Unofficial Portkey Archive

Potter's Charm by Secret Lily
EPUB MOBI HTML Text

Potter's Charm

Secret Lily

A/N: I know, Sirius being a girl and getting his period is very unlikely, but it was funny and something different to put in the story. A Marauder is finally feeling what it's like to be hormonal.

Chapter 12-Just A Girl

"Sirius Black, hurry your ass up! We need to talk," Addison McKinnon yelled to what appeared to be a very beautiful girl. The girl had magnetic gray eyes, long black hair, and was only wearing a bra and some male boxers.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, love," the girl said. "These diapers are restraining me from walking like a human, and instead like a retarded duck."

"Oh, cut the bull. You just don't want to talk about it. What's the problem? Remus doesn't care. We just have to work harder now," Addison said. She didn't like standing in her knickers in the middle of hallway. It was indecent. It was really, really cold too.

Sirius, as the girl was called, stepped into the Room of Requirement where he saw his best friend, Remus Lupin, sitting on the floor. It didn't look like Remus Lupin though. It was a blonde girl, looking quite uncomfortable in daisy knickers.

"At least you didn't have to wear a thong," Sirius said to him.

"At least I still don't know how it feels to have PMS," Remus said, laughing.

"THAT IS NOT FUNNY! I AM IN A DELICATE STATE RIGHT NOW AND MY HORMONES CAN'T DEAL WITH YOU RIGHT NOW, MOONY!" Sirius yelled to his friend.

"Ok, calm down. It's ok. Did you take that Midol Lily gave you?" Addison asked, patting Sirius on the back.

"Yes," Sirius whimpered.

"Ok, Team Lily James is officially in a meeting. Let me take attendance," Addison said. "I need a roll call list."

"What? Are you stupid? There are three of us, Addy. Me, Remus, and you. No need for attendance. Now get this bloody show on the road. And why haven't you changed us back?" Sirius asked.

"I might need to go back to the sleepover, when Maimee is there. I could use backup," Addison said.

"Oh no. Not again. I enjoy seeing girls prance around in their knickers as much as the next guy, but I don't think I can deal with all this today," Sirius said.

"YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS? YOU? LET ME TELL YOU SIRIUS, MY BEST FRIEND IS DATING JAMES POTTER WHEN WE WERE TRYING TO HOOK MY OTHER BEST FRIEND UP WITH HIM! I can't deal with it either. I am having to put up with this too," Addison said.

"I HAVE MY PERIOD! HELLO? I THINK THAT IS A LITTLE MORE DISTURBING. I am a GUY!" Sirius yelled.

"Lovers quarrel," Remus muttered.

"SHUT UP!" Addison and Sirius said. Addison started pulling Sirius's hair and Sirius kicked Addison in the shin. Remus just leaned back and grinned.

"Catfight," he said.

The two of them both stopped and stared at the blonde haired girl with disgust. Remus was indeed a pervert.

"Well, he is a Marauder. He's just quieter about his perverted side than the rest of us," Sirius said.

"We need to move on to bigger and better things. Maimee Hout, my best friend, is dating James Potter. Why? I don't know. Why would she do this?" Addison asked, clutching her electric blue/blonde hair.

"Well, she didn't know about this little plan. She does know that Lily doesn't like him though," Remus said. He looked slightly disappointed.

"What?" Addison asked. "You don't have your period too, do you? That would be just awful. One loony PMS-stricken girl is enough."

"No," Remus muttered.

"He had a little thing for Miss Maims," Sirius explained.

"Well that's perfect!" Addison said.

"What?" Sirius and Remus said together.

"Well, all we have to do is have Remus 'woo' Maimee and have give Lily the shove she needs towards James. It's perfect," Addison cried.

"I wouldn't do that to James. If Maimee is his girlfriend, then that means she is off limits. Marauders Rule," Remus said.

Sirius nodded in recognition. Addison just stared at the two boys with disbelief.

"James and Lily are the real deal. They are perfect. James has always known it and so have we. We have to make sacrifices. Even if it means breaking the whole Marauders Honor," Addison said.

"She's right," Sirius said.

