Chapter 13: Avoidance and Playacting
The next day, James looked up from his homework and into Lily's large, grave eyes.
"What the hell are you--"
"James, I have something to tell you."
"What? Can it wait, this homework is really--"
"It's important."
"Fine." He put down his quill, and leaned back, not knowing whether to be annoyed or glad that she had interrupted. The homework itself wasn't what had been causing him all the trouble; rather, his thoughts kept straying to that morning, Sirius's tears and Remus's pale, scratched face.
"It's about Remus."
James's stomach knotted. She couldn't…Snape wouldn't have said something, would he?
"I know about him. His condition, that is." She looked just as nervous as he felt, as though she was afraid to tell him.
"Oh. You do." A cold, shivering feeling of dread settled over him, and he wiped sweating palms on his robes. "Snape--the bastard told you?" As he said it, he felt his throat constrict. Any shred of nobility he might have shown the night before had vanished, replaced with the need to find Snape and kill him, torture him as slowly and painfully as was humanly possible. A flicker of annoyance penetrated Lily's concerned expression.
"No, he didn't," she said, her voice strained and quiet. "I overheard him talking with Professor Dumbledore this morning. I knew something was wrong with Remus, I knew he was sick a lot, but James, I had no idea." She bit her lip and began to crack her knuckles, desperately avoiding looking at him.
James gripped the arms of the armchair he was sitting in.
"So, d'you-well-what the hell are you telling me for?" He started to feel a bit indignant. What right did she have to get him so worried, tell him things she didn't want to say and he didn't want to hear?
"I can't exactly tell him, now can I?" she said, almost sobbing. "You're the only one I can--never mind, it's stupid." She got up and, abruptly as she had come, she left. James sat for a minute, then buried his face in a pillow like he had when he found out he was Head Boy. He felt the same feeling of utter powerlessness that he had felt then, like he wasn't in control of anything happening around him.
***
After that, Lily avoided him. Occasionally, he caught her staring thoughtfully at Remus, pity in her eyes, and he found that she had taken to compulsively standing up, taking a few steps in their direction, and then sitting down again. He felt bad for her; he could tell she wanted to do something, but for once could not think of a way to express how she felt without being insensitive.
The situation with Remus and Sirius, meanwhile, made no sense to anyone, least of all James. Sometimes they would act as though nothing had happened, laughing and joking. Other times, Remus would acquire a distant look, or Sirius would say something jokingly to him only to be met with a cold stare. James didn't like it, and after a day or so he found himself ignoring entire conversations just so he wouldn't have to notice these small exchanges. He could still talk to Peter, but Peter said very little to him even when he initiated conversation, so caught off guard was he by the sudden, constant attention.
He quickly abandoned Peter and, by the eve of Halloween, he was spending much of his free time seeking out Marlene McKinnon and Hestia Jones. Their company was a welcome distraction from the grim atmosphere he found with his best friends, and they always greeted him warmly. If he ignored the way that Marlene's cheeks would occasionally go pink when he talked to her, he could even imagine that they were his best mates. True, they were girls, but Hestia was quick to eradicate any traces of foolish girlishness in their conversations with a well thought out snort of derision.
That night, they were talking about their plans for the next day.
"Charlie's taking me out to the Forbidden Forest," Hestia said, not bothering to keep her voice down. "We're going to try to capture a thestral."
Marlene arched an eyebrow as James grinned.
"And how do you intend to catch one without having seen anything die, Miss I-Can't-Stand-The-Sight-Of-Blood?"
"Charlie killed your cat, remember? He'll be able to catch it for us." As soon as she said this, Hestia discretely flicked her wand and made a mysterious hissing noise. At once, Marlene's hair disappeared from her head, though she seemed not to notice.
"He what?" Marlene screeched. "He killed Cassandra?"
"Oh, keep your shirt on, he was six."
"But that was my cat, and he said a fox ate it!"
"One did… after he gave it to him."
"Oh my God!" Marlene's face contorted with rage. "I'll kill him! I'm owling mum about this immediately, there is no way he'll get off unharmed…"
James laughed, and Hestia rolled her eyes.
"How about you James?" she asked. "Big Marauder prank this year?"
"Not that I know of." James sobered up a bit; he wouldn't know even if there was one. He always pretended to be asleep when Sirius and Remus came into the dormitory and he'd been ignoring Sirius on their two-way mirror; he just didn't want anything to do with the awkwardness.
"Well, I hope so," Hestia said, stretching like a cat. "That shit is brilliant. I hate you when they happen, but damn, if they don't make the best memories."
James nodded, then excused himself after Charlie headed over. While he wanted to see what Marlene was planning to do with him (he was sure that it be both very unpleasant and amusing) he had suddenly grown tired. After stripping to his underwear, taking off his glasses and getting into bed, his last conscious thoughts were wondering whether there would be a prank and, if so, if it would be any good.
***
"Jamie…Jamie, wake up."
