A/N: This is just a little chapter to give you a breather from the last few chapters. I hope you enjoy it and have a Merry Christmas! Christmas cheer and my special thanks goes out to Dementor149 for being such a good friend and Beta, and to all you lovely reviewers who give me the gift of your musings for every chapter! Thank-you!
I am really starting to have a hard time believing that these characters are still not mine. All that begging seems to be falling on deaf ears…
Chapter 27
Keeping Things Close
The first thing Hermione realized as she swam back to consciousness was the smell of the hospital ward. The second thing was that it hurt to move…it hurt a lot. What was she doing here? The last thing she remembered was talking about Rowena Ravenclaw's tiara. She heard a movement to her right and turned towards the noise, opening blurry eyes.
"Harry?" she croaked. Why was her throat so sore?
"Hermione, just rest. Here, drink some water," Ron said gently as he held a glass up for her.
She let the cool water relieve her parched throat, swallowing gratefully.
"Where's Harry?" she asked.
"He's not here right now. Get some rest, then we'll talk." Ron said as he squeezed her hand.
Hermione sighed and relaxed back into the warmth of her bed. She's solve those problems later when she wasn't so annoyingly tired…
****** ****** ****** ******
Hermione was becoming very irritated. Madame Pomfrey was fussing over her, doing a last minute check before she could leave. She hadn't seen Harry since waking up, and worse, no one would tell her where he was, or what had happened. As Madame Pomfrey left, Hermione narrowed her eyes at her friend as he came through the doors and approached her bed. Ron stopped short as he saw the look on her face.
"What?" he asked as he looked around.
"I want some answers, Ron," Hermione said. "Where's Harry and…and I want to know what happened. Doesn't anyone know?"
Ron sighed and sat down beside Hermione's bed.
"Yeah, I do," he said as he scrubbed his face with his hand.
He looked up to see Hermione sitting, arms crossed over her chest, looking at him expectantly. As he gazed at her face, the images from that day flashed before his eyes. They had come so close to losing her…
Ron swallowed past the lump in his throat and gently picked up her hand to squeeze it between his two hands. He kissed her fingers and looked at the worry in her eyes.
"Do you remember anything?" he asked.
Wordlessly, Hermione shook her head. "Just the tiara," she said after a moment.
"We were wrong you know," Ron said, "I guess we should have listened to you," he paused, wondering if he was the right person to be telling her, but knowing that the right person wasn't here. "You died, Hermione," he said quietly.
"I… what?" she said in disbelief.
"You died, and Harry…well, I don't think Harry took it too well."
"What happened?" Hermione whispered.
Ron shrugged. "All I know was what happened in the room. The tiara was a Horcrux, and V…V…Voldemort possessed you, just like Ginny in the Chamber."
Hermione gasped. "You said his name!"
Ron smiled grimly. "Yeah, I suppose I did."
They were both quiet for a moment, thinking.
"I died?" Hermione asked frowning. "I can't remember anything."
"Yeah, it was horrible. Harry used `Legilimens' to go inside your head and try and find Voldemort. While you were uh…connected, I saw Tom's ghost. He was draining your energy and as he grew stronger, you became weaker."
"And Harry?" Hermione asked.
Ron shrugged. "I don't know. He wouldn't talk about it when he came back. He took quite a beating as well. Once Madame Pomfrey patched him up and said you would be all right, he left. I can't find him. He doesn't show up on the map."
Hermione sighed, rolled her eyes, and swung her legs over the side of the bed.
"Where do you think you're going?" Ron asked.
"To see Harry," Hermione replied.
"Oh, and I suppose you think you know where he is?"
"Of course. If he's not here, he'll be at Grimmauld Place," Hermione said as she looked for her clothes.
"What makes you so sure?" Ron asked, turning his back as she dressed.
"Well, he's not here or at the Burrow, obviously, or you would know, and he won't go back to the Dursley's, and he can't go to Godric's Hollow. Only one place left to go, really."
Ron turned around again as he heard the springs creak to find Hermione resting on the edge of the bed.
"And you think that you are in any condition to go apparating across the countryside?" Ron said, crossing his arms across his chest.
Hermione glared at him before standing up and linking her arm through his, guiding him towards the door.
"Of course not," she said. "That's why we're going to floo."
"We?" Ron asked.
"You think I'm in any condition to go by myself?" she smirked.
Ron rolled his eyes and sighed. "Lead the way," he said in resignation.
***** ***** ***** *****
When Hermione tumbled out of the fireplace, the first thing she noticed was that the house was cold and dark. The second thing was that she was still feeling a bit dizzy.
"Are you okay?" Ron asked as he helped her up.
