I own nothing.
**
Chapter 22: And the Sky Falls
[Play Crack the Sky, by Brand New]
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June 12, 1978
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Lily clung to the toilet bowl once more, emptying the contents of her stomach for the third morning in a row. She got up with a groan and went to rinse her mouth, only to double back halfway there and vomit again. She flushed the toilet and put a hand to the cool ceramic of the toilet bowl, pressing it to her forehead and hoping to alleviate some of the unbearable heat.
"How long have you known you're pregnant?"
Lily whipped around so fast her hand slipped and almost fell into the gurgling water, but she snatched it back and stood, her head spinning, pressing her lips shut.
"Fuck you, Lily! How long have you known?"
"Maria-"
"I can't believe you!"
"Please don't-" Lily felt the world tilt as she swayed and Maria darted forward to put a steadying hand under her elbow. "I really don't think I can do this as it is, Maria. Please don't make this harder for me."
"Lily…" Maria began, lost for words. "How on earth-weren't you ever careful?"
"I must have forgotten-with James there's no asking if you're sure or not. It just happens because you know he's perfect-and sometimes I just forgot to use a charm because nothing else really mattered-"
"You don't need to explain yourself about that-"
"But I do!" Lily exclaimed, interrupting Maria. "I do need to explain myself because I've got no one else to explain to! I just need to explain whatever's inside of me away. I'm only seventeen, Maria! I've got no bloody idea what I'm going to do about a-a baby. I can hardly even say it."
"Lily," Maria said urgently. "James knows, right? He's just being an arsehole. He knows and he won't get back together with you because he's too proud. Right?"
Lily slowly shook her head.
Maria abruptly stood up and went over to the window. "You fool," she muttered. "You silly fool!"
Lily got up and went back into the bathroom, ignoring her friend. She rinsed out her mouth and brushed her teeth slowly, trying to avoid facing Maria.
She went into the other room and felt her heart stop. It was empty. She flew to the door and wrenched it open, clattering down the steps and into the common room, where Maria was standing, surrounded by James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter. They were all silent and they turned to look at her when she entered.
James averted her eyes and Sirius shot her a sympathetic smile. Remus gave a little half-shrug and Lily frowned. They were acting no different than normal-well, as normal as the current circumstances between she and James permitted.
"Good morning, Lily," Maria said levelly, catching her eyes. She held them and tilted her head slightly in a gesture that Lily understood-Maria would keep silent.
"Good morning," Lily replied, meeting James's eyes and feeling sick with pain. Yes-she did love him, but which of them would give up their pride first and take the initiative to talk to the other? James made only the slightest move, a twitch of his fingers, and she knew he was going to cross the room to join her. He held still though, and she only stared at him.
Very slowly, he turned away from her.
"Come on," he said hoarsely. "Let's go to breakfast."
**
Because the N.E.W.Ts had been so early, the seventh years had no classes until school let out. Maria was stuck in classes all day, however, and she spent this particular day in a state of elevated nervousness, waiting for Boot to dismiss them from the potions dungeon, which was heavy with mist from the positively unnatural heat of the day. The past week had been oddly humid. Her shirt beneath her robes was beginning to stick to her skin and she shifted uncomfortably.
She didn't know what to do with this incredible secret-Lily's pregnancy. She supposed she could always tell James, but in all reality, Lily was her friend. Lily was her only female friend, and she could betray the single-most important confidence she had ever been entrusted with by the older girl.
Finally, class ended and Maria ladled her potion into a vial and put in the stopper; she dropped it onto Boot's desk and bolted out of the classroom.
She opened the door to her dormitory and crossed to her bed, throwing her bag down on it and heading straight for the shower. She stood under a stream of cold water and walked out to wrap a towel around herself, pulling on her skirt again afterwards and walking out to get a different shirt. She heard a soft sound from the bed farthest from hers-a sharp intake of breath. Maria froze and tried to keep her disgust off her face as she quickly reached for a shirt and pulled it on over her soaked hair and shrugged into her robes.
