A/N: Okay, I have been messing with your minds for a while now; this is the chapter you have all been waiting for! The one where Harry gets his head on straight! I would like to thank you for all of your kind reviews that keep on pouring in! I really appreciate them all!
These characters are not mine, and I must remember to thank JKR some day when I see her. Writing about them has made my little world so much better!
Chapter 35
Revelations
Harry stormed back to his room and threw himself on his bed, the noise disturbing the phoenix from his slumber in the corner of the room. Albion blinked lazily and looked at the troubled wizard lying on his bed.
`Is there something you wish to talk about, Harry?' he asked.
Harry continued to stare at the ceiling, hands behind his head, ignoring him.
`I do find sometimes, that it helps to talk about any problems that are plaguing you.'
Harry sighed. "We caught Dolohov," he said finally.
Albion perked up at this, and flew over to Harry's bed.
`I take it the Burrow is safe?' he asked.
"I don't think anywhere is safe right now," Harry said sadly.
Albion cocked his head at Harry. `There is something else that troubles you, though.'
Harry turned and looked accusingly at Albion.
"No one told me how dangerous Legilimens could be."
Albion looked at Harry closely.
`What happened to Dolohov, Harry?' he asked after a minute.
Harry closed his eyes, seeing the whole scene play out again in his mind.
"I sent him here, thinking if we knew where Voldemort was, we could keep an eye on him. Ron and Hermione came with me. Dolohov made several disgusting suggestions about Hermione and…I lost my temper. He refused to tell me where Voldemort was, so I used Legilimens, and none too gently either."
He took a shuddering breath and turned to look at Albion with pain filled eyes.
"I destroyed his mind. He's no better now than the Longbottoms, and I'm no better than Voldemort or his Death Eaters. The only thing that stopped me from ending his life was Hermione. I would have killed him without giving it a second thought," Harry turned and looked back towards the ceiling. "Maybe she was right. Maybe I am becoming as evil as him. I don't know if I want to feel any different. Having some of those emotions are just too…painful," he mumbled as he rolled over to sit up at the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.
Albion ruffled his feathers and made himself more comfortable beside him.
`I've always told you that your temper will get you in trouble.'
Harry turned and scowled at him, but said nothing.
`As I have said before Harry, you are a powerful wizard. You need to learn to be in control of your emotions or they will control you,' Albion said.
"He deserved it," Harry said defensively, as he traced the pattern in the floor with his eyes. He was just going to follow the pattern all the way to the end of the room and escape from this. Then he wouldn't have to feel anything…
`Why did you attack him, Harry?' Albion asked after a few moments.
Harry shrugged. "He wouldn't tell me where Voldemort was."
`I think perhaps it was more than that,' Albion said. `You were trying to protect someone.'
"Why wouldn't I? She's my friend," Harry said, darting a glance at the bird.
`I want you to answer something, Harry, and be honest. Would you have done the same thing if it had been Miss Lovegood? Or even Miss Weasley?'
Harry sat up and took a deep breath, ready to retort that yes, of course he would, but the look that Albion gave him made him pause. Would he have reacted the same way? He would have been angry, but would he have felt like destroying the man for making such suggestions?
"No," he finally whispered, as his shoulders slumped, admitting out loud to what he had been hiding deep in his soul.
`The problem, Harry, is that you do feel. You feel pain, fear, and anger, but you also feel loyalty and love; the power he knows not.'
"Now you're sounding like Hermione," Harry said.
`You do love her,' Albion stated after a moment.
Harry shrugged. "Do I?" he asked. "What would I know about love? My parents died before I really got to know them, the Dursleys barely tolerated me, and Sirius…left just as we found each other."
He omitted Dumbledore's death; it still pained him to think about it, even with Albion there.
`And the one thing they, we, all have in common?'
"They died because I cared about them? That's what he does, you know. He kills anyone I care for. That's why I have to stop caring."
`No, Harry,' he said, ignoring his self-pity talk. `We all love you, unconditionally, whether there were sacrifices to be made or not.'
