I own nothing.
**
Chapter 10: The Gift
"The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work."
--Emile Zola
November 21, 1977
Lily anxiously tugged at the black dress she was wearing. All her simple black dresses were at Hogwarts so she had snuck into her mother's room earlier that morning and taken one of hers. Unfortunately her mother was slightly old fashioned and the dress had a high collar, was floor length, and had long sleeves that buttoned at the wrist.
"Oh, bother," she muttered. She went over to her wardrobe and wrenched open the doors, rifling quickly through all of her clothes. She sighed in relief when she saw a black skirt in the back. She pulled it out and held it up to her body, critically eyeing its cut in the mirror. With a firm nod she set it down on her bed and began to unbutton the dress.
She relaxed slightly as she stepped out of it, leaving it in a heap on the floor. The skirt was made of light, swishy fabric that swayed when she moved. She pulled it on and hopped over to her wardrobe again in the process, searching for a blouse. She triumphantly pulled out a simple black shirt.
"Finally," she muttered, unceremoniously yanking the shirt over her head. It mussed her hair and she made a sound of annoyance before brushing it out.
Lily threw the brush on her bed and exited her room, shutting the door behind her. She bumped into Petunia on her way to the stairwell.
"Are you really coming back to live here?" asked Petunia viciously.
Lily sighed again. "I hope not."
"Where are you going, all dressed up like that?"
"I'm going to a funeral," Lily said.
"Whose?" Was that genuine concern Lily detected?
"My friend's father's," she responded, pushing past her sister and heading down the stairs.
"A freak friend? You have friends at the weirdo school you go to?"
"Yes, Pet, I have friends," Lily said tiredly, getting out a bowl and a spoon. "Or at least I did."
"That Sammy girl?"
"Her name was Sunny," Lily snapped sharply, slamming a cereal box onto the counter.
"Was?"
"She's dead."
"Well good for her. Who'd want to be friends with you anyways? She probably killed herself so she didn't have to talk to you."
Lily knocked over the cereal box with trembling hands and glared at her sister. "Take that back," she whispered.
"I won't!" cried Petunia. "Maybe you killed her yourself!"
"STOP IT!" Lily shrieked, sweeping her hand along the counter and pushing bits of cereal onto the ground. "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!"
"I know you're a-"
"Lily! Why in bloody hell are you screaming? You woke me up." James stood on the last step of the staircase, his arm resting against the railing while the other ran over his face, wiping sleep from his eyes. His hair was messier than normal and he wasn't wearing his glasses. He had a grey shirt on with black pants that looked as if they had been pulled on rather hastily.
"Who are you?" Petunia asked rudely.
"I'm James," James said calmly. "Who are you?"
"That's Petunia," Lily spat, shoving her sister roughly and pushing past James. "I'll be in my room."
"What happened?" James asked, catching her arm.
"Nothing," Lily muttered, wrenching her arm from his grip.
"So is your dad the one that died?" asked Petunia tactlessly. It was the last thing Lily heard before she slammed shut her door.
"Bloody bitch."
The knock Lily had been expecting sounded on the door and she opened it forcefully. James wordlessly entered and she slammed the door shut behind him. He sat on her bed.
"So that's Petunia."
"Yes." Lily sat down on the opposite side of the bed.
"She's interesting."
"She's a bitch."
James sighed and nodded, flopping back on the bed so his feet were on the pillow and his head was at the foot. "That she is."
"You have no idea," Lily returned, lying down with her head on the pillow and her feet near James's head.
"Why aren't we friends, Evans?" James abruptly asked.
"What do you mean?" At this point nothing shocked Lily and his abrupt question was somewhat welcome. "We certainly aren't enemies."
"I mean…why do-I don't know what I mean."
"I think because…you've always been a damn prick."
James made a face. "Thanks."
"Anytime."
"But…like right now. We're sitting here, no, we're lying down next to each other and we're having a deep, meaningful conversation." He ignored Lily's snigger. "But we can't be friends? How does that work?"
"Dunno," Lily murmured, "it just does."
James sighed. "Yea, well, we should be going soon."
"You shouldn't have invited my parents."
James made a face. "My mummy raised me polite."
Lily shook her head. "You're mad."
"And proud of it."
"Oh shut up!"
Somebody knocked on the door and Lily sat up. "Come in!"
Her mother opened the door and peeked in. "Lily? Are you-oh, James. I didn't see you." She raised her eyebrows at the sight of them on the bed together.
"Yes, mother?
Mrs. Evans winced at the ice in Lily's voice and opened the door wider. "I'd like to talk to you outside," she said firmly.
