I own nothing.
**
Chapter 19: Someone to Love
[When You Love Someone, by Bryan Adams]
_______________________
April 2, 1978
_______________________
James woke just before dawn and stretched, turning over and flinging his arms out. He made contact with something warn and soft and froze, before everything from the previous night came rushing back to him.
James groaned quietly and slid his arm around Lily's naked waist, pulling her in closer and burying his face in her hair. She stirred and murmured something in her sleep, her breath blowing hot against his neck and chest.
She half-turned against him and brought her leg up, throwing it across his waist and splaying out diagonally over the bed. James eased away from her and inspected her in the faint light coming in from the window.
Silky, soft skin, so pale it should seem unhealthy but on her it was beautiful. Dark red hair-small, round breasts, curves he had only dreamed of…gently flaring hips and the longest legs…
"You're so beautiful," he whispered, before smiling at himself and realizing she couldn't hear. And she was…so beautiful. A shiver ran down his spine and it occurred to him that this was the second time had fallen asleep on a bed next to a woman, aside from his mother.
A wry smile twisted on his lips. All the shags he'd had and he had only slept next to a woman twice. It was almost laughable.
The smile melted off his face.
He couldn't stay with her-couldn't risk falling completely into her. He couldn't drown in her like he had drowned in Maria that first morning-or even Amy in the night. He had promised himself he never would again.
He frowned. He already had fallen completely for her.
He reached out a shaking hand and touched her hair. As if sensing the presence of his hand, she turned her face and breathed warmly onto his skin. James shut his eyes, the exhilaration passing and exhaustion taking its place.
He slowly slid out of bed, not sure why. Either he didn't want to get caught or he still had deep-seated issues with shagging and staying. He reached for his dressing gown and pulled it on, belting it tightly before slipping out of the room with a lingering glance at Lily's naked form on the bed. He shivered with delight and shut the door, standing in the hallway without much to do.
There was a noise downstairs, not something scary and intruder-like but domestic sounds; the clink of china and the running of water. James hesitantly walked down the stairs and peeked into the kitchen, gulping as he saw who it was.
Mr. Evans was eating a bowl of cereal, his hair disheveled and a newspaper spread before him. He looked up and sent James a grim smile before he could retreat.
"Mr. Potter. Come sit down." He motioned to a chair with his spoon and went back to the paper.
James crossed the room and sat down in the chair Mr. Evans had pointed to. He sat stiffly, very aware that he desperately wanted this man's approval and judging from his conversation with Mr. Evans yesterday, it wouldn't be particularly easy to gain it. Mr. Evans had dropped hints about how special Lily was-how much she meant to everyone-how close they used to be…
"A daughter is a special thing, isn't she?"
James gulped and nodded, then shook his head. "I wouldn't know, Mr. Evans."
"Mr. Potter, I love my daughters very much. I have just lost one to the most despicable person on this planet, but that's life and all I can do is pray Lily makes a better choice. She's my little girl, Mr. Potter, and I'm the one that used to read her fairytales."
James swallowed hard. "Call me James," was all he offered.
"James," Mr. Evans said speculatively. "James Potter. What are you doing with my daughter?"
"I'm…courting her…?"
"What are your intentions? I don't want my daughter hurt, James. She used to ask me if a knight in shining armor would come for her and all I could do was say yes. I don't want that to be a lie."
James fought the urge to laugh hysterically. Here was Richard Evans, proud and naturally good-humored, running James on a gauntlet.
…perhaps he was actually serious?
This sobered James. "I don't know. I love your daughter. I know that much and I'm proud to admit it. I'm not…the most self-assured person when it comes to her…isn't that a good thing?"
Mr. Evans caught James's eyes and stared hard at him, searching his face. James almost turned his head but instead held Mr. Evans's gaze.
"You did not sleep in your room last night."
James stopped breathing, but then he decided to run with it. "No, I didn't."
Mr. Evans nodded slowly. "I like you, James. But I don't want you sleeping with my daughter. I don't want anyone sleeping with my daughter." He set down his spoon and pinched the bridge of his nose, looking utterly defeated. "I'm assuming this isn't the first time and I hope you've used-"
"It…was the first time," James interrupted, and immediately felt his ears go pink.
Mr. Evans looked rather surprised. "I'm still assuming you used…the necessary protection," he said, wincing slightly at the nature of the conversation. "If you get my daughter pregnant I will firstly murder you. Then I will bring you back and kill you again." He sighed. "I don't suppose I can stop you, but I want your word that nothing more will go on in this house, under my roof. Are we understood?"