"So you're saying that one of us, Hermione or I, is going to have to make a sacrifice in order for the other to live," Harry said accusingly.
Albion cocked his head. `Did I?'
Harry let out a huff of breath in frustration. `Some things never change,' he thought, and to his annoyance, he heard Albion chuckle.
Harry and Albion were silent for a while. Finally, Harry looked up, gazing out the window towards the school grounds.
"I don't want to die," he whispered, "But I want Hermione to live."
If the phoenix could have rolled his eyes, he would have. He had to make Harry see his point.
`Harry, when Tom Riddle was born, he was thrust into a situation where he was unable to experience true love. He has never known what it would feel like to be loved unconditionally. This is where the two of you are different. I'll admit, for eleven of your years you were thrust into a situation where you may have not felt loved.'
"You got that right," Harry snorted.
`Nevertheless, your parents loved you, and yes, because of that love they were willing to die, as were Sirius and myself, so that you may live. The desire that you have to keep her safe, to treasure her above all else, that is to love unconditionally. Your feelings for Hermione are so strong because she is your soul mate, and the keeper of your heart. You love her,' he concluded.
Harry stared at Albion as his words sunk in. His emotions threatened to overwhelm him, and he could feel a tight knot forming in his chest as he fought against what he already knew deep down. He shook his head.
"No," he whispered.
`Let it go, Harry,' Albion replied.
Harry rubbed his chest in an effort to ease the pain. He looked up to see Albion watching him. He took a shuddering breath, and shook his head again.
"I can't!" he said.
`Why not?' Albion asked.
"Because admitting it to myself would allow Voldemort to know my feelings for her. She will be a target. She could die because of me. I don't know if I could go on if he took her from me." Harry said.
Albion looked at him for a moment, and Harry could almost swear the bird was remembering something from the past. The pain in Harry's chest tightened and Harry unconsciously rubbed it again, trying to make it go away. The phoenix watched his actions, and grieved for the boy who should have had a normal life. After a moment, Albion gave his head a little shake.
`I can fully understand your fear, Harry, but ask yourself this-Could he really ever take her from your heart? If you are willing to let your fears paralyze you, Voldemort will have already won. He feeds and thrives on that fear, and he will win because of it. Harry, you are a great wizard. Your parents, Sirius, and myself are very proud of what you have become. If you believe in yourself and in the love you have with Hermione and your friends, then you will win. Don't ever let fear and hatred win. I couldn't imagine a world based on that.'
Albion hopped over to the window, which opened for him. He wanted Harry to think about all he had said, and if he stayed and continued with this verbal dueling, Harry would never face his own emotions.
`Think on what I have said, Harry. Never be afraid to love. It is the most magical of all emotions.' He turned and flew into the night.
Harry sat and stared at the patterns in the floor as he thought about the past few weeks. He tried so hard to get her out of his mind, but she was in his thoughts every day. Albion was right on one account. Hermione was in his heart, owned his heart, there was no doubt about it, and no one, including Voldemort himself, could change that.
As this thought sunk in, the knot in his chest seemed to explode. It filled him with warmth, and Harry's eyes went wide with shock, and he gasped in surprise.
"I love her," he whispered in amazement.
He flopped back on his bed, letting the sensation run through him.
"I love her," he said again, and for the first time in a long time, Harry smiled. He lay there, enjoying the moment, before he began to feel the exhaustion of the day start to overtake him. He crawled up his bed and pulled the covers over himself, letting sleep take him.
****** ****** ****** ******
Ron and Hermione had stood dumbfounded after Harry left. Hermione recovered first, whipping out her wand and levitating Dolohov until he was lying on the bed. She didn't even want to touch him.
"What's the matter with him? I haven't seen him so angry since that summer after Voldemort's return." Ron asked.
"He's scared," Hermione said, leading Ron out of the room and locking the door.
Although she wasn't too sure why she bothered, Dolohov certainly wasn't going anywhere.
"He has a strange way of showing it," Ron grumbled as they started back to the upper floors of the castle.
"Do you remember how he acted that summer when we were at Grimmauld place and he was stuck at the Dursleys?"
