Unofficial Portkey Archive

What is Love?

A/N: This was supposed to be part of Ch.13, but I figured it would be much better to dedicate one whole chapter to this. Oh! And yes, when I use the italics, it's usually the character's thoughts or them trying to put emphasis in a word. Maybe I should use Caps for that...

And pay a bit of attention to the time frame, cause if not you might get confused lol. If I didn't have a timeline, this would be a complete mess, even in my head! Lol. Anyway, happy reading! Please R&R and thanks very much!

CHAPTER XIV

Burnt Season

October 1996 - Hogwarts

The look on Harry was heart wrenching… there was no other name for such a desolate and helpless expression. Little over a month had gone by since they'd come back to school, and Harry's grades were already disastrous… not to mention that he often got lost in his own thoughts and he would acquire that same expression which broke Hermione' heart.

She put a hand over his and leaned forward. "Harry? Harry, baby, you still there?" she whispered in his ear.

He jumped, bumping his knee against the table and letting out a moan of pain. They all looked at him, but apparently, Professor Binns hadn't noticed at all. "Mione! You scared the hell out of me!" he protested in a low voice.

"For the third time in the day, Harry. Please do tell me what's wrong?"

"I-nothing, I was just thinking."

"About what? You totally drift off sometimes and I don't know what to do. And that is very frustrating!" she started, exasperated and then took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I'm just really worried," she admitted, her shoulders slumping a little.

"Well, I've been having these-" he looked around. "I have these feelings and flashes coming and going, and-"

"Harry, you know that's only because Voldemort is once again in full power…"

"Yes, I know that. But this is different, seems like he's trying to… I don't know, break me or something," he said with helplessness in his voice.

Hermione stopped for a moment and then spoke slowly, as if choosing her words very carefully. "Uhm… are you sure this is- you know, Voldemort?"

He frowned, puzzled at her strange question. "Er… well, who else would it be?" he started.

Hermione was about to respond when Prof. Binns dismissed the class. She sighed and started to gather her books, finally getting an idea of what might be going on with her boyfriend.

Ron came from the back and stood next to Harry. Lately, he'd been a little distant with the couple, but the trio could never be broken; that was absolutely out of the question. He looked at Harry's expression and turned to Hermione, asking her what was wrong with him with a look.

They exchanged a silent conversation as Harry finished with his bag:

"What's the matter with him now?"

"Same as usual, we have to understand him."

"Let's hope Harry Potter comes back to us soon."

Hermione put a caring hand on Harry's back and gave Ron one more look: "He'll come round eventually."

Harry straightened, Hermione gave him a small smile with so many words in it, and he grinned at his best friend. They really were amazing… He knew it mustn't be easy on them to see him like that but as much as he fought it, it couldn't be helped… at least not yet.

"Lunch?" Ron asked the both and gave a quick glance at their intertwined hands. After an inner sigh and a get over yourself! He grinned at the two. If they were happy and this would help Harry, then he was completely all right with it.

"Definitely! I'm famished!"

"Geez! How is it possible that you have just had the world's biggest breakfast and you're still hungry? Are you sure you don't have an alien growing inside of you?" Hermione asked with a laugh.

Harry laughed and Ron looked puzzled. "I promise you that Sigourney Weaver won't be giving birth here," Harry continued the joke and Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Uhm… excuse me?"

"Muggle stuff, Ron. Never mind it," Hermione said dismissively. "Anyhow, I still don't see how you can eat that much…"

"It's called teenage growth," Ron explained matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, maybe you should get round to it, might be good for you," Harry teased.

"Thank you very much, but I don't look up to become a cow…" she retorted as Pansy Parkinson walked past them with her "I'm so much better than you, you shouldn't be allowed to walk in the same corridor as me' posture.

The three burst out laughing and a moment later, Hermione sobered. "My, my, how terrible of you to laugh like that at someone," she stated between dying chuckles.

"Right, since WE were the ones to notice that small detail…" Ron pointed out as they entered the Great Hall.

