A/N: I adapted this chapter from annie's, an author on muggle net, fic "When Harry Met Jo". I highly suggest reading it.
Chapter 42-I Won't Worry
"Sirius, my dear friend," Remus started, seeing the innocent, bewildered expression dawning upon his
friend's face. "See, James and I here-"
He heard a slight interruption; a dry cough from the corner.
"James, Lily, and I," Remus corrected. "We feel that an extracurricular activity would be best. Seeing as new clubs are forming before school ends as a final tribute to Hogwarts, we thought no time was better than the present."
"What are you getting at, Remus?" Sirius blatantly asked.
"Padfoot, we think you've gone off your rocker," Remus confessed. James and Lily nodded in agreement. "The Jumping Jacks Jamboree was the final straw. It's the right moment to spend some time with your other peers, get a new opinion on life."
"So, you're saying that I need to join a club because you all feel I've gone insane?" Sirius questioned.
Murmurs around the Gryffindor Common Room generally consented with this statement.
"You've all been plotting this without me?" Sirius asked, feeling his voice crack.
"Sirius, it's for your own good," Lily insisted.
"Don't you 'Sirius' me," Sirius cried. "I'm a bashful man. Since when has that been a crime?"
"Oh, no, Sirius," Lily said, walking over to pat him on the shoulder. "We never meant to hurt your feelings."
"You should have known this would have happened," Sirius spoke with a dramatic air in his tone.
"How could we have?" Lily asked.
"Simple minded, Evans," James declared. "We did indeed know this would happen. It is a price we're willing to pay for Sirius' mental health."
"Oh, so you were trying to consider my feelings all the whilst plotting against my good nature?" Sirius questioned.
"It wasn't like that," Lily said.
"No one wants to upset you, Padfoot," James spoke.
"No one? No one wants to upset me? How could you not? I feel as though this day shall forever be called, Break Sirius' Spirit Day," Sirius cried shrilly.
The Sirius Black Fan Club took out their monthly planners and marked this day down.
"Yesterday was Traumatic Transfiguration day," Mary concurred.
"Are you sure?" Susanna, another SBFC member asked. "I have it as Sirius' Official Windswept Hair Day."
"You silly girl!" Mary shrieked. "Do you want to make it in this organization or not?"
"Sirius," Lily continued. "We just want what's best for you."
"No, you don't," Sirius stubbornly protested.
"Yes, we do," Lily and James said.
"No, you don't."
"Yes, we do."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, we really do."
"You don't, don't, don't."
"We do, do, do."
"Nope, you don't."
"Yes, Sirius, we do."
"SIRIUS, JUST JOIN THE DAMN CLUB!" Remus bellowed, finally sick of the mindless babble being exchanged between his friends.
A new group of girls came forward, all wearing conservative clothing and thick black glasses upon their faces.
"Shall today officially become Remus Lupin's Angst Holiday?" one girl asked.
"We should include in the description of the holiday that Sirius Black caused Remus' normally subtle temper to rise from within the depths of his deep heart," another recited.
"Brilliant," three others answered in unison.
The SBFC was staring daggers at what appeared to be the "RLFC". If Lily, James, and Sirius were not so shocked from Remus' sudden outburst, they would have really been concerned with the amount of time devoted to the Marauders by those girls.
"Moony, no need to get your knickers in a twist," Sirius brushed off, clearly not upset at all. "I was going to do the club when you mentioned it. I had a perfect one in mind. I've been looking into it, anyways."
"Isn't he so charming?" Mary gushed.
"No, Remus Lupin is charming," Estelle, evidently the leader of the RLFC, protested.
"You're all wrong," a new girl said. Her hair looked like it had been through hell and back and she wore obviously fake glasses with the lenses broken out on her face. "James Potter is the most charming. He is our god."
"James Potter?" a boy asked. "That Lily Evans has all the Marauders beat. She's the definition of class. We in the LEFC feel that way at least."
"Be that as it may, my groupies seem to feel differently," Peter Pettigrew piped, listening to the confrontation of the fan clubs.
"What groupies, Wormtail?" Sirius asked, clapping Peter on the back before skipping out the Portrait Hole.
There was an awkward silence when Peter appeared to not have any groupies.
.X.
The Great Hall was packed as many students were joining new end of the year clubs. Lily, James, and Remus had gone in to the hall to make sure Sirius had followed through on his promise.
"It'll serve him good," Lily reassured the rest of them. "He needs some new company to be around. It must be stifling to be around us all the time."
"It's never stifling to be around you, Lily," a small, first year boy with a badge pinned onto his robes wheezed. Clearly, he was in the Lily Evans Fan Club.
Lily just turned, ignoring the ragging from Remus and James.
"I did it!" Sirius exclaimed, marching up to his friends.
"Which club did you decide to join?" James asked.
"Well," Sirius said thoughtfully. "I asked McGonagall about a martial arts club but she reckoned too many injuries would be attained under my supervision. Old broad squashed that dream down the loo. So, I found an even better club."
"Even better?" Lily asked, reproachfully.
"I know what you're thinking," Sirius said. "Martial arts is as good as they come. Even though it would be dead useful to be black belt, I think this will serve a better purpose."