Ron shrugged. "Vaguely," he said.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Should have known you wouldn't remember," she said. "That sort of thing doesn't seem to stick with you."
"Hey! Most guys don't get involved in that emotional stuff. Makes the head crazy."
"Speaking of which, how's Luna?" Hermione asked.
Ron smiled as he thought about the dreamy blonde. "Now there's a girl I can get emotional with," he said.
Hermione laughed. "Typical," she said.
"What?" Ron said.
Hermione shook her head as she entered into their common room. It was quiet, and they noticed that the door to Harry's room was closed. Hermione stared at it for a moment, before heading to her own room.
"Are you going to talk to him?" Ron asked.
Hermione stopped, with her hand on the doorknob and hung her head.
"No," she finally said.
She turned to look at Ron with eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
"I don't think I can stay on this emotional rollercoaster he has built. He'll always be my friend, and I care for him a lot, but…" she left the rest unsaid as she entered her room and closed the door.
Ron sighed and headed for his own room. He couldn't figure out why his two best friends were acting this way, but he did know one thing, they were both miserable. Hermione was becoming more `girlie' by the minute, the way she was moping over Harry, and Harry…his behavior concerned him. He kept pulling away, closing himself off to everyone, almost like he knew he was going to die. He really didn't like it; he could see how it was changing his best friend, and it was changing the relationship between them.
`Starting tomorrow,' he thought as he got into bed, `I'm going to knock some sense into Harry's head.'
****** ****** ****** ******
Harry walked down the hallway. He knew where he was, and had decided to see what the Dark Lord had up his sleeve this time. He entered the room with the high backed chair and sat down in its twin, facing the occupant of the first chair. Voldemort regarded him over the wine glass in his hand. Harry sat back and folded his arms across his chest, waiting. For the first time in a long time, he wasn't afraid.
"You seem fairly calm for someone who just lost his best friend and family."
Harry slowly smiled at him. "Is that what your Death Eaters reported? That's funny. That's not the story I heard," he said. "Spoken to Dolohov lately?"
Voldemort frowned at him. "I was told that he died," he growled. "No loss to me, he served his purpose."
"What do you want?" Harry asked.
Harry decided that he wasn't going to be the one to tell him his attack had failed. It was curious that the Death Eaters were able to lie to him. Was the Dark Lord losing his touch? Maybe this soul-sucking thing was messing with his head…
"The Blood Traitors were just a warning. You cannot beat me, so I propose a way for you to save the Wizarding World. Surrender to my Death Eaters and there will be no more killings."
"And if I don't?" Harry asked.
"I've only just begun. I will destroy anyone who opposes me, and I will make sure that you suffer for it."
Harry stood up and crossed over to stand in front of Voldemort.
"No deal," he said. "And let me tell you this. Every time you come after me or my friends, it's going to make me more determined to destroy you and everything you stand for."
Voldemort smirked. "Big words for a little boy."
"We're done here," Harry said as he headed for the hall.
"I'm not through with you yet, Harry Potter!" Voldemort screamed at his back. "You will learn the hard way!"
Harry sat up in bed as the last of the vision faded. He noticed that he wasn't covered in sweat as he usually was, and his heartbeat was normal. Voldemort didn't scare him anymore. He smiled grimly to himself as he thought of the betrayal of the Death Eaters. That was a surprising twist. Perhaps only having a piece of your soul could make you unbalanced. It could explain some of Voldemort's behavior. He lay back down, thinking about what Voldemort had said. In a way, he was right. Dolohov was as much as dead, and he still felt bad about that. It was hard enough that he had to live with being the one that had to kill Voldemort. Now he would have to live with the knowledge that he was capable of so many other evils. It was a hard thing for a seventeen year old to deal with on his own. Albion was right, and so was Hermione. Going it alone and letting his fear and hatred of Voldemort rule him wasn't going to win this war. He sighed as he closed his eyes. He had really messed up this time. He was going to have to work pretty hard to win back that trust he lost.
`But,' he mused, `it would be worth it if I am to have any kind of a future with Hermione…'
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