Chapter 7: A Tower and a Chicken
"Why am I here?" James asked himself, ruffling his hair self-consciously and yawning. He stood, shivering, in the astronomy tower, but for an hour he had been lying in his bed, pretending to sleep and wondering if he should even go in the first place.
"I have no idea." came a voice from the shadows, "I honestly didn't expect you to." At the same time James lit his wand, Lily lit hers, and they ended up shining the light right into each other's faces. James was the first to extinguish his, rubbing his eyes and turning away. When he turned back and his vision readapted to the darkness, he noticed Lily was dressed in a very conservative night gown that looked like a small white circus tent around her slim frame.
"And I would have expected it to be tie dye." he sneered.
Lily looked at him confusedly for a moment until he nodded at her nightdress. She laughed.
"Oh, no." she said amusedly, "I'm not really a hippie, I swear. Fashions come and go. This thing, though, it's true beauty. It used to belong to my grandmother, the one I told you had a parlor."
James raised his eyebrow.
"That's a bit…creepy. Wearing your grandmother's nightgown. Sort of morbid."
"No it isn't." she said earnestly. She strode up to him and showed him the sleeve.
"It's clean, and I restored it with magic so it's as good as new. Feel that; it's lined with lace."
"Er--no, thanks." he said, backing away from the lace cuff that was practically under his nose. "Why don't you just tell me what you wanted to talk about?"
"Right." Lily said, nodding and putting her arm back at her side. "Well, as I said I really didn't think you were going to come, so I haven't exactly--it won't sound right, but essentially I thought I'd give you one last chance to come clean about what's going to happen."
"What do you mean?"
Lily smiled.
"Ha. Just as I thought. Well, you missed your chance."
"Wait--what?"
Lily began to braid a strand of her hair, as though she was getting bored.
"I already told you, I know that Sirius and, as a consequence of being his best friend, you are planning on doing something to scold me for being friends with Severus. I was just giving you one last chance to admit it. Not that it would have changed things, but still."
"You know what?" James asked, feeling angry all of a sudden, "I'm getting pretty tired of this. Why don't you talk normally, instead of acting like everyone can understand you? Every time I talk to you, you're always testing me!"
Lily let go of the strand of her hair that she'd successfully braided and looked at him square in the eye.
"To put it simply, this means war."
"Oh please." James said, losing interest. He rolled his eyes and started toward the door.
"What? You don't think I will?"
"No, I believe you will." he said, reaching the door and pulling it open.
"Petrificus totalus." Lily said. James found himself lying on the ground, pain radiating through him from the hard floor. He tried to tell her she damn well better take the spell off him, but all that came out was a strangled sound low in his throat.
"Shoot." Lily said softly. She closed the door, leaned against it, then took the spell off him.
"What--what the hell was that?" James hissed.
"I'm really, really sorry. That sounded like it hurt."
"Move, Evans."
"No, you can't leave. We haven't finished."
"We sure as hell have. I shouldn't have even come in the first place."
"There you go with the `h' word again. Do you use it to profess your anger?"
"There is no point in this." James said impatiently.
"Sirius isn't here, James. You don't have to keep acting like he's about to discover you talking to me, so you can stop acting like an arse."
"For someone who has a problem with cursing, that came out rather easily."
"I used it properly, though, not as something I thoughtlessly threw into a sentence."
"Move now, or I will make you."
"You can't just leave in the middle of an argument." Lily said, as though stating the most obvious thing in the world, "At least finish it up properly. Wait, no, don't." she said hastily, seeing James open his mouth, "If you're determined to hate me forever, at least let me tell you something."
The thought of hating her forever hadn't really crossed James's mind, though thoughts of anger and getting her to leave him alone had, and he would have said so if it hadn't seemed like Lily was about to divulge a huge secret.
"I sort of--well, it sounds silly." Lily looked down and smiled gently to herself, "But I've sort of--I've sort of fancied you since fifth year."
"What?" he cried incredulously, "But--but you didn't--and I didn't--"
"Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist." she laughed, "I know that we barely know each other at all. I've used you, to be quite honest. I sort of…took an idea of what I thought you might be like and pinned it as your personality, so that's what I fancied."
"So--so you're saying--" James opened and closed his mouth several times. Of all the foreign and strange things that she'd ever said, this one was the most of both of those things.
"Stop acting so shocked, it isn't like you don`t know you're a Quidditch star." Lily said, reddening curiously, "Girls do that sort of thing all the time. I thought you might like to know. Don't make me regret telling you."