James nodded slowly. "Yes, Mr. Evans," he answered, rightly and smartly terrified.
"Call me Richard." He picked up his spoon and went back to his paper.
"Mr.-Richard…" James began, "I know you want to keep Lily as your little girl," he said slowly. "I do understand that. And I want to…"
Intrigued, Mr. Evans took his eyes away from the paper and looked at James. "You want to…?" he prompted.
"I want to gain your respect," he said quickly, stopping himself from averting his eyes. If he wanted this man's respect, he would have to stand up to him. He locked his eyes on Mr. Evans's hard blue ones. "I think it would benefit us all if I would gain your respect."
"And why is that?"
James took a deep breath. "I want to…be Lily's knight in shining armor. I hope I'm that knight."
If James had been expecting surprise from Mr. Evans, he was mistaken. Mr. Evans's gaze turned even more calculating and they sat in tense silence for a moment.
"And…could you support her?" Mr. Evans asked.
James frowned. "I have considerable savings in Gringott's…from my father. Half his estate and savings went to me-but I don't want to marry her right away. I think she'd say yes-but I don't know if I'm ready for that. I'm just…preparing you for something that might happen if I decide…and I really do love her, Richard. I truly do…and I respect her and I trust her and I hope that's enough for you."
Mr. Evans sighed and clapped James on the back. "I hope you're that knight too, James."
James bit the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning too widely. Suddenly, footsteps were heard on the stairs and they looked up to see two people-a pretty woman of about thirty with sea-green eyes and brown hair, followed by a tall man with jet black hair and blue eyes.
"This is Dr. Burton," Mr. Evans said, and the man held out a hand. "James Potter, Lily's boyfriend," he explained to the man. "This is his wife, Elenet."
"Nice to meet you," James said. "I met your son." He was a bastard, he thought, but he didn't add.
"Jimmy?" Elenet Burton asked in a musical voice. "He is a dear, isn't he?"
James smiled noncommittally before noticing that she was being sarcastic. He grinned. "Oh, yes. He's a great potential friend."
Elenet's eyes danced. "He's a little spoiled, I'm afraid. He's all right beneath all his superficiality."
"Talking about me?" Jimmy asked, appearing at the stairs, shirtless with a pair of pajama bottoms on, his hair unkempt. His eyes scanned the room and his face fell slightly. "Why is everyone up so early?"
"Why are you up so early?" James countered.
"Sun woke me. Room faces east," Jimmy shrugged. He looked at his parents. "You're always awake before dawn," he said dismissively. "Good morning, Mr. Evans," he said.
Mr. Evans smiled slightly and James realized he didn't very much like Jimmy. Immediately, James's mood brightened and he smiled. Soft footfalls were heard on the stairs and James instinctively turned and saw Lily there in her dressing gown.
"Good morning," she said politely, before locking her eyes on James's. "Have a good sleep?"
James felt desire surge through him. She should be wearing more, he thought through the haze of want in his mind.
There was murmur of general assent in the room and everyone bade Lily good morning back, aside from James. Lily sat down in a vacant seat in between Jimmy and James and reached for the tea.
James was too slow. Jimmy got to the tea pot first and poured Lily a cup, then offered her cream and sugar. Lily accepted both and smiled at him before looking forward again.
"How's school, Lily? Do you go to St. Mary's as well?" Dr. Burton asked James.
"Yes," said James.
"School's fine," Lily added.
"Good." Dr. Burton turned to Mr. Evans and began talking to him. Mrs. Evans walked into the kitchen and greeted everyone before setting another pot of tea on the stove. Elenet got up to help her and Lily turned to James.
"You weren't there when I woke up," she whispered, accusingly.
"I'm sorry," he whispered back.
She hesitated and he touched a hand to her shoulder, repeating himself. "I'm sorry."
She shrugged his hand away and sipped her tea, every so often answering a question posed by one of the surrounding people. There was much talk about visiting the zoo-where they had a large collection of endangered species. The feature this week was tigers. James noticed that Mr. Evans was staring at them and hastily went back to his tea and breakfast, before getting up to get more water. The water had been drawn from the Evanses' own well.
After the plates had been cleared, Lily excused herself from the table and went upstairs. James waited a moment before following her. Jimmy was engaged in a conversation about his future plans by Mrs. Evans, who winked and James and made a shooing motion towards the stairs with her hand.
