Unofficial Portkey Archive

What is Love?

CHAPTER V

Broken soul

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(2000 - London)

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I know.

It's nothing.

She loves me. She wouldn't have otherwise.

She's with him now.

How could he do that? Who does he think he is?

I had it all. And lost it.

She was the one to lose it, not you. You can have whoever you want.

I only want her.

Go shag someone else, all of them would die for you to lay one finger on them.

I'll do that, she had it coming. But-.

But nothing.

Right, but nothing. I'm gone now.

He left and did what he had to. But he felt nothing except the carnal pleasure of her body against his, of each of her graceful movements. Her hair moved along with her hips, up and down, forward and back. He reached his ecstasy and exploded in a cloud of blur, but with only one image in the back of his eyelids… Hermione. He cried out her name and the woman on top of him froze.

"What did you just say?"

He came back to himself, barely aware of what he'd said… he hadn't, had he? "Melinda, Melinda," he panted and tried to focus in her blond hair and caramel eyes, but he saw a shadow behind her, surrounding her. Brown curly hair, defined curves that she so eagerly tried to hide… but he knew better what she had.

"What's the matter with you Harry, you're not even here," the woman protested, unlocking herself from him.

"I- nothing! Come back here!" he demanded, annoyed the woman was behaving like that.

"Excuse me?" she said in a skeptical tone.

"I said, come back here," he motioned to his lap, saying each word slowly with a sweet touch in it.

Melinda shook her head with a frown. "Who are you?"

"What do you mean? Why are you not coming- wha- why are you getting dressed?"

"You're definitely not the one they talk about. The grand, wonderful, Harry Potter. You're just a big headed prick!" she said, indignant.

Harry gaped at her, what did she just say? He raised an eyebrow and smiled, the almost angelic smile that hid… something. "Come on Melinda, stop playing games," he said softly and patted the spot next to him.

She stared at him and hesitated for a moment. Got her again, Harry thought satisfied. After a moment of thinking it over, she narrowed her eyes, apparently having read what that smile said deep inside, for his eyes betrayed nothing but the boy he used to be. "Good bye, Harry Potter. Call me when your head is normal-sized," she said and turned on her heels, walking out of the flat and slamming the door.

Harry flinched at this and just blinked, trying to process the depth of those seemingly meaningless words.

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(2004 - Grimmauld Place, London)

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Lupin was to send the letter to Hermione that day by owl, but earlier that morning news had come that there was an insider in the Owl Post Office and the Death Eaters had started intervening all the letters to or from anyone related to the Auror Cupola. There was no other choice but to go look for her and ask her personally.

The fireplace chimed with a spell the residents of #12, Grimmauld Place had set. The house was big and they weren't always in earshot from the floo communication line. Harry had gotten the idea from Lariana, who was a muggle born, just like- he didn't want to think of it anymore as he walked to the fireplace.

"Good mor- Hi, Remus," his voice had lowered at least one octave as he recognised the head floating over green flames. "What's up?" He looked as if he had bad news, Harry sighed inwardly, what now?

"Don't tell me you're still upset over-" he stopped at Harry's obvious glance, he continued. "Uhm… had a good sleep?" he started conversationally.

"What is it?" he asked bored.

"Well, there's an insider of them in the Owl Post Office. We still don't know who it is, but we've heard that they're intercepting all of the owls from anyone related to the Cupola," he informed.

"And you want me to track him down? Come on! I've been working restless for over a month!" Harry protested.

"No, no Harry! That's not it."

"Then what is it."

"Ah… remember that little issue yesterday? The letter I had to send?"

Harry's blood went cold and he closed his eyes, forcing himself to the best way of taking the inevitable for the sake of peace. "Yes, I do."

"You probably know how I cannot send it by owl anymore. Nor I can floo-talk to her cause I don't know where she lives."

Harry knew what was coming but stupidly held some hope, he wasn't going to ask it. "So, what will you do?" he asked slowly.

"I need you to go and leave the letter, as soon as possible."

"What?" he felt his temper rising. "Why can't you do it? Why can't Tonks go, or Kingsley?"

"I have to stay here, all the reports must go through me first. Tonks is out in a field trip and Kingsley has other things to do."

"Oh, and I don't."

"Harry, you're in your week off," Lupin pointed out.

"Yeah but that doesn't mean I don't have-"

"Season won't start till November; your game is in November."

"Yeah, but how do you-"

"No charity games until Oct. the 20^th."

"But I still-"

"Harry…"

"Ugh! Why do you always-"

"Please, do it for me" Harry rolled his eyes. "Might as well do you good for the future of the mission," he pointed out smoothly.

