What is Love
CHAPTER XXIX
Can you read my mind?
The good old days, the honest man;
The restless heart, the Promised Land
A subtle kiss that no one sees;
A broken wrist and a big trapeze
Oh well I don't mind, if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you go, can you read my mind?
It's funny how you just break down
Waitin' on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
With magic soakin' my spine
Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?
The teenage queen, the loaded gun;
The drop dead dream, the Chosen One
A southern drawl, a world unseen;
A city wall and a trampoline
(.- Read my mind by The Killers)
2004 - Old Ministry of Magic, London - 7:36am
As they followed the Jack Russell Terrier towards Ron and Luna, Neville noticed that Ginny's eyes traveled faster every time, from left to right, up and down. Her breath was more and more rapid. Silence, the worst enemy of an alert mind. He repeated a lesson he'd been taught back in auror training.
He picked up the pace and caught up with Ginny. "So, Ginny, have you got anyone?" he asked as they walked.
Without looking at Neville, and continuing to scan the room all over, she answered. "Wouldn't you be the first to know?"
"Well, yes, but I wanted to hear it from you."
She stopped a moment and turned to him. "There is someone, but I'm not…"
"That's fantastic!"
She frowned and gave him THE look. "What are you so happy about?"
"Well, I… I want you to be happy."
"I'm not."
Round Room at the Department of Mysteries - 7:43am
"They should be here any minute, now, Luna, and they will take us home so we can take care of you, all right?"
Luna smiled weakly. "I'll be fine, Ronald. You did a pretty good job with the spells, thank you."
He blushed and smiled back. "Uh… thanks, I had to save you, I suppose that helped too."
"Yes, indeed. When you really want someone to be cured, the Red Carpeted Snoophie Blies usually come and help you. They strengthen the magic and make the spells work better.
Ron raised an eyebrow, then shook his head and kissed the top of her forehead. "Whatever you say, dear," he said gently in her ear, not letting go of her and making sure she was as comfortable as he could manage her to be, all things considered.
When Ron pulled her closer, he took her gently by the arm and she flinched, letting out a small moan of pain. Ron frowned and looked for the source of her pain. In her upper arm, there was a rather nasty cut and a piece of skin was missing. It was already healing from the spells, but it would've had to be big to not have healed yet.
"Luna, baby, when did they do this to you?" he asked and Luna paid attention to the healing wound.
"It was the very first thing they did to me, before the crucios and the throwing around. They said they only needed 'the other three' or something."
"Why?"
"I don't know, Ronald. I told you I can't see everything," she said frustrated.
"I'm sorry. Didn't mean to upset you, Luna."
Luna shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. It just frustrates me too sometimes."
2004 - Old Ministry of Magic, Downtown London - 7:49am
They were going through the Department of Magical Transportation and Neville made sure to check if there was still at least one reprogram-able portkey: he breathed in relieve to see the blue glow coming out of the tiny object. Upon hearing Ginny's statement, Neville stopped dead and turned to Ginny. "What do you mean, you're not?"
"What do you mean, what do I mean?" she picked up the pace, her back to Neville. "As simple as the sentence: I'm not happy."
He frowned and caught up. "Well, I never pictured you as the masochistic type, that's all," he responded, trying to keep it as 'light' as possible in his tone, for he knew that if he turned all overprotective on her, she would get mad and shut down again.
And indeed, Ginny continued to talk, her back still to him. "Ha-ha, very funny. Jack is nice; he is a muggle guy I work with. But… I don't know," she shrugged, "you know? Maybe I AM the masochistic type."
Neville forced a small laugh, worry growing inside of him. "Come on, don't be silly. You have never taken crap from anyone, and I don't see you starting at your 23 years."
Uh-oh, her shoulder blades tensed.
"What if I want to start now?" she said, her voice strained. "And what's it to you? It's not your problem anymore, now, is it?"
His self-control, as they walked through the levels in the Department of Mysteries, was failing him. He took a step in front of Ginny to open the elevator doors leading to the Atrium; one more level and they would be in the Department of Mysteries.
"Ginny, the fact that I'm not your boyfriend or your fiancée anymore does NOT mean I don't care about you! So stop talking such rubbish because-"
"You should."
He was cut off by Ginny's words and he did a double take. "I should what?"
Ginny held his gaze for a moment and then looked down, crossing the atrium towards the stairs, next to the elevators.
"Hey, wait!" Yet again, he chased the redhead down the room and took her by the elbow, turning her around. "Ginny, talk to me, I should what?" he asked, searching her pooled eyes.