"I don't feel like talking to you," Lily said harshly.
"Get out here now, Lily Evans!"
"Fine, fine," Lily grumbled. "I'm coming." She left James lying on her bed and shut the door hard.
"What?" she asked rudely.
"Stop talking to me like that, Lily," her mother said.
"I'm sorry. Okay?"
"It isn't."
Lily bit her lip. "I can't believe you mum! You're not even thinking about anything but yourself! You didn't tell me you were pregnant and now you're taking me away from all of my friends!"
"It's for your own safety!" Mrs. Evans shouted back. "Two of your friends died and you expect me to let you continue there?"
"YES! I do!" Lily shrieked. "This is my life now! You can't just take it away from me! You can't take me away from everyone there!"
"Yes, Lily. I can't take you away from your boyfriend. James Potter is your boyfriend, is he? Did you think I can't tell when my own daughter is lying?"
Lily faltered.
"Here," Mrs. Evans spat, throwing a crumpled piece of paper at Lily's feet. She bent to pick it up and saw that it was dated three weeks ago, mentioning Sirius as her boyfriend.
"So what's your point," Lily asked dully. "James has only been my boyfriend for a week."
"Do not underestimate me," Mrs. Evans said dangerously. "You are my daughter and I know you aren't so fickle!"
"Fine!" Lily said. "He's just my friend. They all offered to help me stay-Sirius and James and Remus and Peter. They're my friends, mum! They all need me! Sunny's gone and Remus is miserable and I have to be there to help him. James's dad just died and it's because he was protecting you and how do think James is dealing with that? I can't believe you would think I would come willingly! I love it at Hogwarts and you're bringing me back over my dead body."
Mrs. Evans sighed. "I worry," she whispered.
"I know you worry," Lily said softly. "But I'm growing up and I don't belong in this world anymore."
"I'm sorry, Lily," Mrs. Evans said, stepping forward and hugging her. "After everything-"
"Mum," Lily said sharply.
"I know you don't like to talk about it, Lily, but you never have and sometimes it helps to get it all out."
"I'm fine, mum," Lily said gently. "Don't worry about me. I have my friends and if I ever want to talk I can go to them."
Mrs. Evans smiled. "Alright, Lily. I'll talk to your father and convince him to let you stay."
Yes! Lily thought. "Thanks mum."
She turned to open the door but he mother said something that made her freeze.
"And James, darling? Tell him he gave an amazing performance. And I would hold on to that one, Lily. He looks like quite a catch, as a friend or more."
"Thanks mum," Lily repeated, exasperated. "I love you," she called out as her mother reached the stairs.
"I love you too, poppet," said Mrs. Evans.
Lily shook her head good-naturedly and opened the door to her room. She jumped on the bed and startled James into consciousness.
"Wha…?" he said, rubbing his eyes and sitting up slightly.
"I get to stay at Hogwarts," Lily squealed, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. "I get to stay and it's all thanks to you and your wonderful performance! Oh, I could just kiss you!"
James stared at her with a dazed look on his face. "You're scary," was all he said, before lying back down and curling up on his side.
"Oh go take a shower." Lily grabbed her hairbrush and ran over to the mirror. He didn't get up. She stomped back over to him.
"Get up!"
"Go away, mum."
Lily rolled her eyes and pushed him off the bed.
**
"Where's Sirius?" Lily whispered, following James across the snowy field.
"I dunno, Evans," said James acidly. "Probably at the ceremony, where we should've been ten minutes ago."
"It's not my fault," grumbled Lily.
"I know," James sighed. "Come on, the portkey's just a little farther."
"No it isn't," said Lily. "It's right there." She pointed to an old rubber tire that looked rather out of place in the white landscape.
"Yep," James said. "That's it."
There was something slightly off about his tone.
"Hey," she nudged him with her shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he said stiffly. "Here, touch. It's set to reset after every fifteen minutes so we have one left."
"I'm sorry my parents didn't come," Lily said softly.
"It's actually quite a relief," said James, a guilty note in his voice.
"You sound as if we aren't both thinking that," pointed out Lily.
"Get ready," said James, as a hook jerked behind Lily's navel and she swung wildly from side to side. Wind picked up and soon suddenly they slammed into the ground; Lily stumbled and James fell to the ground.
James growled slightly as he got up and brushed himself off. His black dress robes were soon clean and they walked the short distance from the portkey point to the large platform erected before a magnificent building.
"Are you ready for this, James?" asked Lily, just as she spotted Sirius in the front row of the chairs set up.