"I--"
"If it makes you feel better, I don't fantasize about you or anything. It's just something fun to do when you're bored, trying to imagine what a person's personality is. I just happen to fancy the one I picked out for you."
"But it's that that you fancy, and not--"
"No. Just that."
"And you--and I--"
"I wanted us to be just friends."
"Ah." Though James would have been dismayed to find that she did fancy him, it was somehow a letdown to discover that she liked a personality she'd picked out for him more than the one he actually had.
"Well, that being said…" Lily moved away from the door. He reached for the door handle, then looked at her curiously.
"The personality you picked out…was it much different than the one I actually have?"
Lily smiled.
"Unfortunately, not having known you long enough, I can't give you a completely accurate comparison. And, from the looks of it, I won't ever really get to, so--"
"I never said that." As soon as he said it, he realized he had fallen into yet another trap.
"Curiosity wins again." Lily remarked. "Before you storm off in a fit, just know not to forget that we're at war until you manage to call it off."
"Really." James rolled his eyes, and they both headed back to the portrait of the fat lady, Lily careful to keep several paces behind him.
***
"First day back, and I already remember why I skip these classes." Sirius muttered, fumbling around in his pocket for something, "How is double bloody Potions with those damn Slytherins going to help me become an auror?"
"Teaches you not to kill Death Eaters on sight, maybe?" Remus asked calmly.
"Hardly." James mumbled, "It's this whole school, it's against us. Plotting our demise, you know."
"I can't wait to leave this place for good." Peter sighed.
"Don't be a prat, Wormtail." Sirius said scornfully, "This is our home, plots and all."
"I was only saying--"
"Yeah, I know, always trying to say what you think makes you sound most impressive." Sirius pulled a bag out of his robes triumphantly. Instantly, James, seeing what he held, forced him to put his hand back in his pocket.
"Are you crazy?" he hissed, "What the hell are you doing with that at school? Are you trying to get us fucking expelled?"
"Calm down, Jimmy." Sirius said coolly, "Look where we are. There's nobody in sight."
Indeed, they had all walked to the edge of the forbidden forest and beyond seeing or smelling distance of anyone from the school.
"You don't think someone's going to notice you're high?"
"They never have before." Sirius said, shrugging. "Come on, it's only a little bit."
Remus and Peter watched in silence, Remus because he never got involved in their drugs or arguments, and Peter because he was still sulking.
"I can't. I have a meeting tonight."
"What? Oh yeah. You're Head Boy now." Sirius jeered, "Bloody fancy pants like Lupin. Come here Peter, you can have some, it's good stuff."
With practiced skill, they were soon at work sniffing. Remus sighed and pulled out a book as James wandered a ways away and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket. He regretted not taking Sirius up on his offer a little bit, but something deeper kept pounding at him. Something that wondered if that imagined personality Lily had come up with for him had done drugs, and knew at the same time that it didn't. It was a curious game he'd been playing all day--was this what it would have done? Would Lily think this better or worse than she imagined of him? It was a frightening exercise, as he kept coming up short. Frustrated, he lit his cigarette and jammed it into his mouth, taking a deep drag on it.
As he did so, he found himself inexplicably shorter. His hands couldn't take the cigarette from his mouth, and as they tried to, he found that they were no longer hands, but wings. Looking down, he found his clothes had fallen loose all around him, and his feet were now three pronged and orange.
"Hoooooooly crap." he heard Sirius say. Then he and Peter were hooting with laughter, as Remus quickly stooped over and looked James in the eyes. Since when was Remus so much taller than him?
"What? What is it?"
"James." he said, his voice quivering like he was trying not to laugh, "It would seem that--well, it seems that you've been turned into a chicken."
"What?" James cried, spitting the cigarette out of his mouth, "How am I--"
"HA!" Peter cried, rolling around on the ground, "The chicken he--he talks! And it's James!"
James couldn't tell if it was really Peter or whatever mysterious substance he was inhaling that was causing him to say this, but either way he found him to be acting sloppy and disgusting.
"Why are you just standing there?" James asked angrily, "Do something!"
Remus, the only one of them who seemed to be thinking clearly, scooped James up in one arm and picked his clothes up with the other hand. After carefully stepping on the cigarette, which had still been smoking menacingly, he began to walk him up to the castle.
"Shall I take you to Madam Pomfrey?" he asked, still sounding like he was making an effort to hold back laughter.
"Yea--hold on." James said suddenly, "It couldn't be--she wouldn't--" He looked up at Remus, "It's not possible that Lily did this, is it?"