Hermione nodded as she looked around while Ron set to lighting the kitchen.
"Maybe we were wrong," Hermione said after a minute.
"What's with this `we' stuff? It was your idea to come here," Ron said.
Hermione glowered at him and headed for the stairs.
"Lumos," Hermione whispered as she entered the main hallway. She certainly didn't want to disturb Mrs. Black. She moved past the sitting room, and Hermione was reminded of the time spent cleaning out dusty shelves, and all those wonderful books that Mrs. Weasley wouldn't let her look at. It seemed so long ago. As she and Ron reached the third floor, they saw a faint light coming from Harry and Ron's room.
Hermione sighed with relief. A part of her was afraid she had been wrong. She approached the door and tentatively tapped on it.
"Harry?" She called.
When she received no answer she nervously glanced at Ron before taking a deep breath and trying the door, which was locked. She knocked on the door again.
"Harry, we need to talk. Let me in please."
Silence.
"Harry, I'm not leaving until you let me in; open the door."
Silence.
Hermione looked over at Ron, who raised an eyebrow at her. She frowned at the door, trying to decide what to do. She knew that she could open the door, but she wanted Harry to let her in. There would be one less battle then. She sighed and rolled her eyes.
"Ron," she said loudly, "Just set the chair up for me right there. Madame Pomfrey said I should be resting on a regular basis, and I am sure that I am going to be weary from standing at this door all night."
Ron looked at her confused, but Hermione just put a finger to her lips and gave him a little smile. They both turned to look at the door as they heard the click of the lock. Hermione glanced at Ron before taking a deep breath and opening the door.
It took Hermione a moment to scan the dimly lit room. Flickering shadows were dancing across the walls from the few candles placed around the perimeter. Her eyes fell upon Harry, sitting in an easy chair by the window and she let out the breath she didn't realize she was still holding. The two friends crossed the room and Hermione knelt down so that she was level with Harry, who continued to stare out the window. Hermione gently placed her hand on Harry's arm and felt him flinch. She looked up at Ron and he looked between the two of them.
"I'll go see if I can whip up something to eat, or maybe I can find Kretcher, see if he is in a good mood," Ron said quietly and gave Hermione's shoulder a squeeze before leaving. Hermione watched him go and then turned to look at the young man that she worried about more than anything else. The silence seemed to stretch on forever before Harry finally sighed.
"You died you know," Harry said quietly.
"Yes, I know," Hermione replied.
"You died, and… and I was so angry. I couldn't…I didn't think…" Harry turned to look at her and Hermione was shocked at how drained he seemed to be. His cheeks were hollow, his eyes looked sunken and she could see the pain in their depths before he turned away.
"I was so angry I mixed up the spell. I said `Everto Animus' instead of `Salvo Animus'. I destroyed his soul, I didn't free it like Dumbledore asked. I'm no better than Voldemort. I'm a murderer, and I couldn't control it." Harry looked at Hermione. "And do you know what? I'm not even sorry I did it, because I thought he had killed you. And…and I don't know if I would do anything different if it happened again."
"Oh, Harry," Hermione sighed.
It was times like these that she could still see the little boy afraid of an adult's reaction to his actions. The lack of guidance that he received while growing up had created an insecure young man who was continually second-guessing himself. She gave his arm a gentle squeeze before taking his hand in hers. Harry reached over and gently caressed the back of her hand. Hermione watched as his fingers drew small circles on her skin. She looked at him, her eyes full of sorrow for the pain he was in.
"Harry, what happened? Ron told me that I had stopped breathing, but then came back. He said you had something to do with it, but he didn't know what happened."
Harry shook his head and refused to meet her eyes. He wasn't ready to share what he had gone through for her. These feelings were so new and vulnerable for him, and he wanted time to try and figure them out. She was in his every thought, almost like an obsession. He was so scared that his feelings for Hermione were going to interfere with the battle he was expected to have with Voldemort. He wasn't quite sure how he was going to deal with this.
Hermione blew out a breath of frustration. She was getting annoyed. How could she help him if he wouldn't talk to her?
"Harry, listen to me. You are not like Voldemort. I don't think he is hiding away somewhere feeling sorry for himself for murdering wizards and Muggles."
Harry looked at her then, and a small flash of anger chased away the pain in his eyes.
"I never wanted this," he said sullenly.
"I never said you did!" Hermione cried as she stood up and began to pace. "But like it or not, Harry, you are in it until the end. You are `The Chosen One', according to all the papers, and running away and hiding every time something happens isn't going to work anymore. The world continues to revolve and Voldemort continues to wreck havoc. We have a job to do, and sitting in this room isn't getting it done. Ron and I are here to help, and you are not going to push us away. We are also not going to sit here and let you take all of the blame if something doesn't go right. We are in this together."
