Unofficial Portkey Archive

Chapter 38- Broken

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Lily stormed into the Heads Room, throwing her books at the wall as she did so. She had been bottling it all up, hiding her emotions away for one long week. She was trying to make herself feel ok, as if things would go back to normal. She had wanted to be strong, to set an example for Sirius. Pain just didn't work that way.

James walked in slowly after her, knowing that soon the inevitable was going to spawn out. This was not a bad thing, it wasn't healthy to keep your emotions locked away. He had wanted to talk to Lily about it, but could not find the words to bring it up.

He had faced the loss of loved ones as well and had not done well at confronting it. He was the type of guy who tried not to be upset but to comfort instead. It was hard when his parents had died and he knew Lily was very upset as well. James was too, Addy and Maimee had been great friends.

Yet, he couldn't really understand entirely what she was going through. He still had three great friends whilst she had just lost hers.

"Things aren't right, James," Lily cried. "It's not meant to be this way."

"It never is, Lily," James admitted. He walked over to her and tried to put a comforting arm around her shoulder. She shrugged it off immediately, feeling tears of frustration make lines down her cheeks.

"She wasn't supposed to die, they weren't supposed to die. They're only seventeen years old. Or should I say, they were only seventeen," Lily muttered.

"It's not possible to ignore emptiness, Lily," he said. "A part of you has just been removed and now, it's normal for you to feel this way. Why are you hiding it all in?"

"I don't want them to be dead," she whispered. "If I try and forget it's not going to be as hard to remember. They were my only friends. Even Mac was a better friend than most."

"I know how you feel. I wouldn't be able to walk straight if Remus, Sirius, or Peter were gone. Maimee and Addison were great people. Yet, they were your friends; your best friends. They don't deserve to be forgotten," James acknowledged.

"How is Sirius doing?" Lily asked.

"Well, as best as he can right now. He loved Addy, I know he did. It's hard to lose the ones you love. It's not as though he'll never see her again," James explained. "Addy and Maimee were free spirits, they'll never be completely gone."

"It was impossible to just stare at the empty seats in our class. Addy and Maimee aren't the only ones who're gone. Arielle, Mac, other families have been taken as well. I feel so selfish for being alive when they're not anymore," she said quietly, tears rolling down slowly.

"Lily, you just have to remember that we can put an end to this. We can stop Voldemort if we really wanted to. He's killed too many innocent people. And for what? Power. How do people gain power? People give it to them. No one has stopped him and no one will until they step up. Everyone is too scared of him; they can't even say his name," James ranted. "Someone needs to put a stop to him. We're almost out of Hogwarts and then what? Will we be the ones to stop him?"

"Yes," Lily whispered. She found her voice. "Yes, we will. Like you said, no one else will. If we don't step up and do something, the wizarding world is going to diminish before our eyes."

"I'm afraid it already has," James mused.

"I just know that Addison and Maimee didn't deserve what they got. Nor did their families, for that matter. The school is barely upset, it's sad when this becomes a regular occurrence. James, I don't know how I'm going to do it. It's so hard without them. They were my friends. I loved them," Lily cried.

"I know, we all did," James hushed. He stroked her hair slowly and held her in his arms as she sat, crying and releasing the captive emotions.

.X.

"So, do you want to play wizards chess?" Peter pestered.

"No," Remus answered, staring blankly at the top of his bed as he lay sprawled out on it.

"How about you, Padfoot?" Peter asked, turning to Sirius.

"Do I look like I'm in the mood, Wormtail?" Sirius snapped.

"Um, yes?" Peter guessed.

"Go away," Sirius ordered. Peter did so, walking down the stairs.

"Uncompassionate rat," Sirius muttered.

After what felt like hours of prolonged silence, Remus knew it was time to talk to his friend.

"Padfoot?" Remus asked. "Do you see her face?"

Without question, Sirius knew who Remus was talking about. For him, it was Addison. Yet, Sirius had a feeling someone different was floating into the mind of Remus Lupin.

"All the time, Moony," Sirius replied sadly.

"Maimee Hout just doesn't seem to be leaving me alone. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't play wizards chess. What is wrong with me?" Remus asked, turning to face Sirius.

"Nothing," his friend answered. "You actually feel. It's not a bad thing, Moony. Feeling is a part of life, a sad, and cold part of life."

"Maimee was the only girl besides platonic friends like Lily and Addy, to actually see past me for who I really am. She made me feel like I'm not a monster. Maimee actually liked me for who I am and didn't leave me," Remus whispered.

"I know how you feel," Sirius answered. "Addison barely liked me at the beginning of the year. In the end, she saw past my flaws and knew it was destiny. I loved her and I liked Maims a lot. Hell, I even somewhat liked Mac and Arielle. It's a damn shame what happened to them. It really is."

"Right now, Sirius," Remus started. "I actually feel the need to become a werewolf. I want to become a monster and live alone, attacking at will. It's horrible to want to hurt people. I want to hurt Voldemort and his posse of Death Eaters so bad. Our friends didn't deserve what they got. It's people like those who make me embrace my vicious side."

"I know, Moony," Sirius whispered. He knew his friend was having as much trouble as him at coping. "I know."

A/N: Ok, just so you know, this is not an angst fic so this will be the end of the mourning. It's short, but pretty final in regards to the sadness. Hopefully, I won't be making you cry any time soon, other than appreciated tears of laughter. I can promise you this; lots of goofy chapters to come. Sirius-ly.