Chapter 40-Who Knows?
I think there's something more, life's worth living for
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day
"Do my beautiful fluttering eyes deceive me?" Sirius asked, stepping into the Common Room and sighting his friends. The four of them, including Lily, were studying for NEWTs.
"No, Padfoot," James grumbled. "Unfortunately, they don't."
"Stop complaining," Lily snapped.
"Don't mind her," James explained to his friend. "She tends to get a little edgy during exam prep."
"Why don't you loosen her up with a little massage?" Sirius suggested. Lily raised her eyebrows at this.
"Oh, I insist dear Lily. Prongs knows how to cleanse one's back of such tension with his gentle, refreshing hands," Sirius said.
"And how would you know?" Remus questioned.
"I wouldn't," Sirius said. "Professor McGonagall explained all about it to me."
"Is that so?" Lily giggled.
"No," James said. "I've never given anyone a massage in my life. Padfoot's just gone off his rocker. Been drinking out of the Sleekeazy's bottle again?"
"Not lately," Sirius muttered. "Speaking of which, why are you lot studying?"
"One word: NEWT exams," Lily frantically stated, brushing through at least five pages within those words.
"That is two words Lily, even I know that," Sirius pointed out.
"Too busy to even correct my incorrect train of thought, Sirius," Lily stated.
James leafed through his book, the most in amused look dancing across his face.
"I'm bored just looking at you," Sirius moaned. "Someone needs to fight."
"Shut up, Padfoot," Remus said. "Why don't you do something with all your spare time?"
"What do you suggest?" Sirius asked.
"Write another novel," James advised. "That one you wrote in the Heads Room is a little too short for my liking. Three pages is not what I would call a novel."
"Writing, eh?" Sirius proposed.
Sirius walked out of the room, a dazed look dawning on his face. Remus rolled his eyes and looked back at his notes.
"That's got him off our back," Remus said.
"You don't actually think he's going to try and write a novel?" Peter asked.
"Actually, I do. Don't underestimate him, he is quite brilliant when he wants to be," Remus proclaimed.
"He should bottle that up and spread it around. Too much of it in one person causes random moments of lunacy," James said.
"I think we've already observed some of those moments," Lily said, quickly speaking up from her reading.
"Oh, I'm sure that there is much more to be experienced in the future," James reassured her.
.X.
My Experience As A Girl
Written by the Pouncing Padfoot
Sirius sat there. He had managed to create a catchy alias, one in which he had already been addressed under. Now, all he needed to do was brew up all his thoughts on the experience and write them down.
This is so incredibly easy. I can't believe writers get paid the elaborate amounts of money they do. Look at me go, I can write. Actually, wait. I haven't written anything. I'm dying here. Slowly, painfully, and dramatically of course. Come on Sirius, write. I can't write though. Addy changed me into a girl and gave me all those problems. I can't write about her. Why not? Am I talking to myself inside my head? I really am going insane. What am I going to write about though? I could write about almost drowning Mac. Or I could not because Mac is Addy's twin and I don't want to write about her. If she was here she would probably roll her eyes and yell at me for being so crazy.
Forget about Addy. Move on, think of something that's not so depressing. Watermelon. Perfectly good way to introduce a novel.
My life is like watermelon.
That is horrible! I have writer's block! Where do I go from there? It's the most superb sentence in the world that I can't possibly top it with another 500 pages following. No, no. Must cross that out.
Sirius began to scribble furiously at the piece of parchment lying before him. He was in the boys' dormitory, lying on his stomach; parchment propped in front of him. He seemed to have put a spell on the quill so ink would not run out, thus eliminating the bothersome duty of dipping the quill in ink. His genius amazed even himself at times.
I don't have to use ink to write with my quill.
Yet another brilliant sentence, where would this novel be without my flow of words? It would be nowhere. Wait a tick-has it actually gone anywhere yet? Don't think like that, Sirius. Of course it has gone places. It's gone to this piece of parchment, that's where. Am I making up a voice for my piece of parchment? Better forget about that and not mention it to Remus. He would probably lecture me. God forbid let that happen, don't want to be bored into the next century. What do I add to a sentence like that though? It needs work, I'll admit it. I should probably have Lily proofread this. She seems studious enough. Well Merlin, of course she's studious. I saw her studying like a fiend out there. Whatever she was on, I want some.
I need to find out who supplies Lily with so-called drugs.
Is that an accusation? Could she file a lawsuit against me? How do I know what a lawsuit is? Have I actually been paying attention in Muggle Studies? That's damn near impossible though. I can't have been paying attention in Muggle Studies. That would mean I have become a fiend.
I am a lawsuit fiend.
Oh Lord, what have I done? I've confessed to my habit of divulging useful Muggle related information. If James could hear the thoughts racing inside my head at this precise moment. I am sure he would be disgusted. Well, maybe not. He's so odd that he'd probably find it fascinating. He really is going to grow to be an odd lad.
Odd lads wear unusual pants.
That is not completely untrue. I bet if Dumbledore wore Muggle clothing he would wear those Muggle golf pants. Oh Lord, I've done it again. I think I looked through my Muggle Studies book! I've never done that! Lily must be slipping her drugs into my orange juice in the morning. There is no other possible reason I would actually look at a book, read it, consume information from it, and remember it days afterward. She has a plot and I know it. I better warn James of that. He's messing with a dangerous intoxicated delegate. Those words probably don't make sense, although these are only thoughts and things obviously don't make sense in my thoughts. Maybe it's ironic that things don't make sense in my head and they therefore don't make sense when I say them aloud. This book will be a chance for me to express all those things everyone didn't understand.