She finally looked at him.
Silence.
A probing look from Neville.
A hand on his cheek.
And a shared smile.
"You should still be mine. You will always be my life partner, Neville."
Grimmauld Place - 7:53am
Harry sighed and turned around, slumping on the couch.
Hermione frowned and sat next to him. "Why did you want to go after her, Harry? Do you still love her?"
He turned to her and just stared for a moment. "She is a good person, Hermione, she was there for me when you weren't. I do, I care of her, of course, and I haven't exactly been the best man I can be for her, have I?"
The words Why would you have to be? almost sprang from her mouth before she could stop them. "I suppose not," she just said.
After a moment of silence, Hermione took the subject as a closed one and another question rose inside her mouth. "Harry?"
He hesitated before answering, fearing what she could say now. "Yes?" he finally said.
"What was she talking about?"
"Huh?"
"When she said 'but you said'."
"Oh, that." And he kept quiet.
"And?"
"And, what?"
"What was she talking about, Harry?"
He raised his eyes to her and bit his bottom lip. "Well, when she broke our engagement, well, after she did, actually, she only asked one question."
"Yes?"
Harry took a deep breath, not sure if to speak the rest or not. Now that things were kind of easier between them, he didn't want to ruin it.
"Harry?" she pushed.
He took an exasperated breath, but realized he didn't have a choice anymore if to say it or not. "She asked if I was still in love with you."
"Oh, that," she said flatly.
"And I told her I wasn't."
"Oh," she replied yet again, devoid of emotion.
Harry felt desperation scale to his chest. He had to go full in or it would all go down the drain. "And she asked if I would've ever broken our commitment for you."
She looked up, a naked spark of hope in her eyes. "And you said…"
"No, of course."
Her face fell once more, but then a thought occurred to her, and she looked up at his bright green eyes again. "Would you have?"
"Probably."
"Oh." Was the word that came out of her mouth again; for the first time in a long time, Hermione Granger had no words. She looked down, not really sure if to be satisfied or embarrassed. A bit of both, actually, she thought, now with real embarrassment at how selfish she could be.
Blame it on the hormones.
Not likely, the voice in her head contradicted and she sighed to her insides. Why on earth would Harry want her, being as self-centred as she was? Her eyes filled with tears she couldn't fight back and she brushed them away angrily.
"Hermione?"
"Don't, Harry, please stay away."
"What? Why? What did I do?"
She looked up and a fresh wave of thick tears took her by surprise. Oh, Merlin, why is he so good to me? "Nothing, I'm just tired," she responded evasively.
"Maybe you should get some rest."
"Not until the guys are back, safe and sound."
"Are you sure? I could wake you up. I mean, anything you need, Mione," he offered almost desperately.
He took a step closer, only to be stopped at Hermione's outstretched hand. "Why?" she simply asked, looking at him with
Harry frowned, utterly bewildered. "What are you talking about? Are you sure you're feeling alright?"
"Yes, Harry, I'm perfectly fine. I'm more aware than I've been in years and I want to ask you again: Why?"
He shook his head. "I don't understand. What do you mean by 'why'?"
Hermione sighed, her eyes closed, she ran her hand through her hair and pushing it all backwards; a habit she'd picked from Harry many years ago. She looked up, her eyes bare and begging for an answer her rational mind couldn't find. "Why do you love me, Harry? Why do you keep loving me after so long, after everything I've done, after all the pain we've caused each other."
Now, she was the one to take a step towards Harry. She rested her hands on his chest, barely touching his muscled torso, and looked up at his confused gaze. "How can the most selfless person in the whole world love so deeply a person as selfish as me?" She finally let it out; her biggest fear ripped from her guts and left out in the open for him to crush it... or not.
Harry scanned the honesty and fear in eyes for a moment, not sure how to react. He had certainly NOT expected this. He swallowed and gripped her arms below the shoulder, in a grasp just as gentle as it was unbreakable. "Hermione… you can't choose who you love," he simply said, having so much to add but completely unable to word it out.
Their eyes locked and she was the one to break it. "I see…" she said barely above a whisper and let her hands drop and more tears fall down her cheeks.
London - 7:55am
"Lariana, wait! Please don't make me chase you ten more blocks!" Draco yelled, out of breath, a couple of meters away from her.
The olive-skinned girl slowly came to a halt and turned around. "Why have you chased me ten blocks? You don't even know me."
