Unofficial Portkey Archive

Chapter 29-Behind These Hazel Eyes

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Team Lily/James was finally feeling rather hopeless. After their many attempted tried, Lily Evans and James Potter were still not together. They had been so close to reaching their goal point and then it all came crashing down on them.

"We were there you guys! We had them. Then, we let them act stupid. How could we?" Addison McKinnon asked her two accomplices, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

"Well, I can't speak for Lily, but I can say that James can be a jackass at times. We don't know what he did to make her avoid him," Sirius said.

"This time I think it has nothing to do with him. I think this is Lily's problem," Addison observed.

"Well, you need to tell her to get over it. We all saw them in Miami. It was sickening how much they liked each other," Sirius pointed out.

"How are we going to get them together?" Remus asked.

The two boys looked at Addison, hoping a plan was forming in her scandalous mind. They were greatly disappointed to see a look of disappointment on her face.

"I don't think there is anything we can do," Addison said.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked. "After all this time, we're just going to give up?"

"We can't do that. We're Marauders," Sirius said.

"Correction; you two are Marauders. I, am not," Addison said.

"We're in this together. We can't just give up on them like that. They're our friends," Sirius said.

"Yes, they're our friends. In case you've forgotten, we're supposed to want the best for our friends," Addison said.

"And in this case, the best is?" Remus asked.

"The best would be to let them choose their own paths. Whatever they choose, we have no other choice but to support it and hope they're happy," Addison said, glumly.

Team Lily/James had officially given up on a supposed lost cause.

.X.

Silence. Total and utter silence. The awkwardness of the silent Heads Room had become nearly unbearable. Neither of the two had spoken more than a sentence to one another. It was hard to determine who was more upset; Lily or James.

James couldn't take sitting in the Heads Lounge for another night, listening to the scratching of Lily's quill. He missed their old conversations and their somewhat sincere friendship.

He got up from the couch in which he had been laying on and walked towards Oleander. Lily only looked up when she heard the swaying of the blue and white curtains against the wall. By that time, he was gone.

She decided to skip dinner; lately her appetite hadn't been much of anything. She knew Addison and Maimee would have more questions that she did not want to answer. It was as though the year had started all over once again.

She didn't exactly know why she felt such resentment towards the fact of James saving her. Her whole career at Hogwarts had been based upon pushing herself to maintain the same grades as everyone else. The fact that she was not of magical descent would not hold her back; she was as capable as anyone else in the school.

It wasn't that she was ungrateful for James's help, it was that she was disappointed in herself. She had made herself the damsel in distress, a role that haunted her at that very moment. She was ashamed and didn't want him to ever feel the need to save her ever again.

These thoughts were easily cascaded throughout the surfaces of her mind, yet they had never reached the surface. If it was so easy to think these thoughts, why wasn't she able to tell James how she felt?

.X.

"Prongs, you're not eating again," Sirius stated, his tone expressing dire concern for his friend.

"I'm eating, Padfoot," James said, putting a small forkful in his mouth.

"You call that eating?" Sirius asked. "You're going to shrivel away into nothingness before my beautiful eyes and then we'll see who wants to eat."

"Leave him alone, Padfoot," Remus said.

James continued playing with the food on his plate, feeling his appetite diminish by the second. He noticed her absence, again. She couldn't even bare to attend dinner in the same vicinity as him.

"You need to talk about it sometime, Prongs," Sirius said.

"He's right, you know," Remus agreed.

"There's nothing to talk about. I thought we had something, and we don't. End of story," James said quietly.

The owls flew into the Great Hall and descended upon their owners. James was surprised to see his tawny owl, Maggie, flying in through the windows of Hogwarts. His parents rarely sent letters and if they did, they used their own owl.

A simple letter fell upon his plate. It was not his parent's handwriting but was addressed from the Ministry. He stared at the letter for some time. He saw Dumbledore looking at him, holding a letter of his own.

"What's that Prongs?" Sirius asked.

"I don't want to open it," James said.

"Why not?" Sirius asked.

"It's from the Ministry," James answered simply.

"I'm the first to admit that those blokes at the Ministry aren't the sharpest in the shed, but that wouldn't persuade me to not read my own mail," Sirius said.

James looked at his best friend, somewhat unsure of how to handle Sirius's cool demeanor. He grabbed the letter and ran out of the Great Hall, not looking back once.

.X.

One o'clock in the morning and he's still not back, Lily thought to herself.

She was worried. James was always late but never this late. She knew he wouldn't tell her where he was but it was still an uneasy feeling. She hoped nothing bad had happened to him.

She walked over to his desk, hoping to find a Post-It note or a spare piece of parchment that would say where he was. She opened the drawer and saw something that made her eyes examine it more closely.

It was a map of which looked to be the school. She could see her own name marked in the Heads Chamber. It was remarkable, but why would James have something like this in his desk drawer?

She scanned over the map once again, looking for the dot James Potter. She saw it; a still dot in the Astronomy Tower.

.X.

James sat gazing out the window. He felt hot tears sting his eyes but did not let them drop. The window pane in which he was sitting on was his only comfort at the time. He had no one else to talk to, he knew Sirius and Remus would only bring him more reason to be upset. The disappointed looks on their faces would only cause him more guilt and misery; two things he did not need more of at the moment.

His hazel eyes glanced down at the letter in which he had received at dinner. He had finally opened it, glad he had taken the time away from everyone to do so.

Mr. James Potter,

Alastor Moody-Head of Auror Department & the remaining workers at the Ministry of Magic.

He couldn't believe they were gone. His parents had disappeared from him forever, leaving him no one. He hadn't even gotten the chance to say goodbye. He had always dreaded the day that a Ministry Official showed up at his house, announcing their death. He hadn't even been told in person, a bloody letter had been sent.

He heard footsteps approach and he looked at the doorway. He saw her; her angelic face and long auburn hair. The emeralds were staring into his own hazel ones and he saw guilt for the first time in weeks.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her.

"I was worried about you," she whispered. "Are you ok?"

"Not really," he answered truthfully.

She nodded. She walked towards him, sensing something uneasy. She knew it was none of her business, so she didn't push it. She sat on the window ledge, across from him and held his hand.

He knew he hadn't only lost his parents, he had lost another important aspect of his life. He realized that he may still have a chance with this very girl, unlike the chance that was stolen from him with his parents.

Her hand felt perfect against his. He was glad that at least one thing felt right.