I own nothing.
***
Chapter 1: He Was Never Perfect
[Perfect, by Simple Plan]
September 1, 1977
Platform 9 ¾ was bustling with people, all calling out to each other and frantically checking to make sure they had all their belongings. Amongst the varied colors of hair a bright, vibrant red stood out from the crowd. Lily Evans stood next to her trunk and breathed in deeply. This was where she belonged, in the middle of this large mob of people. She glanced around so she would have a good memory of the final time she would board the Hogwarts Express on the first of September.
She looked down at her hands and frowned. She was shaking with nerves.
Lily Evans was nervous.
Lily turned over the thought in her mind and toyed with it. She had never been so nervous in her entire life, except perhaps when she had sat under the Sorting Hat. After that, nerves had become a thing of the past as she began to settle into her life at Hogwarts. She was anxious partly because of her new duties as Head Girl, partly because of the fact that James Potter-her inter-house rival-was Head Boy, and partly because of Sirius Black.
Sirius bloody Black.
Lily blushed at the thought of him and began to drag her trunk towards the train. She gave up halfway there and waited for her best friend to appear and help her. She sat on her trunk and propped her elbows on her knees and leaned her chin on her crossed hands. Sighing, she looked off at a faraway point, imagining what Sirius would do when he saw her.
Perhaps he would kiss her? Or maybe he would tell her how much he had missed her? She looked down and smiled slightly. She never would have thought she would be attracted to Sirius Black, but she was.
She was very attracted to Sirius. Everything about him used to repel her, but once she had actually gotten to know him…well, he was much different from her image of him. Their walks around the lake at the end of last year had shown her another side of him. A small part of her had thought-no, hoped-James Potter would turn out to be a good person as well, but he hadn't spoken to her once since the first of May. Not once.
Oh well, Lily thought. Why am I wasting my time wondering about Potter when I could be looking for my boyfriend?
At that moment, she spotted someone even better than her boyfriend-of-only-three-months.
"Sun!" Lily yelled, and her best friend spun around and caught her eyes. She waved enthusiastically and pulled her trunk over to where Lily was.
"Lily!" she cried, throwing her arms around the redhead and kissing her cheek. Lily laughed.
Sunny was a very pretty girl, with straight, shiny, black hair that reached almost her waist and slanting, almond shaped dark eyes. Her mother and father were both born in China and were Muggles, but Sun was an American citizen by birth. She had moved to England shortly before she turned eleven, and therefore shortly before she started her first year at Hogwarts.
"Oh! There's Remus and Pettigrew," Sunny said, waving off to the side. Sunny was very good friends with Remus Lupin. "And there's Sirius."
"Oh, stop!" Lily said, smacking her friend in the arm. "Are you two years old?"
"Perhaps," Sunny, said, throwing back her head and laughing. A second-year boy near buy stumbled and looked at Sunny with wide, adoring eyes. Lily laughed as he passed them.
"Oh, Sun, you're shocking the children!"
Sunny sniffed and turned her nose up, raising an eyebrow at Lily playfully. "Right, Lily. Of course. The children. Aren't you only seventeen? Since when did you become grandmother?" She grinned slyly. "When you got that?" She pointed at the Head Girl badge and Lily instantly felt guilty. Sun was a little miffed that Lily had become Head Girl. Lily assumed she would feel left out.
Lily grinned and shook her head. "No fair!" she pouted.
A whistle blew. "Oh, we'd better board the train," Sun said. She paused, glancing at Lily nervously. "Are you…are you sitting in the Prefect's compartments?"
Lily smiled warmly. "Only about a half-an-hour before we reach the school. There's a meeting, but I'm sitting with you the rest of the time."
Sun smiled at her, looking rather relieved, and pointed her wand at their trunks, muttering the Levitation Charm, since they could use magic as soon as the whistle blew. They boarded the train and went looking for a compartment. The first few were full, or were filled with not quite the best company. Namely, Muggle-hating Slytherins.
The second to last compartment was filled with a group of four Slytherins, all of which were in seventh year. Lily and Sunny knew all of them from Potions, flying, Care of Magical Creatures, and the Dueling Club.
"Get out, Chi," Salmand Malfoy said, spitting out the name like it was poison. He didn't even acknowledge Lily.
"We're going, Malfoy," Sunny replied.
"Well go faster," Alex Avery sneered.
"Come on! Get a move on!" Jeremy Vole said. "And take your Mudblood residue with you!"
Lily and Sunny froze and glared as the Slytherins, including Snape, began to laugh uproariously. Lily was on the verge of taking house points and giving Vole a piece of her mind when a voice rang out in the compartment.