"We can't break the rules, Padfoot. Do you not know what Rule #1 is? Well, you guys have always stuck by that when I needed you to. I don't plan on breaking it," Remus said, stubbornly.

"What's rule one?" Addison asked.

"Always stand by your fellow Marauders," Sirius said. "Hello, Moony? Am I not a Marauder? And do you not remember the Golden Rule? All's fair in love and war."

"I'm in, I guess. If it makes James happier," Remus said.

"We need to get back to that sleepover and have a little chat with Maimee. Then, and only then, will I change you back," Addison said.

"Deal," the other two said. They left the room in silence, except for the occasional groan of pain from Sirius.

"What?" Addison finally asked after hearing Sirius howl in pain.

"Cramps." he said.

"Never going to crack a joke about PMS ever again will you?" Addison asked.

"Never in my life. How do you do it? Give birth?" Sirius asked.

"Do I look like the one to tell you? I have never given birth," Addison said.

"I can change that," Sirius said cockily. Normally it would have been funny, but with Sirius in his current predicament as a girl, it was just creepy.

Addison just shuddered and made her way to the Gryffindor tower. Remus was walking in silence. The three of them had put some decent clothes on before they left. Sirius's apparel was quite interesting. Remus had just thrown on sweats but Sirius had put on a tight mini-skirt.

"Why did you want to wear that? Especially when you're PMSing?" Addison asked.

"To show off my gorgeous legs," Sirius said.

"We're going to a sleepover, not a damn corner," Addison said.

"You just shut your trap missy. You should be the one wearing this. Your legs are more of eye candy than mine are," Sirius said.

"I don't even want to know why you think about my legs," Addison said.

"We're here," Remus said. They stepped into the Common Room to see James and Maimee kissing in the corner. No one else was in the room.

"Ah-hem," Addison said. The two of them stopped, and blushed.

"Maimee, we're having a sleepover. We want you to hang out with my two new friends. I especially wanted them to meet my best friends, Maimee and Lily," Addison said, putting emphasis on Lily's name. She wanted to rub it in to James and Maimee.

"Ok. I'll see you tomorrow, James," Maimee said. She kissed James on the cheek and then headed up to the Girl's Dorm with the other three.

The girls, Alice, Arielle, Lily, and Mac were still in their knickers on the floor talking. They all looked up at Maimee, Sirius, Remus, and Addison when they entered.

"Oh, Maimee Hout, you have got to dish," Arielle said.

Maimee blushed and smiled. Addison, Sirius, and Remus all sent reproachful looks at her.

"Serena, Reba, Addy, sit down! Geez, if they had a spell called Air Conditioning, I would cast it," Mackenzie said.

"Oh, I don't think I would," Sirius said, licking his lips.

"I would! It's always so hot here," Maimee said, pulling off her shirt and pants.

Remus' eyes got so big Addison had to elbow him in the ribs.

"Maimsees, you've been hiding yourself girl. Why not share the goods?" Sirius asked, eyeing Maimee.

"What? Addison your friend is a little weird," Maimee said.

"Oh, that's Serena. She's from Durmstrang and you know they have a twisted sense of humor there," Arielle said.

"Oh," Maimee said. She looked cautiously at Sirius and then turned her attention back to Lily.

"What's wrong Lils? PMS?" Maimee asked.

"No," Lily said.

"Lucky you," Sirius mumbled.

"So, when did James ask you out?" Mac asked.

"Oh, well both of us were in the library, doing that Potions essay that's due Monday. He saw that I was alone and came and sat down. We started talking and he told me how he gave up on Lily. I knew she was probably very happy about that one. Well, we sort of just clicked and well, since Remus Lupin is never going to come around, I figured James was a great guy to spend time with," Maimee said.

Addison noticed Remus with his mouth open.

"So you liked Remus Lupin?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, since fifth year. That's why I didn't tell his secret to everyone. That's actually why I knew his secret," Maimee said.

"What secret?" All the girls asked.

"Oh, nothing. But, well, Remus never asked so I figured he must have been interested in someone else. Probably Lily," Maimee said.