"Just spit it out," Remus impatiently spoke.
"I joined, Cat Lovers Anonymous," Sirius squealed.
.X.
"How did this full proof plan manage to backfire so badly into our faces?" Remus asked.
"It was genius," Lily cried. "A great distraction. Now, he's just gone and joined some lunatic club with even more of his kind. It's awful."
"And it's cats," James sniffed displeasingly. "I hate cats."
"You never told me that," Lily said.
"They're like rodents with fir," James explained. "Horrible little buggers. I can't believe my best mate would join such a distasteful club. Full of rodent worshippers. They're evil."
"I like cats," Remus defensively stated.
"I did not just hear that," James said.
"But-" Remus stammered.
"I did not just hear that," he repeated.
"What's wrong with cats?" Peter asked, joining the conversation.
"What's wrong with cats you ask me?" James bellowed as though it was the most preposterous question on Earth. "They're sneaky little devils. If you don't watch them, while you're sleeping, they'll come and suck your eyes out with their mouth. I've seen it done."
"Sirius giving mouth to mouth to his broomstick does not count as a cat sucking someone's eyes out," Lily muttered.
"It could have happened," James mumbled, turning rather red.
"I just don't see how Sirius can go any more wrong," Remus said.
.X.
"This meeting has officially come to order," a small, twitchy boy said. His voice was not nearly mature yet and his straight blonde hair and squinty blue eyes were hidden behind a pair of three times too large glasses. Judging by his nervousness, Sirius would have guessed him to be in his fifth year.
To his surprise, about ten people were at the meeting. He didn't assume that there were all too many supporters of the cat. Sirius knew James and his groupies had probably brainwashed all the population of Hogwarts to hate against the feline specimens.
"We have new members," the boy squeaked. "As well, as a new president; me."
"What a big surprise," Sirius rolled his eyes.
The boy looked at Sirius for a moment, clearly intimidated and decided to move on.
"I thought some simple, anonymous introductions would be best. So, I'll start. My name is Bob and I love cats," Bob recited.
"Hi, Bob," the other ten people chanted back.
"Bob is a good name," Sirius mused out loud. Clearly, he was not supposed to speak other than when spoken to.
"Sorry," he muttered, seeing the eyes of several people glare at him, all cat like in comparison.
"I have replaced Bertha Jorkins, as she graduated last year," Bob said. "She was a devoted cat lover as well as a superb president. We'll miss her."
The people went on and on, introducing themselves. All of them held the same catch phrase, "I love cats."
By the time it was Sirius' turn, he was starting to doze off.
He felt someone nudge him and he regained composure.
"Oh, well, my name is Sirius and I love martial arts," Sirius said.
Several people in the audience gasped. One girl said, "Some people these days."
"Well, I do," Sirius insisted. "Cats are swell and all but I am only here because my friends insisted on me joining a club. Trust me, yours was by far the best. I mean, who would want to join the Auror training club? Cat Lovers Anonymous is by far the most superb."
Many of the nervous people exhaled in relief.
"I do love the martial arts though," Sirius reflected. "That would have been a great club to join."
"Would you please tell us something about cats?" Bob asked, impatiently.
"First of all, who nominated this kid?" Sirius asked. "He's a bad cat-lover if I do say so myself. Do you even know what a Calicohippolamaball is?"
"A what?" Bob asked.
"Exactly. So uneducated," Sirius brushed off. "That is why, I should be the leader."
"I'm sorry, Sirius," Bob said. "That's not possible."
"Why not?" Sirius asked.
"It's a permanent position," Bob explained.
"Then why am I here?" Sirius questioned. "If I'm in something, I have to be the leader. It's just how my life works."
"Then, I would suggest you find another club," Bob advised. "If you please, after I speak a few words privately to the remaining members, I would love to have a word with you."
"Sure," Sirius said, exiting the classroom in which the club was held.
As soon as Sirius exited the room, a cupboard was revealed and five cats were sitting, smoking cigars and placing bets at a table.
Bob and the others went over to table.
"Hit me, dealer!" Bob cried. "Come on lucky seven!"
.X.
Sirius looked up to see Bob exiting the classroom.
"Hi Bob," Sirius said.
"Do you know why I'm asking you to walk with me Sirius?" Bob asked.
A sudden dawned expression occurred on Sirius' face.
"I'm sorry mate, but I don't swing both ways," Sirius assured.
"Blimey! No," Bob insisted. "I have come to reveal something to you, and you alone."
"Shoot," Sirius said.
"I've been holding a dark secret for these past three years. I know who you are, you're Sirius Black; member of one of the purest blooded families around," Bob said.
"Sadly," Sirius grumbled.
"You also hang around with Lily Evans," Bob pointed out.
"My best mate's girl," Sirius explained.
"Well, in my important line of work, your association with Miss Evans is crucial to the plans I have bestowed upon this world. The unity between bloods is sacred to the humanity of wizard kind," Bob said.
This kid was creeping him out. Who talked like that?
"How many litter boxes have you been cleaning today?" Sirius asked, looking unsure at the boy.
"I am Bob Bronchif," Bob said. "I am the Half Blood Prince."
"And I'm Merlin's personal masseuse," Sirius called, walking down the hall away from Bob.