Sympathetic glances shared by Harry, Hermione, and Ron reminded her that once again she had been a victim. Damn them all for not protecting me the first time and damn them all for not preventing it from happening again. Ginny hugged her knees to her chest staring out St. Mungo's window, wrapping herself in a cocoon of anguish. How could it be such a sunny day when all she felt was such darkness inside?
"Come back to bed Ginny, you need to rest."
She spun her head to look directly at Ron, eyes blazing with years of unspent rage, "I've rested enough for a lifetime!" Ginny looked away not wanting them to see the tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. Ginny didn't mean to be so cold and cruel towards those she loved the most.
"I-I'm sorry." She managed to say resting her head against her knee. Sorry for not being strong enough. Sorry that I couldn't run fast enough. Sorry that I couldn't fight long enough.
A warm comforting arm wrapped around her. "Don't be sorry Gin." Ron whispered "Please Ginny, you still need to rest. Mum, Dad and Alex will be back soon."
Alex. At the thought of the boy, Ginny instinctively touched the scar that bore proof to the fact that at one time a life had grown inside. How odd to think she was now a mother. A mother to a boy she didn't know. Wasn't love for one's own supposed to be automatic? Ginny willed herself to feel it. They all expected her to love him unconditionally without question. She could see it in her family's eyes. Return to the family as if nothing had happened. But something had happened.
None of them were there when Charlie and Percy had died, when she had been promised to the Deatheaters for their efforts. Her memories were at best hazy. Before the Deatheaters gave chase, those memories were the clearest of all. Forever would the picture of Charlie and Percy's bodies be ingrained. How could she love this child knowing his father may have taken part in killing her own brothers. She just couldn't.
"I don't know if I can Ron…......" Ginny had seen too much, witnessed too many painful scenes.
Ron looked confused, "What can't you do? The Ginny I knew could do anything."
Wiping a tear away, Ginny lifted her head, "I don't know if I can feel anything f-for him."
Ginny leaned back into Ron, crying for loved ones she had left behind. Lives laid down for her, for the safety of the wizarding world. Charlie and Percy had been dead for more than a decade. It felt like only yesterday because for Ginny it was. She could still picture the bloody scene amongst the deatheaters as they held her, forcing her to view the lifeless bodies of her brothers. She had screamed for them to stop. Pleaded for mercy but it was to no avail.
***
Flashback- 12 years in the past
Dragging Ginny roughly by her hair, the Deatheater shoved the redhead forcefully into the dimly lit circle. Hitting the ground with a sickening thud, Ginny's head slammed into the concrete floor. Ginny's mind floated, felt disconnected from the fuzzy images that surrounded her. Men dressed in robes of death lifted up their voices to their one and only God, Voldemort. She struggled to escape the low chanting of spells that promised death but her body was clumsy , her limbs not wanting to obey. Forcing herself to sit up, she slipped again to the ground, a sticky dark substance holding her there against her will. It clung to her robes,to her face, and to her hands. Reaching blindly forward Ginny felt the arm of another.
"Look littlest Weasley. Do you think we would have you suffer all by yourself?" Her head felt too heavy She couldn't bear to raise it to make out the other person next to her. That's when she felt rough hands grab her hair, forcing her head upwards, " Look Weasley, see what happens when you don't cooperate."
Ginny recoiled in horror as she viewed Percy's mangled and torn body, his limbs lying at awkward angles. Instinctively she tried to back away only to be met with a harsh kick forward. Trying to catch her breath, Ginny tumbled onto the blood soaked body of Charlie. Lashes scarred his once strong body. Hideous laughter joined her screams. They had not bothered with magical bonds, instead driving nails through Charlie's hands securing him to the floor. She cradled her brother's head. "No Charlie, no!" Images of what her brother's must have gone through filled her with anguish the likes of which she had never known.
War had started. Everyone was at risk. But the talks of dying valiantly for the cause had clouded the reality of it all. Sacrifices would have to be made. Innocent blood would be shed. Not once did Ginny think it would be her brothers. Never did she think it could be her own.
"That's enough grieving Weasley." Ginny felt an arm snake around her neck as it dragged her harshly upwards. The deatheater threw her against the wall like a rag doll slamming her head against the cold stone wall. "Now tell us where Potter is or meet the same sticky end as your brothers."
"No you murderous Bastard! No!" The blood from her brothers called out to her. Don't have our deaths be in vain! Calling upon all her Gryffindor courage she spat on the deatheater. "Never will I cooperate. Never!"
Her tormentor pulled off his mask, no longer hiding behind the evil visage. Proud to be aligned with his master, his long blond hair that was once smooth and slicked back was now ruly and unkempt. Lucius Malfoy. The man had always intimidated Ginny and knew how to use it to his advantage. She tried to hide her shakiness as he pressed himself into her. Ginny attempted to claw him as he crushed her against the wall. His eyes burned fire as he smoothed his fingers over her face in an imitation of tenderness, "I think……." He hissed in Ginny's ear causing sensations of nausea to overwhelm her, "I shall rip out your tongue!