"I'm so sorry," she said softly, not turning around. She knew what she would find. Shelly-most probably entwined intimately with a dishy bloke. It could be a girl though. It had been known to happen, and Maria had walked in on worse.
So, she thought as she shut the door behind her, why am I so disgusted by the thought of being in the same room with a couple of people who are shagging?
Ruefully she shrugged off her heavy school robes and hung them over her arm, rolling her shoulders to un-stick her shirt from her wet shoulders. It was completely ineffectual, as the staircase was just as hot as the dungeons, and just as humid. Someone had to renew the Cooling Charms.
She headed for the library, the place she knew she could be enveloped in cold air. Halfway there, in a little hallway that was as muggy as a rainforest, Maria met Remus.
He paused and smiled at her slightly, his eyes flicking subtly down her body over her shirt, which was conformed to her body from moisture. She realized with a start that her breasts were outlined clearly through the pastel blue of her shirt. She crossed her arms over her chest and his eyes flickered to hers again, clearly amused.
"Have a little respect," she said loftily.
Remus laughed, the first real laugh she had heard from him since…she couldn't remember. Since Sunny died, she supposed. "Respect? Maria, do you want blokes to respect you?"
"Well-not particularly, but it was just a joke."
"Likewise," Remus said, reminding her more of a man of thirty than a boy of seventeen.
No-he was eighteen, and if he wasn't a man, she didn't know who was.
"I'm going to the library," was all she said, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen.
"Really? I was just going there too."
Maria raised an eyebrow and refrained from pointing out that he had just come the opposite way from the library.
"Don't you think this has gone on long enough?"
"What?"
He was silent. "This thing with Sirius."
Maria let out a low, soft chuckle. "Remus, how could you forget? I don't have a thing with Sirius anymore!"
He gave her a reproachful look as he opened the door to the library and held it for her.
"Thank you. And yes, Remus, I am deliberately avoiding your question. I do think it's gone on long enough, but what exactly am I supposed to do? Sirius will be civil-but he won't talk to me. He won't explain anything."
Remus looked uncomfortable and Maria laughed as she headed for the Potions section. "You know why we broke up, don't you? Won't you tell me?"
Remus shook his head. "No. He should. I'm too much of a coward."
Maria paused for a moment but then went on her search. She randomly pulled out a book and began to flip through the pages idly, just so she wouldn't have to look at him.
She felt him come up behind her and place a large hand hesitantly on her shoulder. Every nerve in her body jumped and it took all her willpower to keep from stiffening.
"What do you want from me, Remus?" she whispered, whimpering slightly as his fingers brushed the side of her neck when he took his hand away.
"I just want…" he trailed off. "I don't know what I want. But it's got something to do with you-and your hair…" His hand lingered against her still damp skin and he slid it into her hair. Someone made a strange sound of pleasure-was that her?
She turned and the book fell to the ground, forgotten.
"Remus…"
"Yeah?"
"Please…"
He leaned towards her and checked, his eyes meeting hers hungrily. "Please what, Maria?" he asked sweetly, but instead of giving her a chance to respond, he closed the gap and kissed her.
Maria gasped against his mouth and her hands trailed up his arms, skimming over the column of his neck and traveling upwards to frame his face. His cheeks felt good under her hands-slightly rough and quite obviously unshaven. Scruffiness suited Remus. He was warm and solid and beautiful, and Maria wanted to go on kissing him forever.
But moments later he pulled his wonderful sweet tasting mouth away and stumbled backwards, a dazed look upon his face. "Er…I suppose that's what I'm looking for," he said awkwardly.
"That's all anyone's ever looking for from me." Maria herself was taken aback by the bitterness there.