James took a deep breath. "Yea," he muttered. "Go sit by Sirius. I think he saved you a seat."
"And you?"
James shook his head. "I get a platform seat." He pointed to one of the empty seats on the platform, right in between a pretty woman with black hair and a girl with the same color hair.
"Good luck."
James looked at her for a long moment before turning away and heading towards the platform. He stopped and turned around to face her. "Thanks. For everything I mean."
"No problem," called Lily.
He sighed heavily and ascended the platform.
**
If Lily had known Mr. Potter she probably would have been crying. As it was, she almost did, but she knew Sirius would be horrified if she cried so she only sniffled. A part of her knew he wouldn't realize she was crying-he was miserable himself-but it was as much about her strength and resistance to tears as it was about Sirius.
Sirius walked over to James and his two companions, pushing past the long line of guests offering their condolences. James eyes lit up when he caught sight of Sirius and they soon reached his side. Lily caught sight of Remus and two adults she assumed were his parents coming from the left side of the gathering, as well as Peter coming with his mother from the opposite direction.
James, his step-mother, and the girl Lily assumed was Emily quietly accepted the comfort of each guest. When the line dwindled down James turned to his friends.
"Er, Evelyn, you already know Remus and Peter and Sirius." James motioned to each of his friends. "And you've all met Emily."
"Hey Em," Sirius said quietly, chucking her under the chin. She blushed and smiled at him. Lily put a hand to her mouth and stifled a giggle. Did Sirius know that the little girl was besotted with him?
"Evelyn, Emily, this is Lily, Sirius's girlfriend." Evelyn smiled at Lily, daintily wiping under her eyes with a handkerchief. Emily looked at Lily uncertainly.
"How old are you?" the little girl asked, her voice high and sweet.
"I'm seventeen," Lily answered. "How old are you?"
"I'm fourteen," said Emily proudly.
"Why don't you go to Hogwarts?" Lily asked, sure she had not seen this girl before.
Emily sighed. "It's complicated. I go to a boarding school in Switzerland. I'm going to America now, though."
"Oh," Lily said. "Well, you don't know what you're missing with Hogwarts. It's wonderful."
Emily sighed. "I've heard." She leaned forward, her eyes wide. "Do you-do you kiss Sirius?"
Lily looked around in an exaggerated motion. "To tell you the truth, Emily, he's really bad at kissing!"
"Hey!" said Sirius. "I heard that!"
"It's alright dear," said Lily, patting Sirius's arm. "We all know you can't kiss."
"Not all of us," said Peter hastily.
"I would hope not," said Evelyn, giving a watery chuckle. "Would you all like to come to the house for tea?"
Fifteen minutes later Lily found herself falling out of a fireplace and onto a soft Persian rug. She quickly got up and dusted the soot off of her fancy black robes. Remus fell out of the fireplace behind her.
Peter's mother and Remus's parents were in the kitchen with Evelyn, while all the teenagers and Emily were gathered in the parlor.
Emily was arguing with James.
"Why do you keep on humming that blasted tune?" she sighed. "It's so off-key."
"Well-it sounded fine when I heard it," muttered James. "Not that I remember where I heard it."
"What tune?" asked Lily keenly.
Immediately, Emily began humming a tune that Lily recognized. She shot a look at James.
"Er-that's the one I sang when we were-we…."
"Oh." said James. "Oh!"
"Am I missing something?" asked Sirius.
"When we were-er-kidnapped," said James.
"Oh." Sirius looked quizzically. "I've never heard this tune before."
Lily shrugged. "Well, I made it up. I was pressed for time!"
"The tune's okay if you just change a few notes," supplied Emily. She cocked her head to the side. "Do you have words?"
Lily pulled a napkin from its holder and quickly jotted down the words to the poem. Emily pulled them over and glanced over them.
"These are pretty," she murmured. She began singing in a soft, clear voice, high and sweet as a bell. "Do not stand at my grave and weep…"
"I didn't know you could sing," James said softly.
"I knew she could sing, James." Sirius smile wryly and they listed to Emily sing.
"I am not there, I do not sleep." The last word of the poem tapered off and Emily was silent. Lily stared at her, trying to find something to say.
All she could think of was, "That was nice."
"Thank you," Emily said serenely. She plopped down in a chair and frowned. "I love the words. It makes me think of dad…"
"Don't, Emily," James said softly. "Don't."
"Fine, James," Emily said loudly. "You never want to talk about anything anyways!" She walked swiftly from the room and out the front door.
"I'm going after her," James said with a sigh.