"You make me sick!" In vain she tried to push him away, but he was much too strong. She thrashed wildly as he buried his face into her neck, biting and drawing blood. "Help me someone, please!" She closed her eyes feeling the blood seep from her body. "Help me!" She wanted to kill them all. Every last one of them. Her eyes searched wildly for Snape. Wasn't he amongst them. A spy in their lair. How could he have stood by and watched her brothers murdered? To save the order would she now be sacrificied?
She was too young to die. Ginny callled out to Harry, Hermione, Ron. Though far away she willed for them to hear her. Prayed to the gods in the heavens that if death was in her stars it would be swift. Not this. Panic was rioting within her. Lucius meant to humiliate her before he killed her. Warning spasms of alarm erupted within her at the evidence of Lucius' arousal against her thigh. "Please don't do this!" Ginny cried only to be met by the furious chanting of the Deatheaters matching Lucius Malfoy's frenzied attacks. "Help me!"
"Tell me where Potter is and you will be set free."
Percy's and Charlie's lifeless bodies only gave her more resolve. "NEVER!"
Lucius stepped away, blood running down his chin making him seem even more deranged. Ginny flinched as his hand gripped her chin tossing her head to the side, admiring his handiwork. "Then you will die." Snapping his long fingers he motioned for two deatheaters who grasped Ginny by each arm dragging her once again to the center of the circle.
"I think we shall have a bit of fun before we rid of you." With a knife glistening in hand Lucius stood in front of her smiling wickedly. "You've grown so much little Weasley." He hissed as he traced the blade along Ginny's skin.
Ginny shuddered at the contact of the cool blade against her. Was this how she was going to die? Ginny bent her head allowing the hot tears to fall. It had seemed so heroic to die for the cause, now she stood cowering before Lucius Malfoy begging him to spare her life.
"I promise you that we shall all enjoy taking pleasure from a mudblood loving slut such as yourself." Ginny didn't expect the slash of her robe as Lucius ripped her cloak from her body leaving her vulnerable in her nakedness. In the darkness Ginny's face burned in embarrassment. She could feel the roving eyes of the deatheaters hungrily tearing her apart, leering at her behind their masks. Ginny wept aloud no longer hiding her shame.
"Bow you whore!" Lucius yelled. Ginny felt the two deatheaters twist her arms causing her to fall to her knees.
Dressed in robes of red entered Lord Voldemort, cold eyes meeting Ginny's. He said nothing, for he was already inside her head.
"We meet again Virginia."
Though not one hand was laid upon her she could feel his touch. Burning coals raked her skin. Ginny screamed as the sensations became more intense and painful. Shrieking in terror, Ginny watched horrified as the skin on her hands blistered and melted leaving nothing but bone. Ginny clutched at her chest struggling to breathe, she was being smothered, drowned. Darkness swirled around Ginny threatening to bury her.
"Where is Harry Potter? Just say the word and I will make it stop. Just say the word."
Another voice reached through, pulling her out of his grip. "Fight it Ginny!" came the weak voice. "Fight it! He's in your head Ginny."
Gathering all her strength, Ginny opened her eyes, staring at her hands. It had all been in her mind. No scarring marred her skin. The blisters that had been so real just moments before were no more.
"You can fight them Ginny!" came the weak raspy voice. "Fight them!" Charlie looked up at her, his eyes fluttered open once more giving his sister the will to battle against the evil that permeated around her. She tried wrenching herself free from the deatheaters that still held her firmly in their grasp. Charlie was still alive!
"Save yourself!" but this time the voice did not come from Charlie. The deatheater that had held her before Lord Voldemort pressed something into her hand. "Don't be a fool, run!" the deatheater commanded.
Flashes of light erupted around Ginny, providing cover. "Don't be a fool run!" the deatheater had said. But she couldn't leave Charlie. Not when Charlie was suffering and needed her. Confusion surrounded her as she crept along the stone floor, following the trail of blood that led to Charlie. She pointed her wand at the tortuous bond that held him to the floor. Why did his hand feel so very cold?
"Charlie?"
But he didn't answer. "You must be too weak. That's ok. I'll take you to St. Mungo's. The things they are able to do…you'll be back in Romania in no time." She smoothed his hair back, flicking the wand, starting to lose hope when nothing happened. "C'mon Charlie. I can't apparate by myself. I'm too weak. Please Charlie, try."
Still he didn't respond, only growing colder. She buried her head into his shoulder and fought back tears. He didn't stoke her hair as he did when they were younger telling her everything would be ok. Charlie lay their unmoving. Grief for him, for Percy and for everyone that would eventually suffer the same fate rose in her throat, choking her. The world spun. Ginny spun as hands gripped her. Spinning Ginny around to her feet a deatheater covered her with a black robe. Ginny found herself face to face with the Potions Master.