"Not necessarily," Remus said after a second, but he leaned in to kiss her again, sliding his hands down to her waist and pulling her in closer. Maria melted into him and arched against him, desperately trying to keep herself from....whatever would normally happen with Sirius. She didn't want that yet. His hand trailed up her side and she gasped into his mouth when his fingers brushed against the side of her breast.
"Okay," he said, breaking away. His voice cracked. "Okay, Maria." He kissed her again and pulled away, muttering incomprehensible words.
What the bloody hell is wrong with me? Maria thought. She had never been so reluctant to sleep with someone.
Perhaps because one of your best friends just got pregnant?!
Oh…never mind, Maria thought, as his hand covered her breast and he leaned in to kiss her once more. He broke away and trailed little kisses over her cheek until his lips met the shell of her ear. He breathed into it heavily and Maria held still.
"Okay," she said, and could have smacked herself for being so stupid.
"Um…" he whispered, his whisper sneaking into her ear. "I didn't…Sirius just…I don't know. I really need to talk to you."
Maria sagged against him in relief and pressed her face into his shoulder.
"I'm not very good at this, all right? I'm not good with girls. For a long time…there was just Sunny."
"I didn't mean to say all that stuff about you two, Remus. It's…it's complicated because I've got love magic so I know when things will work out or not for people who aren't me…and I didn't want to randomly walk up to you and warn you because I hardly knew you. And then I figured…after her…after she died perhaps I could tell you it wouldn't have worked out and you'd move on. I didn't expect you to…"
"I kind of knew," Remus said quietly, slipping his hands into his pockets and moving away from her. Maria swayed without his weight and then leaned against the bookshelf, closing her eyes.
"You kind of knew?"
"That it wouldn't work," he clarified. "That's why I got so mad-because I didn't want anyone else to know we weren't perfect."
Maria opened her eyes.
"You were perfect." The full implication of what she said hit her and she flushed. "I mean…you were perfect together. You had the picture-perfect relationship."
Remus was shaking his head. "You were right. Listen…you know I'm a…I'm a werewolf. Sirius told me you knew. And Sunny…she didn't like werewolves." He shifted uncomfortably. "And as much as I hate it-being a werewolf is part of me." He frowned. "It's…it's something I can't imagine not having. And for her to hate a part of me like that…it wouldn't ever work. Eventually it would've ended. And we'd hate each other or something equally terrible,"
Maria swallowed hard. "I'm really sorry…."
"Yeah," Remus said, and then he went silent. "Well, I should get-"
"Lily is pregnant," Maria blurted.
--
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June 15, 1978
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James's meeting with Patel had been put off for a week. She had suddenly taken ill and he was to meet her in three days-and he was incredibly jittery. He hadn't spoken to Lily since the day she helped him study for his Charms N.E.W.T. He got his fill of her only by watching her, and he was beginning to feel vaguely stalkeresque.
He had told Sirius everything just hours ago. He had told him about the Order of Light, about his magic, about what, precisely, was going on with he and Lily.
"Think fast, Prongs!"
WHACK!
James stumbled and reeled as something hit him hard in the back. "Padfoot! You bastard!"
"Hey," Sirius said jovially, clapping him on the back. "If I'd never known my father I'd be ten times happier." He frowned. "Though I'd rather not know my mother."
"Shut up, Padfoot," James said irritably, sighing heavily. He looked down at what Sirius had hit him with: a pack of exploding snap cards. "Oh, Sirius," he groaned. "Please not this game."
Sirius grinned. "Go on. Open them."
James sighed and pulled out the tab of the cardboard box. He slapped the stack of cards out onto his palm and grinned slightly. "Aw, thanks mate."
Sirius shrugged. "Hey, I thought a few third year memories would cheer you up. We made those cards first day during Potions."
James nodded. "I remember." He flipped through the forty cards-all depicting Slytherins and other people they had hated dressed in crazy attire.
"Well," Sirius said, looking slightly uncomfortable. "Well."
There really wasn't anything else to say.