"I can be a box full of surprises, wouldn't you say?" Draco panted, trying to ease the mood.
But naturally, Lariana wasn't up for any jokes. "You've seen me once in your life, why would you care?"
He shrugged. "I just do."
"Did Harry send you? I would've expected more from him."
"Life isn't about all Harry does, you know?"
"Why?" now her tone wasn't curious or friendly at all; it was almost menacing to the blond man in front of her.
"Why life isn't about what Harry does? Well, that could take a while…" he said, confused.
"No, you fool. Why did you come after me?" she retorted, her eyes so intense they made even Draco Malfoy cow under them.
He flinched and after a moment sagged. Determined to hold that strong, dark, gaze, he looked her in the eye, coming closer. "Because of your eyes." She stared and Draco continued. "You're a good person, an amazing person, Lariana. I can see it in your eyes."
She continued to stare at him, head up high. For the longest time, without any expression in her face. And just as fast as her temper had flared, it all faded away and she seemed to shrink in an instant. "Why can't he see it?" she slumped to the floor, Draco followed, holding her by the waist just in case.
"We… we don't choose who we love," he echoed Harry's words, surprising even himself.
She looked at him. "I never pictured you as one who would say that."
"Neither did I," he laughed in exchange and his face grew serious. "You deserve to be happy, Miss Holmes."
She nodded. "Yes, I do, but it is hard, really hard, you know?"
"I can imagine."
She stopped for a moment, idle to the conversation for a second. "And now I don't even have a place to live!" she exclaimed and let out a humorless laugh.
"That can be arranged," he said. "If I'm not offending you, I can offer a room in a tiny flat not far from here." She stared. "I mean, temporarily, until you get back on your feet and settled, you know?"
She sniffed a laugh. "Do I really have a choice?"
"Unless you want Potter to find you a new 'safe' place."
She stiffened and her eyes grew wide. "No! Definitely not!"
Draco let out a real laugh now. "I figured as much. So, deal?"
"Temporarily," she provided.
"As long as you need or wish it, Miss Holmes."
Lariana looked at him through the corner of her eye and smiled a beautiful smile. "You're not as bad as Harry always said."
"Well, I think we've established that Potter can be wrong about many things, haven't we?" he smiled.
She laughed genuinely. "But he's a good man, I cannot say otherwise."
"I suppose he's all right," Draco laughed his heart-melting laugh and was soon joined by Lariana, whose laugh, though hollow at the time, promised to better soon enough.
"Thank you," she finally said and smiled gratefully. "Really."
"Not to worry. Like I said, you deserve it, and I suppose I'll try to give it to you," Draco responded sincerely, with yet another heart-melting smile, earning him an appreciative peck on the cheek.
Grimmauld Place - 8:16am
The two stayed like that for what felt like an eternity and this time Harry broke the silence. "You are not the only selfish person here, Hermione." She looked up, hope shining in her eyes. "And what you did- well, you had more than enough reasons."
Hope turned into confusion. "But it was wrong, Harry, unforgivable even. You don't do that to the person you love. I know you wouldn't."
"Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it wasn't wrong. It was totally wrong and you destroyed me, Hermione," he said but before Hermione could speak again, he continued. "But it is understandable. Plus, I did do that… to Lariana."
"But that's different."
"That's where you are wrong, Hermione," Harry said and Hermione could tell he was struggling not to get mad. "What I did to Lariana, and even to you guys, it was wrong, and selfish too."
At her silence, Harry continued. If they were finally accepting things, he had to do it too. "I didn't appear in your doorstep those times by coincidence. I knew things were going good for you and I didn't want it. Deep down I knew you still loved me and while I wanted you to be happy, I just wanted it to be with me."
Anger started to build up inside her and she opened her mouth to speak, but Harry shook his head. "It's my turn, now, Mione." Reluctantly, she pursed her lips and left him to speak.
"So, obviously, to get over my conscience, I got drunk or looked for whatever excuse to go to your place and…" he didn't have the courage to even say the words.
Hermione nodded.
"And with Lar," he continued and sat on the couch, dropping his eyes, "as much as I hate myself for accepting this, I was looking for a replacement for you."
She followed to the couch, hanging to every word he said. "I did love her, don't get me wrong, but she and I both knew she would never live up to you, Mione," he said, still not looking at her. "Yes, she did make me happy and at a time I even thought… deceived myself into thinking that 'hey, it might actually work, she is great, she makes me happy, and she loves me'. But in the end, I knew she didn't own my heart, and that was wrong, too."