James opened his eyes groggily, thinking for a second that he was at home. His mum and Sirius were the only ones who called him Jamie, and the voice that had spoken had most definitely been feminine. The figure before him was a blur, but it wasn't Sirius or his mum. It was too short, for one thing, and for another, he could see the vivid red blur that he knew to be the curtains hanging by his bed.
"Here, let me put your glasses on."
"No, let me do it," a second feminine voice chimed in.
"Let me, please let me!" a third cried.
Realizing that there was at least three girls standing around his bed, James thought for a wild moment that his frequent and not exactly unpleasant dream that he owned a harem full of veelas had somehow come true. The image was quickly shattered, however, when a voice said, dryly,
"Shut up, all of you, he doesn't want that shit. Just hand him his glasses and let him do it himself!"
He recognized the `shit' at once--Hestia. Trying not to feel too disappointed, he took the glasses that were being thrust at him, he put them on and looked around, then let out a strangled cry. There were at least ten girls standing around his bed, all looking at him with unabashed adoration.
"Good morning, Jamie," said the first girl who had spoken, a tall auburn haired girl. "I'm so glad you're awake. Here, I picked some clothes out for you." She offered them to him, neatly folded. With shaking hands, James reached for them, but they were knocked out of the girl's hand by a second girl with dark hair and blue eyes.
"Stop it," she growled. "We all helped pick it out."
Another girl reached for the pile, but she was pushed down by a fourth girl, and it looked like a giant catfight was about to break out.
"Clothes!" James yelped, becoming aware that he was dressed only in boxer shorts. Hestia picked them up and stuffed them into his arms.
"Take these, and I suggest you get them on now…you'll need them."
"What…what's going on?" he hissed to her when he realized that the girls were not planning on leaving for him to dress.
"I thought you knew. This shit seems your style."
"No, it's… shit, it's Halloween, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is. And you should either get over your fucking modesty and get dressed in the open, or start dressing under the blanket."
After a moment's hesitation, James chose the second option, which he thought the awaiting group of girls seemed rather disappointed about.
"Sirius, what the hell did you do?" he muttered. He had a suspicion, but it couldn't be possible…
"No funny business under there, either," Hestia added. James popped his head above the blanket to give her a dirty look, but it wasn't necessary; the other girls had already rounded on her.
"What are you saying?" one asked.
"James wouldn't--he's much more decent than that!"
"He is my boyfriend, after all." This came from a girl that James had never even seen before. Hestia cackled at them.
"Believe what you want. All boys are the same."
James went back under the blanket and finished dressing, wondering what in the world they were teaching thirteen year olds these days.
When he emerged fully dressed, he had to literally battle girls to get down the stairs. Apparently, the ones who had been waiting in his room were the uncreative ones, and the more ardent admirers were waiting for him outside the dormitory to display their affection. James was convinced that he spotted a bust of his head made of cheese, and he had to grip Hestia's bony arm for support. Getting to the common room, James found that the unexplainable admiration was not his only problem; there were boys sitting there who did not look to pleased that their girlfriends were arguing over who got to walk within touching distance of him.
"Hey, Potter," said Barty Crouch, a menacing gleam in his eye. "Mind having a talk?"
"Er--I can't." James said, thinking quickly, "I--er--"
"James, you arse, just run!" Hestia hissed, kicking him in the leg. Wondering if that was supposed to propel him forward, he nevertheless took her advice and was quickly out the door.
"Morning, Mate!" Sirius said cheerfully when he reached the Gryffindor table, out of breath. "Get a good night's rest? Nice walk down?"
"What the hell did you do?" James asked through gritted teeth. Any doubt that James might have had about his friend's guilt was removed by the grins he was exchanging with Peter and even Remus, who looked happier than James had seen him in a long time.
"Why do you think--"
"Sirius, I can write a letter to my mum and tell her to get rid of all your dirty magazines."
Sirius's grin evaporated.
"Not on, mate. What sort of friend are you?"
"None at all at the moment. What'd you do?"
Sirius leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers.
"James, for a while I've had a prank idea churning in here." He pointed at his head. "Originally, I was going to use it on your precious Evans--"
"She's not my precious anything--"
"Look, do you want to hear what I'm saying or not?"
James closed his mouth and Sirius smiled, clearly enjoying himself.
"I was going to use it on her, but I knew it wouldn't have desired effect. So then, of course, I resorted to my old favorite, Snivellus. But I knew that, due to recent events," he cast a worried glance at Remus, who seemed completely unperturbed, "that that wouldn't quite work out. And I thought, as Halloween drew near, who the hell, then? And then I came on the solution. Who better than my dear, lonely friend Prongs?"
"Who better for what, exactly?"
"You need a girlfriend, or at least a good healthy snog. You keep saying Evans isn't the one for you, and I believe in that wholeheartedly, so I figured why not give you a shot at every girl in the Gryffindor tower? Well, not all. I don't approve of cradle robbing, so only fifth years and up."