Harry took a deep breath, as to tell his heart to bleeding stop thumping so hard. "All right, I'll do it tomorrow first thing, I really want to rest today."

"It's ok. As long as it's no longer than tomorrow. See you at home then." Harry made a dismissive gesture and started walking away. "And Harry-" he turned around to focus on him. "Thank you, I really appreciate it," Lupin said honestly.

A small smile broke in Harry's lips. "It's ok," he said quietly.

Remus smiled back and his head popped back to his office. Harry sighed and slumped in the over stuffed armchair by the fireplace.

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(2000 - London)

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I know she did love me once. She wouldn't have gone through so much for me if she didn't. Well she pretty much had no choice but she still stood by my side. Maybe I can get her back. Yes, I'll try that, I'm sure I'll get her; after all, she's with Ron.

He got dressed and rehearsed the words he would use in his head once again. He was sure she would come back to him. A year had been enough for that "sabbatical" -as he had started calling her relationship with Ron- of hers to be over. She still loves me, she can't help it as much as I can't, Harry assured himself.

If he remembered well, she was still living in her little one-room flat. She had recently started working in the Quibbler, which didn't give her much income. Harry apparated there and walked to the shabby seven-floor building. He rang the bell for apartment 3B, but nothing happened. Must be broken, he thought. He pointed his fingers to the lock and muttered a quick Alohamora. The grid clicked open and he pushed it, walking inside the building.

When he had climbed the three floors, he spotted the 3A to his right; it looked much bigger than the 3B of Hermione's, continuing his way, he started to knock on 3B's door, but some strange sounds caught his attention.

He tensed all over and had his wand ready, only a wrist movement away. He pushed the door -which surprisingly enough was open- and entered slowly, making sure he made no sound.

He moved to the source of the noise and slowly it started sounding familiar. He recognised pants and moans and didn't even want to know what was behind that door. But there was something that pushed him to continue.

When he opened the door, he couldn't help but gasp a loud "Hermione! What are you doing?" A while after, he wondered what on earth had gotten into him to say such a stupid thing.

Hermione looked up and paled, the slight flush of her cheek from the extreme "workout" going away in a split second. She gasped in surprise and fought to cover herself with the sheet that half-laid on the floor, leaving Ron in the open, like he had come to the world.

Ron looked up. "What the bleeding blazes!" was all he managed to say.

She scrambled to her feet, barely holding the sheet above her intimate parts. "What on Merlin's name are you doing here, Harry? Bursting in like a madman! I could've killed you, you know!" she snapped and Harry was very strongly reminded of Petunia Dursley.

"I- I wanted to talk to you"

"Why didn't you ring the bell?"

"It didn't work! It's not my fault that you live in a pen like this!"

"It is my house and I like it!" she said defensively, not exactly thinking of the congruence between her real opinion of her flat and her comment. Ron was too startled to say anything else, but tried to cover himself up with his hands.

"Well, I came here to ask you to come back with me," Harry said, half annoyed at her attitude and half honest.

"Can't you see I'm with Ron now?" Hermione asked, almost crying.

"Well, I though a year had been enough of a sabbatical," he said matter-of-factly.

At this, Ron did jump. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked angrily. Hermione tried to calm him down with little success.

"It means that Hermione's had her time off and it's time for her to come back to me, you little backstabber," Harry said with disdain.

Ron was about to jump on top of Harry, when Hermione put herself between the two young men. "That's enough you two! Ron, please leave or just stay silent," she urged.

Ron's ears turned pink, but he sat on the armchair in the corner, he was already wearing boxers and an unbuttoned black-jean.

Hermione walked to Harry, still holding tight to the sheet that covered her slender form. Harry scanned her from head to toe and smiled at the pleasant memory of the touch of her body. He closed the distance between them and cupped her face with his hand; he leaned and tried to kiss her.

Ron was already up on his feet, about to attack Harry, when Hermione pushed him away and took two small steps backwards with all of her will power. "Harry, why is it that not even one whole conversation is finished and I'm already crying?"

"Hermione…" Harry started softly. "I'm- please…"

She took a deep breath and looked at Ron sideways. "No, Harry, no. I won't come back to you. You're selfish and self-centred. I could never be with that person," she stated and then took one step closer, lowering her voice. "You are not my Harry, you're not the Harry I fell in love with." Her voice trembled, but was firm, just like it had been that day at school. "Now please leave my flat," she asked softly.

Harry was sure he had heard something break inside of him, and it went deeper than his heart, which she had broken a year ago. It went as profound as the deepest of his very being and he didn't think that a broken soul could be healed.

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