He bounded up the stairs and hesitated outside of Lily's door before opening it and slipping in. He peered around the dark room but saw nobody, then heard the sound of splashing from the adjoining loo. He paused outside the door and looked in.
He could see everything. There were some suds floating at the surface of the water, but he could still see every part of her body, and he ached for her.
Somehow he must have alerted her to his presence, because her eyes opened and she looked at him very calmly. "Would you like to join me?"
Her voice had no inflection; she sounded more dutiful than wanting, and at that, James was terrified. She shouldn't feel obligated to welcome him into her bed-she had to want it or there was no point to anything. He stepped into the room and kneeled by the side of the bath while her eyes studied him dully.
"They all told me not to expect you to stay," she remarked listlessly, drawing one knee up and brushing it lightly with her nails. "And I didn't listen, and here I am." She laughed coldly. "I gave you-I gave you everything," she said, her voice dropping. "And you weren't there." She turned her eyes to his. "If I can't hold you for one night-then how...when we…I don't know."
James only stared.
"Aren't you going to say anything? 'Thanks you for a great shag, Lily, but I've got to dash?' 'I wish you hadn't been a virgin so it would've been better'-"
"Shut up. I wouldn't do that and you know it."
"I don't know anything about you anymore! I gambled, James, and I lost. I thought you would stay and be there and we'd-" she broke off and glared at him. "But no. Of course not!"
"I'm in love with you," he said.
"That doesn't make up for anything," she threw back.
"I promised myself I'd never stay with anyone, Lily, but you're different. I wanted…more. And it scared me so much-"
"What more could you possibly want?" she whispered.
"I want you to trust me," he said immediately. "I want you to love me."
"I do," she burst out, then looked quite shocked with herself.
Warmth flooded every part of James's body. He forced himself to remain calm. "You…do?"
She didn't answer. A flush covered her cheeks and she looked down.
"That's…really great," he said lamely.
A smile quirked at her lips.
"I mean…really. That's…good. It's-it's nice…"
"Your eloquence is wondrous," she observed dryly.
"Don't tease me. I've been waiting for this."
"Me too," she said a little breathlessly.
"I won't…I didn't mean to leave. I should have been there when you woke up. I'm not a tragic little boy when it comes to sleeping with someone-Amy and Maria were different. I haven't been ruined for life or anything." He paused. "Lily, say it."
She didn't act coy. She met his eyes steadily. "I love you-so much."
James shut his eyes and she said it again, while he tried to hide his grin.
"All right," Lily said archly. "Would you like to join me?"
He shook his head. "No. It's too early. You get out."
"But the water's lukewarm, and then when I get out it'll be really cold."
"I'll get a towel," James offered, getting up and grabbing one from a rack. He held it up as a peace offering.
Lily sighed. "Fine." She got up and stepped out of the bath, advancing slowly towards James. He wrapped the towel around her and she clutched it to her chest, teeth chattering as she stood before him. A strange looked crossed her face.
"James…did you use magic yesterday?"
"Yesterday when?"
"When...during…you know!"
"I wouldn't forget," he told her wryly. "I did."
"To…take away the pain? Since it was my first time?"
He nodded slowly.
"D'you think…d'you think I could have it back?"
He started. "Have what back?"
"The…feeling. The pain."
"Right now?"
She nodded. He reached out a hand and slid it in through the towel and rested it on the damp skin of her belly, shutting his eyes. Lily tensed.
"Relax," he whispered. "Please." He drew on the little corner of his Empathic magic-which was a brilliant silver color-and reached into the black glittering fire where he kept most of the pain he absorbed. He drew it out-Lily's pain from the night before-and let it run down his hand and into her belly. She cried out softly and gripped his shoulder. The pain flowed until it disappeared, every ugly, thorny, black speck of it.
"So that's what it feels like," she said musingly. She made a face. "Not the most pleasant of experiences."
"I can imagine so," James said quietly, and they were silent.
"Thank you…for taking it away. Last night…it made everything better."
He nodded. "I can…make it better tonight…"
She licked her lips. "How?"
"I can stay this time, for a start," he answered. "And then I can get rid of that towel."
"James," she protested, "it's not even eight yet."
"No one needs to know-"
And James quite suddenly remembered what he had promised Mr. Evans. Still, a little snogging wouldn't hurt anyone, right?
She turned her face up and he kissed her gently, at the same time pulling the towel tighter around her body to make sure it didn't fall and tempt him. He pushed her backwards until her back was pressed against the tiled wall…
…And kept his promise.
