A/N: Okay, now its time to teach Harry a few lessons. Not much action here, but a little insight. I want to thank-you for reviewing my story! It looks like begging for reviews really works! (Please, oh please oh please…) It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! I wonder if this can be addictive….
As before, I still don't own these characters, but I can make them really think about their relationship choices!
Chapter 9
Lessons of the Heart
The next few days seemed to be filled with the wedding preparations and Occlumency lessons, and Ron and Harry never got to finish their conversation. Harry was so busy with the Occlumency lessons that he didn't even think about it.
The lessons had not been going well. For the past few days, Harry was unable to keep Lupin out of his head. Harry was becoming frustrated with his lack of progress, and he felt that Lupin was becoming frustrated as well. Most of the lessons had ended in failure, and Harry felt that perhaps he was never going to get it. Today was no better. Lupin had been attacking him all morning, and Harry was unable to block him. Soon, Lupin found out about the vision. Harry gasped and stumbled to the ground as Lupin pulled away from him. He always felt so violated with these lessons, even though he trusted Lupin.
"What was that Harry?" he heard Lupin ask quietly, "It looked like the Great Hall. That hasn't happened. Why is that memory there?"
"Voldemort gave it to me," Harry said as he plucked at the grass, not meeting his eyes, the shame of failure embarrassing him. "That's what he keeps threatening me with."
"Merlin's Bones Harry! Do you realize what this means? Taking Hogwarts could be a part of his plan! Why didn't you tell someone from the Order?"
"Because I…I didn't think about it. I didn't know the Order was still operating. Besides, I figured he was taunting me. I was focussing more on my friends…" he trailed off.
"I'm sorry, Harry," Lupin said as he helped him up. "It is a pretty disgusting vision. I can see why you wouldn't want to talk about it. As for the Order, it's there; it's just not as strong as before. We have lost a lot of good people and without Fawkes…" Lupin shrugged. "We can discuss this later. Let's try again. Clear your mind. Try to make it blank." Lupin said as he paced.
Harry closed his eyes and tried to will the visions from his mind. He turned to face Lupin.
"Legilimens," Lupin said and flicked his wand.
At first there was darkness, and Harry began to feel some elation of having hidden some of his thoughts. Then suddenly, a whirlwind of visions and thoughts were flying around. Dumbledore's death flashed by, followed by the fight with Snape. They jumped forward to the Dursley's and of him jogging with Tonks. They seemed to circle around the vision of Tonks, and Harry tried to push Lupin back. He knew what he was going to see. Then it was there, the kiss he had shared with her that morning. Suddenly, Lupin was gone from his head and Harry was left gasping again.
"Can you explain why you were kissing Tonks?" Lupin said in a strained voice as he began to stalk towards Harry.
"Hey!" Harry said, backing up. "She was kissing me! She said something about finding the power within me and she kissed me!"
Lupin narrowed his eyes at him and moved closer. To Harry, he looked ready to pounce.
"I swear professor! Honest!" Harry said as he backed up further, starting to feel nervous. He wasn't too sure what he was going to do if the professor attacked him.
Lupin finally stopped and closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, trying to relax. "I believe you, Harry," he sighed, then shook his head. "She always has a way of getting my hackles up," he smiled, "Let's talk about your methods. Tell me how you are trying to clear you mind."
"Well," said Harry, "I just try to push my thoughts aside."
"Hmmm…" said Lupin. "That means that all your memories and thoughts are still near the surface. Let's try this. Picture all of your thoughts in the center."
Harry closed his eyes. He pictured boxes of images jumbled all together in his head.
"Okay. Now build a wall around those thoughts. Lock them in." Lupin waited until Harry nodded. Lupin continued in a low hypnotic voice. "Now, lower that cage down through the floor of your brain. Seal it up, like a vault."
Harry did as he was told. He pictured an empty room, the vault hidden securely in the floor. He opened his eyes.
"Legilimens," Lupin said.
Harry felt him enter his head, and felt a sense of calm. His thoughts were protected; there wasn't anything Lupin would be able to find. He smiled at Lupin and then pushed. Lupin stumbled back, surprised.
"That was good Harry. I couldn't find anything. You're picking up quick."
Harry felt excited. He was finally making progress. It was suddenly making sense.
"Let's try again. I want you to put a wall up in front of me so I can't get in. Try and stop me before I start."
Harry nodded, "Ready," he said.
"Legilimens," Lupin said.
Harry quickly put up a wall and then pushed hard. Lupin stumbled back, almost losing his footing.
"Harry! That was incredible! I didn't even get a chance to get anywhere."
Harry grinned. "Thanks. I just suddenly understood. Snape never explained any of this like you have."
"Let's try something new. One thing that You-Know-Who will try to do is find something. If he finds nothing he will try and tear down your wall and rip you apart until he finds what he wants. Make an image in your mind and plant it behind the wall. Let me find it. You need to learn to direct someone to the image you want to portray, not the image they want to find."