"No," Lily said suddenly. "Let me."
It took her almost fifteen minutes to find Emily. She was sitting on a bench in the garden, her robes stark black against the white snow. Her sniffles and hiccups traveled on the wind to Lily's ears.
"I hate him, Lily," Emily whispered. "I hate him so much."
"He's hurting just as much as you are," Lily offered.
"But he's always such a-a git! He's my big brother in every way…I grew up with him. But he can't stand me, Lily!"
"That's not true. He loves you. He thinks you're a wonderful kid and he thinks of you as his little sister. He told me so. Take it from me; I know what it's like to have a horrid sibling. James is nothing like my sister."
"Your sister is a girl," Emily giggled.
"But still." Lily smiled as Emily began to swing her feet.
"Do you think James is a good person?"
"He's…alright, I suppose." I'm lying, why am I lying?
"Just alright?" Emily pressed. "I remember he used to fancy you something awful."
"I remember too."
"He was such a git…he's been so different though, this year! And over the summer too." Emily sighed. "It's something Sirius said. I know it is. Only Sirius's opinion matters to him…and yours, I suppose."
Lily looked down. If that's what you think of me, Lily Evans, then you can go FUCK YOURSELF!…always the culprit…I'm the easy one to blame. I was prick for four years so I may as well be one for the rest of my bloody life. Don't worry, Evans, you've made this quite clear and I'm sure I'll be getting over it sometime soon…
"He grew up," she whispered. "I almost wish he hadn't. I'd rather he have his family and his innocence and be a prick than be so wonderful and so sad." Lily swiped at her eyes to make sure no tears were gathered there. "Let's go in, Emily."
The girl nodded gravely. Lily looked down and saw that their footprints had marred the perfect expanse of white snow.
**
A week passed by uneventfully and the group returned to Hogwarts with Sirius in tow. The Ministry Ball in honor of Madhura Patel was planned, and arrangements for the holidays were made. Lily had had enough of her home and was staying at Hogwarts the entire two weeks, as was James. Almost everybody in Gryffindor tower besides Maria Danes was going home as well after the date of the ball.
One night, Lily was working diligently on an essay for Transfiguration when a shadow fell over her work, blocking the light and making it hard for her to see. "Could you plea-oh, what's happening?"
"You have to go to class," Peter informed her nervously, moving out of her way as she stood up and rolled her essay into a scroll. She placed it in her bag and shot him a quizzical look before heading out of the portrait hole.
They're plotting something. They wanted me to leave. Peter was the one Marauder who she didn't like, and even that feeling was seldom. He had never been anything but polite to her, but he had never been deliberately nice either. While not extremely gifted in the magical area, he sometimes came up with these schemes, these clever plans that were so discreet. He was crafty, for sure.
Lily entered the amphitheatre. She was a few minutes late and climbed the stairs to the platform, taking a seat next to James.
"We're doing individual evaluations today," said James. "Dunno what that means. But it's happening. She's with Maria now, she's already talked to Li. He won't tell anyone what type he has."
"Where?" asked Lily immediately.
"Over there, behind that screen." He pointed to a screen set up at the back of the platform.
"So what do we do?"
James sighed and tapped his fingers on the table. "We wait, Evans. I don't think this woman knows how to teach, much as I like this class."
"There's something odd about her. I think I've met her somewhere."
"Me too," said James. "Even Sirius and Remus and Peter say the same thing."
"Ms. Evans?"
Lily and James looked up from their conversation. Lily stood and followed Patel behind the screen. The only furnishings were two chairs. Patel took one and Lily sat in the other.
"I'm sure you're anxious to find out what type of ancient magic you posses."
Lily nodded when Patel didn't continue. "Are you going to tell me?"
Patel laughed and Lily shivered. I've heard that laugh… "You're a Soul-searcher, Ms. Evans."
Two seconds' silence filled the air as Lily struggled to speak. "Are you-are you serious? I'm a soul-searcher?"
"The only student," Patel said, with something almost like pride.
"But Soul-searchers are-they're like-they're the ultimate."
"Actually, a full Healer would be the highest on that branch. The highest gift in this school is mine…although some of the students come pretty close."
"Who? What's your gift?" asked Lily eagerly. Patel laughed again.
"I can't tell you who. But I can tell you I'm a Full Empath: my strengths are in Linking and Soul-searching. I'm also quite a gifted Amoris."
"Love magic?"
"Yes."
"Wow," Lily whispered.