**
______________________________
April 16, 1978
______________________________
James stretched and yawned widely, rolling over and reaching for Lily. His hands hit empty air and he opened his eyes, disappointed. He looked at clock and saw that it was only half past seven, and he had an hour to get to breakfast.
He rolled over to the side of the bed Lily had slept on and inhaled the scent of her shampoo. She always smelled like something amazing, perhaps cinnamon or nutmeg or something that reminded him vaguely of his mother.
"James? You up, mate?"
James groaned and waved his hand, dispelling the Silencing Charm. Too late, he realized he didn't have a wand and let out a string of profanity.
"I'm sorry I woke you up, Prongs," Sirius said sarcastically, "but I just wanted to talk."
James froze and looked at his hand, then at the curtains around his bed. Had the Charm worn off during the night? Had any of his roommates heard him and Lily? And then, a more disturbing thought occurred to him. Had he just performed wandless magic?
Then Sirius pulled open his curtains and stared down at him, then at the impression on the other side of the bed.
"James…two people slept in this bed last night."
James colored and pressed his face into the pillow, nodding. He reached for his glasses and pushed them on, and he could make out the expression on Sirius's face.
"James, you can't bring Lily in here and shag her while we're in the room. God-It makes me feel sick to think of her naked-"
"You dated her," James accused.
"That doesn't mean I liked it," Sirius growled. "Lily's beautiful, sure, but she's not my type. I always knew she was yours-"
"Don't be melodramatic-"
"Accept reality, Prongs. Two years from now you and Lily will be married and will have the most explosive relationship on the planet. You see if you don't!"
"Sirius, shut up," James said through clenched teeth.
Sirius seemed to get the point. "Fine. But James-keep your romps to the Heads' rooms, okay?"
James scowled and waved a hand at Sirius, who rolled his eyes and began to walk away. James shot up and looked at him, remembering something he had wanted to ask for a while.
"Padfoot-are you serious about Maria?-and don't make a single Sirius-serious joke…"
Sirius grinned but shifted from foot to foot in his place. "I don't know. She's…different from any other girl."
James snorted. Sirius shot him a look. "I don't like castoffs," Sirius added quietly. "Maria liked you for a long time-and I've fancied her for ages. I don't…really know if we'll be together a year from now, and I do doubt it, but we're just…living for the moment. Seeing where it takes us."
Sirius looked uncomfortable but James had to press. Adding a little magic to his words, he asked, "But if…one of us decided to date her…if you were to break up," he added hastily, "…would you get angry?"
Sirius frowned. "I can't answer that. Why?"
"No reason," James said, but Sirius didn't accept it. He turned anyway and began to dress for breakfast, throwing pillows at both Remus and Peter to wake them up.
**
Maria hoped no one would notice her increased breathing.
She turned to the side and struck up a conversation with Peter. Sirius was on her other side, talking to Remus. Thankfully, no one had noticed that Sirius's hand was inside Maria's skirt.
She laughed at something Peter said and caught Sirius's eye. He grinned slowly, his teeth revealed one-by-one. She smiled back and grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand away and shaking her head. Sirius frowned, and then she jerked her head to the doors. Sirius grinned again and got up to follow her, just as Lily got up. She squeezed James's hand and then began walking into the Entrance Hall. Maria hastened her steps to lose Evans and pulled Sirius into the nearest broom cupboard.
He kissed her, almost violently. Her back was pressed hard against the wall and she immediately removed her skirt and gasped, pressing closer and he slid off her knickers.
"I'm been waiting for this all morning," she said, in between shallow kisses.
Sirius laughed hoarsely. "You've been waiting? You don't get hard-ons, m'dear."
Maria kissed his again and felt his free hand slide up under her shirt, and she wriggled under him and sighed with pleasure. Sirius threw off his robes and then his shirt and her hands immediately went to the button on his trousers.
"You know what? James asked me what I would do if we broke up and one of my friends started dating you."
Maria collapsed against the wall and frowned. Firstly, Sirius said the most random things at the worst possible time, and he did it often. Yet this seemed to really bother him…this suggestion that she would date a Marauder. Secondly, there was some truth to the statement. Maria used to be able to envision herself with both James and Sirius, but now that James was taken…it was a choice between Remus and Sirius, and she could see herself with both of them.
"Does that…bother you?" she asked out loud.