"Why would Lily do that?" Remus asked.
"Well, for one thing she--never mind." James was about to tell Remus about how she hated his cigarettes and the meeting they'd had in the astronomy tower, but that would require actually telling him how much he'd seen of her. As much as he trusted Remus, he didn't underestimate Sirius's ability to extricate information from him. "Just take me to her."
"As it's about seven, I would guess she's in her dormitory."
"And?"
"And we can't get in there."
"Then take me to the common room and I'll shout to her."
Remus looked down at James amusedly.
"How am I supposed to explain a shouting chicken that sounds like you? Better yet, how am I supposed to explain having a chicken?"
"Like I know. Just think of something. Anything."
"Anything?"
"Yes!" James was feeling angrier and more irritable than he had in a long time, and it was a time like this that he really wished he did have a cigarette. Remembering that he had spent the day thinking of what Lily would think of him, he cringed. Right little bitch didn't deserve it.
"We're here." After telling the portrait the password (`Doxy Droppings'), Remus stepped into the crowded common room and weaved through the clusters of people, ignoring how he kept being asked about the chicken and clothes he was holding.
Remus Lupin is a good sort. James found himself thinking, I must remember not to give him a hard time about being such a girl.
"Lily!" Remus shouted, "Lily, could you come here a moment?"
James could hear giggling coming from upstairs. One girl, who James also thought to be a decent sort, named Marlene McKinnon, peeked out and regarded Remus with her large gray eyes.
"What did you want, Remus?" she asked, giggling slightly.
"Could you get Lily? It's rather urgent."
Marlene went back to her room and came out a second later, giggling once more.
"She says she won't see you until you've said what you want loudly enough that she can hear it herself."
"Don't you dare." James hissed to Remus. Marlene's eyes widened.
"Is that a chicken?" she asked, "And did it just--"
"Yes, Marlene." Remus sighed, "She transfigured James into a chicken."
This last part, James knew, he had said much louder than he'd needed to. As Marlene started into another fit of giggles, James hopped out of Remus's arm indignantly.
"Bloody hell, Lupin, I'm going to kill you." So much for being a good sort.
Remus shrugged, as though to say he'd done what he had to, and James climbed up the stairs to the dormitories, realizing suddenly that he could have done so in the first place as he was no longer a boy. When he got to Lily's particular dormitory, he shuddered. He was preparing for the inevitable frilly pink horror that he knew the other side would be. Only his anger and his determination to be changed back propelled him forward.
There were frills and pink, but for the most part, he found the dormitory to be similar to the boy's one, though it was a bit neater and there were a few posters of handsome wizards on the wall, alternating between charming grins and bad boy pouts. James charged over to Lily, who was reading a book on her bed. She looked up at him and smiled serenely.
"Ah." she said, "So you've gone and smoked already. I shouldn't have expected any less, though. You seem rather addicted to them."
"Change me back." James growled.
"You have no idea how wonderful it is to hear a chicken growl." she remarked, "It's possibly one of the most amusing and least threatening things you'll ever hear in your life."
"I'm not joking, do it."
"Give me reasoning, James."
"For one thing, Evans, I won't report the Head Girl for turning the Head Boy into a chicken, and for another, perhaps I won't retaliate as badly."
"Oh, but the whole idea is that you won't."
"What?"
"That's right. Call off all pranks on my behalf, and I will change you back."
"I could lie and tell you that I won't and then do it anyway after you change me back. Face it, Evans, there's no way you can win this."
Lily gave him a wicked smile.
"It's too late. I already have."
"What do you--"
"If you refuse to call a truce, then I will make that hex on your cigarettes permanent, and I'm only turning you back into a human once. So either you stop whatever madness you're planning or you'll be forced to quit smoking. Either, and preferably both of those, would make me happy." She brought her knees to her chest and hugged them, seeming hugely pleased with herself.
James stared at her incredulously, a huge weight settling in his chest. The thought of having to tell Sirius everything that had happened, having him know that he had practically betrayed him and lied to him--it made him sick. On the other hand, while he refused to believe that he was addicted to cigarettes, he knew he would go through hell without them. Either way, he was setting himself up to be miserable.
Seeing his inner conflict, Lily said, "You don't have to decide now. I'll just change you back." She pulled out her wand, then paused.
"If you don't mind me asking, did your clothes transfigure with you?"
"No." James said hostilely, not even wanting to look at her.
"Then would you mind getting them?"
"Why--oh."
"Right. I refuse to see you naked."
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