ages. He would've been at Hogwarts next year, too. I can't believe scum like Regulus Black and Severus Snape are allowed around the school when they might as well have killed Marcellus themselves. Extremely, infuriatingly unfair. In the Shack last night I looked at the locked room and took heart, a bit. If only I could take down Voldemort as easily as I can Snivellus.
Evans has been dead nice about all this. She held my hand all during lunch yesterday, and she sat next to me during Slughorn's stupid meeting. I reached for her hand today, and she didn't mind. She's so wonderful. Both her parents died (non-magical reasons), and she's gone on without them. Strong, that one, and kind. I love her. I wonder where she'll be spending the summer holidays. I wonder where she's spent her past few holidays, actually. I think she has a sister….
Sunday 4th May
I have three nights' worth of detentions, and McGonagall will probably tell Dumbledore that I should have my Head title stripped away before the next school year even begins, but I honestly cannot bring myself to care. It was worth it. I'd unflinchingly take worse. I didn't even listen to McGonagall's lecture when she dragged me up to her office.
I started a fight with Regulus Black. Not just him, in fact, but Mulciber and Avery and that stupid little Carrows bloke, too. It was Regulus who started it, though. I was walking by them (minding my own and infinitely more interesting business) and they started laughing. I'm used to that. I walked on. But then I heard the little shit mention Potter's name and I lost my temper. I don't even get that angry very often, but I just snapped. I had already Stunned Avery and Black before anybody else noticed what was happening. Mulciber carried off some weird little spell that hit me in the face, but it did nothing much other than cut me, so I cast a Full Body-Bind on him. Avery was the hardest, the bastard. We were still dueling when McGonagall caught us. She went fucking mad.
She kept asking me what came over me, but I couldn't answer her because I don't know. It was such a small thing to lose my temper for, but think about it, diary. Everything they have been doing since I've known them, every vile, evil, sickening thing they've done has been something small, little things like calling people Mudbloods or sending Trip-Jinxes at them or pushing them to the ground. And it starts like that, but it gets bigger and bigger and bigger and one day they won't just be tripping Muggle-borns in the corridors, they'll be torturing them. They'll join their precious Dark Lord and get paid to have their fun and then maybe because of them, some little child will lose their parents and they won't care because they don't know how it feels.
Well I do, and so does Potter, and so do his friends and so do a hundred other people. So I couldn't care less if she'd given me three years' worth of detentions, because I feel fucking brilliant. This is what I want to do with my life. I just can't believe it took me so long to realize it.
I'll head back to the common room now. Today has been a very good day, on the whole.
---
I will never love anyone more than Lily Evans. She is BRILLIANT. Went fucking psycho on those worthless Slytherins. I wish I could've been there to see it! I bet it was dead sexy. She's got a cut on her face, but if it scars I will only be turned on whenever I see it. Wood wouldn't stop going on about it, but I wasn't bothered. Can't wait to see Evans and congratulate her myself.
Tried to get out of my funk by subtly asking after Charlene Stebbins's opinion of Peter. She is definitely off my list of potentials now.
---
Am in a much better mood. Lily came into the common room after dinner to a bout of thunderous applause. She still had a bit of a line on her face, which was unbelievably sexy. I couldn't help myself, I ran up and kissed her. She took on four Death Eaters by herself! I mean, honestly, what more could I want in a woman? She snogged me back, so I didn't look a fool, thankfully. It was blissful. We went up to my dorm after and chatted for a while. She's decided what she wants to do with her life, and I have to say, fighting Voldemort sounds right up my alley. It was really nice, talking to her. Incredibly nice. I told her loads about Marcellus and them, and she talked about her parents. It turns out she stays with Booth or Wood over holidays, usually. I'll have to have her visit this summer.
Wonderful, utopian moment was ruined when Sirius barged into the room. I think he was half-expecting to find us without our clothes on. Rude and presumptuous, but at least he congratulated Lily on her detentions.
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