"Now, this is going to be a large load on top of all of your school-work. You need to give me money for these books-" Patel motioned to a pile of tomes next to her, "-and read them extensively. I'll be able to work with you for only so much time. And I'll be leaving in March, so we have very little time for you to get a basic harness on your gift." She handed Lily the books. Lily shrunk them and put them in the pocket of her robes.
"I'll need to talk to the rest of the students. Follow me." Patel stood. Lily got up and walked out from behind the screen. Nobody was paying attention, and she sat down next to James. He looked up after a few moments.
"Oh. Did you find out what type you have?"
Lily bit her lip, hard. She could tell James, but a part of her wanted to keep her gift a secret. "I'd rather not tell." She looked up and met his eyes.
James stared at her keenly for a moment before shrugging and looking back to his Charms text.
After almost half-an-hour and a lot of noise, Patel came out and called for James. He shut his textbook with a snap and looked wryly at Lily. "Wish me luck."
Lily nodded and watched his tall, lanky form disappear behind the screen. Ten minutes later he walked out with Patel, his face pensive.
"Well?" asked Lily excitedly.
James shook his head, a dazed expression in his eyes. "She's so damn familiar," he whispered. "I can't get over it, Evans. I could swear when she smiled…and when she laughed!"
"Maybe you're attracted to her," Lily shrugged, trying to push away the images the popped into her head at that thought.
"That's just it, Evans. Whenever I think I might be, I start to feel sick. As if it's wrong." He ruffled his hair and Lily tried to stifle her irritation. "Merlin, is she my sister from another world or something?"
Lily watched him pace back and forth, his hands clasped behind his back. He always did this when he was nervous. "She's so secretive," James continued. "As if…as if…did you know there was no publicity about her coming here? Absolutely nothing in the Daily Prophet."
"That's strange. Everything with Hogwarts is a big deal these days."
"I know."
"Strange."
"You're all dismissed," called out Patel, waving her wand at the screen. It disappeared. Lily and James began to walk towards the exit.
"She's an Empath. Love magic, soul-searching, and linking" Lily waited for James to climb the ladder ahead of her. She didn't want him to look up her skirt or something of the like.
James froze. "She's…all three?"
Lily nodded. "Yes."
James began to climb the ladder. "Hmm." He absently grabbed her hand and helped to hoist her up. He dropped it and walked ahead of her, still "hmming."
"I'm quitting Quidditch captain," said James abruptly. Lily nodded and then did a double-take. It was something he often did, she had noticed, after his father's death. He switched topics abruptly, with no warning whatsoever. It was rather disconcerting.
"WHAT?"
"I'm quitting. I can't take it."
"James Potter, I'm going to-"
"Evans!"
"-kill you if you-"
"Evans!"
"-dare think of-"
"LILY!"
Lily stopped uncertainly and looked at him. He's a brilliant captain!
"I want you to take over for me," he said earnestly. Lily just gaped at him.
"I-I-yes?"
"Thanks, Evans," James said immediately.
"Wait!"
He had already gone.
Ravenclaw played Hufflepuff the next day and Hufflepuff flattened them. Lily watched the Ravenclaws trail up dejectedly from the Quidditch field, while she herself was warm and cozy in the library. She hadn't been expecting Sirius, so when he grabbed her hand and pulled her into the hall she had to fight to keep from yelling in surprise. He pushed her against the wall in a niche and kissed her deeply.
"What was that for?" she asked breathlessly, when he had pulled away.
"I feel as if I haven't seen you in ages."
"Not like that," Lily said suggestively. Sirius grinned at her and kissed her again, before running off to make McGonagall mad.
Lily completed her homework for Monday in the common room, glancing slyly at Sirius every few seconds. He looked rather glum.
"What's wrong?" Lily asked, sitting down next to him and nudging him with her shoulder. Sirius shook his head. "Come on, Sirius. You know you want to tell me."
Sirius smiled slightly. "Remus isn't talking to me. He hasn't been. For a while."
Lily frowned. She hadn't realized. "Because of-"
"Yea."
Lily looked down. "You'll reconcile. You've been friends too long…"
"Lily, we'll always be friends, right?"
His tone was strange and it scared Lily. "Are you-are you breaking up with me?" She met his eyes.
She may have imagined it, but for an instant she thought she saw a flare of pinkish orange light flare around him. A color that reminded her of nervousness. It was gone in a second.
"No, Lily. I just…if we ever do…I want us to always-"
"We will," Lily interrupted. "Don't worry."
"Thanks."
He wrapped his arms around her and clung like a child. Lily caught James's eye over Sirius's shoulder and found him glaring at them.
She looked away.