You better listen people, I'm talking now!
Maybe that wasn't the best approach. I should be a little less subtle. Oh well, writing was meant to be controversial. The words are flowing now at a provocative pace and I can't stop them now. I think I may almost have a paragraph! I am on a roll. I can't wait until I show the rest. They're going to be in awe of my intellectual way with words, captivating and enticing plot lines, development of characters, free reign of speech, and of course my brutal honesty. I can't deny the brutal, hurtful honesty I empower.
I don't like you! Take that brutal honesty.
I really said that well. Hm, what should I say next? Should I make something up? How about my wild times in the vast and deserted jungle? It was hot and blazing in my face with the roaring of animals in the background. Sounds a lot like Hogwarts; I'm simply elaborating on the truth. Exaggeration is key to storytelling. It lures them in. My audience is like fish.
You swim freely in the vast waters and ocean trenches. Don't die little fishies!
Why does everything remind me of Addy? Fish, periods, everything! I can't run away from her. I guess that happens when you're in love. Or should I say was in love. I miss her. I think I should dedicate this to her. It is after all, all about her. You can simply tell by the descriptions I include. I bet this is going to be tear jerker. They're going to cry their little hearts out. I bet Lily will have tears flowing down her cheeks, Peter will cry like the baby he is, and Prongs. Oh yes, Prongs is going to be so emotional. He'll be reading about a different side of his best friend. Then there's Moony. Oh yes, Moony will beat them all. I bet he'll even want to hug after this. Sad, but true.
Don't be a sissy man! There are girls watching!
That said it all. I am really getting far. I bet I am reaching the end of this soon. I've been writing here way too long. I really should just show them my rough draft and get it over with. They're such harsh critics though.
Sirius started to chew his nails impulsively, still staring at the barely filled piece of parchment.
Wow, I have nice cuticles. Why am I biting them? That reminds me of Mac. As I said before, Mac reminds me of you-know-who. No, not Voldemort but A-D-D-Y.
Learn to spell! I am not saying her name out loud!
That was the angry part of my book. I hope readers don't get too frightened by that side of me. There's rarely ever an angry Sirius. I'm always happy go lucky. Crazy, loony, Padfoot. That doesn't fit. It should be loony, loopy, Lupin. Have to make that a song and teach it to Peeves later.
Peeves, when you cry, I cry.
That poltergeist really does help fulfill this little piece of Earth I live in. He is a very heartfelt little dead, haunting man when you get to know him. Such mischief. He has been such a good influence. Lily doesn't like him much. Prongs is probably losing his like for the poltergeist. She has him whipped, but I love little Lily. She's a wonder all in her own. Prongs is lucky to have her. Just as I am lucky to have this quill where I can say everything I want to say…
Sirius wrote the last bit of his novel, smiling to himself. He knew the ending was the best. He quickly got up, grabbing the parchment, and hitting his head on the top of the bunk.
Ow..
He ran down the steps to see his friends, looking surprised at him.
"What?" Sirius asked.
"Padfoot, you've been gone for five minutes," Remus declared.
"Really? It felt like days. I'm starving. Want to read my book?" Sirius propositioned.
"I need a break. What the hell?" Lily said, throwing the book she was reading across the Common Room. She quickly apologized to the second year whom it had hit.
The drugs must be wearing off on Lily. Oh well, let them read the book…sober.
Remus seized the single piece of parchment but Sirius quickly stopped him.
"I have a dedication page," he announced.
Remus read it aloud.
"I dedicate this book to Addison McKinnon. She was the inspiration for every word in this story. I hope you all find it as compelling as I know she would have. This is a story of anguish, drama, love, jealousy, heartbreak, pain, and of course the tiniest bit of humor. I have expressed my words in the best way I feel possible, adding as much detail as necessary. I was afraid of being in my room for too long, struggling to find the words to tell such a tale. After much revision, I feel it is ready to go public. Thank you, Sirius O. Black."
"You did this in five minutes, Sirius?" Remus asked.
"Like I said, it felt like days," Sirius said. "It's not the amount of time it took, it's the finished product that matters."
"If you say so," Remus said. He then started to read, for everyone in the Common Room, the novel which Sirius had written.
"My Experience As A Girl
Written by the Pouncing Padfoot
My life is like watermelon. I don't have to use ink to write with my quill. I need to find out who supplies Lily with so called drugs. I am a lawsuit fiend. Odd lads wear unusual pants. You better listen people, I'm talking now! I don't like you! Take that brutal honesty. You swim freely in the vast waters and ocean trenches. Don't die little fishies! Don't be a sissy man! There are girls watching! Learn to spell! I am not saying her name out loud! Peeves, when you cry, I cry. I got my period once."
Sirius was sniffling rather loudly, wiping a tear from his eye. He had never felt so choked up. He knew the others felt the same. He turned to see the members of the SBFC crying as well and applauding. He turned to his friends, who were pale and rather scared.
"You got your period once?" Lily asked, clearly appalled.
A/N: I am sorry if you all didn't like that. I personally like that, even if it is completely pointless, as well as irrelevant. Don't worry, you'll be getting more seriousness (and L/J action) soon enough.