"I don't know if I'm going," said James quietly, turning back to the fire, which was burning without heat.
Sirius hesitated. "Well…do you really want to?"
James shrugged. "I didn't. But I sort of…it would be really interesting, you know? And now that I don't have a chance with Lily-"
"You still might. She might come to her senses."
James laughed bitterly. "Oh. Right. Fucking Lily's going to come to her bloody fucking senses and is going to come fucking crawling back into my bed. I don't think so."
Sirius laughed. "Sure, James. Lily can't resist you and you know it."
James shook his head. "But she can. She's been resisting me for a while."
Sirius sighed. "Well…then I guess you should go."
James started. He hadn't thought his friend would tell him what to do so quickly.
But what James really wanted to know was whether he and Lily would reconcile.
"I'll give it three days-after I meet with Patel and Lily, I suppose. Then I'll decide. All right?"
"Okay. But-don't be too proud? Okay? If you get an opening and you want to take it, and I know you do-just take it. Don't be too proud."
James nodded slowly. "I think I understand you," he said.
Sirius smiled wryly. "You'd be the first."
--
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June 16, 1978
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Lily gasped and sat up in bed as her curtains were wrenched aside. She looked around wildly and saw Professor Patel standing there, her long hair coming loose from her braid and her eyes alight with fear.
"Professor? What's going on?"
"There's no time!" Patel cried. "Come on! We have to go to the amphitheatre!"
"Why-"
"Oh, please hurry!" Patel moaned, tugging on her wrist.
"It's all right!" Lily said, feeling ridiculous. What was she doing comforting a teacher? She swung her legs over the side of the bed and pushed her feet into her shoes. "See? I'm up! What's wrong?" She wasn't supposed to meet with Patel until Wednesday.
"Get him! Go get him and bring him down there! Now!"
With that Patel ran from the room, her robes flying out behind her. Lily scrambled up from the bed and flung herself at the door, calling for her professor. She was gone.
Lily wasn't going to be stupid. She knew Patel meant to get James-but to go into James's room…where he slept…where she had slept…it was unthinkable.
Then she remembered the look on Patel's face. Perhaps they would finally get to know the real story behind Patel's presence at Hogwarts.
Lily scrambled down the stairs and glanced out the common room window. The morning was bleak, gray and sickly white. She ran up the stairs to the boys' dorms and crept quietly as she could into the seventh year room.
Remus was not in his bed. Sirius was lying sprawled over his bed, snoring loudly. Peter was tossing.
James was lying on his bed, his eyes open and his arms thrown out above his head. His legs lay akimbo. He looked over when she entered and raised an eyebrow. "Lily?"
"Patel wants us in the amphitheatre. Right now."
James sat up very quickly and hopped across the room to his trainers. He pulled them on in the blink of the eye and also pulled on a shirt. He stubbed his toe and swore before grabbing his wand and slipping on his glasses.
"All right," he said quickly. "I'm ready."
Lily had stood dazed during this quick routine of getting ready. Did he really want to see Patel that badly? Jealously surged through her and she bit her lip hard to keep from saying something bitter. "Er…let's go."
"Good," James said, and he made a motion towards the door.
"Oh!" Lily said; she had been blocking the door. She pulled it open and they began the long walk down to the amphitheatre.
Patel was pacing the floor when they got there, her hands hooked behind her back. Lily frowned and then shook off the familiar sense of knowing…
"James! Lily!" Patel cried, striding forward. They met her halfway and she drew them up to the platform and sat them in two chairs. "I have to leave."
"What?" asked Lily. "What do you mean, you have to leave?"
"I've got to go. I'm not coming back. See-" She flicked a glance at James. "The Order of the Light-it's an Italian organization, they called me back. I've got to go now…and you're never going to see me again…neither of you."
"But why-" Lily broke off.
"I can't leave without telling you," Patel said breathlessly. "Dumbledore said I shouldn't but that I could…and oh, I want to tell you so bad!"