"20 points from Slytherin, Vole. Don't let me ever catch you calling anyone that again, or I'll tell your Head of House."
Vole didn't listen. He continued to laugh, until James Potter stepped into the compartment and marched straight up to him, his Head Boy badge standing out proudly on his chest. He grabbed a fistful of the Slytherin's robes and brought his face right up to his. "Do I make myself clear?" he asked, his voice dangerously low.
The compartment went completely silent.
Slowly, Vole nodded. Potter put him down.
"Always protecting you girlfriend, aren't you?" Vole asked.
Potter stared at him for a moment, and then his gaze flickered to Lily and Sunny. He shook his head and rolled his eyes before walking back into the last compartment. Reluctantly, Lily and Sunny followed him, leaving behind the compartment of baffled Slytherins.
"Hey, Evans," Peter Pettigrew said coolly. "Chi."
"Peter," Lily acknowledged. She was making an effort to be nice to everyone this year. Except Potter.
"Remus! How was you summer?" Lily asked, stowing her trunk next to Potter's seat. He continued reading his Quidditch magazine and ignored her. Lily frowned.
"It was okay. Never a dull moment," he said.
"Did you get sick often?" Sunny asked.
Remus glanced at her, and then his friends. "Not once," he said.
He's lying, Lily thought idly, already turning her attention to Sirius, who was sitting next to Potter. Lily sat down next to Sirius, thoroughly irked. Sirius put an arm around her, and she leaned her head on his shoulder with a contented sigh.
Sunny was giving Remus Lupin shy looks and he was returning them, while Peter had already fallen asleep in his corner.
"So," said Lily, turning to Sirius, rather disappointed that he hadn't said anything to her yet. "How was your summer?"
"Hm? It was fine. James's dad was great."
"You stayed with Potter?" asked Lily quickly. She hadn't known that.
"I live with Potter," Sirius replied, leaning in for a kiss.
"Oh, get a room!" Potter cried, finally saying something. Lily and Sirius ignored him, continuing their kiss until an unwelcome voice from the doorway interrupted them.
"Do you have any respect for the sanity of others? If you continue that someone's going to die from fright." Lily broke away, her cheeks flaming, and looked at the man who was standing in the door of the compartment.
"Malfoy," she said through gritted teeth.
"That's Mr. Malfoy to you, dearest," Lucius Malfoy ordered sharply. Indignant, Lily opened her mouth to say something but stopped when Potter stood.
"Oh, shut up, Lucius," Potter said, his dark eyes blazing. "And please, leave."
"I was actually looking in to see what the fuss is," Malfoy said, ignoring Potter.
"And yet you're still here even though you have no right to be on this bloody train in the first place. Have you forgotten that the Express is only for students? Current students, not former ones," said Potter, shaking his head. "Now get out."
"Still a scared of me?" asked Lucius in a whisper, stepping forward until he was almost nose to nose with Potter.
"I was never scared of you. I just never knew how much of a coward you were."
"You little-"
"Fuck you. Get out before I take out my wand. I don't give a damn if you were Head Boy. I'll be better than you any day," Potter spat.
Lily had to hand it to Potter; he could be quite intimidating when he wanted to. Malfoy sneered at Potter, who pointed to the door. The blonde-haired man laughed.
"You'll get yours, Potter," he said softly. Lily shivered. "You and your friends and the mudblood bitch."
Lily was fully prepared to yell at Potter for defending her when the time came.
But he didn't. Defend her, that is.
For the first time in her life, Lily missed the old Potter. The one who actually told people off for calling her names. She shook it off and watched as Potter whipped out his wand and pointed it between Malfoy's eyes.
Malfoy glared at Potter for a moment before something in his eyes flickered and he smiled-a challenge-whirling around with his robes flapping and exiting. Potter slammed the door after him.
"Bastard," Sunny muttered.
"He makes me want to-argh!" Lily said.
"We know," Potter remarked dryly. "You should have seen your face when he called you dearest." He sat down, and when the witch with the trolley came by, they all bought pumpkin pasties and cauldron cakes, spending the time until the Prefects meeting laughing and joking, (in Lily and Potter's case, insulting).
"We have to go," Lily said, standing up. Potter stood up after her.
Lily bent down for a quick kiss from Sirius and smiled at him, not missing the rather haunted expression in his eyes. She frowned and didn't remark on it, following Potter out of their compartment.
There were only three Slytherins in the other compartment; Snape had probably already made his way to the Prefects compartment. They walked through without incident, and were halfway down the train when it stopped.
The lights went out and plunged them into darkness, and screams erupted from the compartments. Lily pressed closer to Potter with a small whimper and he chuckled.