Dinner was great, they chatted and laughed like they used to, before fifth year. For this moment, Harry returned to his old self, with only occasional driftings that would go away the next moment.

The Friday night wilderness died off and there was only the trio and a few younger students left in the Common Room. They were sitting in front of the hearth; somehow, this little moment where everyone was quiet and you could only listen to the fire crackling was wonderful for the trio, for they could be alone and accompanied, and they loved it.

Finally Ron yawned and turned to Harry and Hermione, who were cuddled up against each other staring at the flames. "I'm calling it a night, you coming up soon?" he asked Harry.

"No, I'll hang a while longer. Meet you upstairs."

"Mione?"

"I'll be all right, see you tomorrow," she said and leaned to kiss his cheek. "Night Ron," she said and smiled; nothing would take her away from her Harry right now, not this moment.

"All right, good night," he replied as his ears turned slightly pink. He stood and walked up to the sixth years' dorms.

When he was upstairs, Hermione cuddled up closer to Harry, putting a hand on his chest and kissing him softly.

Harry tore his eyes from the fireplace and looked down at Hermione with a loving smile. "Finally alone?" he asked and wrapped both his arms around her, holding her tight and kissing the top of her head.

"Indeed," she said and rested her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beating, and it was so soothing that she was sure she could fall asleep there and have the most wonderful night ever.

"Mione, I'm sorry I've been idle lately," he said, his eyes on the flames again.

She didn't look up, but just shook her head. "It's all right Harry, I understand."

"I know you do, and you have no idea how grateful I am for that. But that doesn't take away the fact that you deserve better, I mean. Someone that is there for you all the time.

She frowned at this and sat up, looking at him in the eyes. "What do you mean? I wouldn't trade you for the world, Harry."

He smiled. "I know. Nor would I, ever. I just… I dunno."

She put a hand on his cheek. "I'll be here for you forever. And you should know that you give me more than I would ever have dreamt of," she assured. "I would just like to know what's going on in that head of yours. Sometimes talking can do the trick," she said with a smile.

"True, true," he said and kissed her. "Hey, what did you mean earlier today, in Binns class?" he asked, trying to drift the subject from his inner fears and ramblings.

"Well, I was just saying that maybe it isn't Voldemort who is messing with your head."

"How could that be? You don't mean Snape, do you?"

She laughed. "Of course not! Besides, you're already learning the Occlumency; that supports my theory."

"You lost me."

"What I'm trying to say is that maybe it is your own mind trying to find a way out for everything you talked to me about when we were at Privet Drive."

He frowned. "Uhm… I wonder, did your read some sort of psychology book? Is there any book you haven't read or memorized?" he asked with a laugh.

She laughed a little. "See, that's what I mean?"

"Lost me again."

"You try to hide it with jokes, but what your mind needs is a pipe out. That's why you have these dreams."

"And why does my scar hurt when I wake up?"

"It is called post-traumatic-stress-disorder. It hurts because the memory or image is so vivid that all of your body reacts as if it were there."

"So you're telling me that my mind makes me 'live' these things to let out, what?"

"Your fears and painful moments. Last year was very much traumatizing, to be honest," Hermione said matter-of-factly.

Harry laughed, figuring there was no way out of this one. He sighed and started. "Maybe you're right. I just can't help it. The sole thought of him dying, and the images of you suffering. And not just you Mione, also Ron and Hagrid and Dumbledore, and the Weasleys… it is- sometimes it's too much, really," he said helplessly. He was panting; as if he were grasping for breath.

Hermione looked at him sympathetically and all she managed to do was hug him tight. "It's all right, Harry… Shhhh, it'll all be fine," she said although she didn't quite believe it.

"I don't want to lose you, Mione. I would die. And I don't want anyone else hurt because of me!" he cried in her arms.

Hermione just listened and soothed the young man she loved with small whispers in his ear, and stroking his back. "Nothing will happen to me. I'll be around, I promise," she told him softly, silent tears running down her cheeks as well.