"Tell us what?" James said wearily. "What can you possibly have to the both of us…?" Together? But he did not add the word.
Patel took the deepest breath ever and let it out. "I'm your daughter."
Ten seconds' ringing silence reigned in the room before Lily let out a hysterical giggle.
"You aren't serious," she said, through another laugh.
"I am!"
James held up a hand. "But…how can you be our daughter? Do we…I mean…"
Patel shook her head. "My brother…did something."
"Your…brother?" Lily said faintly.
"My older brother! He changed one event-and everything was thrown off balance. In the other world he created you never found out James was an Amoris until after you got married. And by then you were sure of yourself and you didn't separate. But something happened to my brother and he went bad-he got kidnapped and he went crazy so he changed the timelines. And because you two got married right out of school, it changed things so that Voldemort got a hold of a scroll which helped him become immortal-"
"You're Indian!"
"Illusions, Lily! It's all and illusion!"
"I don't believe you," said James.
"Check your map! Maria Potter! Check it!"
Lily swung around to face James. "What map?"
But James was pulling something out of his pocket. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!"
He stared at the parchment for a moment longer before shutting his eyes and handing it to Lily. She stared at it, bewildered. It was a map of the school, complete with secret passages leading out to Hogsmeade and detailed names for every room. Small dots were moving about it-and Lily realized with a start that in the amphitheatre were three dots-herself, James, and Maria Potter.
"Oh…oh, God…"
"Why is your name Maria?" James suddenly asked.
Patel-Lily couldn't call her Maria-shifted.
"I'm named after my aunt-well, my not really my aunt. Close enough. And you call me Adelaide. It's my middle name."
"Adelaide…" Lily whispered.
"Why are you named after Maria-is that the Maria we know now?"
Patel shut her eyes. "She married Remus," she whispered. "And they died within two weeks of each other. She was first, he was second. My brother-his name was Remus-"
James put a hand over his eyes. "Remus can't die…"
"Not in this world, though! James, don't you see? Because everyone stayed in England countless things are different in that world. It's a parallel to this one. And the balance of the Cosmos-it's been thrown off. Didn't you see that it was so hot this past week? Unnaturally hot for this region? It's because of this imbalance. See-he imbalanced it…it's very possible that…" She took a deep breath. "It's very possible that you won't even have him now because of the imbalance. Maybe you'll have the baby you miscarried a year before I was born. Or maybe Lily'll have-"
Patel snapped her mouth shut and Lily shot her a warning look.
"Maybe you won't have my little sister! You named her Elizabeth Aurelia after your mothers…isn't that a pretty name? She was the most adorable thing-"
"Take off your illusion," James said hoarsely, gripping the arms of his chair hard. "Take off the bloody illusion right now!"
Patel lifted her wand and said an incantation that was totally unfamiliar to Lily. Her skin began to lighten; her nose lengthened and her eyes changed to a lighter shade; her hair changed from black to red.
Lily was staring at a female version of James with red hair.
"Oh my God," whispered Lily, turning her face away. "This is unbelievable."
"Adelaide. Please call me Adelaide."
"Adelaide," James said. Lily repeated it with a sigh. It was such a fitting name for this girl standing before her. It was not nearly so suffocating as Madhura.
"Please," Adelaide said, kneeling between their chairs. She took one of Lily's hands and one of James's. "I hardly remember you," she said, her eyes filling with tears. She reached a trembling hand out and touched Lily's cheek. "I never knew if I looked like you or my dad. I never knew how beautiful you were. I grew up in the most horrible way and I'd always wonder why you couldn't save me-and it was because you got killed by your own son…named after the most sweet-tempered man-"
"Adelaide," Lily whispered, turning the name over on her tongue. It was beautiful.
"Please-this is too much," said James, squeezing his eyes shut.