"You stupid, stupid, girl! Run while you have the chance!" Professor Snape grabbed Ginny's hand pushing her towards a door that led to a winding staircase. "To the left is a door. Strike it three times with your wand……." The Deatheaters were slowly advancing towards the both of them and with one final shove he pushed Ginny to safety, shouting spell after spell to protect the red head behind him. Ginny took one look back watching as Snape turned the wand onto himself. "Obliviate!"
***
Present - St Mungo's
"You weren't there Ron! Percy and Charlie weren't just killed, they were tortured!. " Ginny could still feel Charlie's cold hand, still see the blood that stained the floor. Percy's bruised and battered body torn apart by Deatheaters. Snape sacrificing himself for her. There could be no forgiveness, at least not yet. Twelve years they had to deal with death. The wounds were too fresh in Ginny's mind. "I don't want that boy near me!"
Harry's protest fell on deaf ears. "You don't mean that Gin….I know what it feels like to be unwanted. Alex doesn't deserve this."
"My brother's didn't deserve to die!" Ginny responded angrily, drawing herself up from the floor to face the boy who lived. Ginny didn't know if she could forget all the deaths, or the years that were stolen from her.
Time is what she needed to sort out all the confusing feelings. A part of Ginny was in awe that at one time her body had given life to another being. A baby had formed inside her, complete with fingers, toes and a heart. So natural. Almost magical. Yet, had she not been robbed of bonding with the baby from the person who was most likely this child's father?
Ginny wasn't ready to be like her mother. Molly Weasley was filled with nothing but love for her children and for ones she hadn't borne. From the few minutes she had seen Alex with her mum, Ginny could feel the love her mother had for the boy. But Ginny wasn't Molly Weasley. She didn't know if she could be. She didn't know if she wanted to be.
"I can't be a mother to that boy……not now."
With a small shock Ginny realized her hospital door was wide open. With red and white tulips scattered on the floor a teary eyed boy looked at her, his chin trembling. How long had he been standing there? How much had he heard?
Harry reached out to him first, but Alex just backed away keeping his brown eyes on Ginny.
"You have my eyes." Ginny whispered more to herself than to anyone else. The realization that she had indeed created this little boy was startling. "Alex?" slowly she walked towards him urged on by a mothering instinct she didn't know she possessed. Alex only continued backing away into the arms of his grandparents that were already bending down on their knees, whispering soothing words into his ear.
"Delivery." A mediwitch entered the room carrying a large bouquet of red and white roses, squeezing past the visitors that were momentarily blocking the doorway. "Did I come at a bad time?" the mediwitch asked catching sight of the crying boy.
Tearing his eyes from Ginny, Alex's attention now turned to the flowers that were being set aside next to the various other bouquets that were crowding the already small room. Flowers were sent worldwide, from her friends Dean Thomas and Michael Corner and from people unknown who wished her the best. Guilt filled Ginny as she bent down to pick up one of the tulips. His gift to her was lying on the hospital floor while others were beautifully displayed.
"I like your flowers." She said softly to Alex, feeling hopeful when he stepped inside the room. But instead of heading towards her as Ginny had expected, Alex stopped to inspect the many flowers that were threatening to overwhelm the room. "I'll put your tulips in a pretty vase," picking up more of the fallen flowers Ginny tried to keep her tears at bay. Harry was right, he did not deserve to be hurt.
With all the tulips in hand, Ginny joined Alex as the sun streamed into the room making the flowers bloom even more so. Transfiguring a nearby get well card into a vase she placed the tulips prominently in front of all the others. Tentatively she placed her arm around his shoulders hoping his own tears would stop, but her attempt at consoling Alex only made him cry harder.
"You hate me." He sniffed, wiping his now runny nose on his Gryffindor robe and flinging her hand away from him. Running his wand along the leaves and petals of the many flowers, he whispered so softly Ginny was almost sure he hadn't, "You hate me and I hate him………….INFLAMMARE!"
Flames alighted onto the flowers. With Chaos surrounding her, Ginny felt herself being thrown back onto her hospital bed. Harry and Hermione extinguished the last of the fire leaving nothing but the charred remains of her many gifts. Ginny cared nothing for the presents, what she cared for was a blonde boy who was no longer in the room. She searched wildly for Alex. Was he hurt? "Where's Alex?" When no answer came she asked again, this time more frantic,"Where's Alex?"
"Mum and Dad took him back to Hogwarts. He's not ready Ginny. It was a mistake on our part to think he was." Ron said with his head in his hands.
How long had she harbored sympathy for Harry and his plight? Of all people, he knew above everyone else what it was like not to have family. Was this how Alex felt? "No, I'm the one who's not ready." Ginny muttered silently. She had looked into his eyes. Oh, they were all so very wrong. Alex had been more than ready to receive the love that she was unable to give.
TBC
Next chapter - Ginny returns to Hogwarts and finally Ginny/Draco meet!