Sirius continued with both his right and left hand activities, leaving Maria breathless. This was another thing she hated-Sirius could shag while he was off thinking about what he was going to eat for lunch. His detachment irked her, for when she shagged someone, she gave it her all. He could touch her and give her a knee-shaking release, but it was incomplete because he didn't seem to really want to do it for her.
"Not particularly," he said, sliding his hand out from under her shirt and beginning to unbutton her shirt, one-handed. Giving in, Maria helped him and dropped her shirt on the floor. Sirius undid her bra and threw it to the side, where it stayed on a broom handle. He caressed her absently; his eyes on her face, and continued their conversation. "I suppose it does," he admitted then. "If Peter…or Remus." He laughed shortly, as if the idea of her with Remus was absurd. "Remus wouldn't date you because you aren't his type. So was James referring to himself? And if he was-but it doesn't fit, because he's gone over completely for Lily. He's mad for her."
"What do you mean, 'I'm not Remus's type'?" Maria asked angrily, as he pushed his trousers down over his hips and followed them with his boxers. In all truth, she considered Remus her friend. He had always respected her and had never responded to her many advances, which sometimes still made her cheeks burn in shame. And since she had begun dating Sirius-knowing his friends came with the territory, she had really begun to see that Remus was a good person.
Sirius laughed. "Maria-don't get mad. You know it's the truth."
"No, I don't," she protested, but she let him steady himself against her. There was no use trying to stop him; it would relax her anyhow.
"Remus is stable-very stable. He likes to talk. You know what-I don't know if he's shagged anyone yet, since Sunny. Remus is not your type."
Maria frowned, but then he pushed up and, her eyes half-closed with pleasure, she gave up completely and let Sirius take over.
He was overwhelming; she thought as he kissed her neck. Sirius's sheer magnetism, his childishness, his warmth-it drew her in, but aspects of his personality repelled her-but she kept coming back to him because in the end, he was just like her, and they understood each other better than anyone else ever could.
**
Remus frowned and very slowly extracted the book from the shelf, taking special care not to wake it. He had acquired special permission to look in the Restricted Section and was using his allotted time to search for something about Slytherin's room. Every so often one of them would come down and look for information. Between them, they had searched half the Restricted Section already.
A sound behind him made him jump. He whirled, wand out, and saw Maria.
"You scared me," he whispered accusingly.
She smiled and shrugged. "Sorry. What are you doing?"
Remus hesitated but then explained to her about the rooms, and she nodded. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"Looking up information for Boot. End of year project is starting."
Remus nodded knowingly. "Ah. It's a nightmare. Get as much work done now and choose a potion or you'll never finish in time. Sunny didn't finish and she-"
Remus broke off and paused, feeling a little lost. Had he forgotten about Sunny so quickly? His feelings for Maria were strong-but should he follow up on them at the price of being on the rebound? He would end up hurting them both.
"It's okay to be happy, you know," Maria said softly, looking at him carefully.
"I know," Remus said quietly.
Maria shook her head. "You don't, Remus. You're angry you're forgetting her-are you thinking of someone else?"
Remus didn't take his eyes off the books. He just shrugged. Was it possible that she knew? How much did she know behind that pretty face?
"You won't forget," Maria continued. "You'll learn to love someone else…and you'll be happy again. Young love rarely lasts anyway."
Remus looked at her sharply. "Shut up. We would have…we promised we would…we would always be friends!" he burst out.
Maria nodded, very slowly. "But you wouldn't always have that passion. You were so perfect for each other-but it would have fizzled out-"
"Maria, shut up," he bit out.
She continued as if she hadn't heard him. "-eventually. You wouldn't always be in love, not like James and Lily. They'll always be together. Forever."
"Always isn't forever," Remus said, breathing harshly.
"I know-"
"You don't know anything!" he said hotly. "You don't know anything about me or Sunny or what we were like together…and you have no right to tell me we wouldn't always be in love-I know it's true but let me delude myself in peace-so I can stop myself from thinking about--"
And in that instantaneous moment her eyes flashed, perhaps with desire or fury or understanding, and Remus kissed her quickly. She felt shocked; it radiated from her body. He broke the kiss when reason returned to his mind, just as she began to respond, and they stared at each other in silence.
Maria cleared her throat. "Er…"
"I'm sorry," Remus said ashamedly, though secretly he was not. "Sirius…"
Maria started, as if just thinking about him. "Right. Didn't happen, right?"
"Of course. Didn't mean anything anyway."
Maria frowned. "You know, I really should go. I think Lily has a book I can borrow."
Remus grinned. "You'll borrow from her but not from me? I'm hurt."