"I can't…you're my daughter-you're perfect, Adelaide," Lily said fiercely. "You bloody beautiful-god, you're so perfect…what did I do to get you?"
Adelaide shook her head. "I'm a terror."
Lily laughed. "Oh…I can't even comprehend this-"
"So we die?"
They both looked at James.
"When were you born, Adelaide?" he asked next.
"April 30th, 1982. Lily miscarried once-that baby should have been born in August of 1980. Everything's so confusing-"
"So we were such terrible parents our son-Remus-decided to just get up and off us one day? 'Oh, hello mum and dad. I'm terribly sorry for the interruption but I've come to kill you. Oh, whoops, Addy-sister dear, look what I did! Mum and dad are gone. Let's go underground so I can be a sick little sadistic toerag-' Holy Merlin! Did we fight? Did we teach him that violence was good or something?"
"You weren't terrible-"
"You were four when we died! When we were murdered by our first son! How can that make us good parents? If he went mad from kidnapping we should have been there to save him. How could my own son kill me if I wasn't a bloody bastard to him?"
"You couldn't-"
"And I repeat. How would you know?"
Adelaide closed her mouth. "Look-I know this is a shock-"
"A shock?" James bellowed. "A shock? Oh, Merlin, you're kidding me! Lily would rather fuck Snape than look at me and you think that me finding out she had three of my kids is a bloody shock? I'm about to have a bleeding hard attack-"
"I wouldn't rather shag Snape," Lily spat. "All right? I'm just-"
"Lily, just shut up. Haven't we all told you that you've done enough damage? I'll be civil to you but I don't have to talk to you!"
Lily's mouth snapped shut and she closed her eyes for a second before pinning him with a glare. "Good. I don't want to talk to you. And I'd rather fuck Lucius Malfoy than you. I'd rather fuck Narcissa Black than you!"
"Well I hope you have a good time turning into a lesbo, Evans!"
Lily flinched. "Stop-"
"And another thing-don't try to come near me or I'll smack you into whatever other world out daughter's popped out of!"
"So now you'd hit me?" she said acidly. "Oh, I'm so sure you w-"
"I would," he hissed, stepping forward. "You've ruined me Lily, and it's time you get something back for it."
"Please, just shut up-"
"You're a bloody bitch, Lily. Go fuck Malfoy. Fuck Black. Fuck Rosier for all I care. I'm through. I'm through." He turned to Adelaide. "Look-I don't think I'm ever going to see you again, so I'm going to say this once. You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen. You're amazing. And I'm proud-I truly am. I know what it's like to want your parents you can't have be proud of you. And I really think I could love you if you stayed. But since you can't-" His voice cracked and he leaned forward, hugging her tightly. "We'll just have to settle for this. I wish we'd know for longer so I could spend more time with you-" He broke off and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I ruined this." He hugged her tighter and released her. "Goodbye, Maria Adelaide."
She closed her eyes. "Goodbye," she breathed, and it was a true one.
James turned and walked out of the amphitheatre without a second glance.
--
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June 18, 1978
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Remus was sitting in the common room when Maria sat down next to him and pulled his book from his hands.
"We need to talk."
"The dreaded words are heard," he remarked dryly, watching her set the book down and clasp her hands in her lap. She couldn't sit still; she was constantly making little patterns on the couch with her fingers.
"I told you something a few days ago."
Remus raised an eyebrow. "That little bit of information you shared with me is not something-it's got a life of its own. That something is so big I can't even-"
"Okay, I get it," she interrupted. "But you…you can't tell anyone. Did you?"
Remus shook his head. "I haven't. But I'm going to."
"You can't!" Maria cried, grabbing his hands. "She'll kill me if he finds out!"
"Maria, this is James. If he finds out-and if he finds out that we knew he won't ever talk to us again. James never does anything halfway. And he'll marry her. He'll drop everything and marry her and it'll destroy them. Maybe if he had asked before-they would be happy. But the way it's going now? They'll kill each other…but he must know."