"Hermione, maybe we shouldn't-"
Hermione stopped and looked at Harry. She could see that he had shut himself off, locking away any vulnerable emotions.
"Don't, Harry, just don't."
"What?"
"Don't give me the `Ginny speech'. You were the one who wanted to give this a try, so we could `be scared' together. I can't just shut down my feelings like that. I'm not walking away, Harry, so just don't."
Harry looked at her with guarded eyes. How could she still want to be with him after all that had happened with her? After all that he had done…
"Why?" Harry asked quietly.
"Why what?" Hermione said.
"Why would you want to still have anything to do with me after all you've been though, after all I've done. After…you died…and …and I couldn't stop him…and…"
Hermione knelt down in front of him again.
"But you did stop him, Harry," she said gently. "Otherwise we wouldn't be here right now."
She leaned forward to hug him, and Harry closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her, burying his head in her hair. It felt so good to just hold her, blocking out the rest of the world, and yet, he felt his chest constrict with the knowledge of what he had put her and Ron through, and what was to come.
"Now come and have something to eat, you must be starved," she stood and patted his leg before starting for the door. Harry stayed in his chair.
"You didn't answer my question," he said. "Why?"
Hermione stopped with her hand on the door. "Because I care for you," she said wearily. "We both do."
She left him then, sitting and wondering how he managed to find two friends who cared for him so much, speculating how he was going to guarantee that they made it through this war alive.
Hermione and Ron were sitting drinking tea and talking quietly when Harry finally made it downstairs. He sat down, away from the both of them, trying to distance himself a little, both physically and emotionally. The pair exchanged glances and Ron slid the sandwich plate down in front of him and poured him a cup of tea.
"Thanks," Harry said shamefaced, as he grabbed a few sandwiches.
He looked between his two friends as he continued to eat.
"I guess I owe both of you an apology for the mess I got you into," Harry said after swallowing.
"Harry, you didn't know what would have happened-" Hermione began.
"But I did! I was with Dumbledore when he found the locket. I knew first-hand how diabolical Voldemort is! I saw what happened to Dumbledore! I had to force him to…to…" he trailed off, unwilling to admit what he had done.
"To what Harry?" Hermione asked.
Harry shook his head. It was still too hard to talk about what had happened. "It wasn't good," he muttered as he took another bite. "Anyways, I'm still sorry that I dragged you into this and then just left."
Ron shrugged. "None needed. I was pretty upset too."
"Yeah, but you didn't go into hiding," Harry replied.
Hermione sighed. They had been making good progress before this whole incident. Now, Harry was back to holding things close to his chest. She was having difficulties keeping up with his ever-changing moods. She cleared her throat and decided that it was time to change the subject.
"Since it's the weekend, why don't we stay? McGonagall knows we're here. Besides, I was thinking of going and looking at some of those books. Why don't you two play some Wizard's chess?"
"Sounds good to me," Ron said. Harry agreed reluctantly.
It was several hours later when Hermione started to feel weary. She closed her book with a snap and got up and stretched.
"I think I'm going to head off to bed. I'm still a bit tired."
"Okay, `night," Ron said as he took Harry's protesting knight.
Harry watched as she headed for the door, giving him a smile, before heading down the hall.
He turned back to the game, thinking about earlier, when he was enjoying Hermione's embrace. He couldn't figure out how she could make him feel so good. He absently moved his bishop, who cursed him for putting him into the path of Ron's queen. Harry glanced at the door again, thinking about the smell and feel of her hair, as it had enveloped him. He turned back to move a pawn into the same path that the bishop had taken.
"Harry," Ron sighed.
"Hmm? What?" Harry said as he glanced at the door again. Was she asleep yet?
"Mate, you are not paying attention. I just took three of your pieces."
"Sorry, my turn?" Harry asked, surveying the board.
"No, I think I've done enough damage for tonight."
Harry's remaining chess pieces heaved a collective sigh of relief.
"Go see her," Ron said.
"Who?" Harry asked, pulling his eyes from the door once more.
Ron rolled his eyes. "Hermione, you git. You know, the one you've been watching all night?"
"Well, I…" Harry stammered.
Ron laughed. "Never mind. I'll clean up. Just go before I change my mind."
Harry grinned as he stood up and headed for the door, excitement and anxiety making his stomach do flip-flops.
"Oh, and Harry?" Ron called.
"Yeah?" Harry asked poking his head back in.
"Use a silencing charm will you? I do want to be able to get some sleep tonight."
"Prat," Harry said as he left to the sound of Ron's laughter.
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