"I love you so much, Hermione…" he said, calming down a little.

"We'll be fine… we'll be fine," she assured him.

After some moments of just holding each other, they both went back to the position they were on before. Harry leaned on the arm of the couch with his arms around Hermione, who was resting on top of him, her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat going back to normal.

Little over an hour had passed and Ron went down to the Common Room to see if Harry and Hermione were still there. He made out the two forms clinging to each other, sound asleep. After a sigh, he summoned a blanket and covered the two with a small sigh. "I hope you're all right mate. At least you have her…" he said softly and went back upstairs.

July 1997 - Grimmauld Place

"Right, so last night was only a one night thing. You're trying to tell me that you went off to the Central Floo Network in London and told the guys you were on a mission so they would erase from their records that you were there, just because you were angry and felt like getting away?"

"Uhm… yeah, I guess you could put it like that," he said, sounding a bit sheepish.

"Harry, don't you reckon you're taking this too far? I mean, you never ran away from your problems before."

"Not because I didn't want to… I couldn't, didn't know how," he answered rather sulkily.

"Harry! Look at you! What's this all about? Sorry mate, but I think I'm starting to side with Mione here." Ron said hesitantly.

"What?! I can't believe you just- she's the one being irrational!" he responded, his temper rising.

He chuckled. "I know she's mental sometimes, but you've got to admit she's got a point there," Ron told Harry. Although a part of him was REALLY mad at his best friend for everything, he couldn't help the sympathy towards him… after all, they had been through a lot of terrible stuff and he wasn't idle to the fact that had indeed been the less affected within the trio.

Harry frowned, his mind telling him that Ron was somehow right, but the other part of him was too proud to admit it. "N- No, that's not true. She wants me to-"

"Harry…"

He sagged. "Fine! Maybe she does," he admitted nonchalantly.

"Look, I think all she wants is a bit more attention. Girls…"

"I get you, mate."

They stood silent for a moment, and then both started laughing at the situation: Ron making Harry come to his senses about Hermione.

"A first, aye?"

"Definitely a first," Harry admitted, and a moment later, the two were rolling on the floor laughing at the irony and at each other for having been fighting so much lately.

When they calmed down a little, Harry sobered and looked at his very best friend. "You know, I don't think I could've put up with it all the past years… with Hermione too." He laughed. "Thanks mate," he said honestly.

Ron sobered as well, a million things going through his mind at once, swirling so fast it made his head hurt. He managed a smile and clapped Harry on the shoulder. "No worries. Same here," he told his best friend. "Accept it, you definitely couldn't have done it without me," he said and winked at him.

Harry laughed. "Come off it! Neither could you have."

"Maybe you're right," he agreed with a smirk.

"Let's just hope it keeps that way…" Harry stated, a little lost in thought once again.

"To Quote dearest Hermione: That is highly unlikely," he said with a smile. When Harry didn't respond, Ron started to wave a hand in front of his eyes, still nothing. "Oy! Earth to Harry Potter!"

He was snapped out of it and focused on his friend. "Huh? Sorry, what was that?"

"I said that wouldn't happen, not in a million years," Ron repeated.

Harry grinned widely at him. "I'm really glad. I can say the same mate."

A/N: I didn't think last chapter would be so cryptic, I replied to the reviews and explained, but maybe some of you that haven't reviewed are confused as well. So here it goes.

Ginny basically told Hermione that what she-they did wasn't only unfair for the ones involved, but for the others too (meaning, the Weasleys mostly); she had never thought of it that way.

And Harry thanked her for everything in order to bring this to a closure (closure is the key word in the chapter). Before the encounter, he was on his way to Hermione's to clear things up and settle down with something concrete; either them getting together again or turning the page for good (that was what Harry was thinking). Hermione picked up the hint of closure in what he said and realized she was losing him.

I hope that cleared some things, really, and I'm sorry if I confused you. Next Chapter: Clear and Present, we'll have a little more of realizing from… *wink*

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