She looked relieved and sent him a grateful smile. "You're very good at this, Remus. Pretending things haven't happened."
Remus paused, thinking again of Sunny. "Yes, I am."
"Remus…I think you're one of my best friends."
He nodded. "And you're one of mine."
She gave a little bow and backed away. "Remus-look in Hogwarts: A History."
She turned, and then she was gone. Her scent hung heavy in the air, and Remus knew that something had clicked. Something had changed-something had changed with her harsh words about Sunny and with that kiss. The issue wasn't resolved, and Remus knew it wouldn't be for some time.
Remus strode quickly to where they kept the many copies of Hogwarts: A History, and pulled one out. He flipped through the pages, looking for the section on Salazar.
It was ingenious, really. They had been searching the Restricted Section for years, while the information was in this book.
He found the passage and read it quickly, a slow grin spreading over his face. In a rather uncharacteristic motion, he pumped his fist in the air and winced. It was the night of the full moon, and he was rather sore.
"Thank you, Maria," he said to the empty room.
**
Peter frowned and looked around the dungeon, taking up a cloth and beginning to wipe down the many stained tables. Sirius was scouring cauldrons and Lily was helping him. James was scrubbing the floor.
"Maria and Remus should have gotten detention too," Sirius grumbled. They had been caught by Professor Boot leaving the kitchens, but Maria had gotten barraged by house elves and Remus had been getting more puddings. Boot hadn't seen them, so they hadn't been served with detention.
Peter narrowed his eyes and looked at Sirius. He was a shrewd person-he had instantly noticed the fission between Remus and Maria, that connection so few people had. James and Lily had it, but Sirius and Maria-what a pair. They didn't need each other. They both needed their polar opposites-and they had chosen each other. Peter was quite sure Sirius knew something was happening between Remus and Maria, especially since they had continued to grow closer over the past two months.
"You do realize that we're locked in here and it's the full moon," Peter remarked.
James frowned. "I'd forgotten."
Sirius nodded. "Me too."
Lily shrugged. "I can't help anyway."
Peter sighed. "Just hope Remus doesn't hurt himself."
Sirius and James exchanged a look and Peter rolled his eyes. They though they were so secretive-he knew more than half their secrets.
"He won't," Lily said, looking carefully at James. "He won't."
James gave her a grateful smile and touched her cheek, seemingly forgetting the other people in the room for a moment. He went back to scrubbing and Lily continued to help Sirius, no trace of embarrassment on her face.
Realization slammed into Peter like a freight truck. They've slept together!
They were so sure of themselves-so open to intimate touches in public-Peter cursed himself for not seeing it before.
Peter rubbed furiously at an ugly red stain and the detention passed much like that, with Sirius, James, and Lily laughing occasionally. Peter glared at Lily, who had so effortlessly slipped into their lives and melded the threads of their existence into hers, so tightly connected that they could never be separated again.
Finally, sometime past midnight, the room was sufficiently clean and the door unlocked.
They went up to their tower, Peter trailing behind the trio. Lily fell back after a moment.
"How are you, Peter?" she asked quietly.
"I'm fine," he said stiffly. How dare she? She's slept with James and it's only been months. How dare she be so…so-
"D'you think…d'you think we're friends?" Lily asked suddenly. Peter paused and looked at her thoughtfully.
"I don't believe so, Lily," he said politely.
Lily frowned. "I'd like to be your friend."
Fat chance, Peter thought, but he smiled and held out a hand. "All right then."
She shook his hand without a moment's hesitation and made no face at all when she felt his clammy skin against her own warm and dry skin.
Despite himself, Peter let himself be lulled into a peaceful state by Lily's soft chatter. They reached the portrait hole at a quarter past midnight and James yawned, stretching his arms over his head. "What's the password?" he asked through his yawn.
"Mango Paradise," Peter said, and the Fat Lady opened without a word.
The common room was dim, but Peter could still make out the shape of a person slumped over in the armchair by the fire. He crossed the room and stopped, unsure of what to do. Maria sat in the chair, charcoal spread out on the table next to her, a few sheets of parchment scattered around.
He picked up one and raised an eyebrow. It was he himself, and the next was James, and the next was Lily. He hesitated while before looking at the last ones. There was a perfect likeness of Sirius, and then another of James and Lily together. All bore Maria's signature, which he supposed meant they were completed.