"Are you telling me that you…" James trailed off, not even daring to voice his worst fear.
"You know, it's a funny thing about girls," Sirius said lightly. "They'll take sweets from anyone and not even think to question its contents."
"You fucking put love potion in their sweets?"
"Relax, Jamie, it's only for today. It's not like half of them aren't secretly in love with either you or me anyway."
James stared wordlessly at how coolly Sirius was taking the whole situation, as though having a large mob of girls after you wasn't a big thing. Perhaps to him it wasn't, but to James, who had always tried to remain low-key when it came to girls--not to mention was slightly afraid of them--it was overwhelming. Shaking with rage, he went to sit as far from his friends as possible, and that, coincidentally, happened to be right next to where Lily was sitting. As he looked at her and the seat awkwardly, she smiled and patted the seat.
"You can sit here--it's alright," she said nicely. "Severus has been in a bad mood, so I haven't had many people to talk to."
"Like Snape talks," James said, sitting down. He was at once wary--she was being unusually nice to him. Had Sirius given her some tainted candy too?
"He could be such a fascinating conversationalist," Lily sighed. "But he's restricted by the life his parents built for him."
"It's his own damn fault he's an arse."
"He's not an--he's not anything having to do with the posterior. There are much worse people."
"Look, let's not talk about this," James said abruptly, reaching for his goblet. "It's Halloween, and it's the worst bloody day of my life."
"Why?" Lily propped her head up on her hand and gazed at him.
"You haven't noticed?"
"Well of course I have, but I don't know what's good to bring up and what isn't."
"All of it's bad. My life is bad." James had just said it to be melodramatic, but as soon as the words escaped his lips, he knew he thought they were true. Aside from a few dimly glowing parts of his life, everything, especially his future, seemed grim. He felt himself begin to deflate at the sudden onslaught of depression.
Lily grasped his hand and gave him a smile.
"It gets better, dear," she said in a mollifying voice. "Having a group of girls tripping after you will not destroy you. Think about how many boys wish they were you right now!" She jerked her head toward the girls, who were watching James and Lily with matching expressions of jealousy and longing on their faces. James could see that the combined efforts of Hestia and her boyfriend Charlie were keeping them from forming something akin to a stampede.
"Not many people can say that they've had that sort of problem," she continued.
"They don't know what it's like," James said, and he knew he wasn't just talking about this one instance.
"It gets better," Lily repeated, somehow interpreting what he was thinking. "If you want, I'll help you."
James felt a smile come to his face, though neither of them could say what it was she planned to help him with.
"How much d'you reckon McGonagall will hate this?"
"As it's Monday, she'll absolutely despise you."
"I can only hope."
"It won't be so horrible."
"Lily?"
"Hm?"
"You didn't eat any sweets today, did you?"
Lily smiled mysteriously.
"I refuse to divulge such a secret. It allows me to act however I choose, even if it's just playacting. Have you smoked lately?"
James rolled his eyes and attempted to throw his hands up, but Lily was still grasping one of them tightly. He eyed it nervously, then put it out of his mind.
"Don't answer me if you don`t want," Lily said. "And please don't get upset."
"Why did you ask if you didn't want me to do anything?"
"Because," Lily said, turning in her seat and pulling an opened letter out of her bag, "Petty sent me the latest on Coronation Street." She waved it in front of James's face. "The longer it's been, the more I'll tell you."
James tried to look at the letter with disdain, but couldn't help the creeping curiosity.
"I smoked one yesterday."
"Only one?"
"Yeah." Ever since Lily had hexed his cigarettes, James had been wary of them. Though he doubted, at this point, that she would do something of that sort again, he was always a bit nervous about it, and even at the times when his cravings for them became irresistible, he was finding it harder to enjoy them than it had used to be.
"That's great," she said. "If you can handle these girls gracefully, I promise you can read all of it."
James frowned jokingly.
"I thought you would read it to me." He didn't know what caused him to say it, but he was pleased when Lily's smile grew.
"Well, then, Mr. Potter, in that case we had better hurry before Hestia gives up on us. She looks close to it."
Indeed, Hestia looked red-faced and her swearing was so loud that Professor McGonagall was swooping down from the head table to confront her about it.
"And the plan is?"
"Act as though this is normal and ignore them."
"Funny. I was expecting something more profound and heartfelt from you."
"It ruins the effect of the profundity if you're expecting it," Lily said, sticking her tongue out. "Besides, I could very well be acting on the effects of a love potion."
"As long as you aren't trying to get me into a broom closet."
Lily gave him an amused look.
"They're overrated."
James choked on the pumpkin juice that he'd brought to his lips.
"Goodness, James!" Lily said, pounding him on the back. "I wasn't speaking out of experience!"
James didn't say anything else and resumed normal conversation with her, but nevertheless he made a mental note to keep a careful eye on who she talked to the next few days, in case he found a snogging partner among them.
-->