"Scared of the dark, Evans?" he asked with a sneer in his voice.
"Yes," Lily gasped, breathing shallowly.
"Hey," Potter said, and she felt rather than saw him turn towards her, and he gripped her shoulders. "Are you really scared, Evans?"
She nodded, realized he couldn't see, and answered "Yes."
"It's alright," Potter said. She felt his arm go around her waist and heard a muttered "Lumos!"
There was now a semi circle of light and Lily cleared her throat, stepping away from Potter and drawing her own wand. "Lumos!" There was more light and she could see his face. He looked a little worried, but when he saw her looking, he quickly changed it into a sneer. "Don't be a baby. What kind of Head Girl are you, Evans? Let's go calm the kids down and tell them to light their wands."
They moved forward into the next compartment, which was full of Gryffindor sixth years, minus the two prefects. They all had lighted wands. "Evans, Potter, do you know what's wrong?" Jonathan Davis asked, his face eerily lit by wandlight.
"No, we were just on our way up." After walking through the next few compartments, they stopped in front of a locked door. It was strangely cold in this corridor, and strange clucking noises and rattles were coming from the compartment. Lily gasped and gripped Potter's arm painfully, making him curse. She paid him no mind.
"Potter," she hissed. She counted in her head again to make sure. "This is the compartment that leads to the outside, the only one left open when the train is moving…"
Potter looked at her, understanding dawning in his eyes. They widened suddenly, and Lily saw that they weren't brown, but hazel, with undertones of gold and blue and purple, all twisting, shimmering… "Oh, damn, Evans. Damn!" he repeated, running his hands through his hair. "It's so cold…the sounds…you don't suppose…Dementors?"
Lily bit her lip. "Let's put out the wands," she said slowly.
"Evans, you'll just go soft ag-"
"Oh, shut up! I'll be okay. Just don't go too far." He moved closer. "Not too close either," she added hastily.
He swallowed, looking down at her, a strange expression in his eyes, and nodded, whispering "Nox." She followed him and they were plunged into darkness. Like before, Lily moved closer to him, and he immediately gripped her arm. She looked up at him in shock, but she couldn't tell if he was looking at her.
"Ready?" Lily heard.
"Yea," she whispered back.
"Alohamora!" Potter whispered, and the door swung open.
Waves of cold swept over Lily and she began to shake.
"Chi-lly Li-ly, gave her germies,
when she kissed poor Bi-lly Wormie."
"Oh, god," Lily moaned, sinking to the floor, the old rhyme she'd been taunted with in grammar school ringing in her ears.
I don't want to talk to you again, bitch…Go away, you freak!...Don't touch me!...Her sister flinching when Lily stepped into the room…I'll give you anything you want, Lily Evans, if only you'll join me…I'll give you anything… alright, Snivellus?... LEAVE H IM ALONE…mudblood…mudblood…mudblood…
"Evans! Evans, wake up, damn it!"
Lily slowly swam back up to the real world. She opened her eyes slowly and groaned. "Oh, god. It's bloody bright in here."
"Damn you, Evans! Don't scare me like that again!"
Lily sat up slowly and looked at Potter. He was crouching beside her, his wand in hand, hazel eyes worried. He had his hand on her shoulder and was gripping it hard enough to bruise.
"What happened?" she asked thickly, getting to her feet. Potter dropped his hand quickly. He sighed and stood.
"We walked in and you were just-out of it-right away. You went to the floor and I started hearing-" he swallowed, "-terrible things. I never want to remember…and they were coming towards us, about to Kiss me, and I thought…I don't want to die like this…and it was enough, I guess. I conjured my first Patronus…" he looked at her in wonder. "It was a unicorn. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen…" Potter looked at her. "They left, then. The Dementors. You'd passed out."
Lily's shoulders sagged. "Oh, did I? I think I should learn how to conjure a Patronus as well…"
"It's really hard," Potter said softly.
"Lily!" Both Lily and Potter turned to the compartment door. Sirius stood there, his expression changing from worried to confused to furious. He was glancing between the two of them, probably noting their close proximity.
"Prongs…" Sirius said, his voice holding a dangerous note.
"Oh, shut up, Sirius. I wasn't doing anything with Evans."
"James, you promised you wouldn't tell!" Sirius cried, looking at Lily.
"And I didn't. The wimp isn't crying, is she?"
The wimp! The nerve of him, Lily thought angrily.
"She almost is!"
"Padfoot, there were Dementors in here. She's just scared," Potter said softly.
"Are you alright?" Sirius put his hands on her shoulders and Potter moved away quickly.