He heard footsteps coming closer and he scattered the papers about. He spotted a roll of parchment on the floor and bent to pick it up when Sirius drew level with him and shook Maria awake. Peter stood upright and stepped aside to let Sirius guide Maria up the girls' stairs.
"Could you pick up her homework?" Sirius said carelessly over his shoulder, and Peter scowled. Lily came forward and gathered Maria's papers, glancing at them with interest.
"I didn't know she could draw."
"She's very proud of it," said James. "Never mentions it, though."
Awkward silence fell and Peter realized they were waiting for him to go upstairs. He swooped down and grabbed Maria's last drawing, racing up the stairs and shutting his dormitory door with a slam.
It was indecent, really, the way people looked at each other in this school.
James had only to walk into a room Lily was in and their eyes would meet-the passion flew between them and they would slowly circle the room, always ending up next to each other. You just knew they wanted to jump each other and kiss one another senseless. The same happened with Maria and Remus, though they tried to prevent it.
Peter looked down at the parchment in his hands and frowned. It was different from the others-it was only half done and hadn't been signed, but it was ten times deeper. She had worked especially hard on this picture of Remus, harder than she had on any of the others.
Peter wasn't stupid. He knew what this meant-trouble ahead for Sirius, Remus, and Maria.
**
___________________________
April 17, 1978
___________________________
Sirius woke then next morning and let out a grunt of pain when he felt the soreness in his arms. Scouring cauldrons for three hours was hard work.
In seven years, they had only had detention twice on the full moon-once because they were ignorant about Remus, and now the previous night.
Sirius frowned as he thought about Remus, worriment surfacing in his brain. Had Remus been all right alone last night? It had been so long since they hadn't been together, running freely through the dark village.
He stretched his aching arms and got out of bed, glancing at the clock. He rubbed his eyes and sighed, before falling off the edge of the bed when someone knocked sharply on the door.
It was open before he had a chance to call for the person to come in and he yelped, drawing the sheets down around his naked body to shield himself from Lily's view. She looked frantic, her hair mussed and her eyes bright with tears.
"Wake up!" she called loudly. "Wake up!" She ran over to James's bed and pulled off the sheets, shaking his shoulder roughly until he sat up and looked around blearily.
"Wassamatter?"
She went to Peter next and shook him until he awoke. "Remus is in the hospital wing-will you get your lazy arses out of bed?"
James and Peter shot out of their beds and hastily began pulling clothes on, stumbling around and stubbing their toes. Sirius pulled on a pair of boxers while Lily's back was turned and donned his clothes from the night before, blindly fastening his robes over the garments.
Lily took James's hand and led him down the stairs at a run. Sirius and Peter followed, but Peter broke away at the foot of the stairs and went to the girls' stairs, kicking the brick three times so hard he hopped around in pain before bounding up the stairs as fast as his short legs could take him. Sirius paused but Lily and James continued on.
Peter came down two minutes later with a very disheveled and delicious looking Maria. Sirius's thought were on Remus, not on sex, but he walked quickly with his friend and girlfriend down to the hospital wing.
They burst through the door and were immediately assailed by Poppy Gauche. "Slow down!" she hissed. "Patients are sleeping!"
James waved them over and they pushed past Poppy and all but ran over to the bed he and Lily were standing over. Remus lay pale in the bed, his arms covered in angry red scars that looked painful and with dark shadows under his eyes. He looked dead, and Sirius would have thought he was if his chest hadn't been moving rhythmically up and down.
"What happened?" Sirius asked in a low voice.
"He went wild-we weren't-"
"You weren't what, Potter?" asked McGonagall sharply from a corner of the room. She turned to Lily. "When I said to inform his friends, Miss Evans, I did not mean for you to bring a collection of rowdy boys down here." She glanced at Maria. "And Miss Danes, of course."
"I wasn't thinking," Lily said quietly. "I'm sorry."
McGonagall sighed. "It's quite all right. Now-I'll explain…do you all know where Remus was last night?"
Sirius nodded along with everyone else.
"For some reason-Remus was very wild last night. He has caused acute damage to his own body-he has bit himself several times and has scratched his arms and belly beyond any immediate cure. He will be fine-it will just take a while considering the magnitude of his wounds. Do you all understand?"
"Yes," Sirius muttered.
"Good," said McGonagall shortly. "Now-don't bother him because he can't hear you. You can come back tonight. Now shoo."
They left in a daze. Their classes inched by like molasses, and it was full day so they couldn't take time off to visit Remus and check on him. Finally after dinner, Sirius went to his detention, cursing himself for getting two nights in a row for snapping at Boot earlier. James, Lily, and Peter went to visit Remus and Maria walked with him to his detention.