Silence fell again, neither looking into the eyes of the other now that their deepest, darkest facet was unveiled to the other.
"But…" Harry broke the silence again, shy and unsure. "We're here now, you know? And I love you…" he said helplessly, stroking her cheek with almost fearful gentleness.
Hermione looked at him, a hint of a smile forming on her lips. She nodded. "And I love you, too," she stopped, hoping he would be thinking the same. "We might as well try it, no?"
Harry chuckled. "We might as well," he repeated and placed his arm shyly around her shoulders. "We might as well start over," he finished and Hermione rested her head on his chest, in blessed silence.
Old Ministry of Magic, London - 8:17am
Neville was frozen in place. This was something he didn't expect, at all. She had made it very clear that she didn't want anything to do with him a couple of years ago, when they broke up.
Ginny dropped her hand, both arms hanging loosely down her waist. "It's ok, don't worry, Nev," she said in a small voice.
Before she could turn around, Neville tightened the grip on her elbows. "Ginny, listen to me."
"I'm telling you, Neville, don't worry, you don't have to feel the same way." Her voice was regaining strength, as was her numb body.
"Stop! Will you please? You have to at least give me a minute to digest this."
She was struggling with his iron grip and stopped. "Really?"
"Well, yes! You have any idea how much and how long it took me to get used to the idea that I wasn't going to wake up at your side anymore? Or ever?" Ginny stared. "I'll tell you. A lot. It nearly killed me, Ginny. I couldn't even bear the idea that you weren't going to be my life partner anymore," he said almost desperately.
"Am I?"
Neville stopped for another moment, pondering the question for real. Bringing out the feelings he'd fought so hard to keep in the deepest, darkest corner of his mind. He closed his eyes and let go of her. "Of course you are, Ginny."
A smile began to light up her face and it spread into a grin in no time. Her arms flew to Neville's shoulders and she clung to him for dear life. "You have no idea how long I've wished and feared to tell you this," she whispered in his ear.
He wrapped his strong arms around her tiny waist and hugged her like he hadn't done in an eternity. He smelled her hair, tasted her skin, felt her slim body in his arms.
And then the light went off.
They broke the embrace and looked around for any signs of danger.
A sigh of relief broke the silence.
"What?" Ginny asked, alarm in her voice.
"We lost Ron's Patronus, that's all."
Ginny laughed. "Oh, Merlin, I thought they were coming."
"They are not, but we don't want to risk it any longer. Let's hurry and find them."
In the dark, Ginny nodded and they followed towards the spot they'd last seen the Jack Russell Terrier.
* * *
When one of the doors clicked open, Ron's eyes widened and his wand was in his hand in the blink of an eye. Not that he would be able to do much with Luna half on top of him.
He let out a breath of relief upon seeing the silver glow fill the air in the Round Room. A second later, Neville and Ginny were coming through the door.
"Thank Merlin you're here! I wasn't sure how long we were going to last!" he exclaimed and made to stand but gasped. "Sorry, Luna," he told her and shook her a little bit to wake her up. "Baby, wake up, they came."
But she didn't respond.
"Luna, sweetheart, open your eyes, we are going back home," he looked up, panic in his eyes. "She needs to get to St. Mungo's right now."
Neville nodded and took the young woman in his arms while Ginny kept the door from closing and hence the room from spinning. "Let's go," he ordered.
Ron had a little of a hard time standing, for half his body was asleep, but he made it and followed the other two towards the Department of Magical Transportation.
A few minutes later, they were inside the broken office and Neville re-programmed the Portkey to St. Mungos.
Grimmauld Place - 8:27am
Two POPs pulled the couple from each other. Before a second, Harry had his wand at the ready.
"Great Merlin! You scared me!" he cried out when he recognized Ginny and Neville. "Where are Ron and Luna?"
Neville let out a relieved breath upon seeing his partner and Hermione safe in the house. "They are at St. Mungo's, Luna was pretty beaten up."
"Have you heard from Tonks?" Hermione asked.
Ginny nodded. "She's stable, will be waking up soon. Lupin is there too, he's glad you're all alive," she informed.
"Well, what are we waiting for then?" Harry asked and three POPs broke the silence. Hermione walked towards the fireplace and ignited the Green flames; it was recommended for pregnant witches to avoid apparition as much as possible during pregnancy. As she waited, she was a bit surprised that Ron had decided to stay back with Luna.
Deciding that whatever the reason, it was probably good, she stepped into the green flames and called for the Magical Hospital.