Chapter 9-She Will Be Loved
James' POV
I spilled my hearts contents and I felt empty. I gave my heart to a girl who didn't love me, one who refused to love me. One who denied me, denied my existence and then mistook it for hell. She hated me, this I was sure of. Never had we fought like that. Sure, we've had some fights but never had they brought her to tears. Every tear forms a hole within the depths of my heart. It pains me to see those emerald eyes unhappy. Yet, her general happiness can confuse me at times.
I love her so much it pains me to see her happy. Happy without me. I sure as hell know I'm not happy without her. Maybe that's selfish to want something so bad it kills you. She's not an item, just an object of my affection. Someone I want to love.
Lily Evans was the girl. She was my girl. The one I knew I was destined to be with for all eternity. She was my Cinderella and I was her Prince Charming. Yet, now, I am positive it's not meant to be. It won't work out, it never has, it never will. She's too blind and I'm too determined. It's time to move on. I don't want to move on. Her existence is the reason for my existence. She is the air I breathe, the thoughts I think, the rhythm of my heart.
I don't even want to think how she'd end up if I wasn't in her life. I always envisioned her unhappy without me as her boyfriend, but apparently, it was the opposite. With me intruding on her life, I make her miserable. How can someone with such good intentions come across so different perceived by another?
I know there is someone out there for her, and it's not me. I always dreamt it would be me who would save her from her prejudice, from her sadness. I always thought we were perfect. I guess when you're fourteen you tend to embellish a little.
It's a phase, James. A phase. Something you can grow out of.
I don't want to grow out of it though. You don't grow out of Lily Evans overnight. It's not done. I have no choice. I can't stand to be the cause of another tear ever again. Seeing them flash in hatred was enough, but the mere presence of a tear almost killed me.
She was my only hope. She was the only thing I could rely on to be there. I knew Lily Evans was my determination to stay in school, to do well. She made me want to be a man. I thought that this summer, I had become one. But Lily doesn't see it. I am changing, not for myself, but for her. She is blind.
Maybe she could be happy without me. Maybe she could find a guy, one who she wouldn't argue with. One who she would marry and produce beautiful red-headed children with her eyes. Beautiful replicas of their mother. Maybe the guy would take her for ice cream on her day off and would tuck her in at night. He would defend her from all dark wizards and would take care and cherish what he had. That man would be so lucky. I only wish that, that man could be me. It has always been my dream. I don't even know why she captivates me like she does, but somehow it's impossible to think of anyone else.
Tonight I have vowed to myself to get over her. I will not pursue Lily Evans anymore. It's over. Never will happen. Maybe she'll find her fairy tale life without me. As long as she's loved. She will be loved.
A/N: If you're reading, please review.