"Got it," Harry said. He thought a moment and then smiled as he remembered an image of him flying on his broom earlier, being chased by Ron. He nodded to the professor, trying to stay focused on the scene in his mind.
"Legilimens," Lupin said.
Harry felt his presence as Lupin pushed against his wall, and he let it fall. He let him see the image of him flying, a feeling of contentment coming over him. Lupin abruptly gave a wolfish grin and latched on to that feeling and followed it. Suddenly he had access to all of Harry's good feelings. Harry tried to catch him, but he was too slippery. Lupin saw him beating the dragon at the Triwizard tournament, winning the house cup, and holding Hermione in his arms as he slept…
"No!" thought Harry. He quickly built a steel wall around his vault of hidden feelings. At the same time he pushed Lupin, hard. Lupin went flying through the air and landed about ten feet away from Harry. Harry staggered from the effort, and then ran to where Lupin was now sitting on the grass.
"Professor! I'm sorry! Are you alright?"
"Merlin's Bones Harry! Where did that come from?" Lupin said.
"I…I don't know!" said Harry. "I couldn't catch you! Then suddenly I saw…something… private, and…and I didn't want you to see it. I created a new wall and I just pushed. I'm sorry. I didn't realize how hard I pushed you."
Harry sat down beside Lupin.
"It was powerful Harry," Lupin frowned, trying to remember the image. Suddenly his eyes went wide and he looked at Harry.
"It was Hermione," he said. "And you…"
Harry turned red and looked away. He still wasn't sure where he stood with Hermione, but much to his chagrin, he had been thinking about her a lot lately. Lupin watched him for a moment.
"Harry," he said finally, "let's try something. I am going to go looking for specific memories. People you know. Try to push me out."
"Okay," said Harry.
"Legilimens," he said and began by looking for Ron. He found him quickly, and watched as the boys shared a laugh together before he was pushed out again, hard. He put his hands back to break his fall, thankful that he was already sitting on the ground.
"Again," he said, "Legilimens," He went looking for Ginny this time. He was pushed out again, but not quite as hard as before.
Harry was breathing hard from the exertion; his face was becoming sweaty.
"Again," he said, "Legilimens," He was going for the images that he thought would create the biggest reaction. He knew he could get to them; Harry was tired. He found Harry and Hermione snuggled in bed together, but then the scene abruptly changed. He saw Hermione kissing Harry the night of his birthday. He was suddenly slammed on to his back and he couldn't move. The force coming from Harry was impossible to break. It was beginning to press on his chest, making it hard to breathe.
"Ha…Harry," he gasped.
Harry's eyes re-focussed and he inhaled sharply at seeing Lupin flat on the grass. The pressure on Lupin's chest suddenly eased and he took in a full breath of air. Harry was shocked. He hadn't used his wand or said a spell, or was even aware of what he did. Lupin sat up, breathing heavily.
"What…How…How did I do that?" Harry asked.
Lupin looked at him for a moment.
"I think," he said slowly, "Your feelings give you power. The stronger the feelings, the stronger your power. You have strong feelings for Ginny, stronger feelings for Ron, but your strongest feelings were for-"
"Hermione," whispered Harry.
"Harry," Lupin started, "how do you feel about Hermione? Have you really looked at your feelings? I don't mean to pry, but there is something very powerful there."
It was the second time that he had been asked about his feelings for Hermione. He cared about her, a lot. He had noticed his body's reaction to her, but chalked it up to male hormones. After all, she was a girl, beautiful, smart, and funny, who wouldn't notice her? She was his best friend, so he felt comfortable around her, not like Cho, who made him feel nervous. He didn't have to worry about how he acted around her, because she only saw him as a friend.
But then, he didn't feel the same sensation that he got when he had kissed Ginny, or even Cho. With Hermione…Well, he could still remember the kiss they had shared, feel the sensation on his lips. It had been incredible and he had wanted more. In fact, he came to the realization that he had thought of very little else but that kiss. He sighed.
"I don't know, professor," he said, "I think about her a lot, but she doesn't see me as any more than a friend. She is seeing Ron, so…" he shrugged.
"Well," said Lupin, "You have a good friend in her. Make sure you treasure that friendship. It might give you the extra power you need. That's enough for today. I'm tired, and you must be too. We'll try again tomorrow.
It was getting closer to Bill and Fleur's wedding, and Mrs. Weasley was in overdrive. Every spare hand was given a job, and Harry was trying to help where he could. He found it difficult with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley pussy-footing around him, like they were afraid he would break, and he found it strange that Ginny seemed to be avoiding him too. The lessons with Lupin were going great. Harry could shut him out without using any exertion at all. He was starting to plant different images in his head to see if he could direct Lupin towards them. He found that he was now in control of his thoughts and feelings; they were no longer in control of him. He was blocking out all the nightmares now, and getting more sleep. His confidence was growing again, and it could be seen in the way he held himself. He was becoming his old self again, and was looking forward to further lessons from Lupin.
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