"Let him find out later! If no one tells him he won't find out!"
Remus laughed. "They'll get into a fight and she'll blurt it out. You know it'll happen."
"Remus, I'm begging you. Please don't tell him. Don't tell Sirius either-or Peter-and don't tell Lily you know-"
"Maria. I can't keep this to myself. He deserves to know."
Maria looked down and intertwined her fingers with his. "He does," she whispered. "He does deserve to know…but I can't shake the feeling that if he finds out and stays-something important will happen. Or something won't happen. It's as if…if James stays-then what if he's prevented from doing something he was supposed to do?"
Remus frowned. "What if finding out keeps him here-and he's supposed to stay here? What if that's what's supposed to happen?"
Maria shook her head and looked up and him, her eyes bright with tears. "He can't know." She kneeled on the couch and leaned over him. "This is the only thing I'm ever going to ask you for. Ever."
Remus's blood ran cold. "What do you mean? Why wouldn't you ask me for anything else?"
Her face was only inches away from his. "Because I don't want you to give anything else to me. I just don't want you to tell anyone-anyone at all. Lily's my only friend-"
"I'm your friend," he interrupted, feeling slightly hurt.
Maria laughed weakly and leaned down, kissing him. Her mouth was firm and delicious and it made him ache. "You're just my friend? I hope you don't kiss all your friends like that."
Remus smiled reluctantly. "I don't. Peter isn't my type and James is unfortunately not gay enough for me."
"And Sirius?"
"He doesn't kiss good enough."
Maria froze for a moment and then laughed. "That wasn't funny."
He poked her in the stomach and she doubled over, effectively tickled. He felt her hair brush his face and the sensation sent shocks through his body. He shifted slightly and leaned away from her.
"Then why are you laughing?"
"Because the idea of you and Sirius kissing is just-it's just-just insane!" she gasped, collapsing on top of him.
"There's nothing wrong with being gay. You don't think I can be gay?" he asked, and suddenly wondered just at what point this conversation had taken this direction.
Maria slid a hand up his leg and raised an eyebrow, sending his temperature through the roof. "You don't react like you're gay."
"Point taken," he said breathlessly, grabbing her hand and pushing his fingers between hers. They were tiny and slender and white and looked amazing entwined with his.
"I won't tell anyone," he said after a moment.
She smiled up at him, sprawled across his lap. "I know."
He felt a sound rise up in the back of his throat and repressed it.
"You're such a good person," she sighed. "I didn't expect you to be such a good person." She reached out a hand and put it on his chest. "I think I want to be with you."
"You think?"
"I…you're really great, Remus."
"You think?" he prodded. Did she only think she wanted to be with him?
"You're leaving at the end of the month," she finally said. "And I'm still going to be here."
He froze, not having thought of this.
"I'm going to be here in this place without any of you-and you're all going to be out in the world-amongst all these wonderful people who don't sleep with anybody who asks-"
"You don't sleep with everyone," he said.
She laughed bitterly. "I do. I'm the Hogwarts Harlot-"
"If James were to ask to sleep with you, would you?"
She looked taken aback. "Well, no. But-"
"Sirius?"
"Probably not. But I'd still-"
"Snape? Salmand Malfoy? What about Lucius Malfoy? Or-"
But Maria flushed and looked down. Remus was horrified.
"You-you shagged Snape?"
She shook her head vigorously. "No! I…Malfoy. Lucius Malfoy."
"He's six years older than you!" Remus said disbelievingly.
"So? Narcissa Black is engaged to him and she's in our year! I was sixteen when it happened, so I wasn't-"
"Let's just not talk about you shagging Malfoy, okay?" he said angrily.
"Remus," Maria said softly, sitting up and putting her hand on his cheek. "It's not like it mattered with Malfoy-I haven't…I haven't slept with anyone since Sirius. And I haven't slept with anyone but Sirius since the beginning of February." She bit her lip. "I don't want to start something we can't finish. Maybe once I get out of Hogwarts we can…try. But if we get together now-we're just going to resent each other for tying the other down over the summer."