"When will you be done?" she asked quietly.
Sirius shrugged. "Dunno. It starts early so I say around nine or so. Why?"
"Will you come with me to see Remus?"
Sirius glanced at her. "Aren't you going to see him now?"
Maria jerked her head to the side once.
"Maria-are you crying?"
She shook her head fiercely.
"Maria! Why are you crying?"
She shook her head again.
"Maria-Remus is going to fine! Back in first year before we found out-he was always in the hospital wing and he was always fine. We got used to it and then we knew why-and in fifth year we could stay with him…but it was just a shock. Now, I mean. We haven't seen him like this is so long but it isn't a big deal. He'll be fine-"
"I know-I just…can't stop crying. I don't even know why, Sirius! I understand that he'll be fine but I sort of had a fight with him yesterday and we didn't really patch things up-and I was just thinking…I'm not used to having him hurt himself-and it scares me so much…"
Sirius stopped and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her forward and catching her lips with his. She relaxed into the kiss instantly and broke away only a moment later, her lips red. She rested her forehead against his shoulder and breathed in deeply. "Sirius-you're so good to me."
He settled his arms around her waist and couldn't put his finger on why she felt so different.
"I'll go see Remus," said Maria, drawing away. You're going to be late. Go on."
Sirius kissed her goodbye and watched the way she walked away-she was different today. The flirtatious sway of her hips-it was gone, as was the deep opened necked shirt she normally wore. He frowned, and then the door to Boot's office opened and he called him inside.
Sirius spent four hours scouring cauldrons and he was finished at ten-he had been given an extra hour for being late. He left Boot's office with a flippant wave and walked slowly to the hospital wing.
He opened the door very slowly and winced when it creaked once. He stayed still and looked around the darkened ward, making sure no one had heard. He crossed behind the screens very quietly and stopped outside of Remus's.
He stopped short and stared.
Remus was awake, all right.
Sirius really should have known. He should have known that keeping Maria would be hard. He should have known it would never work, not when they were so alike. He should have realized that Maria needed a degree of respect Sirius couldn't give-a degree of respect that only Remus had given her, ever.
And as Sirius watched his best friend stroke Sirius's girlfriend's dark hair as she lay asleep in the chair by Remus's bed, half sprawled over his lap, he came to the most unselfish decision he had ever made.
He was going to give up something that he actually wanted to keep, and let his best friend take her and love her as Remus so desperately wanted to-needed to.
Sirius wasn't the type to fall in love. He had tried with Ana-with Lily-with Maria, but somehow he just wasn't meant to have that kind of love. He had been falling in love with Maria; he cared for her a great deal. He loved her just enough-to let her go.
As he stepped back he caught Remus's attention and the other boy-no, man!-looked up. His hand stilled and he looked threatened.
"Sirius," he began in a low tone, "nothing happened. I swear-"
"I believe you," Sirius heard himself say. "It's okay."
Remus nodded. "I'm sorry," he said softly.
Sirius nodded back. "I understand."
Remus looked down. "You can't break up with Maria," he said, very slowly.
Sirius waited.
"She really…wants to be with you. She loves you-just not the way Lily loves James. She loves you for the moment-not forever. And you should care for her until it ends because you both want it to. She doesn't want to break up with you-"
"Remus," Sirius interrupted. "It doesn't look that way to me." He motioned to Maria's sleeping form. "She looks pretty…comfortable." Then he winced, hoping his bitterness hadn't leaked through.
Remus actually flushed. "Sirius…."
"Remus-you need this. You've found someone once, then twice. What are the chances of you loving someone again?"
"I'm definitely not in love with Maria," Remus said. "I don't know her that well."
"I'm not that in love with her either," Sirius said. "And I won't be. But it a year or two-you will be, and you can help her to learn how to really love someone."
Remus looked down at her hair. "I hope so," he said.
Maria stirred and Remus froze, as did Sirius. She sat up and looked around groggily. "Sirius?" she asked in a confused tone. "…Remus?"
Sirius backed away. "Don't be out too late, Maria," he said quietly, leaving the ward before Poppy or Madame Gauche found him.
He felt the heaviness of his heart beating against his chest and he frowned. Maria had been on the forefront of his mind since the beginning of the year, and he didn't know what exactly to do now that he had made his decision.
Some things just weren't meant to be, and he just had to keep in mind that Remus and Maria would be much happier together.
**