"I'm-I'm fine, Sirius. As right as I'll ever be." With a jolt, the train began to move. "Come on, Potter. We need to check the front of the train. Sirius, could you go back and see if everything is alright? Ask Remus and Peter to help you."
Sirius smiled at her weakly, that…expression behind his eyes again. "See you later Lily. Prongs."
Potter nodded. "Come on, Evans."
He walked ahead of her, his back stiff and his body radiating tension. He banged through the door to the first compartment, causing the Prefects in it to jump and curse.
"Potter!"
"Bloody hell!"
"What are you doing?"
"What happened?"
Potter ignored all of them. "Is everyone alright in here? Anyone need anything?"
All the prefects, one male from seventh year and two female, from fifth and sixth year, were Ravenclaws.
"Did anyone think to go and find out what was wrong?" Potter snapped. The Ravenclaws looked at each other uneasily.
"Veronica did, and so did Jack and David," a boy said, naming the seventh year girl Prefect and the fifth and sixth year male prefects. Lily thought he looked familiar, but she couldn't place his name. "She didn't come back. Jack and David just passed us."
"Which way did she go, Diggory?" Potter cried, stepping forward. Lily immediately saw why he was Head Boy. He radiated authority.
"Towards the student end of the train," Diggory replied. Lily realized who he was. Amos Diggory, the seventh year male prefect for Ravenclaw.
"Shit," Lily swore, and whirled to go back to the compartment which used to have Dementors. She heard hurried footsteps after her and saw Potter.
They banged through the door to the compartment and looked around frantically. There was no one there.
"I hope the Dementors didn't get to her," Lily whispered as they raced to the front of the train again. There were two compartments left to check.
The first held Severus Snape, three Hufflepuff Prefects, one boy from fifth year and two girls, on from sixth year and one from fifth. The pair said nothing to the occupants, ignoring their questions, and raced to the next. It was empty.
"Let's go back," Lily said tersely, trying to keep her heart from beating quickly.
The next compartment they checked held the female sixth year Gryffindor Prefect, Rebecca Hause, trying to calm down a group of kids from varied houses. Lily thought many of them might be first years.
"Come on," Potter said. "The next compartment."
There was Remus and the sixth year male Prefect from Gryffindor, John Rubin, telling a group of second year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws that they would have information sometime. Lily and Potter smiled at Remus before moving on down. There was a Prefect in every compartment but the last, where Sirius was sitting with a girl.
"Veronica! What's wrong with you?"
"I'm fine Sirius. I just…I feel very cold."
"Give her some chocolate," Lily said from the doorway, and watched with interest as Sirius's face flushed, and he looked at her guiltily. Potter too, wouldn't meet her eyes, as he was moving to his bag and pulling out a candy bar. He handed it to Veronica Laws, a very pretty girl with dark hair and dark eyes, who nodded her thanks and bit into it gratefully.
"Do you want to tell us what happened?" Potter asked kindly, sitting down next to Veronica. Sirius sat on her other side, and Lily took a seat next to Potter. Sirius looked at her strangely, and Lily stared back at him. He looked away first.
"Stop it, James. I'm not a baby. I'm seventeen, just like you."
Potter suddenly turned to her, with that worried look in his eyes again. "Do you need some chocolate, Evans?"
She nodded gratefully and Potter got up to get her a bar. While he was rummaging in his bag, Veronica turned and looked at her unkindly. She didn't look scared anymore, and Lily had to wonder if she had just been pretending to have had a run-in with the Dementors to get attention from the two most sought-after boys in the school. Potter turned back to her with a chocolate bar.
She took the chocolate from him, ripping off the wrapper and biting into it. She savored the warmth that spread through her and looked up at James. "Thank you, Potter," she said. He stared at her for an uncomfortably long period of time, his eyes almost-something she couldn't describe. Neither looked away until they were interrupted.
"Lily?" Sirius sounded impatient, as if he had been trying to get her attention for a while.
"Yes?"
"I'm going to change, can you leave?"
"What? Oh, yes, of course." She got up and left the compartment, Potter and Veronica behind her. They got into some conversation and she went to the compartment where she had seen Sunny, suddenly wanting to rant everything to her.
She turned to look at James. "Hey, Potter." He stopped chattering and looked at her impatiently. "Did you say your Patronus was a unicorn?" She snickered. "You are the farthest thing from pure I have ever seen in my life."
James glared at her. "Shut up, Evans. You don't have any idea what you're talking about!"
She was startled to see the panic and anger in his eyes, and accusation as well. She shifted from foot to foot. "Grow up," she suddenly snapped, whirling away. That's what it was, the emotion she couldn't identify in the compartment after he'd given her chocolate.
Accusation.
This was going to be one hell of a year.