Remus wanted to tell her that it wasn't true-that he would go to hell for her and stay there forever if she needed him to-but the expression on her face was so confused that he didn't want to confuse her more.
"I want to be with you," he said after a moment, putting aside his pride for the briefest of seconds. "We don't…it doesn't have to be really serious, does it? We can just have fun-and then at graduation that's it-and once you get out of Hogwarts we'll see."
She nodded. "All right."
"So…does this mean I can kiss you now?"
--
**
____________________________
June 22, 1978
____________________________
James stormed up to the Heads' Rooms and into his private bedroom, slamming open the door and snatching the stupid letter off his desk. He glared at it, having looked for it since the day he had seen Adelaide and Lily in the amphitheatre. He had just seen Lily in the halls and the sight of her just talking to Dean Rosier had made him crazy. He crumpled the letter slightly and then set off for the owlery.
He couldn't stand it anymore. He had to leave England. He had to leave England and stay away for as long as he possibly could.
He looked around futilely for his owl and instead chose a school owl and tied the stupid letter to stupid owl's leg. He paused for a moment and thought hard.
Did he want this?
Only if he couldn't have Lily.
Did he…want Lily?
Not at the moment, he didn't. He ached so badly and he had to relieve it.
He let go of the owl and it flew off into the light. He sat down to wait, for what, he did not know.
An hour later, an owl returned. He took the letter and the owl dipped forward, as if bowing. Frowning at this strange behavior, he broke the seal on the envelope-a lyre with a sunburst behind it-and read the flowing words.
As soon as he finished the letter-which told him he would begin training on the second of July and would end on the thirteenth of August and accepted him into the Brethren, and so mote it be-it burst into flames and he let go of it.
It hovered before him for ten seconds or so and the flames grew brighter, so bright they shone with white-gold brilliance and blinded him. He threw a hand over his eyes and felt the flames touch him. Instead of burning him, they warmed him and he welcomed them within his body. Warmth-pure warmth-spread from the tips of his fingers to his toes.
And suddenly he was on fire. He screamed in agony and fell to the floor, rolling on the unforgiving stone in a futile effort to put out a fire which raged only within him.
Suddenly he was a cold as he had been before, but he felt strange. He felt…fuller. He had a purpose now. He stood and groaned with pain. His arm itched and he scratched it, wincing as a sharp sting stabbed through his muscles. He pulled up his sleeve and stared at the symbol on his arm. It was red, gold, and shimmering white-the same seal from the envelope. It was almost…alive. It was warm to the touch.
Shaking his head at this strange new development, he began his trek down to the common room.
Right outside the portrait hole, a sixth year Gryffindor stopped him.
"Hi, James," she said, slightly breathlessly. She smiled up at him, all newness and candy and innocence.
"Hello," he said politely, trying to remember her name. He was too listless to think of it.
"You know Maria and Lily, right?"
"Yea," he said warily, eyeing her with distrust. Sweet Merlin, was she going to ask him out?
"Don't you remember my name?" she asked quietly.
"Of course I do, Hanna," he said, the name coming to him suddenly. Hanna Hayden-perhaps the only sixth year Gryffindor girl out of six who wasn't a slag.
She smiled slightly. "It was nice talking to you," she said, her voice sugar and silk. "I hope you have a wonderful evening."
She walked off without another word and James frowned, facing the portrait hole. "Washayara," he said, and she swung open.
The moment he stepped inside he knew something was wrong.
The normally loud common was silent as a tomb aside from a strange chattering sound-as if someone was so cold their teeth were clicking-but as soon as he stepped into the room every head swiveled towards him and whispers swept through the room. A crowd of people was clustered around the fireplace.
And without a doubt, he knew the unthinkable had happened.
**