"Oh, yeah right." Lily grumbled. She had been in a bad mood since she had found out about Maimee and James. She had no idea why. The rational part of her mind kept saying it was because her friend could do so much better. The other part, her emotions, kept telling her it was because she was in love. With James Potter.

Arielle was sitting next to Sirius and was painting her toenails a purple color when all of a sudden the bottle went into the air and landed right on Sirius's new mini-skirt.

"Hey, A, what was that for?" Sirius asked.

"Have you looked at your legs lately Cavewoman?" Arielle asked.

Immediately, everyone's eyes turned to look at Sirius's legs. They were covered in hair. Sirius looked at Remus' and found that his were silky smooth. He gritted his teeth in anger. Of course he got to be the girl with all the problems while Remus got to be perfect. He had all the luck.

"What's wrong with them?" Sirius asked.

"Well, unless you're planning to braid them, I would suggest shaving," Mac said.

She pulled out a razor and some shaving cream.

Sirius gulped and realized that this was not what he had bargained for.

"Here you go," Addison said with a grin. She was so happy she hadn't shaved Sirius's legs when she had put the charm on him.

"It's what all girls do. But you know, she is from Durmstrang. They're like French right? So they wouldn't shave," Arielle said.

"That's in France. And the French school is Beauxbatons you imbecile," Remus said, rolling his blue eyes at her.

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice, Reba. Don't mess with the bull or you'll get the horns," Arielle said.

"Do you even know what a bull is?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, it's like a cow right?" Arielle asked.

"No," Remus said. "Just help Serena shave her legs."

"Ok," Arielle said happily.

"She has got to have the shortest attention span ever," Remus grumbled.

"Ok, steady, steady Serena," Mac coached. Sirius had the razor and was ready to shave. He took the razor to his skin and moved upwards. Instantly hair came off of his leg.

"YES! SERENA WHITE IS THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!" Sirius said, jumping up.

"Yeah, more like PMS queen of the World," Addison said.

"Let me do it again," Sirius said. He did it not as carefully and cut the skin.

"Ow! Mummy, ow! It hurts. Make it stop!" he cried.

"It's a nick Serena. It happens," Addison said.

"Does anyone have anything else I can use?" Sirius asked. "That is a little less painful?"

Lily smiled and rushed to her bag.

"It's a Muggle product. It's called Nair," Lily said, holding up a bright pink bottle.

"Nair wears short shorts!" Arielle sang.

"Crazy lass," Sirius mumbled.

Sirius cleaned off the shaving cream in the bathroom and returned with a pad over his nick and hair still on his legs.

"Si-I mean Serena, why did you put a maxi pad over your cut?" Addison asked, over the laughter.

"To stop the blood. Isn't that what they are for?" Sirius asked.

"Well yes. But that's blood from your period. Not from a cut," Addison explained.

"I don't care. I don't want to shrivel up and die from severe lack of blood so this will have to do," Sirius said.

"Whatever," Addison answered.

"So how does this Nair stuff work?" Sirius asked.

"You just rub it on your legs and four minutes later you wash it off. It's simple," Lily said.

She put some of it in her hands and rubbed it on Sirius's leg.

"Oh, I love being a girl," Sirius said.

"Why? You get your period and you have to give birth?" Lily asked.

"But these are the moments you treasure," Sirius said.

"Whatever," Lily said, rubbing it on.

"There, all done," she announced.

"Can I wash it off now?" Sirius asked.

"No, four minutes to go," Lily said.

2 ½ minutes later..

"How about now?" he asked.

"NO!" they all yelled.

3 ½ minutes later..

"How about now?" he asked them.

"Wait for 30 bloody seconds you moron!" Addison yelled.

"But it itches. It itches bad," Sirius said.

"Ok, time's up," Lily said.

She grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom and rinsed off the lotion. There was good news and bad news.

The good news was that the hair had come off.

The bad news was that Sirius was allergic to Nair.

"Great. Just great," he mumbled.

A/N: I personally have never used the product Nair with a great and remaining fear that my legs will have the same reaction that Sirius's had. Please share all comments.